One of the main concepts, if not the main concept, I try to get across to my literature students is that the stories we read do not exist outside of our experiences; they ARE our experiences. Literature, I say all the time, is a mirror. They nod and kind of get it. After a few weeks, they give me the "so you say ALL the time" face. I am always pointing out similarities between the stories and their lives. It's not an easy concept to internalize. Sometimes it's even hard for the teacher.
So when Emma asked to have a girl (I'll call her Sara) over yesterday, I immediately thought of the wrong side of the tracks plot. I told her no almost before she was done asking. This kid's parents...
Emma looked at me for a long minute. "So she's not her dad," Emma reminded me, "and it's not fair that's your reason."
"I've heard things," I reminded her, "the house..."
"Wow, Mom. I didn't think you would be like everyone else. But I guess you are."
She walked away. Slowly. Disappointed.
I stood in the kitchen trying to think what to do. I knew she was right. I know when I read those YA books where the kid is being judged by the town or the school because of the parents, I always cheer on the kid. It's the hook that keeps me reading. Those people are being so unfair. I would never be like that. Right?
But this kid...even I had heard about the dad, the arrests, the problems. Sorry. Just no. My job is to keep Emma safe.
And then - I remembered the look she gave me when she said I was like everyone else. What would happen if Sara came over? I wouldn't leave them alone in the house; they wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere without me. What would happen if I said yes? She already talked to Emma in school and Emma had survived. So I said a reluctant yes.
Sara came over. I was imagining:
Sara came over. I was imagining:
Wow. I got chills reading this, Anne. It's so true - real life can be affected so positively & negatively by what we read and what we write. Powerful story!
Thanks, Jemi!
Wow. Lovely post.
And I always rooted for that kid, too!
Sometimes it's hard to know the right thing to do.
So glad that books make us think.
Shelley
It's so much easier to do the right thing hypothetically, Shelley. The true test of your mettle is when it comes to your own kids.
As writers for kids, we ARE the kids in literature much more than most adults could hope to be. We're usually the last people to be "all adult, all the time." But when we're parents...that's when the divide in our own selves shows. In this scene, finally, we have to play the Mom role, not see through the eyes of the kid, even if we can, even if we want to. And say no even if they swear to hate us. When safety is an issue, having the kids at your own house is a great solution.
Sometimes we think too deeply and look for more than is there. I hope the faith you put in the girl remains, and your daughter has a friend for life.
I love that idea, Marcia, that we ARE the kids - at least when we write. I've always suspected that.
Safety is number one, and I'm sure there are times when my kids, when all kids, can't stand their moms. At least Emma knew enough not to ask to go to her house, but I still felt crummy judging a 12 year old kid. It was a compromise - for me as well as Emma.
What a lovely idea, Glynis! I am now rooting for this kid in real life as well.
Your point is valueble for me. Thanks!
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And then there's the chance that you and your daughter may have positive affects on this girl's life that will follow her down the road. You may never know what she'll take away with her, but if you show her kindness and laugh with her, she will remember.