It's crazy to think that four years ago the Olympics were in China, George Bush was president, and there was no such thing as an iPad (and without the time-chewing obligation to manufacture millions of electronic tablets, China put on a terrific opening ceremony). Well, the Olympics are in London starting this Friday, and there's so much to blog. Where to watch online? NBC has paid 8.9 zillion dollars for the rights to the carry the Games in the U.S. across its numerous platforms, so you need to suspect the legitimacy of WatchGamesFerFree.com types of sites that promise Olympics action in high-def. The Threatmetrix Fraids & Ends Blog presents the top five cyberthreats for Olympic fans including downloading unauthorized apps, clicking on shortened URLs from non-trusted sources on Twitter and Facebook, and images of athletes "laced with malware" on rogue sites. Scary! NBC Olympics is the main legit place to start. Hongkiat.com runs down a total of five sites for following the Olympics, although the video is region-restricted on some of them.

But cheer up! "It's practically a holiday around our house. Or a quarantine ward because we catch serious Olympics Fever," says the spirited blog The Clothes make the Girl, which has devoted its weekly "Tuesday 10" to "10 doses of words and images to afflict you with Olympics Fever." These include links to stirring pictures and stories around the web like the arrival of female Saudi Arabian athletes and recent stories about Olympic Village hanky panky. Mental Floss has a fashionable gallery of uniforms the teams will be wearing in the fabulous opening parade, including the U.S. outfits by Ralph Lauren: "They look quite traditional and patriotic, but the oversized Polo logo screams 'prep school.' And then there's the beret, which has American fashion critics howling. But the biggest part of the upset over these uniforms is the fact that they were manufactured in China." Right, that beret. Mon dieu! Slate - which is tagging its Olympian stories with the clever label "Five Ring Circus" - calls the beret "poufy," "ungainly," "hideous headgear,' "a monstrosity." So apparently not a fan. Separately, Slate has assembled a goofball quiz asking whether various names like Brent Cross and Theydon Bois are Olympic athletes or London Tube stations.

Meanwhile, yeah, get ready for the London mascots: one eyed alien thingys that are confusing everyone. The Globe and Mail guessed someone on the mascot committee must have said: "Sure, go with one-eyed creatures that resemble surveillance cameras, because surveillance cameras say 'London 2012' to me." The paper decided mascots Wenlock and Mandeville look like the result of "a drunken one-night stand between a Teletubby and a Dalek." Ha! Top Drawer Soccer says: "Between Spain's Olympic uniforms and this, you have to wonder if Pee Wee Herman is behind these Games." HuffPo gets down to business and says the mascots look like a penis to pretty much everyone.

MacRumors says Apple has relased its fourth ad showing a celebrity using the iPhone 4S and Siri in an annoying way. This time director Martin Scorses is alone in a cab and "uses Siri to reschedule appointments, find where a friend is, and see how traffic is in Manhattan." It's in a taxi, get it? But they blow the chance to use the classic lines. You talkin' to me? I'm the only one here. Funny or Die takes care of that oversight by cutting Robert DeNiro as creepy taxi Driver Travis Bickle into the commercial. Probably related to these annoying ads, Apple's new quarterly earnings have fallen short. Apple Whiffs On Earnings After Coming Up Short On iPhone Sales," headlines Business insider. "What's particularly crazy about this quarter's earnings miss is that Apple just barely beat its own guidance. Typically it blows away its own guidance." FYI: "Guidance" is the fake number a company gives analysts in advance to set expectations, misdirect, or whatever it wants to do. All Things D says there are various excuses floating around but "the most oft-cited by analysts is this: iPhone sales are slackening ahead of an expected fall refresh of the device." That means expect your current iPhone to break by November.

And if you peek at just one silly celebrity-related meme this week, please let it be the work of photographer/artists Danny Evans, whose hobby is taking photos of beautiful and handsome celebs and manipulating them brilliantly to look like chubby everyday Americans. "Evans' project envisions A-list stars as just any average people with double chins, bad hair, tacky clothes, and cheesy poses," says PSFK. "Evans has worked his Photoshop magic on celebrities like Madonna, Jennifer Aniston, Rihanna, and power-couples like Kanye and Kim Kardashian, Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson, and Jay Z and Beyonce." "There is sweet justice in taking Photoshop, the very tool that makes celebrities seem so insufferably flawless, and turning it cruelly against them," says Co.design, which features a gleeful gallery.