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It is ironic that it is after I wrote an article about how life tests you, I am thrown one of its biggest trials. And like I had said in my write-up, it is not pleasant. I cannot begin to imagine what it feels like to be told you have an advanced stage of a deadly disease. I do know its horrific enough to hear it for someone you share your life with.
All of us know we are mortals. Actually everything, including the universe in all probability, comes with an expiry date! We all know we are, after all, born but to die. But when we are faced with a definite and specific likelihood of how life is ending, it is traumatic, and unbelievably, it is shocking.
It was not easy trying to make ourselves get to deal with my husband's advanced lung cancer. It seemed for a long while that everything was WRONG. But it is not wrong. It is just the way it is. It is human arrogance that makes one believe life is not going to get tougher for us. 'Not me' is as escapist solution, but it does work while it does. If we begin to think of all that could go awry, we would be immobilized by fear. I believe we need to concentrate only on what's right, right now. And then it is not that bad, after all.
We are dealt a hand we can deal with, or rather we learn to deal with because nothing prepares you for the worst trials. So how do we rise to meet something we are just not prepared to deal with in any way? Something we really do not WANT to have to deal with?
- Learn from others. I have a dear friend who has been struggling so quietly and so bravely with this goddamned disease, I felt stupid collapsing into despair or fear. Then there are those at the cancer center who joke about the weight of their health files. Men and women who dress their best, and smile as they walk in to take their infusions.
- Know it's not the end. The intimation of bad news is not bad in itself. You still have the same things you had before you knew. In my husband's case, things got so much better after a harrowing chemo week, that it was easy to see the positive.
- Have Faith. The one thing you CANNOT do without. Faith in God's goodness and His mercy, faith is the support of friends and doctors. It is the most important thing you can have. Faith that life never gives you what you cannot handle. Faith that things do turn around, you just have to get through them.
- Learn. I think that is probably one benefit we really do not see, an advantage we do not add to ourselves. The cliches of misfortunes making you stronger is utter nonsense; nothing makes you stronger. It is how strong you are to begin with to take the chipping off of your soul. Your strength of character is something that you have always had. But what changes is that you learn life. Things become very clear once the trifling nonsensical little things are peeled away - time schedules, unnecessary, fawning people, things that you do because of others, things you tolerate out of politeness. And you also learn what is really important to you. The big painting that still gives you joy, the trinkets that give you solace, the family you could not have survived without, the friends who prayed for you. The people you reach out to at such times are your real 'family'. Period. You know where everyone stands in your life. Those you seek out in your h
1 Comments on You, Now, last added: 7/19/2012
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Sarah,
I like that line.."We are all terminal" That's so true. Its so courageous of you to write this......may you always be so courageous. I wish you and your family all happiness and many years of togetherness!
Lots of love,
Radhi