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As Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say, "it's always something."
Sometimes you write a play and although it seems like it has good-bordering-on-great possibilities, it languishes in the maybe-some-day file. The play at issue, "The Lemon", focuses on the trials and tribulations of a woman attempting to get help to remove her car, a "lemon" stalled in a busy intersection blocking traffic.
A 15-minute comedy play-ette as I like to call my short but sweet stories, it has been tinkered with over the years including modifications to strengthen the flow of dialogue. The saga involves the use of a public pay phone and therein lies the problem.
In order to make my plays relevant, frequent updates are done, however - as frequently mentioned in my blogs, it's always the 'howevers' that get you in the end - this is a situation requiring a reappraisal of its viability.
Public pay phones are becoming a rarity and according to Wikipedia, "since 2007, the number of payphones in the United States in operation has declined by 48%. In July 2009, AT&T officially stopped supporting the Public Payphone service. Over 139,000 locations were sold in 2009."
In this play-ette, the main character (Penny) is attempting to convince the user of the pay phone to allow her to arrange for her "lemon" to be towed to a garage since her cell phone is dead. Here's what I mean:
PENNY
I don't believe this! How many more things can go wrong, today?
SOUND: car horns. PENNY looks off into the distance and makes an obscene gesture with hand
(cont'd. PENNY) 'Blow it out your nose, idiots! You'll get more out of that!' I don't believe it. Get a new cell phone and forget to charge it.
(aside to female in phone booth)
PENNY (owner of car/lemon)
'Scuse me - are you gonna be much longer?
FEMALE PHONE USER (FPU)Do you mind? I'm almost finished. Why don't you use your cell phone?
PENNYDuhhh! Don't you think I would if I could? Humor me for thirty seconds and perhaps you'll understand my dilemma. Over there in the middle of the intersection - see that car?
FPUYou mean the orange-colored wreck? You actually own that? I'd keep it to myself if I was you.
PENNYI bought the rusting chunk of junk a week ago and it died on me, today. There's a sucker born every minute the dealer saw a big red "S" right here on my forehead. Desperation causes one to make questionable decisions
FPUOkay. I looked at your car. Now can I finish my conversation? The more you interrupt, the longer it'll take
(FPU turns away - PENNY taps her on the back)PENNYPerhaps I'm not making myself clear. I'm not a violent person by nature - not at all - but you're
pushing my buttons. Wait - I made a joke...get it? Public phone booth...push the buttons... In my personal angst, I still manage to find humor. I'm a survivor alright.
Gotta take things in my own hands...
(PENNY reaches over, disconnects and grabs the phone)FPUHow dare you! You...you...crazy woman. Get away from me!
PENNYHow dare
I? How dare I, you ask? How many times did I tell you that I had to make a desperate phone call but did you listen? Nooooooo!
Your phone conversation took precedent over my needs, so I took things into my own hands in the true sense of the word. If you don't mind and even if you do, my phone call needs privacy so block your ears and turn away. Better still, go away
FPUExcuse me? After the way you interrupted my conversation. I think not
PENNY(rummaging through handbag)Let's see here...where's my phone directory...course there's one on my cell if it was working... The handbag is so big, everything gets lost inside. Aha! So this is where my salami sandwich went. Phew! Would you mind tossing it into the trash over there?
FPUI think not. Why don't you go throw it in, yourself. It's a mere few feet away
PENNYSurrrre - uh-huh... You think I'm an idiot?
FPUThe thought did cross my mind in addition to you being insane.
PENNYI take one step away from here and you jump in and take control over the phone, again. I think not! I'll just put it back in my handbag and toss it when you're gone
FPUThat is truly disgusting. You're gonna contaminate the phone
PENNYSo then you better not use it. Let's see here - where's the number of my dealership. I should'a filed it under 'losers'. Here it is...
And so their repartee continues, the two attempting to gain and retain control over the phone. The issue is if the play is still relevant and/or if it can be updated and relevant for today's society. Still, when it's all done and written, I do like this short play... As mentioned at the beginning, it's always something.
By: scriberess,
on 11/17/2016
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A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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In recognition of the up-coming U.S. Thanksgiving holiday.
ZOO DIARY – TURKEY’S DILEMMA
SCENE: CITY ZOOThanksgiving eve. The zoo denizens are upset with the zoo directorate having not been included in the Thanksgiving celebrations
RAT
Once again, we’re not included in Thanksgiving celebrationsZEBRA
Did you really expect to? I mean, why should they? Who are we? Merely the tools in which they make money. That’s all - and how do they thank us? Closing the zoo for the day so we can’t even expect extra treats from visitors. This is so typically…human SOUND: GOBBLE-GOBBLE… GOBBLE-GOBBLE….RAT
What’s that noise?
