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Sorry guys. I deleted the vlog from yesterday. I got nervous about having it out there. Along with an attack of nobody-wants-to-listen-to-this, you-look-and-sound-stupid, everybody-thinks-you're-a-dweeb nerves, I just couldn't leave it up. But thank you for the comments. :-)

Today was the first day back at school. It actually went pretty darn well. Every year I don't want to go back. This year was no different since I'm sooo close to finishing my YA revisions. And every year, I find out it feels really great to be back. The kids start next week. Lots of changes this year.

Florida in its infinite wisdom is putting to vote whether or not education will continue to be supported by property taxes. I'm guessing that to be about 40% of our funding. Meanwhile the state is slashing the education budget right and left. This year, we don't even expect to get any supply money.

But the biggest change for our students will be ... drum roll ... uniforms! Yep! Just my school. It's a pilot program for a year. Next year it could be the entire county. What do you think about uniforms in public school? I have an opinion, but I'm not tellin'... yet.

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And I still haven't read any of her books. I thought they were girl books. Then last year, the popularity of the books exploded in my classroom. I was seeing them everywhere. Then, I started seeing boys read them. Then my son was hooked. I have either four or five books left to read and review for TRT, then I'm going to dig into this series. I must be missing something extraordinary!

At Entertainment Weekly, (ew.com) Meyers is referred to as "the second coming of J.K.Rowling." You can read it here.

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new novel revisions you were trying? Using different colored highlighters for dialogue, action, setting, character development, etc? Looking at each chapter to see what's important in that chapter? Maybe using LOTS of post-its? I think there were even pictures of your ms laid out on the floor. I want to re-read it. It was a loooonnnggg time ago. Probably last summer.

Where did you get those new ideas you were trying?

Geez.... I hope this writer didn't long-ago de-friend me.  :~{

Okay, I can and should do no more tonight. I'm off to bed.

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A big "thank you" to everyone who participated in my poll, The Power of Reading Out Loud. And for those of you who wondered why the heck I was asking about a cougar? My honorable critique group shared with me that there's more than one meaning to the word cougar in today's pop culture.

My friend and co-teacher, Don, needs your thoughts and prayers. He lost half his family Monday in a tragic accident. What was left of their vehicle is in front of the pick-up in the picture. His oldest son, Jay, is home from England. He was only given 21 days before returning to duty. He'll be in England till March and then will be stationed in the US, he thinks probably Colorado or Alaska. The viewing is today. Double funeral tomorrow.

Hold your family close.

Ok...I'm off to write.

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I'm thinking I MUST get in the habit of reading my ms out loud BEFORE I take it to my critique group. I took three new chapters last night., feeling pretty good about all three. (We read our own material. Each member is given a copy to read along and make written comments.)

My first chapter felt pretty good. No major issues. It felt tight, flowed nicely, and I felt like I accomplished what I intended. The second chapter felt rough. It felt forced, unnatural. The third chapter was awesome. I even had trouble reading it because it made me so emotional.

What did my group think? First chapter, only one issue, which I'll address in a moment. The third chapter we discussed adding a small action near the very end in order to make the ending of that chapter even stronger. But it was that second chapter that we spent more time on. They agreed with my assessment. It was rough and didn't really work. I'd used a common "cop-out" to pass time. (Yeah, she fell asleep. I'm so embarrassed. Grin.) But it wasn't really the fact she fell asleep. It's completely believable, with what this poor girl has been through in the past few days, that she would fall asleep. But not the way I wrote it. And they questioned whether she would have even stayed in this place to begin with. Not knowing the story, this probably makes no sense to you. So, I'll get back to my point. "You had a point in all this rambling?" you say. Yeah. I did.

I think if I'd read it out loud BEFORE taking it to them, I would have realized how rough it was and made changes before reading it. Don't get me wrong, they were incredibly helpful. We were able to pinpoint what didn't work and we even brainstormed some ideas that would be more realistic. (My group rocks!) But I'm thinking if I took the time to read my material out loud first, then maybe we wouldn't have needed to spend so much time on that second chapter.

