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Illustrated by Josee Masse. Barefoot Books, 2007. (review copy) This delightful picture book is a musical poem spoken from a Caucasian mother to her adopted Chinese daughter. It sings of tender love surrounding the child from birth. Mother love supports this child from both her first, biological mother and her second, adoptive mother. It is truly one of the few books I have found about adoption

Tonight we had the "family birthday party" for me and my mother-in-law, whose birthday is 4 days before mine. My wonderful children blessed us both with homemade cards, a tradition on birthdays in our family. As always, they were both touching and hilarious! Dear Mother, I love you. I hope you love your birthday and this card. Even though you yell at me I still think you're the best Mom ever

My friend Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience of Listening has written a beautiful post on life as liturgy: While perhaps not commonly coined in Protestant, evangelical faith communities, when I speak of liturgy, I guess I am speaking of the whole of my life as liturgy. An everyday liturgy. With its roots in λειτουργία (leitourgia), liturgy means "public work" or "public servant." Thus all that we

Yesterday we were driving home from church listening to NPR on the radio. Someone was telling a funny story about a chicken driving a truck - I can't remember exactly what it was about. I was thinking of something else at the time. Buddy, my five year old, was in the back seat listening carefully to the radio. He pips up, "Chickens driving a truck? That sounds crazy. Chickens don't drive, do

I sat down to write; I ended up reading. Following my nose, following the Holy Spirit; searching, revisiting. Asking questions: How does one stop drill-sergeant parenting and direct with love and encouragement? (I found a beautiful picture here. Scroll down to the article Ann Voskamp's article "Just Guide Gently: A Pucker-Free Pattern.") As kids become preteens and teens, how does one

This Friday, MamaLady is hosting a Carnival of Birth Stories. When I read about it at Elaine's, I thought, why, that might be fun--for a change of the hen's pace, so to speak. I might never have another excuse to tell these stories here! And so, with Elaine's encouragement, I give you the story of the births of my two oldest children: a study in contrasts. My firstborn was 4 days late. On

Yesterday was All Saints' Day. All Saints' always reminds me of a banner that our sending church displayed every year on the Sunday we celebrated that day in the church year. It was a joint effort of a gifted painter and an experienced banner maker, and it depicted Christ on the cross, painted in oil on canvas. Underneath his outspread arms, were painted many faces, half hidden in shadow, that

...to tell you about our family photo shoot yesterday! First of all, just let me say it took me almost a year to finally accomplish this, more if you count how long "call Kim" was on my to-do list before I finally approached her last November. Kim is a friend from church, a mom of three who has been easing into the photography business. After we talked last year, I decided we'd wait for

just knowing they're there -
sirens heard on a cold night,
stories in pjs

This haiku is in response to the One Deep Breath prompt: boyhood.

Well, this weekend is Homecoming Weekend at my alma mater, Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois--and it happens to be my 20th class reunion! Papa Rooster's too. Yes, we met there; I should tell you that story sometime. It's been such a busy week, I haven't had time to breathe, let alone think about this weekend. (The posts you've seen this week were written during the kids' rehearsals last

After I reported on my meeting with Megan and Lainey, and they commented on my appearance and one of my commenters commented on my appearance...and implied (no, it's not what she said, but one could imply) that from my identification with a hen, she presumed I was a bit more hen-shaped.... I just had to set the record straight. I'm as slow as a hen. I go in circles all day like a hen. I love

Earlier this summer, I signed up for Jennifer's Read Together Challenge. The idea is to read the same book as your child and post about what you both thought or learned from it. (My earlier entry, our thoughts on The Egypt Game, is here.) Sunday is the last day, so I just realized I'd better write a couple quick book reviews! I read Karen Kingsbury's Firstborn series--Fame, Forgiven, Found,

"Mama - Look!
I picked tomatoes.
Green is pretty!"

Punkin, my two year old, has been watching my tomato pots with great interest. I have many times told him to "look, don't touch!" The other day he was just too excited to resist them any longer. I stepped in the door for something and before I knew it he had picked an arm full of little green tomatoes. He was so proud of himself. I was so disappointed. I put them on the windowsill. I tried to explain again why we don't pick them green, but the crushed look on his face stopped me.

