Maybe the editor’s on vacation—after all, it was Labor Day last week—and that’s why my agent hasn’t heard anything on my submission which has been out for three whole months.

Maybe she’s off riding an elephant in Thailand, and maybe a baby elephant sat on her laptop.

Maybe she’s actually in the office, but her assistant accidentally spilled his iced almond funky monkey all over the keyboard. The whipped cream is proving particularly difficult to remove.

Maybe the keys for Y-E-S mysteriously went missing.

Maybe she was riding in a hot air balloon and it suddenly popped over the Bermuda Triangle.

Maybe she sprained both wrists, plus she was already on crutches from bunion surgery.

Maybe she’s taking an e-break from email, and as you know, telephones are the devil’s invention.

Maybe she hasn’t read the manuscript yet. Maybe she had a stack of 293 books to be read on her nightstand, and this morning they toppled over onto her head and caused a severe concussion, which means she can’t read anything for the next three weeks.

Maybe the manuscript needs to be discussed in an editorial meeting, but the intern whose job it is to give a report on the manuscript is on vacation. In Antarctica.

Maybe the editor secretly writes sexy romances on the side, and they’ve become so popular, she’s going to leave children’s publishing and move to a tropical island, or a Greek one; she can’t decide. Maybe she’ll buy one of each. Island paradises never go out of style.

Maybe she became addicted to Farmville, Words with Friends, and Sudoku all at the same time.

Maybe she is taking a personal day so she can sacrifice a goat on the steps of the New York Public Library, the one where the lions guard the entrance. No, don't ask me why she needs to sacrifice a goat. She just does.

Maybe she was a close, personal friend of Joan Rivers and is set to give JR’s eulogy.

Maybe she opened her wardrobe yesterday morning, and found that it was the wardrobe that leads directly into Narnia. So she went there, and may never come back, although if she’s wearing lipstick, Aslan might have a problem with that.

Maybe I’m going to go crazy waiting.