Okay, I'm not feeling guilty or whatever. I'm just thinking, that in order to be the best writer we can be, we have to take advantage of every strategy available to make our work stronger. We should value the time of our crit buddies. We owe it to them to bring them our best. In other words, I'm not going to take them a ms riddled with misspelled words and lazy punctuation simply because I know they'll fix it for me. I'm not going to take them a ms with bland, boring verbs and expect them to spice it up for me. I'm past that. I know my grammer and they should expect not to have to fix that for me. I know that I should be looking for great, strong verbs, and descriptions that leap off the page. They shouldn't have to tell me not to use all those adverbs. So, as I become a better writer, I push myself to do more myself. I respect and care for the members of my group so much that I want to give them my best. And I'm thinking the next step is to read my work out loud to myself before taking it to them so that I'm taking my best. And I'm so grateful that I have a group that is willing to tell me something doesn't work even if I think I brought my best.

Does this make any sense to anybody? Geez, I do ramble so. But hey, I don't feel guitly about this either. I write for myself. Besides, I know, dear LJ reader, that if you have found this to be boring, you've already scrolled on down past my entry to better or more exciting posts. LOL.

For those of you still with me, care to take a poll? Thanks for reading my rambling. I'm going to go mow, It's been raining every afternoon for over a week and my grass is almost as long as the hair on my legs. (LOL, not really. I live in FL, you know.)

And now? The poll.
Till next time....

Oh wait! I forgot to tell you the comment they had on my first chapter. I'll put it to you as a question. Please comment.

What is a cougar? And would you have your main character, a female high school senior, call the new hot guy she just met, with golden, tawny eyes, a cougar?

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Don't you just love it when that happens? For example, I found out that Joe's mother is a writer! What fun. She works in a chaotic office, (yeah, Linda, it's much like yours...grin) and she gets stranger with each book. I found out that her newest thing is to dress like her characters in her new book so she can get into their heads and get to know them better as she's first learning about them. She might be a ship's captain one day, and a rich debutante the next, complete with a large floppy hat. LOL. So far, she doesn't go out in public this way.

And then, I wrote this totally new chapter between the viewing and the funeral. Wow. It was so cool. I have no idea where it came from. But it's so totally sweet and tender, and, I think, leaves the reading feeling so relaxed and calmed after the last chapter. A respite before the turmoil of emotions to come, and it cements the strong bond I needed between Nicki and her brother.

I wanted to finish revisions this week. I don't know if I'll make that self-imposed deadline or not. I have several more new chapters to write, and if my muse keeps surprising me with new stuff...well, there's no telling. Yesterday I re-read the new garage band chapter where I introduced the other two band members and the writer/mother and made a few changes. I revised the chapter with the viewing, written months ago before Nicki had a brother. I wrote the new muse-inspired chapter and then began revising the funeral chapter.

Today, I'll take my daughter to her 6 hour long play practice. (The play opens the last weekend in July and she has the lead! Proud mommy plug. Grin.) Then I'll go visit Don and Jay Kelly. Jay should have arrived home from England late last night.

The rest of the day? I write! And tonight I'll share some of my revisions with the Hoggetowne Scribblers & Doodlers. I'll let you know what they think.

Happy writing all.

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Hey LJ friends!



It's been forever since I've posted! Weird huh? Especially since I've been out of school for, like, a month! Let's see, I had one week off, spent decompressing, and shopping. Yeah, lots of shopping. Looking for a dress for my daughter to wear on a cruise for formal night. Figures, after all that driving, she found the perfect dress for only $35 right here in "little town", Florida.

The following week should have been spent writing, since both my kids went to music camp at my alma mater, Florida Southern College in Lakeland, Florida. Go Mocs!!! Instead, I spent the week cleaning, packing, and etc. Truth? I needed to flesh out a 14 year old brother in my YA, write a bridge to set up the conflict to come in later chapters, and I just couldn't seem to do it. I did everything BUT write. I thought I'd lost my touch. I was afraid I just didn't have it in me any more. More on that later.

We left Thursday the 19th to watch the Chicago Cubs get swept by the Tampa Bay Rays. Yeah, fun. Four rows behind the Cubs dugout. Expensive seats. Hubby's a big cubs fan. I love my husband. Need I say more?