He's right, they do look pretty.

I am thinking about mothers as represented in the Harry Potter series. There is a conversation going on in the comments to my previous Potter post that has me wondering if Rowling was conscious of weaving in a theme about mother's love. I said:

"Maybe I am hypersensitive to the whole orphan fantasy. I am learning so much about the trauma that adopted and foster children live with and the deeply challenging parts of parenting that it makes me a bit angry to see a majorly important writer present Harry's character coming to him so easily, without obvious effort invested in loving, dedicated parenting. I want desperately for my boys to grow up as fine as Harry, but it doesn't just happen without my daily struggle to be the best I can be and then some. Perhaps it's just another example of the literary orphan fantasy; it's exciting to be a child loose in the world with distant but loving parents.

Years ago I remember my priest saying why she disagreed with the Christians who ban HP from their kid's reading lists. She said the central idea of the story is this ultimately important truth: that sacrificial love is the greatest force in the universe. That is a very Christian teaching. I think the strongest magic in the books is the magic of Harry's mother's love protecting him. His father sacrificed life for him too, but Dumbledore doesn't seem to mention that as much. It's Lily's sacrificial love that makes Harry what he is. So I guess Snape and Voldemort also had miserable, lonely childhoods but didn't have the same mother's love to work the magic. It seems like that might be one of Rowling's themes.

I also am thinking about how Petunia loves Dudley and Narcissa loves Draco, but it is a twisted, selfish type of love compared to Lily's love and it doesn't help them become good strong men. I am beginning to see the whole series as an exploration of mother's love. That feels a bit threatening actually. Is there a formula and am I measuring up? LOL It's all about me, of course."

1. Voldemort (mother died just after giving birth),
2. Snape (lonely, miserable childhood, muggle father, mother not mentioned much?),
3. Harry (mother Lily died when he was one),
4. Dudley (mother Petunia constantly fussing over him, calls him obnoxiously cute pet names, sees Harry as a rival?)
5. Draco (mother Narcissa fawns over Draco, sending him sweets and cakes at school, lies to Voldemort, her liege lord, in the final battle in order to find out from Harry if Draco is still alive)
6. Mrs. Weasley: ideal mother image: cooking, fussing over their safety, knitting everyone sweaters, lots of kids, pulls Harry into the family, fights for Ginny in the last battle)
   

This week's Works-for-Me Wednesday is: WFMW: The Great Parenting Advice Edition. What parenting lessons have you learned the hard way? What would you tell a first-time parent? Save us all some headaches and share! Since I have kids from age sixteen on down to two--three categories. Advice for parents of young children: Kids don't need baths that often. Trust the voice of experience on

I got tagged for this meme by LiteracyTeacher. She got it from HipWriterMama, who got it from the Simple and the Ordinary. It is so inspiring to read what everyone considers their important personal policies. After thinking about it I realized that it is really these values that shape my days and over the long term direct my life. I enjoyed thinking about and trying to narrow it down to the most important things.

1. Early to bed and early to rise. I am strict about my kid's bedtimes. I always start putting them to bed around 6:30 or 7 pm. I get up around 5 am, even on weekends. I can only do my reading, writing and blogging when they are asleep so getting them to bed early and getting myself up early is really important to me. Fortunately since I have been a mother I have enjoyed being up early. I love the quiet and peace of the dawn hour.
2. Devotions every day. I struggled to get in the habit of reading my Bible every day for years. About 12 years ago I had a really difficult school year where I was so challenged with my class of first graders I wanted to quit. I started dedicating myself to getting up early and praying for half an hour at the start of every day just to get the strength to go to work. The habit stuck and I relish it. Now that it is summer I take my coffee and my Bible out and sit in my porch swing. I read, listen and talk with God. It's delightful.
3. Read to my kids every day. Always a couple of bedtime stories, one of which is a Bible story, but also through out the day when they need a few minutes of down time or I am waiting for something to finish cooking. If I sit down they go get a book and climb up in my lap.
4. Keep a Beginner's Mind. I need to always be learning something new, developing a skill, exploring a new hobby or studying. I love being a "newbie". It is invigorating to let go of performance expectations and fly my ignorance in the interest of discovery. Serendipity gives me a buzz.
5. Get Outdoors every day. I need to see the sky and be surrounded by green growing things. Even if the weather is bad I want to be out in it a little every day. I learned from Dr. Spock that it's good for the kids too.

