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1. Wicked Weather

A recent car-versation:
Riley: Is Mother Nature's hair green?
Elliot: No, it's brownish-black. She was on Wizards of Waverly place one time, remember?

I didn't tell them this, but their backseat conversation got me thinking, and I'm afraid that Mother Nature has most likely been kidnapped.
(Her hair may have been changed to fool would-be rescuers who saw her appearance on the Disney Channel show.)  A kidnapping would explain why it has been continuously, miserably arctic cold in Florida for entirely too long.  See, I also heard recently (don't ask me where) that Voldemort published an e-book called Putting the Pieces Back Together, and now he's now on the self-help conference curcuit, providing villains with the motivation they need to return from a puddle on the floor to their previous state of wicked wackiness. 

So my guess is that it was the White Witch
(lover of all things chill), in the parlor, with  a wand. Her accomplice was most likely the Wicked Witch of the West, because one of her monkeys has been spotted all over Tampa recently. He continues to elude authorities, and is now listed as The Most Wanted Primate. However, police are apprently not jive to the fact that this monkey is the winged minion of the WWW, and therefore "nigh uncatchable", much like The Black Pearl. In fact, the wicked duo may be holding Mother Nature on a ship somewhere, so you should probably keep an eye out for anything fishy if you're at the beach. 

It would be really nice to go to the beach actually, but it's Too. Darn. Cold. So if authorities could just hurry up and capture the mad monkey, maybe they'll find Big Mamma N and return her to her rightful place, wherever that may be. I'm thinking it's some tropical island,with cute cabana boys. At least that's where I'd be headquartered, if I ran the planet.

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