Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I posted here, and I have completely fallen down on the job for my Monday Morning Warm-Ups. Please forgive me! If you are ever looking for some prompts, you can always go to my Web site and check the resources page for some oldies but (hopefully) goodies: http://www.joknowles.com/Prompts.html

I came back today to share some thoughts I have about writing contests. It's very odd and awkward to be a "judge" when you've spent most of your writing career being the one in the other seat. So when I was asked to be a judge for several contests this year, I told myself I would try to use the experience to learn as much as I could and then share whatever that was with my writing friends.

Right away, I realized I was picking up on a lot of common mistakes (well, I hesitate to use that word but it's the best my tired brain can think of at the moment) when submitting first pages/chapters of their work. I decided to start taking notes on submissions, classifying them into groups. So below, you will see how, as I read, I would place subs into one of three categories: No, Maybe, Yes! and finally WINNERS. I can tell you that almost all of the no's were clear no's almost from the very first paragraph, though I continued to read the entire submission.

Note: These are comments come from more than one contest. Some are pictures books, some middle grade, some YA, and I didn't include ALL of my notes on every single one, especially various winners, in the interest of keeping this very anonymous.

Looking at them all again now, it's fascinating to me how similar my comments were for so many, even the ones I loved. Obviously what spoke to me most was work that had:
• strong voice
• active pace
• engaging plot
• meaningful dialogue
• rich description that grounded me in the time and place

I offer these notes in hopes that you can use them to look at your own opening pages and wonder if a judge like me, or an agent or editor, would say the same thing. I hope you find them helpful!

Love,

Jo

Comments on No's:

Entry 1
Lacks voice
Sounds too adult
Main character not believable and therefore hard to connect to

Entry 2
Great first line
Too much info dumping
No action
Too agenda filled?
No voice

Entry 3
Nice dialogue and description
No voice
Fantasy element added with no surprise (too easily accepted by main character)
No character development

Entry 4
Inconsistent storyline
Too much physical description that doesn't actually work-characters are too perfect
A bit far-fetched
Dialogue forced

Entry 5
Very disjointed and hard to follow
Voice is very distant
Plot is vague
Not sure what the conflict is

Entry 6
No real conflict
Not clear what's at stake for character
No character development or growth

Entry 7
The writing is good, but the pacing is really slow.
Didn't have anything to pull me in.

Entry 8
Story starts without any introduction of time/place/character
No clue where person is, how old
No setting established

Entry 9
Interesting subject matter but text not very engaging
Needs some conflict
Needs to feel more like a story

Entry 10
Not really a story but a scene.
Needs more.

Entry 11
Interesting story but REALLY slow
Lots of telling but the details don't actually help build the story

Entry 12
Narrator feels too removed from story
Slow pace
Lots of explaining/info dumping instead of letting back story flow more naturally
Has potential! But needs lots of work.

Entry 13
Too much telling/explaining rather than showing
Launches into fantasy too fast
Nice writing but feels too preachy
Author's "cause" too strong on page

Entry 14
Too preachy
Voice is too young
More message than story
Too simple

Entry 15
No character development
Setting/time not clear
No idea what's happening or who main character is
Too much action without context
Not clear who audience is—feels adult
No connection to characters

Entry 16
Voice doesn't reflect time period (feels too modern for time depicted)
Agenda too obvious on page
Nice writing but story needs to feel less forced

Entry 17
Has great potential!
Not sure this is YA given age of characters
Overdramatic
Need to slow down pace and do more scene setting/character building

Entry 18
Nice writing
Captivating in some ways but not grounded in a familiar world and without stage setting, it's too confusing to follow or understand what's happening
Not really sure who the main character is or what her plight is

Entry 19
Writing is snappy and fresh but too much banter for too long—doesn't move the story forward
Dialogue is too light—doesn't reflect what's actually going on in a believable way

Entry 20
Too much dialogue that doesn't move story forward or provide secondary info.
Premise is interesting and has promise but tragedy made light of in a strange way—would be OK if it was clear why. Not really believable as is.