Going to my parent’s house this time of year always means getting a tour of the garden. They’ve lived in their house for twenty years, so the gardens are well developed. This photo of their peonies is from a couple years ago. They have several rose bushes that always delight me, including one beautiful red tea rose by the front door. When they first toured this house thinking about moving here it was December and that rose was still blooming. I think they chose the house because of the loveliness of that rose.

Both of my parents love to garden. They have parceled things out so each of them has their area of specialty. My dad loves to cultivate little nooks with delightful plants that offer particular blooms in season, like Lenten rose, foam flower and foxgloves. Yesterday he was showing me that his poppies are coming into bloom next to the brilliant yellow primroses in the corner near the deck. For Father’s Day we gave him a begonia plant with bright red double flowers. I have a dad who loves flowers. He has taught us to nurture them patiently and gently.

My mom takes care of the gardens in the front of the house that are open to welcome the world. She always has daffodils, pansies, marigolds, daisies and petunias. When they go away for a week’s vacation I often go over and water the window boxes for her. They also always have a vegetable garden full of lettuce, rhubarb, tomatoes, peas, and squash. One whole corner in the back of their yard is dedicate to raspberries that come ripe twice a summer. Yesterday when we were over there to eat supper on the deck my boys kept running over to check the raspberry bushes for the first early ripe ones. They love discovering a bright red berry and popping it right into their mouths; sweet and tart on the tongue.

Whenever I have a garden question I know I can call them up and if they don’t know the answer they have the right book to look it up. These three important things I’ve learned from them over the years:

1. Take the long view. Work the soil and develop the plan and do a little each day. It might take years to see results but it is worth the time and effort.
2. Mulch. Always mulch to keep down weeds, retain moisture and feed the soil. It’s the most important thing you can do for your garden.
3. Meet their needs and they will produce. Every plant has its favorite spot in the sun or shade. It one doesn’t look happy and isn’t thriving dig it up and move it somewhere else. Research what that particular plant needs and find its best location.

Checked these off my to-do list for summer prep:

• Finished writing report cards and updating curriculum maps for the school year
• Cheered as oldest son repaired, sanded, scraped, primed and painted the porch
• Planted the hanging baskets, window boxes, bedding plants, tomatoes and herbs
• Invited grandparents to preschool graduation and registered graduate for kindergarten (gasp!)
• Signed the preschooler/entering-kindergartner up for summer camp four mornings a week
• Registered and paid for family pool pass
• Bought, put together and hung the new porch swing
• Compiled a list of YA novels and teaching writing texts to check out of the library
• checked that the ice-cream maker is chilling in the freezer
• stocked up on sparklers, sunscreen, bug spray, poison ivy weed-killer and popsicles

Bring on those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer!

Yesterday I broke down and let the boys watch a Bob The Builder DVD. We stayed home from church because Buddy is still recovering and I didn't want him exposed to any germs so we hadn't been away from home all weekend. We spent the morning outside in the yard, me mowing, trimming and weeding and them messing around in the dirt and getting chased out of the garden when they stepped on my flowers. I've noticed that it is somewhat frustrating trying to get garden work done with a two year old helping you.

I flipped the switch on the surge protector and put in the DVD so I could clean up the kitchen and fix lunch without interference. What I really notice about TV this week is that it is a chance to have a break from their needing me. Punkin is old enough now that he gets interested in the show and stays out of mischief for at least ten or fifteen minutes when the TV is on. Without it he is climbing on chairs to pull things off the high shelves as soon as my back is turned.

