I really like this, you did a great job! And yeah life is hard to manage sometimes isn't it?

What I like the most are the characters, especially Cleo. You do a good job of establishing a connection with her right away.

First, I love historical fiction. Second, I agree with Crystal. The characters and establishing a connection is what pulled me in. Thanks for sharing!

Crystal,

The letter and the narration sound authentic -- good job!

My suggestion is to provide an intro sentence/short paragraph that sets up the scene and adds tension right away. Maybe describe her fear of getting caught, but writing her letter anyway.

Then introduce the letter and go from there.

Just my 2 cents... but you've got a page turner for sure.

Very well done, Crystal!

Crystal & Kelly--Thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate it . . . so glad you could feel a connection to the characters. I think that's something all authors really strive for. :)

Bryan--I like your suggestion about adding an intro sentence; I will most definitely think about that. Thanks so much for stopping by and reading my "first page"!

Sharon--THANKS! I really appreciate you stopping by and reading this brief excerpt. :)

This is the 2nd blogfest I've seen today that I somehow missed!

What great characters - and premise. I really want to find out why she's there, about the family and how things turn out for her. Nice job.

I nominated you for the Fabulous Sugar Doll Bloggers Award; Get details at http://bumplesfamilyfirst.blogspot.com

Tara--Thanks so much for reading . . . glad you liked it!

Sandie Lee--That's so sweet of you! Thank you for the award!

I really want to know what is going on with this girl. Great job! :)

Thanks so much, Abby, for taking the time to stop by & read my first page . . . glad you liked it!
:)