Hey all you Fractured Keyboard Fans,

I just wanted to let you know I haven't abandoned you. I have been away for a month and am just trying to catch up on all those writing related things that have fallen by the wayside in my absence. As soon as I'm back on track I will be back to posting. I will start with my recent visit to the Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art in Amherst, MA. If you're a picture book lover like I am, you won't want to miss it!

See you soon!

Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

I, like my 2 year old daughter, and many other little girl's across the country am a HUGE fan of the Fancy Nancy books by Jane O'Connor. I find them fun and cute and my daughter, who can be a little diva in her own right, adores them for the same silly reason. In our home, we tend to devour Fancy Nancy and other books like it where a wonderfully independent female character refuses to conform and pushes forth her own brand of uniqueness. I recently had the opportunity to review a great picture book, UNIQUE MONIQUE for Curled Up With a Good Kid’s Book. You can see it here:

http://www.curledupkids.com/uniquemo.html

In it, Monique is tired of being just like everyone else, so like every independent woman should, she takes matters into her own hands and proves just how unique she really is.

This apparently struck a chord with my daughter who, during a recent shopping expedition, thrilled at the chance to look just like Monique! I know, seems more copy cat-like than unique, but her reaction, which came many months after discovering Maria Rousaki’s engaging young feminist, Monique, showed me that the character’s strong-will resonated and stuck with my little one. As she grows and moves from toddlerdom to little girl and then (sob) young lady, I hope Monique’s influence will stay with her. I hope that she, and many other little girls, will stand strong and strive to make their own unique way in this world.

There are many great books out there that I think encourage little ladies to grow up feeling empowered. Books that prove they can make a difference. Here are a few of my favorites:

AMELIA & ELEANOR GO FOR A RIDE by Pam Munoz Ryan & illustrated by Brian Selznick
YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIRT AMELIA BLOOMER! By Shana Corey & Illustrated by Chesley Mclaren
MOSES by Carole Boston Weatherford & illustrated by Kadir Nelson
I COULD DO THAT! By Linda Arms White & illustrated by Nancy Carpenter
THE BALLOT BOX BATTLE by Emily Arnold McCully
FANNIE IN THE KITCHEN by Deborah Hopkinson & illustrated by Nancy Carpenter
A IS FOR ABIGAIL by Lynne Cheney & illustrated by Robin Preiss Glasser

I too, have a few manuscripts that I hope will one day offer their own brand of encouragement for the little ladies. In the meantime, I’m still awaiting “the call” with a contract offer for them. Someday, I anticipate my own books will stand tall alongside those listed above. Of course, when that day comes, I will certainly let you know.

Girlpower!

Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

In last week’s blog post, during my woe-is-me diatribe, I wrote, and I quote:

“I read lots and lots of books. Most of which are YA and PB, and let me tell you, I’ve run across quite a few stinkers in the bunch. How often have you read a book that really sucks and you wonder how on earth this person ever found someone to publish it? How often have you thought, “My stuff is way better than this?” Those are the times that seem to push me under the furthest. Even my children give me similar sentiments after reading a particularly boring or just plain senseless book. “Mom, why can’t you get published? You’re stuff is way better than this junk!”

Afterwards, I had a reader say to me. “You think a lot of what’s published today is junk?”

My immediate response was, “Of course not!” However, looking back, and reading it over, I can see how my comments may have been construed that way. For the record, let me please say there are a lot of really awesome books out there. But yes, I still think there are some that are not quite so stellar. Like with any type of media out there, some are good, some are great, and some just make you go “hmmm”. Look at it this way, I hear people say all the time that there is a lot of crap on TV. these days. And they’re right. But on the flip side, there are some really awesome shows on the air too. It’s subjective. We all see the world differently and that’s what makes us all unique.

So, to show you all that I don’t think the publishing industry is pumping out a lot of “junk” I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you about some books I’ve recently come across that I think are impressive. Some of them are widely popular, and some aren’t. But either way, these are the books I’ve read lately and thought, “Yes, outstanding!” These are the books that, in my opinion, captured not just the eye of an editor, but their heart and soul too.


I AIN’T GONNA PAINT NO MORE! Written by Karen Beaumont and illustrated by David Catrow is an amazingly brilliant and fun book. With just enough naughtiness to keep your little one giggling this very cute picture book is one you and your kids will want to read again and again!


ALLEY LOO, Written by C.E. Walz and illustrated by Pamela Wedel is a spooky swamp story told in verse. This colorful story has just enough intrigue to keep your little ones on the edge of their seat and just when you think it might be safe to come out in the swamp again, this author and illustrator have you running for cover!


I’M NOT AFRAID OF THIS HAUNTED HOUSE, written by Laurie Friedman and illustrated by Teresa Murfin. This scary tale of one boy’s journey into a haunted house is written in bloodcurdling verse. Take cute, fun and creepy and roll it all into one and you’ve summed up this delightfully chilling story. The twist at the end lightens the mood quickly and will earn a good hearty chuckle from all.


GONE by Michael Grant takes a good hard look at how life might be if kids ran the world. When every adult over the age of fifteen disappears, chaos reigns. As the children realize their world has shrunk down to a perimeter inside a weird dome-like enclosure they wonder if there is still life outside the FAYZ. Food is running in short supply and there is nobody to take care of the little ones. But the biggest question of all is what will happen when they turn fifteen? (HUNGER is the sequel and is available now.)


THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins is a post apocalyptic thriller which takes reality TV. to a whole new level. When Katniss Everdeen’s sister is chosen to participate in the deadly Hunger Games, Kat quickly volunteers to take her place. But how can someone from the poor twelfth district expect to survive? (CATCHING FIRE, the sequel is due out in Sept. 2009.)


THIRTEEN REASONS WHY by Jay Asher is a powerfully moving story you won’t be able to put down. When Clay Jensen receives a strange package from his dead classmate, Hanna Baker, who committed suicide, he can’t help but be drawn in as Hannah’s voice explains the thirteen reasons why she killed herself and the part Clay and twelve other classmates played in her demise.


FLYGIRL by Sherri L. Smith is a realistic look at the life of a colored girl who dreams of getting her pilot’s license. As the war looms upon the United States, Ida Mae Jones answers Uncle Sam’s call and risks her own identity to become one of the elite few who make it into the WASP (Women Airforce Service Pilots) program. This historically accurate tale will leave you cheering for the underdog and reveling in her victory.


NATURE’S LULLABY, written by Niki Schoenfeldt and illustrated by Tray Summerall is a sweet story about a boy and his grandfather sharing a warm summer eve. From the familiar chirp of the cricket to the soulful note of the barn owl, the night come alive with song and the soothing melody puts both to sleep. But is there something sinister lurking nearby? (A little shameless self-promotion.)

I could go on and on, but I won’t. However, I have decided to run a regular feature on this blog mentioning great reads from time to time as I run across them. Again, realize “great read” is simply my own interpretation of these works. In the meantime, Kudos goes out to those writers, illustrators, editors, agents and publishers, who work tirelessly to get the AWESOME stuff out there so we readers can voraciously scoop them up. Keep the good “junk” coming!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

We’ve all heard it said, from the writer’s point of view, that this is “A Bunny Eat Bunny World,” and you know it’s true. This is not an easy profession we’ve entered into and only a few select authors can manage to support themselves with a full-time gig. I am not one of them. In fact, one day last week, I woke with the horrible conviction that it was time for me to throw in the towel. Why I felt that way, and why the feeling was so strong, I don’t know. Although there have been times in the past where the struggle toward publication felt like an uphill battle, I never reached the point where I was ready to quit; until last week. What changed? Nothing. Is my career hopeless? Maybe.