We watched the same Bob video in the late afternoon. I was really tired and wanted to take a break so I turned it on and sat in our big comfy armchair. The boys are a little like cats - as soon as I sit down they run to climb up on my lap. I like sitting there with them all snuggled together. Punkin squirms around a lot trying to get comfortable and they argue over who has the biggest piece of me when I am reading to them like that. But when the TV is on they sit still for at least ten minutes. I can stare out the window and daydream or think about stuff without constant questions. It's nice to have that relaxing time with them.

The things I don't like about TV are the focus on commercialism, the stereotypes, the way it dulls your brain. The kids videos we watch now may be fine, and even a little educational. But the habit of watching, when learned this young, effects brain development and sets them up for all the media older kids, teens and adults end up spending so much time watching. I would rather invest the time and energy into giving them creative free play time that will train their brains in more thoughtful directions.

With my oldest son Buster my strategy was one of inoculation. I thought if I let him watch some controlled TV/media, just enough so he isn't deprived of the social connections, but block out the worst of the negative influences while at the same time modeling the target behavior, he would grow up with a healthy balance. The target behavior is to be connected and involved in the world using media as a tool but independent enough of it's influences to stay an alert, independent and creative thinker. For the most part I think that worked. Although he has a PlayStation he doesn't use it much or invest in buying new games. He rarely turns on the TV. He is always on the computer, however, so I don't know how that plays into it. I'd rather be online than watch TV too of course.

Anyway, here is a list of all the positives I see this week in not watching TV in our house:

1. More time to relax, play, garden, talk, read together
2. The boys spent time drawing and writing with crayons, markers, pencils
3. They played with the trains and blocks and doll house more
4. They played together more
5. I didn't feel as rushed or stressed in the evening
   
6. I enjoyed my house and garden the way it is, instead of thinking I need new carpets, all new furniture, etc.
7. I didn't think about shopping much
8. We didn't see pictures of the war, murders, violent crime, etc. every night after dinner
9. I felt more peaceful and content and connected to my boys
10. I read them about six books a day instead of two or three

I haven't been posting as much as usual this week because my four year old is recovering from Tonsillectomy surgery. I decided to plan on a lot of extra TLC time this week, so along with no TV I cut back on my computer time. What I noticed most is how much more relaxed our home feels this way.

Even with Buddy being sick, feverish and often whimpering in pain (the two or three days after surgery are the worst) I have felt much less stress than usual. To be fair, much of his calm acceptance of no TV might be due to the medication. He's been on codeine all week because his throat is so painful whenever that wears off. So although it might seem at first that cutting out TV for a sick boy is unimaginable, I think it might have made it easier. He has asked for TV in the evenings, but when I remind him that we are not watching TV this week he talks about it a bit and then is distracted by some other activity without much trouble. We have spent time after dinner drawing, playing with trains or legos and reading extra stories.

What I have missed on TV is the evening news. I have given up on almost all other TV shows, just because they no longer interest me. There are so many other things I would rather do with my time - like blog! But I still like to watch the evening news. I have missed it this week. The thing is, I want to sit down after dinner and catch up on the mayhem of the rest of the world at the same time that my boys want my undivided attention. I want them to go in the other room and play quietly and they want to sit in my lap and talk to me or play some loud game that involves me. It is really stressful for all of us if I am trying to watch war and crime news while they are running around trying to get my attention. So when I cut out the TV and focus on them for that half hour we are all more peaceful and relaxed.

Spending less time on the computer has given me a little more space to relax too. I miss the contact with all my blogging cyber friends. I have been aware of feeling lonely and disconnected this week - but I have turned to friends in real life more, and that is healthy and satisfying.

Today and tomorrow might turn out to be the real trial. During the week our time at home is so short - we only have an hour or so in the morning and a few hours before bedtime in the evening. The weekend is a different story. It is going to rain today. Buddy can't go out because he is still in recovery. He hasn't started eating much yet and gets tired quickly. If Saturday and Sunday are going hard and I am starting to feel like running out of the house screaming, frothing at the mouth and pulling my hair out, then I will put in a video. As Buddy starts to feel better he gets cranky and obstinate so this might be a rough weekend for us.