Entry 21
Good writing
Some really lovely phrases
Good dialogue
Story was a little hard to follow
Seemed to be a few inconsistencies in relationships
Slow beginning
Whose story is this?
Author withholding too much information

Entry 22
Well-trod ground
No real conflict

Entry 23
Chapters are too short and disconnected-nothing really seems to happen
Reads like a series of vignettes but the point of each isn't clear
Parents act in a way that doesn't make sense/not believable
Not sure what the point is
No clear conflict

Entry 24
Reads more like a summary than a story
Too much telling
Agenda on every page

Entry 25
Rhyming too forced
Powerful story but would be more effective in free verse or prose
Too bad because there is some really raw and powerful stuff here


Comments on Maybes:

Entry 1
Beautiful writing
Lovely scene/setting descriptions
Nice character development
Sweet characters, nice dialogue
No action until page 6
Lots of info dumping where there doesn't need to be
Agenda too visible on page

Entry 2
Very good writing but very slow pace
Story never really starts
Felt very distant from main character-didn't know enough

Entry 3
Good!
Like the pacing and introduction to the secret.
Compelling, but not a great voice.
Written in first person but feels more like a distant narrator, which isn't quite working.
Too much telling.

Entry 4
Sweet
Great writing but concept doesn't actually work

Entry 5
Very nice writing
Flow is OK
Lack of any character/setting development before the big conflict happens

Entry 6
Great voice
Wonderful writing
Loses threads
Not good choice of 2nd person
Not good choice of format-doesn't work
Plot/time span moves too quickly-summary vs. story

Entry 7
The fiction sections are good but too preachy
The nonfiction sections disrupt the story
Good writing but the format doesn't work
Needs to be more engaging

Entry 8
Excellent writing
Snappy dialogue but goes on a bit without moving plot forward
Does a nice job with character development
Wish this was written in first not third

Entry 9
Very nice writing but the agenda is too present on the page. Gets in the way of the story

Entry 10
So much to love
Great voice, wonderful writing, but SO SLOW
20 pages in and still getting backstory
Nothing has happened

Entry 11
Good writing but a bit too repetitive
Starts at an odd place
Very intriguing though!

Entry 12
Very nice writing but too many props to help story along
Too much looking back instead of showing story unfold
Inconsistent voice

Comments on Yes! -- considered for win but in end didn't make it:

Entry 1
Really beautiful
Original voice
Nice pacing
A little agenda-y at end

Entry 2
Beautiful writing
Great storytelling voice
Rich details
Nice character development
Good dialogue
Tension, heart, longing—all nicely conveyed

Entry 3
Wonderful!
Engaging tone
Mystery
Care about main character
Great connection to prologue
Beautifully written
Perfect pacing and dialogue

Winners:

Entry 1
Amazing voice!
Rich dialogue
Wonderful dialect
Strong female protagonist
ORIGINAL and ambitious story
Beautiful writing
Got lost in story and invested in character
Secondary characters very believable
Love the hint of adventure and danger
Perfect pacing

Entry 2
Excellent writing
Strong sense of place
Great character development from the first page
Fantastic dialogue
Powerful opening
Wonderful balance of tension/action/suspense
Rich descriptions that fit the scene and don't slow it down
Connected with and became invested in character's plight immediately

Entry 3
Lyrical, light, moving
So simple and beautiful
Perfect word choice with surprises that were a delight
Could see and feel every scene, sweet, but not too much so

Entry 4
Love!
Great storytelling
Perfect pacing
Nice balance moving story forward while still giving enough backstory and setting the scene/developing character
So original and engaging!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Soooo... what do you think? See some common threads in each category? I sure do! So, for your Monday Morning (really afternoon, sorry) Warm-Up: Go check out your opening pages and see what you think! Would your reader put you in a Yes! Or a Win? What can you do to take your work to the next level? Give it a try!