My track record is better than some and worse than others. I’ve a handful of magazine articles to my name, my first picture book (NATURE’S LULLABY) released last fall and as of today, I have three others being held for consideration at major houses. There is not a day that goes by I don’t do some form of work toward getting my manuscripts and name out there. My husband and family are very supportive and I belong to many great groups who share my passion. I also pray real hard that success will come my way. And let it be known I’m not greedy. I don’t need to be responsible for the next Harry Potter, or Twilight series. I just want my work to reach the children. I know that sounds corny, but it is truly how I feel. I read lots and lots of books. Most of which are YA and PB, and let me tell you, I’ve run across quite a few stinkers in the bunch. How often have you read a book that really sucks and you wonder how on earth this person ever found someone to publish it? How often have you thought, “My stuff is way better than this?” Those are the times that seem to push me under the furthest. Even my children give me similar sentiments after reading a particularly boring or just plain senseless book.

“Mom, why can’t you get published? You’re stuff is way better than this junk!”

Although I know they mean it as a good thing, that simple comment does major damage to my writing psyche. I mean, why IS this crap making it to print while mine sits dejectedly on an editor’s desk? When will my ship come in? Of course, the economy doesn’t help and the major slump in picture book sales doesn’t do much for my career either. But none of it explains my sudden urge to give up my writing career and my quest for publication. As the day progressed, my mood did not lighten. In fact, if anything, a dark pallor settled upon me and I shied away from the computer and books and any of the things connected with the industry. Bunny eat bunny, indeed. I felt like I had been chewed up and spit out by Peter and Benjamin Bunny both.

When my work time rolled around,(daughter’s nap time)I realized it was time to take a good hard look at myself and my work. Admittedly, some of my manuscripts could use another revision, but some of them are spot on. As I sat amidst the gloom of my shaded bedroom ignoring all media outlets, I thought about those manuscripts that don’t need more work. The ones I truly believe are ready. These works of mine were composed of passion and a burning need to create. I realized I couldn’t stop writing if I tried. And why bother writing if it is not for the world to see? No, I am NOT ready to give up. Perseverance is key. With a little luck, a lot of persistence and the talent I know I possess, I will get more bites, I will see my work in print and I will not be quitting anytime soon! So, bunny eat bunny, or dog eat dog, I am the alpha and I refuse to lose.

So now, with new conviction, I have forced my doubts aside. I will keep moving forward against a tide which keeps pushing me back. Because I know my stuff is worthy and one day I will find that editor or agent who believes it too.

Now, my only hope is that the day comes while I’m still living and breathing. It would be just my luck that my writing finally comes to fruition posthumously in an Emily Dickenson sort of way. I guess I am still holding on to a few teensy weensy doubts. But hey, I’m still writing; are you?

We literary bloggers must stick together. Fellow blogger, A wandering Heart, is sponsoring a contest on her blog. You can win an advance reader copy of Suzanne Collins CATCHING FIRE!

CATCHING FIRE is the much talked about sequel to THE HUNGER GAMES. If you haven't yet read THE HUNGER GAMES,you're really missing out and I suggest you get yourself a copy soon. For those of you who have, remember, unless you get your hands on an ARC, you've got to wait until September 1, 2009 to find out what's next for Katniss Everdeen.

Which brings me back to my original point. For a chance to win an ARC and be among the chosen few who learn Kat's fate before the official release, go to this link:

http://confessionsofawanderingheart.blogspot.com/2009/06/contest-win-catching-fire-by-suzanne.html

and enter. I'd love to wish you luck, but I don't want to jinx the win for myself. After all, I'm hooked and I'm not really sure I can wait three months before immersing myself in a really exceptional read. Every man/woman for him/herself!

-Niki

I was lucky enough to attend a small picture book conference in beautiful Beaufort, SC, last weekend. I enjoyed the fact that it was a small gathering as opposed to the massive crowds I experienced in New York back in February. There were three editors in attendance and all were very approachable. The small number of attendees made for a cozier environment and the information shared was in abundance.

Maggie Lehrman, Editor from Abrams Books for Young Readers and Amulet Books, Noa Wheeler, Associate Editor at Henry Holt Books for Young Readers and Jill Dembowski, Assistant Editor at Little Brown Books for Young Readers shared with us their knowledge and a few tips of the trade. Here is a rundown of what they had to say:

They are intrigued by old themes written with a fresh perspective. (THE TRUE STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS by Jon Scieszka) Send them humor, but not scatological (gross) humor. They are tired of farts and poop! None of them want to see any more Grandparent stories. The market is flooded with them. Too often, writers send manuscripts written more for adults. It is integral we, as writers, remember to write our stories from the kid’s perspective. After all, it is for them we are writing.

Send your work along with a well-written cover letter. Typos and misspellings make them question a manuscript before they’ve even had a chance to look at it. Be meticulous and keep it quick and to the point. Mention your published works only if they are some that the editor will recognize. If your work has been published in your school newspaper, leave it out. Don’t compare your work to that of other best-selling books. (My book will be the next Harry Potter!) Use a simple font; twelve point, Times New Roman is best.

Keep the text of your manuscript short. Remember, picture books have pictures! Leave room for the illustration to pick up some of the story. Say a lot with a few words. Every word you write in a picture book must count. There is no room for weedy words or long description in this genre. Try to keep your manuscripts around five hundred words or less. (HUSH LITTLE DRAGON by Kelly Murphy is only 200 words.) Take a picture book you like and type it out. See how it looks on the page and try and adapt your own work in the same way.

Poetry is a tough sell. Rhyme and rhythm is hard to do and even harder to do well. There is always room for stories in rhyme, but most are picked up by authors who already have a reputation in that area.

If your book has silly or strange elements, make sure they aren’t there simply for nonsense sake. Somehow, somewhere you book needs to be grounded in reality. Even nonsense has to make sense.

As most of you know, the picture book market has fallen drastically from where it was a few years back. Of course, the present economy doesn’t help. However, all represented imprints are still acquiring material. But be aware, they are VERY selective about what they publish. Your submission must stand out, have marketability and most important, it must have staying power. It takes a long time for a picture book to make money. Your publisher wants it to stay in print long enough to be profitable. Publishing is a business after all.

And finally, all editors agree; the best thing you can do to get your work published is to GET AN AGENT.

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

Carole,

I’m honored to have you here at The Fractured Keyboard. I read your new book, BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY, in less than a day. I’m normally not a fan of books in verse, but I couldn’t put yours down. What made you choose to write this book in verse instead of simple prose?
Billie Holiday conveyed enormous emotion in her small voice. Poetry was the ideal medium to capture the lyricism of her life story and the mood of her music.

What inspired you to write about Billie Holiday and why as a YA and not a PB like some of your other biographies? (I, MATTHEW HENSON – BEFORE JOHN WAS A JAZZ GIANT – JESSE OWENS: FASTEST MAN ALIVE – MOSES)
Billie Holiday is my muse and she enlisted me to write the book. She lived an R-rated life. So that ruled out a picture book.

Was there anything you learned during your research that challenged or changed your perceptions about Billie?
I did get to know her a bit better. I discovered that she loved movies and read pulp fiction, that she loved dogs and hated insects. She was a hopeless romantic beneath her street-smart exterior.