In any case, I am glad we did turn off the box this week, and I hope I can continue to find other ways to keep up with the news without watching in the evenings. How did it go for you if you cut back on screen time?

Unplug Your Kids has a link to the NPR story that ran this week. It's not to late to participate, BTW. You could just do a day or part of a day this weekend. See if you can find a fun, relaxing activity to share with family or friends instead of some of your regular TV time. It is really amazing how refreshing it is!

They stand nose to nose;
each reflecting the color
of his brother.

After a day away from each other my boys delight in being together in the evenings. They fight over wanting all the same toys and then they hug each other and crow with laughter. They get right up in each other's face and Punkin pokes Buddy in the nose.

"Nose" he says. Buddy grins. He pats him on the head.

"Head" Punkin says, and so it goes.

Their warm brown skin glows. Each one's eyes reflect the depth of the other's. I stand back, watching the joy of brothers. Thank you Jesus!

Well yesterday was tough but we did it. Buddy watched TV at the hospital (many hours of it). He did fine before the tonsillectomy and appendectomy surgery. He was quite distressed when he woke up but we got through that part and stabilized. He drank and ate what they wanted him to eat and they sent us home. He had a rough night and is miserable today. My mom is taking care of him. I wish I was home with him but she is the next best thing.

In the afternoon and evening we did not watch TV. Punkin was quite upset about that. He cried and fussed and begged for a video. That just strengthened my resolve. I do not want to end up with boys who are constantly plugged into one screen or another. A little TV or video is fine but I don't want them addicted. We spent time playing outside, coloring, rocking together and reading books. Buddy was running a low fever and really unhappy when the codeine wore off so there was extra stress on all of us. Punkin knew something wasn't right and he seemed to absorb anxiety from us. I think today and tomorrow might be difficult but it will get easier the rest of the week.

There is a great book I read a couple of years ago about TV and children and how to manage it in a family. I can't remember the title or author. Has anyone else read good books on the subject?

It is not too late to join in, BTW. You don't have to go completely cold turkey. You could just turn if off for one day, or even just cut down on your regular viewing time and see a positive benefit. What if you got together with your kids or your spouse and did something fun instead of watching a show or two? Go for a walk, play a board game, cook together. Your kids might squawk at the thought of losing TV but they might also be happy to get a little extra attention from you. Or, if it's just you, you could do something special and nice for yourself that was IRL - take a long bubble bath, plant some pansies, give yourself a facial or pedicare... If you don't want to turn it off, just start thinking and noticing yourself watching. What do you get out of it? What are the positives and negatives? What role or purpose does TV serve in your life?

I would like to post a little more about TV all week. I invite you to join the conversation here and tell me about how it is in your life and your family. What do you think is good about TV? What concerns you about it? How much to you watch and why?

More links:
How TV Affects Your Child
Breaking Out of the Box
Ten Financial Reasons
Why TV Makes you Fat

the house finch's song
falls in cadence with the clacking;
the year's first mowing

My four year old Buddy is having his tonsils out on Monday morning. I expect to be blogging light this week as I concentrate on nursing the patient back to full strength. I consider it one of God's blessings that the grocery store had our favorite ice cream on sale - buy one get two free!

I have long considered Jeanne Marie Laskas one of my own personal discoveries. We share the same first name, of course, so that's part of it. But ages ago, in the Reader's Digest (long before her advice-column days, for you closet RD readers who know her from that), I stumbled across a short little article she'd written that was just brilliant. I've tried unsuccessfully to find it online,

Perusing the current Carnival of Homeschooling, I came across this article about a doctor who left her practice to homeschool her children: “But I enjoyed my work so much, and I loved my patients. I enjoyed it so much that I couldn’t see doing anything else. But God works on you.” A visitor quickly learns that a heart-to-heart conversation with Dr. Karim includes hearing how her Christian faith