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Following up on last week’s Ryan Gosling meme, I’ve got a green fellow with a few special messages for you.

So  ladies, I know you love Kermit…but you should really watch out for someone…

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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By Mark Peters

With the arrival of the new Muppet movie, Kermit, Miss Piggy, Beaker, and our other felt friends are everywhere. There’s no escaping Jim Henson’s creations, and few of us would want to (unless the movie happens to suck, which is doubtful, given the stewardship of Jason Segel, who showed major Muppet mojo in the heartbreaking and spit-taking Forgetting Sarah Marshall). It’s a good time to look at the history of the word Muppet, which has some meanings that would make the Swedish Chef bork with outrage.

Thanks to interviews with Muppet creator Jim Henson, we know Muppet is not a blend of marionette and puppet, though that theory has been appearing since 1959, just four years after Henson invented the crew, who appeared in pre-Sesame Street and Muppet Show fare such as commercials for Wilkins coffee. I love this part of the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of Muppet: “Any of a number of humorously grotesque glove puppets.” That phrasing seems humorously grotesque itself, but if it helps a Martian understand a Muppet, I guess it’s worthwhile.

In the eighties, the word took on several meanings. Since 1983, a muppet has been “A lure made to resemble a young squid.” I don’t want to give my enemies (arch or mortal) any ideas, but since calamari is squid, I’m pretty sure this kind of muppet could lure me anywhere. In British prison slang, a muppet is “A prisoner with psychiatric problems; a vulnerable inmate liable to be bullied or harassed by others.” As this 1998 use shows, Muppets aren’t the only Henson creation to carry this meaning: “Their favourite targets are the fraggles, the nonces and the muppets. But anyone showing tell-tale signs of fear is a target for Britain’s jail bullies.”

A muppet can also be an idiot, though I have no idea why, since the Muppets are among the least idiotic members of the puppet community (Elmo excluded). However, this part of the OED’s definition sort of rings true: “someone enthusiastic but inept; a person prone to mishaps through naivety.” With the exception of curmudgeons (RIP Andy Rooney) such as Oscar, Statler, and Waldorf, the Muppets are brimming with optimism from their pieholes to their puppetholes. Green’s Dictionary of Slang also has examples of muppet meaning a child or a cop.

These Muppet meanderings are similar to the meanings smurf has taken on over the years. While most know Smurfs as blue elves with a disturbingly low female population, other smurfs or smurfers make smurf dope: blue crystal meth. A smurf is also “an inexperienced or short prison officer,” as Green’s puts it, and a gay man who’s youngish and blonde. Plus, smurf is one of the most awesome euphemisms for the f-word in the known universe, as seen in words like clustersmurf, mothersmurfer, ratsmurf, and fan-smurfing-tastic. If I didn’t know better, I’d think smurf has an acronymic origin, like fubar and milf. Despite the PG origin, something about smurf feels blue in the naughty sense.

When a word is as fun to say as Smurf or Muppet, there’s no stopping how people will use it. Now that the Muppets are back, who knows what this mega-appealing word will soon describe? I have no idea, but let me suggest a meaning, Urban Dictionary-style, that I’ve used and suspect others use: “A harmless, lovable person.” I used this sense when I called my friend Neil a Muppet a few years ago, as Neil was stuck giving a presentation that typically made students reach for pitchforks and torches. This pernicious presentation made presenters long for a force field, or at least student-proof chicken wire. In calling Neil a Muppet, I

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By the time you read this, I will be at Comic Con. Don’t be sad. I’ll take photos. Lots and lots of photos. Lots.

James Franco gets a trans-formation. [Suicide Blonde]

In a mash-up between AC/DC and Ghostbusters, who wins? (Everyone.) [Best Roof Talk Ever]

Kermit the Frog lip-syncing to David Bowie’s “Under Pressure.” [The Daily What]

First adorable Halloween photo of the year. [World War Mike]

The real Willy Wonka: Scientists say three-course meal in a single stick of chewing gum is now a possibility. [Premiere]

French women protest burka ban in niqab and hot pants. [Telegraph]

Jonathan’s Franzen’s glasses were stolen! OMG! Don’t worry. He got them back. [New York Times]

In more blog to book to TV news… [GalleyCat]

There’s now an incredible LED light garden in Jerusalem. [Obvious]

NPR just got themselves a Tumblr. [NPR.tumblr]

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I remember when I was about 11 or 12 (maybe older; as you get older your memory gets more and more fuzzy) making a major discovery that would change my life forever. That discovery was "Rock 'n' Roll" with one of my favorite rockers at the time being Alice Cooper (on the right in the picture above, the one who is not green or a frog). He was kinda scary but also a whole lot of fun. My parents hated him and his music and could not understand what I saw in him. Even though they did not like the music or him, they let me buy his records and watch him on the T.V. whenever he was on. My parents were cool in that way. Now that doesn't mean that they wanted me to see and hear things they thought were vulgar or inappropriate, but after watching him and listening to his songs they decided that even though they still did not care for him that it was okay if I wanted to listen and watch him. So I did and had a bunch of fun doing so. He is still one of my rock heroes to this very day. I like his music and who he is as a human being (I just finished reading his autobiography he wrote in 2007). Anyway enough of my reminiscing, lets talk about a really cool book, besides the Alice Cooper one, that I just finished reading that also involves Rock.



Ironhand: Book Two of The Stoneheart Trilogy by Charlie Fletcher - This book takes of where Stoneheart (click HERE to see my review of that book), the first book in the trilogy, left off. It takes off like a rocket and doesn't stop the whole way through the story. The story starts with George and Edie determined to rescue the Gunner who has been captured by the evil and mysterious Walker. Now I know some of you are scratching your head asking who or what is a Gunner and a Walker. Well this story is set in a London that most people are not even aware exists. In this London, stone statues and carvings are very much alive. The statues in London are divided into two types. The taints (gargoyles, dragons and other sorts of inhuman stone creations) are evil soulless creatures. The spits (The Gunner and other more or less human looking statues, but not always as we see in this book) whom are akin to humans in that they have souls and tend, for the most part, to be on the side of good. What it really boils down to is what the statue makers intended them to represent and thus become. The Gunner is a statue of a World War I English Soldier who helped George and Edie quite a bit in "Stoneheart." The Gunner is the Walker's prisoner because of this help after George inadvertently set off a war between the taints and spits. The Walker, a sinister sorcerer type, is a servant of dark powers and leads the taints in their war against the spits. This book moves through both present day and the past. The reader travels with the characters from present to World War I to a pre-industrialized England and other strange places and times. This book is full of wonderful twists and turns that will keep the reader turning page after page. One word of advice, if you really want to enjoy this book fully, you should definitely read Stoneheart first. Man, I can hardly wait for the next book!!!! They are that good!!!!!!!!!

Checkout some of these real statues in London that some of the characters in the books may be based on:































































Interesting stuff, eh? Well I hope you all have a great Labor Day Weekend and peace,

Bill

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