ZEBRA
Noise? What noise? Are my stripes straight?
RAT
You don’t hear that?
ZEBRA
‘You are magnificent… Those teeth…those sparkling eyes…’
RAT
Maybe if you’d get your face away from that mirror and stop admiring yourself…
ZEBRA
A person has to make sure that he looks good from every angle. Being the sole representative of the zebra specie in this zoo comes with a responsibility. A daily body examination is necessary to ensure that all my black stripes are evenly spaced on my perfectly white skin. ‘Yesssss! Perfection personified!’
RAT
Far be it to burst your bubble, Zeeb…
ZEBRA
…I am not zeeb - or zebby - or zeeby-baby. I’m a zebra. Z-E-B-R-A!
RATGotcha Zebby-boy – like I was sayin’ – the way that I see it, the stripe on your upper right leg doesn’t well…match the left
ZEBRAWhat?! You must be mistaken. It’s not possible… How could this be? I just checked it not two minutes ago and it was perfectly aligned
(MANNY, the boa constrictor slithers in)
Hey – how ‘ya doin’?
RAT
Manny – you’re out. Free. Did you eat lunch, yet?
ZEBRA
Yes Manny – I do hope they’ve fed you some nourishment. I mean, it’s important to keep up your strength. We don’t want you slithering around hungry looking for anybody, heh-heh…
RAT
That’s the last thing we need - being that we’re your friends and all - that is to say, we don’t want you to experience hunger pangs…
MANNY
As I remember, I had a nibble a month ago but no in between snacks since then. Sure is quiet around here. No humans to knock on the glass of my enclosure. One day...one sweet day...someone is gonna hit hard enough to break the glass and they'll find out why my knick-name is Mr. Squeeze
NOISE: GOBBLE-GOBBLE GOBBLE-GOBBLE…
RAT
There it is again. Sounds familiar-like
(a turkey suddenly drops down from a tree)
TURKEY
Save me!
ZEBRA
A tree chicken. How unique.
TURKEY
I am a turkey who requires sanctuary
RAT
Listen chicken sweetheart…
TURKEY
…turkey…I am – um – an endangered specie. Yes – that’s it - and am declaring myself on the extinct list thus requiring sanctuary
ZEBRA
You must be someone important judging by your extensive vocabulary. All cultured and important species have an extensive vocabulary – and a beautiful body, of course (zebra looks at himself in the mirror) You handsome fool!
TURKEY
I am very important. In fact, I can state with absolute knowledge that I am number one on everyone’s hit list, today
MANNY
(slithering closer)Well I for one, believe you. You do look very appealing – in an endangered species way of course
RAT
Wish we could help, turkey, but we live out in the open with nowhere to hide
ZEBRA
I could send a protest letter to the Zoos of America if that could assist you in any way
TURKEY
I am doomed!
MANNY
(slithering almost directly in front of TURKEY)Well turkey – really feel for you, in the true sense of the word. I just happen to live inside in a huge glass enclosure that has lots of hiding places. Why don’t you come back to my place and check things out? I live alone and there’s nobody to bother or see usTURKEY
That’s a very generous offer on your part –MANNY
- Manny –TURKEYMannyMANNY
Anything for a friend in need. (the two start to make their way to MANNY’s place)
(cont’d.) Did anyone ever tell you that you have a beautiful, full body. I bet under all those feathers, you have nice firm flesh
TURKEY
The farmer took good care of me up until before Thanksgiving. You can see for yourself when we get back to your pit. MANNY
Oh I intend toTURKEY
Can I give you a hug?
MANNY
Later…when we’re alone…they’ll be plenty of hugging to go around
By: Sharon Ledwith,
on 8/29/2016
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Sharon Ledwith: I came. I saw. I wrote.
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Not for the fate of heart…or young ears for that matter, Elizabeth J. M. Walker’s newest book made me shoot coffee out of my nostrils (painful) with this laugh-out-loud young adult vampire read. Too funny and too short, with a dash of ‘Did she just drop the F-Bomb again?’ Filled with diverse characters and a different take on those shiny and oh-so-sexy vampires, it was a refreshing read and a great escape from the real world, which lately has been filled with bad news, chaos, and tragedies.
So what’s my take on a story that’s all about the horrors of high school and surviving vampire attacks? This is what I posted on Amazon and Goodreads…
4 Star Fangs and Fun! Elizabeth J. M. Walker had me at the first bite!
“This Night Sucks” is a gut-splitting, laugh-out-loud YA vampire read, sans the shiny, sexy ones. And that’s so refreshing. Walker’s tough-in-cheek dialogue and cast of eclectic characters made for one hilarious story. From the dynamics of high school cliques to what you think you know about vampires (and what you don’t), the reader is led on a merry chase to hunt down, and hopefully kill any bloodsucker that dares enter Lana and her high school friends’ world.
