A peculiar thing has happened this past year. Slowly but steadily, I have noticed an increase in the number of people visiting my website after googling “How to sign your name like a celebrity”. This is a search string for which I am randomly the number one result, owing to an anecdote I put up here ages ago.

At first I just laughed at these visits, and greeted them with almost the same amusement that I enjoyed “girdle mature danger video” (for which I also rank high). But gradually, their frequency has increased to a point where I now receive a significant number of weekly visits purely from people searching for this piece of advice.

So if you, dear visitor, happen to be among these people, I now feel honor-bound to offer you some guidance; to at the very least send you off in the right direction so that your visit isn’t a complete waste of time.

The steps required to sign your name like a genuine celebrity are actually very straightforward. First, acquire an extraordinary amount of renown in the public pursuit of your choice; building this to a level where a large number of people want to take away proof-positive of having encountered you. Then, at each and every request, sign your name. Do it over and over and over again. On books, on scraps, on caps, on napkins and dollar bills, on bare skin and on bras; it really doesn’t matter. Just do this over and over, and before you know it, you will be signing your name like a celebrity.

Thanks for the visit. And take comfort that there are many, many of you out there.

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