An illustrated novel for Young Adults is not the norm. How did the decision to include illustrations in your book come about?
That was the publisher’s decision—and a good one, if I do say so myself.

Floyd Cooper’s artwork is amazing. Did you choose him to illustrate BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY? Has he illustrated any of your other books? The publisher chose Floyd Cooper. Becoming Billie holiday was our first collaboration. I hope for another chance to work together.

How long did it take to complete BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY, from concept to final release?
About two and a half years.

Why did you end the book in the middle of Billie Holiday's career?I wanted end on a high note rather than to rehash Billie Holiday's heartbreaking decline. At the peak of her fame, 25-year-old Billie could not have imagined that she would die broke at age 44 of liver failure due to drug and alcohol abuse. But she may have sensed that her legacy would endure through her music.

BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY, like most of your books, is very powerful. In fact, one poem in particular held a certain resonance or punch for me. It is the one called AIN’T NOBODY’S BUSINESS IF I DO. I felt it summed up the lives of so many American youth. Do you hope to inspire these children with your writing? Billie Holiday, who was born Eleanora Fagan, used art to transcend her circumstances—poverty, parental neglect, rape, racism, and domestic abuse. Perhaps Eleanora suffered so Billie Holiday could sing.

How many books have you published? Are they all for children?
I have 32 books, 27 of which are for young people.

Can you tell us a little bit about your path to publication? Were there any hurdles along the way?
I got my first two contracts by dropping names in cover letters. I knew somebody who knew somebody. My first book, JUNTEENTH JAMBOREE, was published by Lee and Low in 1995. I struck options clauses from contracts and proceeded as a free agent, submitting my work to various houses as I worked my way up the industry’s feeding chain. Awards helped me get my foot in the door even though my subject matter was sometimes obscure. Perseverance has been key to my success. I just keep plugging until some editor sees the potential or value in what I have written.

I notice MOSES was published by Jump At The Sun/Hyperion. That is a closed house. Can you tell us how you got them to look at your manuscript?
An editor called to invite me to submit.

Is there a discussion/reading guide available for MOSES and some of your other titles?
There are study guides for several of my books. I provide links from my web site: www.caroleweatherford.com.

Thank you so much for stopping by The Fractured Keyboard! It’s been a pleasure having you here with us today. On behalf of myself and everyone who pops in, we wish you the best of luck with BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY. As usual, I really think you’ve got a winner!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

Be sure and check out my reviews for some of Carole's other books:
I, MATTHEW HENSON: POLAR EXPLORER
http://www.curledupkids.com/imatthew.html

JESSE OWENS: FASTEST MAN ALIVE
http://www.curledupkids.com/jessefma.html

When I first began my writing career, these three words: SHOW, DON’T TELL, grated on me worse than fingernails down a blackboard. I just didn’t get it. Time and again, I thought, “I am TELLING a story! What is the problem?” Then somewhere down the line I finally figured it out. It didn’t come to me like a sudden epiphany, but at some point, it all started to make sense. And when it did, I realized just how important those three words really are to a well-written story.

Let me begin by saying my first impression was wrong. As a writer, I thought I was supposed to simply TELL a great story. Not so. I soon learned that my job isn’t to TELL a story, but to thrust my reader smack-dab into the action where they can experience it first-hand. As you can imagine, much of my early work read more like a newscast where the reader understood my story, but never connected with it.

Here's an example:

Then suddenly, after all this time, Annie received a letter from Grandma’s lawyer, Mr. Barclay, asking her to come to Charlotte Immediately. Daddy was in trouble and he knew a way that she could help. She immediately called Mark. He was overjoyed and agreed to meet her at the bus station the next day.

The above paragraph came from page 2 of a manuscript. Page 1 was filled with backmatter. But that's another article for another day. From it, you get the basic gist of what is going on but not the whole picture. You understand only what I’ve TOLD you, but you probably don’t feel like a part of it. Because I’ve left you on the outside looking in, you’re unattached. You have no real feel for Annie, her Dad, Mark or the situation.

Now, here’s the rewrite:

Four years after Annie’s last visit to Charlotte, she received a letter.

Dear Annie,

My name is Ambrose Barclay and I was retained as legal counsel by your late Grandmother, Theodora Davis, before her death. It has recently come to my attention that her property at 582 Magnolia Drive, which is presently inhabited by your Father, Maxwell Davis, will soon go into foreclosure. Due to legal matters and a secret trust set up by my client, I ask that you, as beneficiary, come to Charlotte immediately to stop these proceedings.

Annie booked a ticket for the next day then called her old friend Mark.

“Hello,” Mark’s familiar voice shot through the line.

“Hi, Mark, it’s Annie.”

“Annie! Great hearing from you. What’s going on?”

“Well, it looks like something’s happening at Grandma’s place.”

“Yeah,” Mark agreed. “Something sure isn’t right over there. The place is practically falling apart.”

Annie blinked back tears. Gran had been so meticulous.

“I bet Dad’s gold-digging wife has something to do with it," she said. "I’m heading there tomorrow on the bus. Can I stay at your house?”

“Hey, that’d be great!” Mark answered. “I’ll pick you up at the station.”

From the rewrite, you get a lot more than just the gist of the situation. Instead of TELLING you what happened, I’ve SHOWN you and let you experience it first-hand the same way the main character does. You know exactly what happened and, if I've done my job right, you should feel some sort of attachment to the story that you didn’t feel upon reading the original.

One way I SHOWED in the rewrite is with the use of dialog. In the real world, information is usually passed from one person to the next by the use of language. In books and stories, dialog is a great way to give information too. But make sure it is realistic and not an information dump. (See article: Dialog Despair.) Another way I SHOWED more than TOLD is by sharing the media-related info with you. Instead of telling you about the contents of Annie’s letter, I actually let you read it; or at least the important parts.

SHOWING instead of TELLING takes practice, but once you get into the habit, you shouldn’t have any trouble. Here are a few tips to help you recognize areas where you might be TELLING and how to change it to SHOWING:

- Don’t TELL your reader how a character feels.

Example: Martha was disappointed when her Dad didn’t make it to the party.

Instead, SHOW Martha’s disappointment through her words and actions:

Example: Martha wore a fake smile as she said goodbye to her guests. She shut the door behind the last one and leaned against it. “He didn’t make it, again.”

- Never tell the reader what another character says.

Example: Kevin’s Mom said he could go to the park with Ron.

Instead, show the exchange.

Example: “Mom, can I go to the park with Ron?” Kevin asked.
“Sure,” Mom answered.

- Watch out for those unnecessary adverbs.

Example: He walked dejectedly away from the jeering crowd.

Instead, show his feelings without the crutch of a flimsy adverb. Beef it up.

Example: Head hung low, he left the jeering crowd for the safety of home.

So, if you want to be a better writer, stop TELLING stories. Instead, breathe some life into them and SHOW the world the exciting tales that stem from your imagination. Let your reader experience the excitement, the drama, and the emotion as it occurs. Because after all, readers don't want to just read a story, they want to live it!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

I am pleased to announce that on Thursday, April 30, 2009, The Fractured Keyboard will host a very special guest. I hope you will join me in welcoming New York Times best-selling author and award winning poet, Carole Boston Weatherford!

Carole’s new book, BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY is a fictional verse memoir for young adults, recently released by Wordsong. She will be stopping by to tell us all about it, including her fascination/connection to the bluesy singer and why her tale is best told in this particular style.

