Truths I Learned from Sam, a YA novel coming out early next spring was reviewed in today's edition of CM Magazine (a great online review journal). Of course, I wanted a rave review. What I got was respectable. I'm disappointed, but the review was fair, and everyone is entitled to an opinion.

The reviewer did make one comment about my central character, Dani, that riled though, a comment that has been made before about other characters in my books. She said that Dani is 'competent, reliable, and thoughtful', and these are not realistic traits for a teenager. She also implied that teen readers might therefore not relate to Dani.

Grrrrr ....

A teen who joy rides, is sullen, lazy, tells adults off, smokes, drinks, does drugs, shoplifts, breaks the rules, is in trouble with the law, performs poorly at school, lies, and is self-abusive is readily accepted as normal, but those who show compassion, common sense, and good judgment are not. If that's not stereo-typing, I don't know what is.

I am not saying that there aren't rebellious teens -- in fact, there are a lot of them, but not all teens fit that mold. Not all teens slip off the rails during their adolescence. It isn't a necessary or mandatory phase of growing up.

I know this from experience. Believe it or not, I was a teenager once -- a competent, reliable, thoughtful teenager. I cleaned the house and made dinner because my mom worked full-time. I was a straight A student. I was involved in student council and was editor of the school newspaper. I had a summer job. I had a curfew. I followed the rules. That is not to say I always fell in line with my parents wishes, but when I broke a rule I did so after careful consideration and was willing to argue my case or take the consequences. Don't go thinking I must have been a social outcast, because I wasn't. I was popular, went to parties and dances and had a boyfriend -- AND most of the kids I chummed around with were competent, reliable, and thoughtful too.

My children were the same. They didn't always make the choices I would have wanted, but we're talking minor issues none of us was going to lose sleep over. I trusted them, and they never let me down. They too did well at school and had active social lives. They were also elite athletes. They had freedom to pursue their interests, but also were given responsibilities. I always knew where they were and I was welcome in their lives and activities. The only time the school called was to say they were ill or were receiving some sort of award. There was never a single angry phone call from parents, coaches, or employers, and no run-ins with the law ever.

Now you can say my children and I were flukes of nature, but you'd be wrong. In addition to being a teenager at one point and raising teenagers at another point, I also taught teens for many years, and they taught me a thing or three too. One -- individuals respond according to how they are treated. What I mean by that is that even the most rebellious kid will respond positively if treated fairly. He may rebel against a parent or teacher because of the way they deal with him, but he may be a totally different person with a coach who has a different approach. Trust a kid and that kid will be trustworthy. Two -- when put in a position where their decisions really matter, kids will usually make the right choices, or at the very least, have good reasons why they made the wrong one. Take the roughest teens in town and put them in charge of a small child and BAM! instantly they become the adults and assume responsibility for that little person. Three -- if teens rebel, it's often because they feel they have no control over their lives. As much as is possible, they must be allowed to be the 'boss' of themselves.

How kids are raised and treated has a huge bearing on how they ply their way through their teens. There are violent, surly, dishonest, substance-abusing adults, so it stands to reason that there are teens like that too. But those competent, reliable, thoughtful adults also had to come from somewhere.

Therefore I resent the implication that because my characters have these positive traits, they aren't realistic or credible. Truth be told, there are a lot more competent, reliable, thoughtful teens out there than you think.