One reason I haven't been posting so much lately is because the things going on in the world just aren't much fun to write about these days. I'm something of a pessimistic optimist, or maybe an optimistic pessimist. That is to say, I have hope things will work out in the long run, but think we're in for a rough ride to get there.

This summer, it will have been thirteen years since I moved out here to Ventura County, and I still drive the fifty miles back to Pasadena to sing with my choir at All Saints Church. This is the point in the season when that drive starts to wear on me. We're doing extended rehearsals to prepare for Easter, which means I don't get home until almost 11:00 at night. There's been construction at one point or another on the freeways for more than a year, too. From time to time, I've entertained thoughts of finding a new church out here, but there just isn't another choir like the one I'd be leaving. Not just the quality of the music, but also the people I sing with. They're the closest I have to a surrogate family around here.

And this week, I've realized something else. I'm not very demonstrative about my religion. (Um, that's not what I just realized - I've known that for a long time.) There are plenty of people, of all faiths, who can join together and pray during times of trouble, or do other things to express the depth and emotion of what they believe. I just don't do that. Maybe it's my Midwestern heritage or my Episcopalian upbringing, but I'm just not built for that kind of thing.

Except in one place.

The choir loft is my Safe Zone. It's the one place where I can let those kinds of emotional forces out. I can channel them into the music and bring more of my full self into the experience. It doesn't work if I'm just in the congregation. Maybe it's my sense of organization at work. The choir loft is where I'm "supposed to be" expressive, and so that's where I can be. Whatever the case, it's something I need. I'm missing a vital part of myself without it.

And so, at a time when crazy things are happening in the world around us, to the point where sometimes it seems like people are losing their minds left and right, I need a strong faith foundation under me and around me - sustaining all of me, including the parts that don't get out very often. So it looks like I'll keep making that long drive for a while yet. At least gas prices are down these days.