If you have any questions you’d like to ask Carole, please add them to the comment section here and I will try to include them in the interview.

Watch the book trailer for BECOMING BILLIE HOLIDAY:

In my last post, FIRST LINES; YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION, I blogged about first lines in differing genres. In some recent conferences I attended, first lines in longer works was a subject that came up more than once. It seems “the hook” is a tool used more and more by today’s novelists to snare you and drag you into their work right from the very start. As someone who has written mostly picture book manuscripts, I wondered how this technique plays out in shorter pieces. In my humble opinion, I think the first line of an 800 word or less story must have every bit of impact as it does in a full-length novel and then some. In a picture book, every word must be chosen carefully and be important toward moving the story along. After all, there is no room for heavy description, back story, or explanations. You must tell a strong, compelling tale in a simple, straightforward form. And yet, amidst that simplicity, there must be fun and excitement. Not an easy task. Therefore, grabbing your audience from the get-go seems like a no brainer. The picture book market is tough right now. The economy has thrown in its own wrench and competition is fierce. If you want your wok to catch the eye of and editor or agent in these tough times, you need to get them on the hook before they even have a chance to swallow the bait.

In my last post, I listed the first lines from numerous picture books taken from my own bookshelf. What did you think? Did they all grab your attention and make you want to read on, or did some fall short? I realize this is a subjective exercise, but I’d like to share my assessments with you. Remember, these books are ones I have purchased and enjoy. (Which means I’m a fan of all them.) I want to look at these first lines as though I am an editor/agent and have just pulled them from my slush pile. Remember, I’ve got lots to go through and my time is valuable. In order for me to continue reading and considering, there has to be something in these first lines that grabs me. (I’m liking this role way too much. Pinch me and remind me who I really am.) So here goes:

WE’RE GOING ON A BEAR HUNT by Michael Rosen: We’re going on a bear hunt.
*Same as the title. Doesn’t hook me, but makes me think that I haven’t given it a chance, so I would probably read a little more to see where it’s going.

THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR by Eric Carle: In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf.
*This one piques my curiosity; especially if I look at it from a child’s viewpoint. Little kids think of eggs in terms of birds and nests. I think they would want to know what an egg is doing laying on a leaf at night. I probably would continue.

GOODNIGHT MOON by Margaret Wise Brown: In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon.
*Other than the musical quality of this line, I think it is rather boring. Not much is happening and there doesn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary. Not sure I’d continue. Don’t see a hook here. (And boy would I be wrong! This is a classic favorite!)

SNOWMEN AT NIGHT BY Carolyn Buehner: One wintry day I made a snowman, very round and tall.
*This is a tough one. I think for stories in verse, it is not so much the first line, but the whole first verse which should be considered. This first line doesn’t have much impact, but the second line, which is part of the first verse, definitely piques my curiosity and makes me want to read more: “The next day when I saw him, he was not the same at all!”

I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE by Lisa McCourt: Mama said, “I love you, my wonderful child.”
*This is a really cute book. I love it and my kids love it, but this first line is dull. No hook.

BEAR SNORES ON by Karma Wilson: In a cave in the woods, in his deep, dark lair, through the long, cold winter sleeps a great brown bear.
*Although there isn’t much happening here, the way it was written really catches my interest. I want to read on to find out what goes on in that deep, dark lair! I’m hooked.

THE CAT IN THE HAT BY Dr. Seuss: The sun did not shine.
*This book is written in verse too. However, nothing about the first sentence has a musical or lyrical quality to it that would make me realize this. Taking only that first simple sentence into consideration, I’d say, no hook. But if I consider the whole first verse, written in three simple sentences, it does make me wonder what these kids are going to do to liven up the day. Here’s the whole verse: The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day.

STREGA NONA by Tomie dePaola: In a town in Calabria, a long time ago, there lived an old lady everyone called Strega Nona, which meant “Grandma Witch.”
*This seems like a lot of information thrown into one sentence, but the “witch” part did catch my attention.

FANCY NANCY by Jane O’Connor: I love being fancy.
*This is the opposite of the above. It seems kind of vague. However, I can’t help but wonder where this is going and am compelled to continue. I’m hooked.

HENRY’S FREEDOM BOX by Ellen Levine: Henry Brown wasn’t sure how old he was.
*What kind of person doesn’t know how old he is? I must read on and find out. Hooked.

THE WRIGGLY, WRIGGLY BABY by Jessica Clerk: Once there was a baby who wriggled real bad.
*This is also a book written in verse and the first line is only part of that first verse. But even so, this first line has got me wondering about this wriggly baby. I want to find out more. Hooked.

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! By Dr. Seuss: Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, did NOT!
*The hook is sunk deep for this one. Of course I must read on. I have to find out who on earth is the Grinch and how could he possibly not love Christmas?!!! This is the best first line of all the books listed.

AMELIA AND ELEANOR GO FOR A RIDE by Pam Munoz Ryan: Amelia and Eleanor were birds of a feather.
*Not a very compelling hook, but a hook nonetheless. At this point I’m not sure who Amelia and Eleanor are, but I am curious to know what makes them birds of a feather.

HOW DO DINOSAURS SAY GOOD NIGHT? By Jane Yolen: How does a dinosaur say good night when Papa comes in to turn off the light?
*Well, I don’t think this hook has caught me by the throat, but it definitely captures my curiosity. I mean, how does a dinosaur say goodnight? And do they have fathers who tuck them in?!

YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIRT, AMELIA BLOOMER! By Shana Corey: Amelia Bloomer was NOT a proper lady.
*Who was Amelia Bloomer and what did she do that was improper? I’m hooked, tell me more.

And of course, my own first line from NATURE’S LULLABY: “Hurry,” Grandpa whispered, “the night creatures are getting ready to sing!”
*Okay, as I’ve mentioned, this first lines thing is new to me. When I started looking at first lines, I didn’t even remember what the opening line of my book was, or how I’d fare. Needless to say, I think I did fairly well. Grandpa is obviously hurrying someone along and he’s whispering, so he’s definitely got my attention. But now I also need to find out about the night creatures are and why they are singing. Hopefully you want to know too. If so, you can buy my book and I’ll happily send you an autographed copy! (She shamelessly plugs her own work.)

All in all, I thought this was an interesting exercise and I enjoyed applying it to the PB genre. I think it gave me a small glimpse into what editors/agents might look for when they pick up a manuscript, knowing they have hundreds more to sift through. Not an easy job. Something needs to stand out in order for them to keep reading. And yet, sometimes, because of a bad first line, they just might end up passing on the next HARRY POTTER. (I would have passed on GOODNIGHT MOON and we all know how that one turned out.) Let’s face it, not all best sellers have killer beginnings. Editors/Agents aren’t infallible. They, like us writers, are only human.

So what I’ve learned and what I hope to pass on to you is that we absolutely MUST hook that editor/agent from the get-go if we want a fair shake. From the very first line we NEED to make them want more. There’s an old saying that says, “leave them begging for more.” As a writer competing in this difficult bunny eat bunny world of publishing, that must be our motto. For every word you write, for every story you conceive, put it together in such a way that you’ve left them begging for more. After all, once that awesome book makes the NYT Bestseller list, there could always be room for a sequel!

