As Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say, "it's always something."
Sometimes you write a play and although it seems like it has good-bordering-on-great possibilities, it languishes in the maybe-some-day file. The play at issue, "The Lemon", focuses on the trials and tribulations of a woman attempting to get help to remove her car, a "lemon" stalled in a busy intersection blocking traffic.
A 15-minute comedy play-ette as I like to call my short but sweet stories, it has been tinkered with over the years including modifications to strengthen the flow of dialogue. The saga involves the use of a public pay phone and therein lies the problem.
In order to make my plays relevant, frequent updates are done, however - as frequently mentioned in my blogs, it's always the 'howevers' that get you in the end - this is a situation requiring a reappraisal of its viability.
Public pay phones are becoming a rarity and according to Wikipedia, "since 2007, the number of payphones in the United States in operation has declined by 48%. In July 2009, AT&T officially stopped supporting the Public Payphone service. Over 139,000 locations were sold in 2009."
In this play-ette, the main character (Penny) is attempting to convince the user of the pay phone to allow her to arrange for her "lemon" to be towed to a garage since her cell phone is dead. Here's what I mean:
PENNY
I don't believe this! How many more things can go wrong, today?
SOUND: car horns. PENNY looks off into the distance and makes an obscene gesture with hand
(cont'd. PENNY) 'Blow it out your nose, idiots! You'll get more out of that!' I don't believe it. Get a new cell phone and forget to charge it.
(aside to female in phone booth)
PENNY (owner of car/lemon)
'Scuse me - are you gonna be much longer?FEMALE PHONE USER (FPU)
Do you mind? I'm almost finished. Why don't you use your cell phone?
PENNY
Duhhh! Don't you think I would if I could? Humor me for thirty seconds and perhaps you'll understand my dilemma. Over there in the middle of the intersection - see that car?
FPU
You mean the orange-colored wreck? You actually own that? I'd keep it to myself if I was you.
PENNY
I bought the rusting chunk of junk a week ago and it died on me, today. There's a sucker born every minute the dealer saw a big red "S" right here on my forehead. Desperation causes one to make questionable decisions
FPU
Okay. I looked at your car. Now can I finish my conversation? The more you interrupt, the longer it'll take
(FPU turns away - PENNY taps her on the back)
PENNY
Perhaps I'm not making myself clear. I'm not a violent person by nature - not at all - but you're pushing my buttons. Wait - I made a joke...get it? Public phone booth...push the buttons... In my personal angst, I still manage to find humor. I'm a survivor alright.
Gotta take things in my own hands...
(PENNY reaches over, disconnects and grabs the phone)
FPU
How dare you! You...you...crazy woman. Get away from me!
PENNY
How dare I? How dare I, you ask? How many times did I tell you that I had to make a desperate phone call but did you listen? Nooooooo! Your phone conversation took precedent over my needs, so I took things into my own hands in the true sense of the word. If you don't mind and even if you do, my phone call needs privacy so block your ears and turn away. Better still, go away
FPU
Excuse me? After the way you interrupted my conversation. I think not
PENNY
(rummaging through handbag)
Let's see here...where's my phone directory...course there's one on my cell if it was working... The handbag is so big, everything gets lost inside. Aha! So this is where my salami sandwich went. Phew! Would you mind tossing it into the trash over there?
FPU
I think not. Why don't you go throw it in, yourself. It's a mere few feet away
PENNY
Surrrre - uh-huh... You think I'm an idiot?
FPU
The thought did cross my mind in addition to you being insane.
PENNY
I take one step away from here and you jump in and take control over the phone, again. I think not! I'll just put it back in my handbag and toss it when you're gone
FPU
That is truly disgusting. You're gonna contaminate the phone
PENNY
So then you better not use it. Let's see here - where's the number of my dealership. I should'a filed it under 'losers'. Here it is...
And so their repartee continues, the two attempting to gain and retain control over the phone. The issue is if the play is still relevant and/or if it can be updated and relevant for today's society. Still, when it's all done and written, I do like this short play... As mentioned at the beginning, it's always something.