I began my Transcendental Meditation training in Bedford Hills a week ago, the day after my 46th birthday.  I had been feeling a bit woozy from experimenting with my new glasses : progressive lenses, aka trifocals! (The benefits of another birthday.) I was feeling anxious about my overloaded schedule. How again did I think I could fit this in?

 I am a pretty happy person, do I really need something extra?  I reminded myself of my reason for this particular pursuit: personal growth, and the conviction that I have more brain power and creativity to tap into - that I could be much more efficient in every arena of my life. (Note photo above!)

And besides which, being the non-profit busy bee that I am, the fee was being waived, so this is an amazing gift to be embraced. Anxious about "paying my dues", I reminded my teacher Melody of my plan to write a blog post after each day, and then later compress all posts into an article to publish. Melody put me at ease by saying that she just wanted me to concentrate on the experience, that it would be okay if I wrote an article after a few months of meditating, and that I didn't have to "prove" anything. Wow - what a relief!

But after a week I find that I must write about my experiences, as writing is one of the ways I process things. My teacher and I met privately for about 90 minutes in which she came to me after meditating  "from the quietest place within herself" to give me my own personal mantra. These mantras are private (rather than secret) and are kept between practitioner and teacher. All mantras are a sound-word-vibration. I found it easy - easier than any other meditation I have ever tried. (However, wanting to be a good student, I probably was too aggressive in my "thinking" of the mantra at first.)

Twenty minutes a day, twice a day, preferably before a meal. I was told not to have a timer on - that I could peek at the clock to check the time and that gradually my body would recognize what twenty minutes meant. And then I would need to take two to three minutes to come out of it - that being jolted back to reality would be counterproductive. I had a very enjoyable experience sitting in my back yard that afternoon, meditating for exactly twenty minutes. The mantra faded in and out, became faster, then slower, my thoughts interweaving with it - once I wasn't even aware of the mantra or a thought!

The next morning though, I was due at the TM center at 9am and it proved much more difficult. I had a terrible night of sleep and I felt worn down. I started meditating at 8:30am, again in my back yard, and my thoughts were racing with my to do list, my increased anxiety about not sleeping. But my mind kept centering on my mantra and although my stream of consciousness didn't stop, my thoughts slowed down.

The morning was the first in a series of three group classes. My comrades were all "regular" people -  nothing "woo-woo" or cultish! (My parents had tried to hide their alarm when I told them I was doing this - but they were probably thinking of the 1970's when things were just a little too groovy - there have been multiple scientific longitudinal studies to back TM up.) There were two recent college grads, and two Wall Street commuters as well as myself. First we each met with our teacher privately to check our mantras. Everyone had a hard time with the morning meditation, so during the class we were reminded that our thoughts are neither good or bad, that we should welcome them and then let them go, instead slightly favoring the mantra. I was a little shocked by how stressed out I was in the morning and then after a day in the city, I almost fell asleep during my second meditation right before dinner.

On Monday morning I woke up with a cold, but I had to be at work so I was determined to muscle through it. I had exactly twenty minutes until I hit the road, so I sat through twenty minutes of the racing thoughts and received some relief when they slowed down. In the evening, I got to my yoga class early and was able to meditate for about twenty minutes before practicing. I sat in sukasana on a block and breathed in and out all through others coming into class and setting up their mats. I had to leave ten minutes early in order to get to TM class. In this class we explored the connection to the body, and how allowing our thoughts to pass through us actually helps us to relieve stress in the body. It's tautological - the more the mind relaxes, so does the body - the more the body relaxes, so does the mind. It is then that we can experience transcendence, which I am coming to understand as a merging of mind, body and spirit. We watched a short video of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi who had brought TM to this country in the late 1950's and who is perhaps best known as the teacher of the Beatles.

By Tuesday morning, I was sick. I worked from home in the morning and meditated in a chair in my room. I went to work in the afternoon and meditated outside when I got home. I went to my last class at the TM center. We explored the lasting effects of meditation, and we each had an individual meditation check in. Even though I was sick, it was a revelation to see the transformation on some of my classmates, especially the two stressed out Wall street men.

I have been sick all week - I have bronchitis AND a sinus infection. Yet, through meditation and taking the mornings off, I have been able to hold workshops in the afternoons.  I hope to continue this practice for the rest of my life, and to regularly check in with Melody. She let me borrow a book called Transcendence by psychiatrist Norman E. Rosenthal, MD and my bestie gave me Jack Forem's book - Transcendental Meditation, to help deepen both my understanding and my practice.

Part of me is wondering: what took me so long to do this? But I think that actually this came at just the right time. I am older and already comfortable in my own skin, fulfilled by my work and my family yes, but also knowing there is so much more within and without to explore. If I was able to accomplish this much this week when I was sick, how much more effective will I be when I am well?