-Niki Masse Schoenfeldt

Lately it seems I’ve been hearing a lot about first lines. This is something I’ve never really given much thought to. And yet, if you stop and think about it, your first line is the first glimpse an editor or agent will see of your manuscript. If you can wow them from the very first line you just might end up standing out in the crowd. The crowd being the other thousands of manuscripts that run across that editor/agent’s desk. Even if your book isn’t picked up, you have hopefully left a lasting impression and that editor/agent will remember your name and look forward to your next submission.

At the recent SCBWI Winter Conference, Bruce Hale gave us his best advice in writing for middle graders. His number one rule was “grab them from the get go.” Mr. Hale believes the opening line must be your hook. He quoted the first line from CHARLOTE’S WEB by E.B. White as an example: “Where’s Papa going with that axe?”

At the SCBWI-Carolinas Conference this fall, I had the pleasure of attending Mark Johnston’s workshop called: TENSION: Where the Story Begins. He, like Mr. Hale thinks tension should begin as early as possible. He shared with us first lines from other award-winning works. Here are a few of them:

HAMLET by William Shakespeare: “Who’s there?”

Holes by Louis Sachar: There is no lake at Camp Greenlake.

HARRY POTTER by J.K. Rowling: Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

By beginning your story with tension, you immediately involve the reader. You’ve piqued their curiosity and thus forced them to delve deeper into your work, in order to find answers. It is obvious from these examples, this is a tried and true technique used by the pros and proven by the popularity of their best-selling novels. But does the same apply to shorter works?

As a writer who has been primarily involved in the picture book genre I can’t help but wonder how this same technique might apply there. Coming up with a whole story, including a beginning, middle and end in 800 words or less is no easy task. It seems to me the first line has even more relevance in this genre and must make a greater impact. Therefore, I decided to take a look at the first lines of some of my old favorites and even some popular contemporary titles. Here they are:

WE’RE GOING ON A BEAR HUNT by Michael Rosen: We’re going on a bear hunt.

THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR by Eric Carle: In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf.

GOODNIGHT MOON by Margaret Wise Brown: In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon.

SNOWMENT AT NIGHT BY Caralyn Buehner: One wintry day I made a snowman, very round and tall.

I LOVE YOU STINKY FACE by Lisa McCourt: Mama said, “I love you, my wonderful child.”

BEAR SNORES ON by Karma Wilson: In a cave in the woods, in his deep, dark lair, through the long, cold winter sleeps a great brown bear.

THE CAT IN THE HAT BY Dr. Seuss: The sun did not shine.

STREGA NONA by Tomie dePaola: In a town in Calabria, a long time ago, there lived an old lady everyone called Strega Nona, which meant “Grandma Witch.”

FANCY NANCY by Jane O’Connor: I love being fancy.

HENRY’S FREEDOM BOX by Ellen Levine: Henry Brown wasn’t sure how old he was.

THE WRIGGLY, WRIGGLY BABY by Jessica Clerk: Once there was a baby who wriggled real bad.

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! By Dr. Seuss: Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, did NOT!

AMELIA AND ELEANOR GO FOR A RIDE by Pam Munoz Ryan: Amelia and Eleanor were birds of a feather.

HOW DO DINOSAURS SAY GOOD NIGHT? By Jane Yolen: How does a dinosaur say good night when Papa comes in to turn off the light?

YOU FORGOT YOUR SKIRT, AMELIA BLOOMER! By Shana Corey: Amelia Bloomer was NOT a proper lady.

And of course, my own first line from NATURE’S LULLABY: “Hurry,” Grandpa whispered, “the night creatures are getting ready to sing!”

In my next post, I’ll be sharing my thoughts and conclusions. I think, looking at books in this context, or first line mentality, is an interesting way to analyze my own work. That said, I’d very much like to know your take on first lines in picture books. Do these opening sentences grab you from the get-go? Do they plop you into the tension immediately? Do they pique your interest, and make you want to read more? Do some of them fall a little short on the excitement factor? If so, why? How do you think this exercise might affect your work? Do you care to share some of your own first lines?

Please add your wonderful insights to the comments section of this post and be sure to involve your friends. As the picture book market slumps with the economy, it is harder and harder to find a publisher willing to take a chance on such an expensive endeavor. Could your first line be the difference between a contract and a rejection? Let’s find out together.

-Niki Schoenfeldt

With the economy on the downslide and no upswing in sight, we children’s writers, like everyone else, worry how it will affect our livelihoods. At the SCBWI Winter Conference in New York, four agents assembled in front of the crowd to discuss their take on the economic crisis and told us a little about themselves and their agencies. Here’s what they had to say:

Michael Stearns, Firebrand Literary:
-The market is constantly changing, but it always rebounds.
Firebrand is a small and fairly new literary agency. It is their practice to pool their thoughts together during the editorial process. Therefore, each agent is familiar with what one another is working with.
-Not a big fan of multiple submissions but wants to know if you send him one.


Alyssa Eisner Henkin, Trident Media:
-People don’t want to scrimp on their kids. Even during hard times, children’s books usually do well.
Trident Media is a rather large commercial agency. They usually will take on a client by signing in them on for one year and includes all their work during that timeframe.
-Prides herself as being a hands-on agent.
-Accepts multiple submissions, but would like to be made aware of such.

Michael Bourret, Dystel & Goderich:
-There are opportunities out there, you just have to find them.
-Having an agent during difficult times is important. You need someone to be an advocate for
you.
Dystel & Goderich is on the smaller side, which gives them the opportunity to garner more personal attention to their clients. They handle each client on a project by project basis.
-Personally handles all his own work.
-Accepts multiple submissions, but would like to be made aware of such.

Edward Necarsulmer, McIntosh & Otis:
-Times of crisis can be times of great opportunity.
McIntosh & Otis is a large firm with their own functioning film stage.
-Is the children’s dept.
-Handles all his own work.
-Believes an agent should be a career builder not someone on the lookout for a one hit wonder.
-If it’s not finished, I don’t want to see it.
-Accepts multiple submissions, but would like to be made aware of such.

All four editors agree that each submission should come to them with full disclosure. For example, if you have sent them a manuscript which you have also sent to editors on your own, please inform them of such, including who you’ve submitted it to and when. In fact, honesty seemed to be an important issue for all concerned and it was quite clear that it would easily make for a quick deal breaker. Follow the rules, be courteous and send only your best work.

Good luck!

-Niki Schoenfeldt

Yes, I made it to New York, attended the grand daddy of conferences, and I’m back here to tell you all about it! SCBWI President and co-founder, Stephen Mooser, introduced fellow founder and Executive Director, Lin Oliver. If any of you have never been fortunate enough to hear Lin speak, you’ve really miss out. She is hilarious! And best of all, she is very down-to-earth and approachable. During her career Lin has done almost everything. She is probably most known as a writer for her Hank Zipzer Books which she co-authors with Henry Winkler of HAPPY DAYS fame.



According to Lin, the 2009 SCBWI Winter Conference in New York City was attended by 1,056 people from all over the world and forty six states. Some of the countries represented were Austria, Canada, Denmark, France, Albania and the UK. Unbelievable!

She started off by posting a joke-writing challenge. We were to make believe a literary character was doing a tell-all on The Oprah Winfrey Show and write the show-stopping highlight. Here are a few examples Lin shared:

Captain Underpants confesses he stole from Victoria’s Secret!

Nancy Drew reveals her secret night with the Hardy Boys!