Saturday the 21st we boarded the Carnival Inspiration bound for Grand Cayman and Cozumel. This was in celebration of my parent's 50th anniversary! Wow! They are amazing. Here's a picture of them on the stairs of the grand atrium. I'll upload more pictures later. (And no, my mom doesn't color her hair! They're both in their 70's and look fabulous!)

Ok, so we get home. And waiting for me in the mail is an envelope containing my mg critique from Joyce Sweeney. You can read more about her here. I ripped open the envelope and read hte first sentence. "The good news is, your writing is nearly flawless." I stuffed the two-page letter, along with my ms, back in the envelope and proceeded to unpack and sort laundry. I didn't want to read the rest. I knew I wouldn't like it. And I didn't.

An hour or so later, seated in a comfy chair, I read through her letter. Once again, I was being told my writing was nearly flawless, (indeed, she wrote on very few of the 78 pages), and once again, I was being told it wouldn't sell. It wasn't all bad. She said the story wouldn't work, (my crit group, after hearing the letter, agreed I had two books), but she also pointed out my strengths, character and relationships, (which my crit group agreed were right on.) Those are the parts of the books that she loved. But I needed to write much more. Make it longer. My reaction? Great. More work. Will I EVER be able to finish a book? Will I EVER be able to sell anything? I'm not sure I can keep doing this. Maybe I'll never find the "WOW" factor. I'll admit. I let it derail me even more.

Then I got an email from a crit buddy. She's a very talented writer with an amazing, humorous mg voice. I KNOW she's going to get published soon. But here's what her sparse email said. I don't think she'll mind me sharing it with you. "I talked with *super uber agent* about my revision. She wants more. A lot more. Practically an entire book in front of the one I wrote. Will this never be over?" I sensed that suddenly, she'd been dumped in the same place I was in. So, I sent the following email.

(In part...)

REMEMBER: YOU are an AMAZING, TALENTED WRITER!!!!

Do NOT give up! You are waaaaayyyyy too close! This is where the weaker, AVERAGE writers quit and give up!

YOU ARE NOT AVERAGE!!!

YOU WILL NOT QUIT!!!

YOU WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!

YOU.....CAN....DO...THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She sent the email back as requested. Buoyed, I opened up my YA and made myself write. It worked! (My muse had been contemplating the "bridge" problem all along and had it figured out. Never ignore your muse!) I figured out how to develop Bryan's character, (a new 14 yo brother to Nicki, my protagonist) and even better, how to set up the conflict that needs to come later in the book. And get this, a new character showed up out of nowhere. (He's really hot! Don't know yet what Nicki is going to do with/about him. LOL.) But it's working! I'VE STILL GOT IT!!!!!! What a GREAT feeling!

Thank you, Joyce, for pointing out my strengths, and for being straightforward in your critique. As I told you, I'll let the mg fester, I mean, jell, a bit first, then dive back in. But first, I'm going to finish BUZZED, a definite character/relationship novel if there ever was one. (My strength. Grin.)

The other good news, I'm writing this from my NEW laptop! Yeah, we're a two computer household again, which means I can write again, even on the weekends, without my teens and hubby waiting to use the computer. That's huge! Look out publishing world. Cana's back on track!

So, if I don't often log in to LJ, or comment, it's because I'm going to stay focused and write this summer. I will finish this YA. And I have another one to start that I'm VERY excited about. So much so, that, I know that once I start on it, my other WIP's will stay in the drawer. It's going to be big. I have the story. And my writing is "nearly flawless." *VBG/Wink.*

Plus, if I spend too much time here, I'll get caught up in stuff like
Take care of your muse. Believe in yourself. Lean on your crit buddies. Remember this:

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. ~ Thomas Edison

Happy writing, and Happy 4th! 

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susansee asked me, "What do you do if you really hate a book that was assigned to you for review?" Good question. Here's my answer:

Teens Read Too only gives positive reviews since we want teens to read. So we're supposed to give only four or five star reviews. If we really don't like a book, we post that to other reviewers and let someone else review it. The thinking is that someone will like the book enough to be able to give it a good review. After all, they have to have merit or they wouldn't have been published in the first place. We all know how competitive the market is. We also choose which books we'd like to review. Often I'll miss a great one because someone simply beat me to it. But I ask for books I think I'd like. Also, I find my own books and review them for TRT if they don't already have one. Even as a kid, I rarely found a book I didn't like.