If you’re ready for something completely different in the vampire literary circuit, then “This Night Sucks” is a too funny, too short book that will keep you reading till the wee hours of the morning. Just don’t forget to pack your wooden stake and garlic spray…
About the Book:
Lana is a high school senior enrolled in Vampire Education – a class to teach students about the very real presence of vampires in the world. Lana and her classmates don’t really expect to meet up with any undead bloodsuckers. Vampires are a lot like other scary things that supposedly exist but you hope you’ll never come across: nudist colonies, mad cow disease, and your parents’ sex life.
What is part of Lana’s everyday reality is navigating through one last year of high school while desperately trying to be less nerdy. She still loves spaceships, fantasy novels, and cat stickers, but she also recently got her braces removed, grew boobs, and is working on the makeup thing. She never expected her crush-of-a-lifetime Pete to even notice her – let alone ask her out on a date.
The date is going great until Pete’s ex-girlfriend Katy shows up, all bloody and pissed off. Lana quickly realizes that Katy is not just her ordinary bitchy self – she has been turned into a vampire. After a near death experience, Lana learns that she is changing into a vampire too.
Lana needs answers, and the only way to get them is to find the vampire who started the chain of events – and to find him before sunrise...
Purchase Links:
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Amazon Link:
Meet the Author:
Elizabeth J. M. Walker lives in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. She has always loved books and writing. As a teen she discovered zines, which inspired her to publish her own litzine of odd fairy tales for over a decade.
She Dreamed of Dragons is her first novel.
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www.elizabethjmwalker.com
Welcome to the Book Tour for Elizabeth J.M. Walker's new novella, This Night Sucks!
Follow the tour each day to read reviews, guest posts, and exclusive excerpts.
Book Details:
From the author of She Dreamed of Dragons
Title: This Night Sucks
Author Name: Elizabeth J.M. Walker
Genre(s): Young Adult, Paranormal, Fantasy, Vampires, Comedy
Release Date: June 17, 2016
Publisher: Mirror World Publishing
Mirror World Publishing Link:
Amazon Link:
Link to the Tour Schedule:
About the Book:
Lana is a high school senior enrolled in Vampire Education – a class to teach students about the very real presence of vampires in the world. Lana and her classmates don’t really expect to meet up with any undead bloodsuckers. Vampires are a lot like other scary things that supposedly exist but you hope you’ll never come across: nudist colonies, mad cow disease, and your parents’ sex life.
What is part of Lana’s everyday reality is navigating through one last year of high school while desperately trying to be less nerdy. She still loves spaceships, fantasy novels, and cat stickers, but she also recently got her braces removed, grew boobs, and is working on the makeup thing. She never expected her crush-of-a-lifetime Pete to even notice her – let alone ask her out on a date.
The date is going great until Pete’s ex-girlfriend Katy shows up, all bloody and pissed off. Lana quickly realizes that Katy is not just her ordinary bitchy self – she has been turned into a vampire. After a near death experience, Lana learns that she is changing into a vampire too.
Lana needs answers, and the only way to get them is to find the vampire who started the chain of events – and to find him before sunrise...
Fun Vampire Facts – Book Edition!
1. One of the first recorded accounts of a vampire dates back to an ancient Sumerian and Babylonian myth dating to 4,000 B.C.
2. Over 1,000 vampire novels have been published, most within the past 25 years.
3. The first full work of fiction about a vampire in English was John Polidori’s The Vampyre. The Vampyre was a short work of fiction published in 1819.
4. Bram Stoker’s Dracula, published in 1897, remains an enduring influence on vampire mythology and has never gone out of print.
5. A key inspiration for Dracula was said to have been Vlad the Impaler, the 15th-century Transylvanian-born prince.
6. The character Dracula has been featured in over 200 films.
7. Popular vampire writer Anne Rice has sold over 100 million books.
8. Charlaine Harris’ Southern Vampire Mysteries have been published in several countries, including: Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Spain, Greece, Germany, Czech Republic, Swden, Denmark, and many more.
9. The children’s book Bunnicula, by James and Deborah Howe, has won more than ten Children’s Choice awards, including the Dorothy Canfield Fisher Award and the Nene Award.
10. The Twilightbooks are the only vampire related book series to have sold over 100 million copies.
Meet the Author:
Elizabeth J. M. Walker lives in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. She has always loved books and writing. As a teen she discovered zines, which inspired her to publish her own litzine of odd fairy tales for over a decade.