The prize was a $15.00 gift certificate to the conference book store. I was lucky enough to receive one with my winning entry:

The Cat in the Hat is the actual designer of Aretha Franklin’s inauguration hat!

After Lin’s challenge, Author/illustrator, Jarrett Krosocyka (sounds like Krisoska) spoke about the children’s book industry and his upcoming graphic novel series, LUNCH LADY. Jarrett showed us a film he made on writer’s block starring children’s lit greats Jane Yolen, Mo Willems, Tomie dePaola, Jon Scezka and more. It was seriously funny and well worth the laugh. Here is the link if you care to have a gander: http://www.vimeo.com/3029633

During lunch, we were entertained by Jay Asher, author of the new book THIRTEEN REASONS WHY. His speech was titled, HOW TO SELL A BOOK IN 12 YEARS OR LESS. Obviously, this business is tough on everyone. Jay’s new book was all the buzz at the conference and sold out quickly at the bookstore. It makes one wonder why it took him 12 years to finally get published. It makes one wonder how so many great works get overlooked. It makes one wonder when it will be one’s own turn. But most of all, Jay’s speech gave hope. As most of us already know, perseverance is key.


After lunch, an absolutely outrageous announcement was made. Agent, Scot Treimel, graciously offered to listen to pitches in the lobby. As you can imagine, Mr. Treimel was swamped as folks lined up around the room just to get a chance to chew his ear in hopes of finding representation. From what I was witness to, he listened tirelessly to proposals from around 2:30 in the afternoon to at least 6:00 that night. I have decided that Mr. Treimel is absolutely crazy or just EXREMELY tolerant of us desperate-to-find-an-agent writers. My hat goes off to him!

The one and only Tomie dePaola was supposed to attend the conference, but was recovering from an illness. Thankfully, he seems to be doing much better and actually addressed the crowd over conference call after the illustrator award, named in his honor and often paid by him personally, was announced. Lin Oliver surprised Mr. dePaola with a surprise tribute only SCBWI could deliver. The Tomie dePaola Award will now be a permanent fixture at the New York Conference and funded by SCBWI.

Another honored guest was publishing giant, Richard Jackson. Mr. Jackson was quick to point out that he is “happy to be retired from publishing but not from literature.” Mr. Jackson, during his long career in children’s publishing has discovered legendary authors such as Judy Blume, Virginia Hamilton, Chris Raschka and many more. He is also the co-founder of the Bradbury Press, Orchard, DK and even his own imprint with Simon & Schuster.

To discuss the art of writing for Middle Graders, author, Bruce Hale jumped in with his own brand of entertainment including a snappy musical number. I instantly felt like I’d met him before, but I think it’s because he reminded me of a white Damon Wayans and spoke very much like fellow author, Bruce Coville.

Mr. Hale gave us his eight best tips for writing a middle grade novel. Here they are:

1. Grab them from the get go.
2. Remind them of beauty.
3. Make them laugh.
4. Hold up the mirror.
5. Make them squirm.
6. Tell them the truth.
7. Go the extra mile.
8. Write what you love.

To quote the insightful Mr. Hale, “We are creating the readers of tomorrow, and readers are leaders.”

That wraps up the speakers and guests of the 2009 SCBWI Winter Conference. Keep watching for my summation of the agent’s panel and few secrets from the editors. I’m sorry to say I don’t have any door prizes to offer, nor can I brag about winning any. Either way, I consider myself a winner by having been fortunate enough to attend. Cheers!

-Niki Schoenfeldt

Excitement isn’t a big enough word for the opportunity I am about to partake in. I created THE FRACTURED KEYBOARD as a place for writers to come and share what they’ve learned; on their own, through classes, workshops, conferences, and other outlets. Tomorrow, I am heading to the equivalent of Oz for us writers. Yes, I am talking about the publishing capital of the world; NEW YORK CITY, baby!

For years, as a SCBWI member, I have dreamed of participating in a national event. Thanks to my wonderful husband and precious kids, my dream is about to become reality as I prepare for the SCBWI Winter Conference in the Big Apple.

On Saturday I will be attending three breakout sessions with major editors entitled, THE INSIDE SCOOP: HOW I WORK & WHAT I ACQUIRE. Then, throughout the two-day affair, I will be dazzled by clever and well-connected keynote speakers such as the famous authors Jack Gantos (JOEY PIGZA LOSES CONTROL)and Tomie DePaola (STREGA NONA)or agents, Alyssa Eisner Henkin of Trident Media or Michael Stearns from Firebrand to name a few.

As I converge upon NYC to the Mac Daddy of all conferences (at least from my point of view.) I will think of THE FRACTURED KEYBOARD and its faithful followers and I will come home ready to share my newfound knowledge. So be sure and check back soon, but in the meantime, please wish me a safe and fruitful trip for us all.

Thanks,

Niki

I recently went to see the movie, MARLEY & ME, based on the NYT Bestselling book by author John Grogan. Admittedly, I have not yet read the book and although I knew the story was about a naughty dog, I assumed it would be a comedic piece. Therefore, I was very surprised at the depth of emotion the movie evoked in me and everyone else who wept openly in the theatre. I had no idea it would end the way it did.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with MARLEY & ME, it is a memoir of sorts which chronicles the life of one young couple as they embark on their life together and the building of a family; beginning of course, with the addition of a puppy. From the beginning Marley is an incorrigible animal and his hijinks do make for great humor. Although this rough and tumble canine is billed as the world’s worst dog, he manages to forge an unbreakable bond within the Grogan clan. Through good times and bad, Marley is always there. Until Father Time begins to take his toll and a decision must be made regarding the dog’s fate.

On this day, I sat in the theatre and watched John Grogan’s hauntingly familiar story play out on the screen. Amazingly, it was very much like my own and struck too close to home. In the final scenes, as Owen Wilson held and comforted his dying dog, I saw myself, doing the same thing almost exactly a year ago.

So, as a tribute to my faithful friend, Seven, and as a writing exercise with a therapeutic upside, I thought I’d like to post my essay, SEVEN & I. For those of you who are or ever have been dog owners, I’m sure you have an unlimited supply of your own brand of canine comedy. In tribute to man’s best friend, and as a simple writing practice, I ask you to post and share your fondest, funniest memories here. In fact, I'll even offer a $10.00 Books-a-Million gift card for the best one. I will choose a winner on Tuesday, January 27th, so post your submission soon! Here's mine:

SEVEN & I

I paid a $3.00 filing fee for a three-month-old stray. Had I known how badly behaved she would be, I might have left her to the Dog Officer. Upon arriving home with this yet-to-be-named imp, I opened the back door.

“Welcome to your new home,” I announced.

She promptly jumped on our new couch and threw up. Of course I felt bad for her. Poor little baby got car sick. No problem. I took her outside and tied her to the porch rail while I cleaned the mess.

Task finished, I hurried to bring her back inside. But she had other ideas. Instead of finding a puppy on my back porch, I found a brand new leash dangling from the rail, clearly bitten through by needle-sharp puppy teeth. Now what? How does one call a puppy with no name? Turns out I didn’t have to call her, she was easy to find. The house across the street raised chickens and at that very moment a considerable racket emanated from their hen house.

I found the newest member of my family happily chasing terrorized chickens haphazardly around the neighbor's yard. I desperately tried to rein in the little trouble-maker, while the chicken-lovers watched, but she was too fast and was having the time of her life! With feathers flying and gobs of chicken scat stuck to my shoes, I finally managed to grab her when she snatched up a poultry treat. Needless to say, I had saved the dog from certain euthenization, but was unable to save the chicken from the dog. So, with great apologies to my neighbor, I pried the deceased fowl from the puppy's stubborn grip and dragged her home.

