I've had a very exciting week! Do you remember me telling you some time ago about the book that has been written about me and my friends? Well there was a big party to celebrate this week - and we all went!

I like parties. Everyone is happy at parties. We all got dressed up quite smart; Honey wore her best shoes and everything. I was a little bit shy because there were lots of people there and I didn't know anyone - apart from Schnoss, Trevor, Jezza and Honey of course.

Schnoss and Honey mixed and mingled, Trevor ate a lot of the food and I sat under the table watching things. There was a bit of an awkward moment when Jezza started to make one of his sculptures with all the handbags and coats that people had left in one corner, but everyone was very nice. They smiled and laughed then took their coats and handbags away quite quickly. Then Jezza came under the table with me and fell asleep.

The writer woman said a few words in front of everyone. She said that she didn't want to do it really but whatever she said she made everyone laugh, which was good. Lots of people bought books and they are going to be sold in proper bookshops and everything now. The writer woman is going to talk to someone from a newspaper next week which sounds very scary to me. And something else....

Oh, Schnoss says that is a big secret and I cannot tell anyone about it....oh dear I'm not good at secrets.

I found this pile of things next to Jezza when he was asleep. I think it might be a new sculpture but it's always hard to tell: sometimes it really is just a pile of rubbish.

I poked about a bit in the pile when he wasn't looking because I liked the shape of those round things, they are very funny. Honey said they were cocks and they had come out of shampoo bottles. I said she was being very silly.

Schnoss said actually they were CORKS and they came out of bottles of CHAMPAGNE which is apparently a very delicious and lovely thing to drink, but not for puppies. He said it was very fizzy. I said I would stick to lemonade thank you very much.

I thought the cage things might be to keep very small mice in, but apparently they hold the corks on the bottles so the fizzy stuff does not shoot out everywhere and cover everyone in sticky fizz. I will definitely stick to lemonade because that sounds to be a very dangerous thing to drink.

I did take the cage thing with the picture of the old lady on it for my scrapbook. I think she looks very scary.

Honey is an
ugly nastycruelstinkysmellypoopyponkyhorribletwitchy-nosedrabbitwhoupsetsmeALOT

I feel better for saying that...

a tiny little bit

You know that I said Honey was acting very stangely because she was being so nice. Well she was being like that because she had very bad news.

When I'd drunk her hot chocolate and eaten her biscuit she said,

"Now that I have given you all those nice things to eat and drink you cannot be cross with me."

"But I wasn't going to be cross with you," I said puzzled. "Was I?"

She kept very quiet and pulled a stupid rabbity face. Then she reached behind her and put something on the table in front of me. At first I didn't know what it was because it was soggy and dirty and smelled quite bad. Then I recognised it.

"That's my Special Notebook for Special Thoughts and Special Things. And it's all nasty and dirty!"

Honey huffed and puffed a bit. Then she mumbled,
"Well I sort of dropped it on the ground. But it wasn't my fault! I was trying to see what you'd written about me."

I was too tired and upset to shout. But I wished that I'd written something REALLY HORRID.

I am going to think of the nastiest, horridest thing ever and that is what I will write in my Special Notebook. When it has dried out.

I am worried.

Honey has just been very nice to me. She gave me a great big smile. Then she gave me a great big hug. And then she offered me her very nice chocolate biscuit with big orange smarties on top.

I think she might be very ill and poorly.

Or she is about to tell me some very bad news.

You know that rhyme I was telling you about? Well I don't think everyone does know it. Honey doesn't, that's for sure or else she wouldn't have asked the question. So for Honey and for everyone else here it is:

30 days has September
April, June and November
All the rest have 31
Excepting February alone
Which only has but 28 days clear
And 29 in each leap year

I know, I know, it's not the catchiest rhyme in the history of things. And that bit about '28 days clear' is just odd.

But you know, if you say it in your head enough times, you do get to remember how many days there are in each month. So you'll be ready if Honey ever asks you.

Smarty-Pants! That's a really funny word isn't it? It sounds like you've got a whole load of chocolate sweets stuffed down your trousers. And that would feel all gooey and squelchy and a bit uncomfortable around the bottom.

OR it could mean that your bottom is stinging a bit because Jezza has hit you by accident with a lump of wood he is using to make one his rubbish sculptures. That happened to me once and it hurt. A lot. In fact I cried quite hard all afternoon.

Honey called me 'Smarty-Pants' the other day. It was because she was asking Schnoss how many days there are in January. And before he could reply I said,
"31!"
Just like that - quick as a flashlight.
Honey looked at Schnoss and he nodded. So Honey said,
"Oooh get you! Smarty-pants!"
But she said it in a funny way and we both laughed.Which isn't something we often do at the same time.

I thought everyone knew that rhyme about days in the months.

You know it, don't you?

This is Jezza's latest 'Rubbish Sculpture'.

I have looked at it a lot. I have walked round it. I have stood on my head to look at it. I have screwed my eyes up really tightly and gone all squinty-eyed. I have even turned round, bent down and looked at it through my legs.

I still don't understand it.

All I know is that Schnoss got ever so very cross and shouty when he saw that Jezza had used his alarm clock.