It kind of makes you wonder how valuable the reviews are though. It they're all good, then I'm not discriminating. You know what I mean? But then, when you think about WHY I do them, it makes sense.

1) Exposure to the publishers, so my name sort of rings a bell. In a positive way.
2)To demonstrate to any agent/editor out there who's interested, that I read what I write. I try to stay current.
3)It's fun to boost other writers, to help promote their books. Maybe they can do the same for me in the future.
4)To help myself keep track of what I've read.
5)And this one may really be the most important....to entice my students to read.

I just hope that once I'm published I will be encouraged to continue to do this. Because, when it comes right down to it, it's for my students. This generation has a treasure trove of books to choose from. So much more than what was available when I was a teen. Every time a student tells me they don't like to read, I take it as a personal challenge to prove them wrong.

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The top ten books I now want to read are posted here on the ALA 2007's list of most challenged books. Guess it's the teen in me. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and that's EXACTLY what I'm going to read. I've already read ttyl by Lauren Myracle and loved it. My daughter has read all three of them, ttyl, ttfn, and l8tr g8tr. She was 12 when she read them. And talked to me about them. And we wonder why kids don't like to read when we try to take away the very things they want to read about. Sigh.

May YOUR next book make it to the banned list! It practically guarantees teens will read it!

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And just in time too. I just got another rejection yesterday and my immediate reaction was, "I'm sick of this. I'll never get published! Another one to add to the pile." You know the feeling. And it passes. Because, deep down, you know your writing is good. All it takes is ONE yes! And it will come.....if we don't give up! And I won't.

This video says it all! Barbara, the fearless leader of The Hoggetowne Scribblers and Doodlers sent us this link. Watch it, then bookmark it for later. Cause you know you'll want to find it again the next time you have another "not right for our list" day.

http://www.writeattitude.net/

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Yay! And I'm not going anywhere! I plan to finish revisions on BUZZED this week.  I have to write a few scenes with my main character and her "new" 14-year-old brother, including the final scene. Then I'll have to re-read the entire book for continuity. Then I'll attack VANISHING TEACHERS again with the comments from my editor critique in mind.  The student I've been working with after school has read through the entire book (out loud), so I've made minor changes as she's been reading, but I want to look specifically at character motivation. For the most part, I really love this book and feel it's really tight and ready to go.

My presentation to Kiwanis is Tuesday. I'm ready to go except for scanning a few things into the PowerPoint presentation. Hubby will help me learn how to scan this weekend. He's terrific!

And last night hubby and I took my parents to a broadway production of CHICAGO! I'd never seen this one. It was fabulous! The dancing was amazing. I have to say though, that PHANTOM OF THE OPERA is still my favorite.

Ok, time to do some off-web work. I'll try to pop in every once in a while. Hey! I might even have time to comment on your posts! Happy writing everybody!!!

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Ok...unpaid. But still.

Hubby's Kiwanis Chapter has asked me to be their speaker on April 15th, during my spring break. Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel for speakers, huh? I'm nervous as all get out! They want me to talk about children's publishing, and how to get published (like I know that), what it takes, etc., and about my books. So I'm a little panicked. But in a good way. It'll be good practice, right? I'm only concerned about two things really. 1) Explaining why in the world I would go through all of this when I could just self-publish like "so-and-so." And, 2) telling the group WHY I'm writing Buzzed, the book closest to my heart since the impetus for the book was the drunk driving death of the daughter of two Kiwanis members, a beautiful, well liked and respected young lady who made a choice, along with her friends, to drink and drive.  Both girls were about to start college...

 Oh...and I thought of a number three. 3) Making sure I remember to thank hubby for his support, and making sure I thank the funeral home director for the four hour interview he gave me! He's a charter member and I'm sure he'll be there. In fact, I imagine I'll know most everyone there. Oh...that thought just made me feel all queasy inside.

I think I'll start by asking them all to put up any hoods they may be wearing, slouch in their seats, chomp on a huge wad of gum, and maybe even write notes to one another as I talk. Then I'll feel right at home!

Wish me luck!!!

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Yep. I mailed it today. To SCBWI. For the grant. Whew! Thank you so much to those of you who were able to look at my synopsis.