Potty training was no easier. She refused to pee on paper and relieved herself whenever and wherever the mood hit. It wasn’t long before my perfectly kept home smelled like a rest room at McDonalds. Putting her outside for bathroom duties was a trial in itself. If there was a way to wiggle free from her tethers, she would be gone in a flash. Although we had finally given her a name, Seven, she still refused to acknowledge it and only returned home when she was good and ready.

We lived deep in the country back then and Seven took an affinity to the local wildlife, often bringing them home as trophies. Squirrels were her number one target and she usually managed to smuggle their dead carcasses into the house without our knowledge. One fine evening I found her tossing an opossum around the yard. When my husband picked up the lifeless creature to remove it from the yard, it curled it’s worm-like tail around his finger and gave a toothy grin. Hence the term, playing possum. But Seven’s biggest catch was the 3-point buck she herded from the woods, which very nearly struck me down. To this day, I’m not sure who was more surprised, me or Rudolph, as he charged out of the brush and I dove out of his way.

All in all, Seven remained an important and loyal member of our family for fifteen years. She was there for the births of our children. She stayed with us through our move to North Carolina and kept us safe while my husband was away. She comforted me through my miscarriages and always remained our ever-watchful protector. Her loyalty was second to none. A miserable puppy had grown to be an amazing dog. I finally made the decision to put her down when she was so stricken with arthritis that each day became a furious battle. When she looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes, devoid of their impish glow, she seemed to beg for help. I held her close and whispered of our love and devotion as Seven took her final breath, her body fully relaxed for the first time in months. She is sorely missed.

-Niki Schoenfeldt

Now that I've finished all the "required" reading of my booklist from www.curledup.com, I have decided to do a little of my own “for fun” reading before my next round of review books is delivered. I have heard the buzz and found myself mesmerized by the simple cover designs of the much talked about TWILIGHT series by author Stephanie Meyer. I began the first book Sunday night and have been struggling to keep my nose out of it ever since. Needless to say, my house is a mess and my children are in dire need of some attention. I'm not sure what it is about this book that has piqued my interest so intensely, but I must admit, I'm hooked.

I am surprised it has grabbed me as thoroughly as it has as I’m not a big vampire fan. Not to say I hate vampire stories. I don’t. But I do believe they’ve been done to death. And yet, Stepanie Meyer’s young adult series seems to have some invisible force over me that I can’t put my finger on. What makes hers different from everyone else’s and why the big phenomenon? I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll have a better grasp of it when I finish the first installment. At this point, all I can say for sure is the book has great “voice”. Written in first person from the main character’s point of view, Ms. Meyer has nearly convinced me vampires are alive and well and living in cloudy locales! Although I’m not one to shrink in the dark or wear a garlic necklace, this book brings with it an amazing feel of authenticity. This is what I think makes it so outstanding. It leaves me, the reader, thinking about the characters long after I’ve put the book down. (Which ultimately causes me to pick it up again.)

Often, when a book is as highly regarded as this, my expectations become considerably elevated and I usually end up disappointed. However, here I am halfway through book one and I've yet to experience any sense of letdown. Both Meyer’s main characters (Bella & Edward) are amazingly appealing individuals. Each has their own attractive personality and the chemistry flowing between them is incredibly fascinating and nail-bitingly enticing at the same time. So much so that I am chomping at the bit to begin book two, NEW MOON, and I’ve yet to finish book one. I will stop at the grocery store, the drug store, any store I can find on short notice and buy book two as soon as I leave my house so I will have it readily available when I finally turn the last page of TWILIGHT.

I’d love to know what opinions the rest of you who’ve read it have gathered. Are you as spellbound as I? If so, why? What do you think makes TWILIGHT different from other vampire stories? What is its pull and why has it gripped the consciousness of nearly every teenage girl I know? What is it that Stephanie Meyers has stumbled into and where can the rest of us get some?

-Niki Schoenfeldt

As a book reviewer, I often have to remind myself to regard each book as a consumer and not as a writer. This can often be a difficult challenge; especially when a veteran author goes against all the rules as taught to us by the experts, including the editors and agents who buy and represent our work.

I recently reviewed a picture book by a well-known and successful author and although Consumer Niki liked the book well enough, Writer Niki was flabbergasted. This newly released book totally went against the grain of everything we’ve been taught as writers desperately submitting our own work for publication. First off, at the recent SCBWI-Carolinas Conference I attended, the editor and agent who spoke, could not stress enough the fact that picture books should contain 500 words or less. This work was well over that. Personally, I have no issue here. I think many of today’s picture books tend to be so sparse and picture driven, that I sometimes wonder if we’re cheating our children out of the actual “reading” experience. Somewhere down the line it seems book manufacturers have labeled all our children with low attention spans and have changed the market to reflect that. Although that may be the case for some, I do believe many children can still enjoy and sit through a well-written story picture book.

Another thing I noticed was the many places the author violated the number one rule. Show, don’t tell! Over and over in the text I was told what a character said or did instead of actually seeing the character say or do it. Here’s a similar example of what I mean:

The instructor asked those of us who wanted to try out to play a song as best we could.

It seems to me the text would have read better something like this:

“Whoever wants to try out can play their best song for me,” the instructor said.

In light of my recent article, ABUNDANTLY ADVERB (See below.), there were numerous no-no’s tossed into the tag lines, and at one point, even a “suddenly segue”! What’s up with that?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am certainly not trying to bash another author’s work. Remember, I liked the book . I guess a little bit of the Green-Eyed Monster, has shown its head here. I, like so many of you, can paper my office walls with the rejection slips I've received.

So what is a writer to do? I’m not sure. If I had critiqued this author’s manuscript before it went out I would have said it was great, but not ready for submission. Shows how little I know. The best advice I can give here is to keep honing your craft. Unless you are a well-known author, follow the rules as best you can. Your work has to be superior in order for a publisher to take a chance on you in today’s tough market. As for me, I intend to keep my nose to the grindstone and improve my writing word by word. Taste is subjective and someday I’ll find an editor or agent who is as passionate about my work as I. And if, every once in a while, I come across a book that disregards what I’ve been taught, I will grumble a little bit. Yet, even with my gripes, my heart is deeply imbedded in children’s literature. Let it be known that I may not like every book that comes across my desk, but I will certainly be among the first to cheer for each and every author who finds their work in print. Publication is a hurdle many of us dream about but only few accomplish. Bravo!

-Niki Schoenfeldt

Editors often say the mark of a novice fiction writer can be characterized by the use of too many -ly verbs. And yet, even some of the most seasoned professionals find themselves relapsing into the adverb abyss. Why? Well, there are many reasons, but the most basic is probably because –ly verbs are easy. They are quick fixes tossed in to tell the reader how something feels or why something is happening without showing the degree or extent. Here’s an example:

Tim walked quietly into the room.

From this sentence the reader is aware that Tim entered the room without making sound. It gets the point across, but it skirts Tim’s real actions by not showing what measures he takes in order to be quiet. If the writer stopped to think of what actions constitute a quiet entrance, the same sentence might read like this:

Tim tiptoed into the room.

In this improved version, the reader has a better knowledge of the scene and what is taking place. It is no longer a boring read and includes realism and drama.