So when their backs were turned I ate the biscuits. They were the best part of it if you ask me.

Jezza says it is called 'Time! 4 A Change.'

Eh?

It is very cold. To keep warm I have got my hood up, my paws in my pockets and I am running around a lot.

Honey is dancing quite energetically too. At least that's what I think she's doing. She keeps spinning round and bumping into things anyway. Which is quite funny.

Schnoss is doing more sums than usual. I don't see how they can keep him warm. But he does seem to be quite pink about the cheeks so they must be doing some good.

I don't know whether Jezza is cold or not because he's asleep. As usual.

I like Trevor's solution for keeping warm best of all though: big mugs of steaming hot chocolate and bacon sandwiches as big as his bottom. Which is very large and enormous.

My New Year's Rest-Solution is... to sleep more! Well, that makes sense doesn't it?

Oh!

Schnoss has just told me that New Year's RESOLUTIONS are things you say that you will do and that you try very extra hard to stick to. Schnoss says they should be sensible things like eating more cabbage and being nice to Honey. Only I don't think those are very sensible things at all. Cabbage? Bleeeuch!

My New Year's Rest-Solutions will be to:
Smile more
Worry less
Learn to do the sums. (Because they are ever so very important things in life. Schnoss says so. And he should know because he does sums all the time.)

I said that I was going to write in my Special Notebook all the things that make me smile. And I've been smiling a lot lately so there are lots of things to write down. But I'll just write a few....for now

THINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE

PRESENTS
SHINY PAPER
RIBBONS
BIG FAT BACON SANDWICHES
BUBBLE WRAP (because I like making loud popping sounds)
TWINKLY LIGHTS
MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH

BUT I DO NOT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE LAUGH WHEN I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING FUNNY BECAUSE THAT IS WRONG AND SILLY AND ACTUALLY MAKES ME QUITE SAD AND UPSET.....and I'm talking about Honey there, just in case you didn't know.

I am smiling so much I'm worried that I might actually swallow my head. You see the thing is that something very happy-making and lovely has happened. A book has just come out which is all about me and the other Schnoops! Can you believe that? Isn't it amazing?

I thought only very big important famous people had books written about them, and I'm not important or famous. And I'm certainly not big, that's why I'm called LITTLE Doogs.

Schnoss says that famous people sometimes get too big for their boots, but I won't let that happen to me because I like these boots. And they're quite new.

So if you want to find out more about me and Schnoss and Honey and Trevor and Jezza you could go take a look on www.theschnoops.com and find out where to buy it.

The book's called:
'The Extremely Very scrambled Up World of Little Doogs: Playing The Road Trip Game'

And I suggest that you take a very big breath before you try saying that!

Everyone is very busy and rushing around like people who have been bitten quite hard on the bottom. It is not good.
Schnoss does lots of sums. Then he gets a bit steamed up behind his glasses and crosses them out again. I don't think he must be getting the answers he wants.
Trevor is very busy in the kitchen. He is cooking up some nice smells but his language is not so good. He keeps shouting,
"Potverdikkeme!"
Which is a rude word in the Dutch.
Honey is all snarly and cross with twitchy ears. But that's not really anything new.
And Jezza keeps knocking together some of his rubbish sculptures out of orange boxes and sellotape with a few sprigs of holly thrown in. Then he falls asleep again. But even his snoring sounds very angry.
This is supposed to be a happy time. So I am going to sit very quietly and write in my Special Notebook all the things that make me smile...

Trevor always wears his orange football shirt and his chef's trousers. Not always the same ones though because they would smell.

Trevor is a very good footballer actually. He's very nimble and quick - for an elephant. And man you should see him dribble.

And I mean 'dribble' in a football sense, not in a drooly sense. Because with a mouth as big as his that would be sticky and messy and really quite nasty.

Now of course Jezza wants to make sure that you all know what he looks like. Although it would be hard to miss him with a neck like that.

Jezza is usually asleep. When he is awake he does his Rubbish Art. And when he's feeling arty you'd better hang on to all your precious things. You could turn your back and the next thing you know they are in the middle of one of his 'sculptures'.

I once lost my Special Notebook like that. He'd put it in one of Trevor's pans and mixed it up with flour and water and butter. He called the sculpture 'Eat your words'.

Trevor called it some very rude words of his own. I just cried.

Now whenever Jezza has his arty hat on I keep my Special Notebook inside my sweatshirt out of his way.

www.theschnoops.com

I keep mentioning Schnoss, don't I? And you probably don't know what HE looks like either, do you?

Well he's a dahcs.....a dashc....a daxi-doo-dah...a long sausage-type-dog. He's called Schnoss because he loves sausage sandwiches as the best thing to eat ever.

We call him the 'Business Boss' because he makes all the plans for us. Most of the time they work out. Sometimes they're rubbish. When he gets something wrong his glasses steam up and he fiddles with his tie a lot.

He probably wishes I hadn't told you that.

www.theschnoops.com

When I saw Honey this morning she was very scowly and snarly and her ears were quivering. That's never a good sign.

"So Puppy Boy," she snarled. "Why have you put your picture up? Now everyone knows what you look like. What about me?"