Good luck to everyone who entered this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Check out moyer_girl  's journal to view the contest details and win her book Healing Water!

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I need some help on a tiny passage 

 

 

What do you think Mr. Green is drinking? Any suggestions? There's a reason I used the word tumbler. Your responses will help me decide if it's the right word.

I love revising.... Wheee!!!!!!

Oh...and this is a YA.

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Check out the book giveaway here at the Author2Author blog! But hurry. It only lasts this week!

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Thanks to those of you who took the time to answer my character questions. And took my poll! Coolio! Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream coming up! Hold the fudge and whipped cream. Extra cherries!

 
I thought it was interesting that the percentage was higher for those wanting to know character hair and eye color than for those wanting to know what the character was wearing. Apparently, according to the poll, character attire is important only if it is important to the plot. Interesting. Meanwhile, I'm trying to know my characters better so that they won't sound cardboard when I describe them. And I'll keep looking for creative ways to describe their physical attributes. I need to really look around more. So often a haircut says much about a person. The level of physical upkeep makes a statement about personal worth, don't you think? Oohhh. I hope not. I spend very little time on mine. Wash and wear hair. Five minute makeup.

All right. I'm off to work on the lady with the stroller. And write a reveiw. I just finished crissachappell 's book TOTAL CONSTANT ORDER and loved it! Sometimes I really hate it when a book is that good. Why? Because it was over too fast leaving me wishing I could spend more time with the characters. And...now I have to find another book. Oh wait! That's totally NOT a problem! :) 

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1) For mechanics out there. When driven for several miles, does the underside of a car get hot? More specifically, are there parts of the underside that would not be hot...so that if the vehicle was, say, on it's side, the top crushed onto a tree, a person could feasibly climb up the undercarriage to help get someone out of the driver's window? What parts?
(I looked at my son's old Hot Wheels. They were no help. Oh! Except I know the muffler's probably pretty hot.)

2) Young moms. (I'm the 2nd part of that. My kids haven't been little for a long time. And the older I get...well, the older I get.) (Oh, and dads, you can answer too. I'm not sexist.) Oh yeah...the question.
IF...you were in a park with your three-year old, and you came upon a teen walking a beautiful black lab, (and we'll assume here that you're letting your daughter pet said lab after, of course, asking permission), and said teen for no apparent reason, except for the fact that she sees you have three beautiful, albeit scraggly-haired and naked, Barbie dolls strapped safely into your stroller, said teen begins sobbing uncontrollably, would your reaction be to console the teen and ask what's wrong, or would it be to quickly snatch your daughter to your bosom and politely, yet quickly, get the heck out of there?
(And no, I do not write such ungodly long and rambling sentences in my novels! It's 1:40 am here!)

Ahhh....the promised poll. It is nearing election time after all. And being from Florida and all, I want to be sure every one gets plenty of practice before the big day, so there are no lost divots. Wait. That's golf. Digits. No...math. Ummm. Well golly darn. I forget. Just close your eyes and click.

Some background. When I read, I don't picture people. Ever. Rarely do I focus on faces. Hair, only if it's important, which it's usually not. I guess I picture headless people. Well, often I picture that they are fat, sweaty, and about to have a heart attack. Wait. Not often. I didn't mean often. Why did I say often? (I'm picturing Pete somebody here, Kay Scarpetta's helper in the Patricia Cornwell books? They're adult. Oh...and she's thin, fit and sharply dressed.) It sounds like I have weight issues. So...ok. Sue me. But I do picture them. Sort of. I guess what I'm saying is that I picture their essence. Their personality. As a result, I have a terrible, terrible time describing people. If I'm not careful, I end up with paper dolls. Really. So I cheat. I try not to describe hair color, etc. What about you?

Ok...I'm obviously sleep deprived. Or maybe just plain deprived. A multiple choice poll may not be as fully helpful as I'd hoped. So if any of you writers out there would like to expand upon your answers, please do. I would love any helpful ideas on how you make your characters physical traits come alive on paper, besides those "quirks" that we use to make them special.

