Just when you’ve got life figured out
(And sleeping in ’til two)
Stork comes along and drops a bomb
That “free time” thing is through!
So long the nights of peaceful sleep!
So long the unclogged toilets!
So long the hours o’ steaming showers
With no one there to spoil it!
Who knew that babies never slept?
(And cost so much to feed?!?)
Tho sleep-deprived, you’ve kept it ‘live
…So then it starts to breed.
Babies babies babies!
On the ceilings, on the chairs!
Their little selfs are are the shelfs!
There’s babies everywhere!
They climb onto the light fixtures
They tinkle on the floors
Your blood and sweat is their swing set!
And what exactly for??
A thousand baby giggles
When you tickle them at play
A thousand baby cuddles
With a yellow-weed bouquet
A thousand baby kisses
Planted sweetly on your cheek;
A thousand happy baby sighs
When nodding off to sleep
A thousand babies running
When you open the front door
Our heart’s in knots! We love these tots!
We hope we get lots more!!
Side note: I’ve tasted formula before. I figured since it was so expensive, it must be delicious.
I was wrong. Poor babies.
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When I'm ruler of Can-mer'ca
(And Florida's sunk into the sea)
When my tyranny's established
Then I'll make just one decree:
Every Mountie in Ca-nah-dah
With their gorgie little hats
With their gorgie little bootsies
And their tunics, breeches, spats
WILL BE MY SLAVES
I'll gather them like tribbles
in my Mountie-catcher truck
Take them to my Mountie Mansion
(Oh those lucky duck Canucks)
I'll have Mounties in the kitchens
I've have Mounties in the halls
If there's Mounties at the fences
I'll have Mounties on my walls
They'll feed me grapes by poolside
They'll feed me Lean Cuisine
They'll love, adore, and fear me
As their reigning Mountie Queen.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Soon, my friends. Soon. All I need to do is wait for the government to become completely corrupt, then I take over. So, obviously, not long.
On a completely related note...Did you hear Bill Nye the Science Guy is on Dancing With The Stars this season??
You cannot make these things up. I'm totally pumped. I'm gonna watch every episode. Even if I'm scared out of my mind about seeing him do moves like THIS
I'll be strong. My innocence might crawl into a corner and die, but I will be strong.
Why is my innocence so small??
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I look forward to the day you're supreme dictator of Can-Merica... America should be more like Canada, they eat everything with syrup and have meese in their backyards. Sounds like a good time
Can I come visit you in your Mountie Mansion? Because I love this idea and fully support it. Clearly you'll be a terrific Mountie Queen.
I did not know about Bill Nye...I will have to check it out. ;-)
I shall be your humble subject...
Mounties as pool boys? Yeah!
And I'm totally with you on Bill Nye the Science Guy on Dancing with the Stars. Who's next--Diego from Dora the Explorer (if animated characters could somehow be on the show)?
Love all of it!!
Brilliant, as ever. I should say that one panel in particular does speak to a certain childhood nightmare of mine in which my grandpa was a hunter (which he wasn't), and had a bunch of mounted human heads in his basement. (Then, of course, they all came alive and started talking to me, which was even freakier, and let's not even talk about what happened to their bodies.) But it's still great! We will come visit your land and buy Mountie-related merchandise.
You just made me go search out Due South on Youtube. My laundry will never get done at this rate.
Heather did this same thing to her brothers when she was growing up. She does come and dust them occasionally.
This post made me laugh many times over. Good job.
I wondered why you asked to practice your taxidermy on me.
I KNEW YOU GUYS WOULD BE MY LOYAL SUBJECTS!!
I'm going to make you all members of my Cabinet. It comes with a hat.
@LinWash - Diego is a hottie. YES to this. (It will be my second decree.)
@Drew - What are you talking about, that's not a nightmare, that's a freakin DREAM COME TRUE! I wish I had cool dreams like that.
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HAHAHA this is so hilarious - what a genius you are. :)
(Which proves that you rightly should be the leader of Can-Merica)
Sooo....the Government shut down today. Time to make your move!
@Mary - I shall begin by Shanghai-ing the teleprompter keyboard. I don't what I'll have Mr. President say but it will definitely have the words "Hokey Pokey" in it.
In Entwined, were the girl's nightgowns black, too? I love your book and your blog. You are amazing.
@Anony 7:16 - Oh you #^_^# I imagined the girls's nightgowns (and undies, come to that) remaining undyed white.