In this Very Special Episode of This Creative Life, Corey Ann Haydu and I talk about being adult children of alcoholics and how that can play out in both the creative and business sides of our careers, in positive and negative ways. As we mention in the conversation, the symptoms or traits we go over can also come from growing up in environments without substance abuse–for example families that are very rigid, perfectionistic, dealing with mental health issues, homes with raging/anger, families that have alcoholism in the family tree (though a particular generation may not actually drink), or homes where feelings are not expressed at all.

We also talk about Corey’s life as an actor before she came to writing, the particular challenges of being judged almost wholly by appearance in that field, and how acting and writing share a similar skill set.

Listening back to this episode during editing it struck me how much we didn’t even touch on, like the courage it can take for some of us with this background to even begin to write and declare that it’s something we want to do. Or the fact that sometimes family may not be that happy to see its secrets revealed, even in fiction. Or the behavioral and genetic tendency ACOAs can have to our own addiction and compulsion issues. Or how children learn healthy self-regulation from parents, and if you don’t see that modeled, well….!  Maybe we’ll continue this discussion in another format some day. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy.

Corey Ann Haydu web site  |  on Twitter

The Samsung commercial!

(Theme music by Dave Connis)

Topical Resources

Adult Children of Alcoholics (and Dysfunctional Families) world services site 

Guess What Normal Is (a blog I like)

The ACE Study (A Huuuuge study that the Centers for Disease Control did on “adverse childhood events” and their effects on future physical and mental health. ACEs include divorce, poverty, substance abuse, physical abuse, specific traumatic events, and so much more. The bottom line is: shit you go through as a kid has farther-reaching implications than anyone imagined. This needn’t depress you; I think it’s just good stuff to know.)

Some books I’ve found helpful:

The ACOA Big Red Book

Codependency for Dummies by Darlene Lancer (Yes it’s a “For Dummies” book but I found it very comprehensive on this topic! Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is the classic and excellent text on co-d but is a bit more woo-woo; the For Dummies book lays it all out more clinically in a way I find helpful.)

Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet G. Woititz

The ACOA Trauma Syndrome / Emotional Sobriety by Tian Dayton

The Intimacy Factor / Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families by John & Linda Friel (I haven’t read this yet but it looks specifically aimed at people who don’t identify with the substance abuse part of family systems but have developed the “adult child” way of surviving for other reasons.)