"But you already know what I look like!" I told her. I was very confused.

"No, you stupid Pup," Honey snapped. "People will want to know what I look like as well."

"Oh!"

Honey was bearing her teeth and steam was coming out of her ears. So I thought I'd better show you her picture before she exploded. Because that would be very messy.

So this is Honey. When she's looking nice. Which is very rare.

www.theschnoops.com

Schnoss said,
"Little Doogs, I think you should show everyone what you look like."
And I thought about it for a bit.
I thought maybe you'd already know what I look like. But if you didn't and you read my words you might have a completely different picture in your head. Like I was green or something. Although that would be very silly.
So here I am.


www.theschnoops.com

Whilst I have been sniffling and snuggling I have had a lot of time to think. And I've been thinking about lots of things - the size of Trevor's bottom (VERY big), the size of Honey's brain (very small - but don't tell her I said so) and just how exactly Jezza manages to sleep so much in a day.

I've also been thinking about words. Two of Schnoss's favourite words are
'Health' and 'Safety'
because he uses them about a million times every day.

Some of my favourite words are:
marshmallow
hippopotamus
blubber
and
burp

Two of my least favourite words are
brussel sprouts

I am still feeling a bit weak and wobbly. To cheer myself up I have been looking through my Special Notebook of Special Things.

My Special Notebook opened at this page. I put two butterfly things on the same page, which I thought was very clever. The little butterfly thing is a rubber. But it is very dirty and made a nasty mess when I tried to rub out with it, so I stuck it in here.

I am saving the thing with a heart for Honey's birthday. She can use it for one of her ear-styles. I won't tell her that I found it on the ground though because she will get very sniffy and say that she cannot possibly use it because she does not know whose ears it has been around before hers. I put it in here to keep it safe.

The chocolate isn't supposed to be there. I put it down and it just got a bit stuck. And that made me sad because I was hungry.

Today I am poorly. I am coughing and sneezing and aching and wheezing.

Trevor held his trunk to my forehead and said,
"Snoepje you must snuggle down and keep warm!"
So I am now snuggling down and keeping warm.

I keep having ever so little nibbles of a bacon sandwich because it is important that I keep my strength up.
I also keep having tiny little slurps of hot chocolate because it is ever so very important that I have enough to drink.

It would be very terrible and awful if Trevor caught my cold! Can you imagine the mess and the noise if he got the sneezes down his elephant trunk.
And if Jezza got the tickles and the aches in his long giraffe throat it would be ever so very painful.

I must stay here, snuggled and warm, until I am quite completely well again.

Honey was a bit cross this morning. Honey is quite often cross actually. She was very frowny when I was writing in my Special Notebook.
"What are you writing now, you silly puppy boy?"
"I am writing about grumpy people who have big ears and big teeth," I told her.
"Oh I thought you'd be writing about Trevor and Jezza and their favourite things again," she sniffed. "You've never asked me about MY favourite things."
"OK OK! Don't get your knickers in a knot!" I told her. "What ARE your favourite things."
"Well," she said after wrinkling her nose up a bit. "Triple Mochachococcinos with extra froth. And shoes."
I thought about all Honey's 1001 pairs of shoes and decided it would be best not to ask her which ones are her very most favourites. We would be here until three weeks on Tuesday. So I said,
"I think Triple Mochachococcinos with extra froth are your most favourite things so I will write that down."
Honey nodded.
I think Triple Mochachococcinos are my most favourite things of Honey's because at least she shuts up when she's drinking them

Do you remember before Trevor went all shouty and cross he was actually quite nice? Well he is nice MOST of the time really. And he uses the word 'snoepje' a lot. It's a funny word isn't it? It means 'sweetie' in Dutch and it sounds like 'Snoop-yuh' when you say it. Dutch is one of the languages Trevor speaks because he's from Holland. He speaks English most of the time though.

I think Dutch is a very happy language, it sounds like people are smiling when they speak it.

I am still very sad and upset about Trevor getting shouty. I don't like it when anyone gets shouty, but it's worse when Trevor does it because he's very LOUD too. That's because he's an elephant I expect.

There are other things that make me sad and upset as well:

leaving my friends behind when we move around
sad songs
someone hiding my Special Notebook
being told I have to have a bath

When I am sad and upset I pull the hood from my sweatshirt right up over my eyes so:
no-one can see me crying
I can do some serious happy thinking

The serious happy thinking usually involves a bacon sandwich

When I asked Trevor what his favourite thing is, he said,
"That's easy Snoepje, you Schnoops, you're all my favourite things!"
Which was very nice of him.

When I asked him what else was his favourite thing he said,
"Well my records. And my pans. And my Holland football shirt. And the decks I play my records on. And my headphones. And..."
Trevor certainly has A LOT of favourite things.

So I took a photograph of some of his records and one of his pans. I wanted it to be a surprise for him you see and he would have noticed if I'd taken the football shirt from his back. He would have been very cold.

I thought he would be pleased when he saw the photograph, but he got very shouty and cross. He said his records are very rare and very valuable and told me that I must never, ever, ever touch his things again.

Which I didn't think was very nice or kind.