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I'm getting better! My temp hasn't been much over 99 at all today and although I still have an irritating occasional cough, I haven't had to suck on a single cough drop to get it under control. I'm still glad I stayed home. I'm putting all the bedding through the sanitary cycle. I got distracted and cleaned out my son's dresser. I've picked up the house. (Just a little...I'm not feeling THAT good!) And I've been reading TOTAL CONSTANT ORDER by crissachappell . So far I love it. My kind of book. I LOVE realistic YA.

But the best part is I've been able to think about my YA a bit. You remember that in order to find the true beginning of this novel I had to cut several thousand words? I'm weaving some formerly cut scenes back into the book using flashbacks. But I'm finding that I'm still not putting in nearly as much as I'd cut. I'm only inserting snippets of former scenes. Fragments of memory as would seem natural to a teen who has suffered terrible loss.

Here's the problem. The <most recent> previous draft of this ms was already on the short side. More a mg length. Now I worry about stretching it as well as keeping the reader engaged throughout the rest of the book. So, I think I've hit on it. She needs siblings. More specifically, she needs a brother who looks up to her. She's a senior. I'm making him an eighth grader. Well for now. He may change my mind. The scene where her dad gives her advice? That will come from her new brother. She will come to realize how her behavior, and her reactions to her best friend's death, greatly affect the well-being of her brother. This will also help give the book a few new layers. Maybe I'll find a plot issue or two with her brother.  Oh yeah. I like this...

Ok...I like sick days like this.

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Cyber hop on over to Teens Read Too and check out their February contest! Teens Read Too and Simon & Schuster are teaming up to give away 30 books from S&S's Simon Pulse Romantic Comedies line!

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We're back! The Hoggetowne Scribbles AND Doodlers had a blast! The weekend was fabulous! And, as usual, our regional adviser, Linda Bernfield put together an awesome conference. I came away with so much. My head is full. It may take a while to decompress and process everything.

We started with the Writer's Intensive all day Friday. I can't even begin to list everything I learned. Let's just say that over the years I've found that the more I learn, the more I realize I have to learn to understand the complexity of writing that really great book. The highlight of the day, for me, was when we broke into groups for our 500 word critique. Normally you bring the first 500 words, but since the registration said we could bring an excerpt, some of us did, including me. The interesting thing though, is as others read, and I looked at my "excerpt", I had that "aha" moment. The other writers, including the queen of realistic fiction, Alex Flinn, agreed unanimously. I actually brought the first 500 words. Finally, I've found the beginning of my YA. Wow. Now I have much work to do.


Alex Flinn, Molly O'Neill, Joyce Sweeney

Molly O'Neill was delightful. She's an Assistant Editor at Bowen Press, a new imprint of Harper Collins. She was incredibly approachable and sweet. I found her workshops and critique to be extremely helpful. Character, character, character. Yes, I have more work to do.

Joyce Sweeney shared much of her wisdom, as always. I always learn so much from her. I'm saving my dimes to send her a manuscript or two. She has helped a whopping 21 authors get published. I'd give my right toe to be one of her credits!


Nadia Cornier of Firebrand Literary

Nadia was funny, funny, funny. I can see why their agency is sought after. Her workshop on promoting yourself was a bit intimidating. Like I said, the more you learn, the more you find out you don't know. (I never did get to see her dove trick though.)



David Diaz, 1995 Caldecott Medal winner

Anyone who's ever met David Diaz understands. He's everywhere. What a sweet guy.



Sid Fleishman, Newbery Medalist

Wow. Sid Fleishman. An amazing man with an equally amazing story. Wow.

There were other speakers. How could I have missed getting a picture of Lee Bennett Hopkins? He was incredibly inspirational and I'm certain my eyes weren't the only teary ones as he read from his war anthology. And no picture of Adrian Fogelin? What was I thinking? Her speech was so fabulous that I found myself sitting on the floor in her workshop the next day, facing several other writers who had to find seating just outside the door in the hallway. She critiqued my YA and saw things in my characters that I'd never considered. Wonderful insight.

The one word to sum up the conference for me is motivation. What motivates my characters? Why do they feel the way they do? Why do they act the way they do? What is the thread the ties them together, these characters that seem so different from one another? I imagine if you talked to other writers, they heard something else. But that's what resonated with me. That's my focus as I begin to revise once again. I'm going to have one of my characters write a letter to the friend that dies in my YA. I need her to show me what she really feels and thinks. Thanks to Molly's suggestion, I'm going to rewrite some scenes from another character's viewpoint in my MG, so I can see how they view my main character. So many great ideas. So much work ahead.