Another place adverbs habitually appear is within tag lines. (See article: DIALOG DESPAIR below.) In an attempt at creativity writers may actually weaken their character’s dialog while committing high treason in the writing world. Use of these adverbs go against the number one rule; show, don’t tell. Here’s an example:

“That was close,” Susan said breathlessly.

The writer tells us Susan is breathless, but the text would be stronger if the writer showed Susan’s breathlessness through her words and actions.

“Whew! That was close,” Susan said, stopping to catch her breath.

Sometimes adverbs are used alongside already strong action verbs. As if that weren’t bad enough, they are often partnered with those that hold the same meaning. Here are a few examples:

He clenched his fists tightly.

The amplifier blared loudly.

In both these cases the writer clutters the sentences by repeating the same facts. In the first one, the verb “clenched” means to tightly hold together. By adding the adverb “tightly” to it, the writer has defined the verb for the reader. In the second example the same is true. The verb “blared” means to make a loud, harsh noise. Adding the adverb “loudly” is redundant and talks down to the reader.

By deleting these adverbs the sentences are easier to read and make a stronger impact. You will find this to be the case in most areas where adverbs make unnecessary appearances. A quick way to tell if an adverb is important is to read the sentence, skipping over the questioning word. If the adverb isn’t missed and the sentence works just as well without it, it should be deleted.

-Ly verbs are also frequently used to segue action or new scenes. The most familiar is probably the word “suddenly” . If you are one who punctuates with too many exclamation points to help build excitement, you may also be guilty of the suddenly segue. Here’s an example:

Suddenly, a loud boom split the night!

The word suddenly means to happen quickly or unexpectedly. By writing short, action packed sequences you can easily convey “suddenly”. Here’s how:

Boom! An explosion split the night. The ground shook and the sky lit up.

In fiction, adverbs often take away rather than add to your work. Therefore, a conscientious writer will look to correct these slip-ups. So, before sending your manuscript off to that dream agent or editor, click the “find” button on your word processor and type in –ly. How many hits do you get? Look them over. Make sure they are legitimate and not in the league of those noted above. A few simple corrections can positively boost your sales and constructively confirm your professionalism.

-Niki Schoenfeldt

I’m happy to report my visions were not actually visions, but simply the bizarre ruminations of my overactive imagination. This comes as a great relief to me for two reasons. (1) It means both my events went well. (2)I won’t be seeing dead people around every corner.

So let me begin by telling you that I actually had an audience at my library reading. If there were mice and dust mites in attendance, they did not make themselves known nor did they shred any copies of my book for bedding. Instead, I was surprised by old friends who came to say hello and offer congratulations. People I’d lost touch with over the years brought their children and old school chums who live out-of-town sent their parents to buy books for their kids. An old classmate stopped by with her family and said she remembered some of the stories I’d written in grade school. How cool is that! It really was a wonderful turnout and I had a lot of fun. I must say, I grew up in a small town of really great people.

And, if you can believe it, my visit to St. Mary’s Catholic School (my Alma Mater) was even better. There were no bully-monsters anywhere in the vicinity. In fact, each and every one of those children was awesome! I met with all the grades, from Kindergarten through 8th, and they all gave me their undivided attention. Some of them even stumped me with questions regarding the business end of the business. I think that kid’s going to give Donald Trump a run for his money! Seriously, they were an exceptionally bright bunch of students. They impressed me way more than I could ever have them.

Now, with that behind me, I’m ready to forge on to discover more new and exciting venues. I think I’m lined up for an upcoming reading in Huntersville next week. I’ll let you know when the details are finalized. Whew!

-Niki

I’m happy to report my visions were not actually visions, but simply the bizarre ruminations of my overactive imagination. This comes as a great relief to me for two reasons. (1) It means both my events went well. (2)I won’t be seeing dead people around every corner.

I will be doing my first public appearances this coming Thanksgiving week. Both of them will take place in my home town of Ware, Massachusetts; the quaint little New England ‘burb of my childhood.

My first appearance is a reading/signing scheduled for Monday, November 24th at 6:30 p.m. at the Young Men’s Library Association on Main Street. I have frightening visions of myself standing among tall shelves of dog-eared volumes reading to an insignificant audience of a few million dust mites and one emaciated mouse. None of which are paying customers. In fact, the only interested party among them is the mouse who is rubbing his forepaws together and eyeing my book thinking it might prove to be a cozy addition to his nest once he shreds it in thousands of pieces for a bed.

The other event is a speaking engagement at my old Alma Mater, St. Mary’s Catholic School, the next day. Here I will read and discuss the writing and publishing process. Again, I have visions. This time they’re of spitballs shot by oversized children who bear striking resemblance to every bully I’ve ever come across. These creatures relish the opportunity to gang up on me until I run for my life to the safety of the principal’s office I once cowered from. Here, not even the likes of a thin mouse shows interest. In my experience, bullies are not usually book people, therefore, less likely to buy one. However, they may enjoy nabbing a bunch off the desk for the shear enjoyment of flushing them down the toilet.

Much of the advice I’ve heard from other published authors is to keep my expectations low. These are not grand media events and I am obviously not J.K. Rowling. But I can’t help but wonder, if my mouse friend or the collective bully-monster are simply figments of my overactive imagination or my sixth sense giving me premonitions of what lies ahead. I’ll keep you posted.

-Niki Schoenfeldt

I recently took my children apple picking. As a native New Englander, apple picking was a customary fall event during my childhood and my southern-transplanted children were excited to give it a try. Trudging through the apple strewn orchard, we came upon a sign with a diagram that showed how each row of trees contained a different variety. This sent my kids scurrying down the rows, snatching apples to sample each one. Apparently they liked them all.

“Which ones should we pick?” they asked.

“Well,” I explained, “it depends what you want to do with them. Cortlands are good for baking, MacIntosh are great for applesauce and Macouns are just excellent eating.”

Choosing the right variety for our needs was an important decision. In fact, it could be the difference between a good pie and an awesome pie. Similar in the way choosing the right verb can be the difference between a good story and a great one.

Think about it. An action sequence interspersed with normal, run-of-the-mill verbs is a good read. But change those everyday words into creative ones and suddenly that action is popping off the page.

Here’s a quick example :(Good)Johnny ran home with the barking pack of dogs biting at his ankles. (Popping) Jonny sprinted home with the snarling pack of dogs tearing at his ankles.

By using a less common verb, you can bring more excitement to your pages. Anybody can run, but great characters sprint, dash, dart, and race from danger. How do I know? My thesaurus told me so. Not only do I take advantage of my computer’s built-in version, but when that doesn’t satisfy me I have two or three dog-eared varieties on the shelf for further reference.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve become too dependent on it. Could I write a creative scene without my loyal lexicon? I know if I sat and thought long and hard enough, I’d eventually come up with my own synonyms and antonyms, but whose got time for that? A Thesaurus saves me time. Time I can use to concentrate on my story instead of on specific words. It’s an invaluable tool and if you don’t make good use of one, give it a try.

As writers, our goal is to create memorable characters full of unique charm and appeal who do thrilling and exhilarating things. (Note the use of my trusty thesaurus.) Therefore, we must go that extra mile for our readers and make our words explode from the page. After all, do we want them to like our work, or do we want them to love it?

-Niki Schoenfeldt

By the way, we ended up picking the Macouns. My kids didn’t care about pies and applesauce. They wanted an apple worth sinking their teeth into; instant gratification.