But the one thing I really gained from this conference is the conviction that I can do this. I've come so far. I'm so close...yet so far. But I know I can get there. I will rise above the slush. I just have to keep working at it. I really don't stink. I'm even making a new tag so I can reread this post, and remember the emotions and revelations that I took away with me this year.

So, the word for the year is MOTIVATION. What's your motivation? What's the motivation for your characters? Here's hoping we all find that motivation and that this will be the year we don't stink!!!!

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Let's see.

A Jaguar win, a fabulous evening of football, roast chicken, Spades with family, and an epiphany on BES. Yep. Life is good.

Remember I said I needed to go looking for the true beginning of my YA? Well, I'm not sure I've found it, but I've definitely figured out what's lacking. And, more importantly, I realized, thanks to Mom, WHY it was lacking. Understand that my YA came from deep within, a very personal need to make sense of a horrible tragedy. As a teacher, I've seen the lives of several of my former students cut short. None impacted me more that Marissa. God, she was sweet. She was smart, always had a quick smile for everyone, truly she was beautiful. Like her mother, she was always ready to lend a hand to someone in need. She was one of those students who had everything going for her.

And her friend Ashely. Much the same. Quieter perhaps, but no less popular. She was about to begin college on a full softball scholarship.  It ended after a night of drinking. Marissa killed, Ashley, who was driving, paralyzed for life. Marissa babysat my children. Her parents attended our church and were, are, loved and admired so much. How could this have happened?

This accident happened at the beginning of my school year, just before the girls were to start college. Then, just months later, two girls, on their LAST day as seniors, went home for lunch. They were celebrating, waving at friends from the car as they drove. Antennia, the driver, didn't see the dump truck. She turned left in front of it. Her best friend since 1st grade, LaToya, was killed.

As a way of coping, I suppose, Black-Eyed Susans, originally titled, I Survived, was born. But for some reason, I didn't want it to be just another cliche book about drinking and driving. I wanted it to be about survival. So, the beginning of the book was all about my two main characters, their friendship, their boyfriends, and why they chose NOT to drink on the night of the prom. Yet, the accident still happens. One girl still dies.

Which left the ms with problems. The first, a slow beginning. And second, the feeling of, "So the girls do everything right, they make the right decision, and she still dies? What's the point then of not drinking?" So, I revise the heck out of it, over and over. Trying to fix the beginning. Rejections that say they like the voice, but the ms just isn't strong enough. Rejections that say they like the girls, that their friendship is believable, but that the accident just doesn't come soon enough. So many...I like it...but...rejections.

So yesterday, I realized, that if I want to truly make it stronger, I have to tell the TRUTH. I've seen that word sooo often lately in LJ posts. I have to deal with the drinking. The accident cannot be random.

Ok...so I'm talking to my mom. God Bless Her. She listens when I ramble, and does a pretty good job of showing interest even when I'm beginning to see the glaze and forge on anyway. We're talking about Marissa. Here's what she said. "You know, I remember you saying, very adamantly, that you did NOT want this book to be about Marissa. You didn't want to hurt her mother." OMG! I can't explain how that affected me. Is affecting me as I write this. I cried. I felt so foolish, but I couldn't stop. That's why I didn't have them drinking. I didn't want anyone thinking I was capitalizing on this very awful night. Especially Marissa's family. Mom just looked at me, like, "What? What did I say?" That's it. That was why the book wasn't working. So, painful as it will be, I MUST tell the truth. Much as I love my characters, they MUST be flawed! NO, it's not Marissa's accident. It's totally fiction. But, it must come from the TRUTH I know inside.

So, there you have it. I'm ready to tackle this book and make it what it needs to be. I have a feeling it won't be easy.

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What's a week without a good meme? This one comes via Becky's Book Reviews. (Thanks, Becky!) I've done these tests before when they have 100 or more questions, so I was surprised a 10-question quiz garnered the same result I always get.

Your Personality is Very Rare (INTP)

Your personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant. Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 2% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

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