She Dreamed of Dragons is her first novel.
Connect with Elizabeth J.M. Walker:
Facebook:
Amazon US:
Publisher Website:
Author Website:
By: Nina @ Death, Books, and Tea,
on 5/27/2016
Blog:
Death Books and Tea
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Review written with input from two of my friends who saw it with me, Lottie and Amy. Their opinion is reflected here too. 
Title: "Richard III" and "Much Ado About Nothing"
Writer: William Shakespeare
Director: Emma Sampson (Richard III), Nicola Samer (Much Ado)
Performed by: The Handlebards
Major cast: Liam Mansfield, Matt Maltby, Paul Hillar, and Stanton Plummer-Cambridge
Seen at: The Museum of the Order of St. John
Review: In Richard III, Richard, Duke of Gloucester murders his way to the throne and doesn't stop once he's there. In Much Ado About Nothing, plots to set up and break up pairs of lovers happen with varying degrees of success. The Handlebards, four actors who cycle with set, props and scenery to wherever they're going, are taking these shows on a tour.
I was incredibly looking forwards to seeing these. The comedy of the Handlebards that I'd seen before, plus one of my favourite shows (Much Ado) plus one of the plays I knew had many murders (Richard III) all combined to make me think I must see these shows somehow.
Both shows are imbued with the Handlebard style-brightly colour coding the actors, easy to remove and/or alter accessories, inventive ways of holding props to symbolise characters on stage when a scene needs more than four people on stage, audience participation, and epic levels of multiroling, energy, and enthusiasm.
The four actors are all new to being part of the Handlebards, and work together well. Liam and Paul play lovers in both plays (Richard and Anne and Benedick and Beatrice) and in both play off each other well, especially in Much Ado when both believe the other to be in love with them. All four of them have an extensive range of physical movement and voices and facial expressions that differentiate the characters, which is necessary when most of them are learning about 20 characters each.
The music was good. In Richard III, Richard's theme music is overdone in part one of the play (the same music and choreography each time means it loses its effect), or maybe it seems that way due to the fact the theme was the only music in part one; part two had much more musical accompaniment (and occasional musical feature) so the recurrences seemed more integrated. It is especially performed well on a mop bass with jazz-style singing. Much Ado About Nothing has a lot more music, which is used throughout for scene transitions, comedy, and where the script calls for singing. They all sing and play their instruments well.
On to each performance specifically. I only knew that Richard III was about a lot of murder to become king; and I was very pleased with how easy it was to follow. I think the multiroling helped with this a lot. With most Histories, I often see most the cast being men who are all named after parts of England and who all look the same and are very easy to mix up. but here, the huge differences between characterisation made it easy to tell what's happening. Despite all the murder, it's played pretty much as a full-scale comedy- timing, music, Richard's movements, the murder weapons.... oh and the ghosts. That was a most wonderful scene involving lots of bedclothes and wooooooing and the opposite of what you'd expect the souls of the dead haunting their murderer. The whole audience was laughing throughout this scene, and the whole play. It was a brilliant atmosphere and a great night.
Much Ado about Nothing was sadly not as good as I was hoping. It may be because we all studied it and loved it and know it, that it was easy for us to notice little slips and where they cut or shortened some of our favourite bits, such as Beatrice's "double heart for his single one" line, and Benedick's listing of what he wants in a woman, which relates to his longer speech after his tricking scene. I am also used to seeing this performed at pretty much breakneck speed (like at their Richard III speed), and this felt comparatively slow in parts. I think what they had in mind would have been brilliant, but the fact that some things just didn't go as planned, such as scene changes and parts of the set starting to fall down, got in their way. They really did do their best at whatever the circumstances threw at them-Beatrice's temporary deafness being a highlight of their improv. In addition, the Watch scenes were good, I loved Stanton's ballet-dancing Claudio, and Matt made an absolutely adorable Hero.I think as they perform more, they'll get used to what they want to do and they'll get quicker, and I'd like to see Much Ado later on in the run if I can.
All this said, this is a great company. They're learning not only two plays, but multiple roles within the plays, plus cycling to wherever they need to go. Also, we did see them on the first public performances. The overall style of their acting, the huge comedy/comedic potential, the running gags both within plays and across plays, and the sheer amount of energy and connection they have with each other and the audience make the well worth coming to see.
Overall: A high strength 4.5 tea to Richard III and a solid strength 3 tea to Much Ado About Nothing averages out to Strength 4 tea to a set of shows that you should catch if you can.
By: scriberess,
on 12/24/2015
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A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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ZOO DIARY
SCENE: A small zoo. Zebra, Christmas show director/producer/mentor to the lesser talented, is preparing the zoo denizens to put on their annual Christmas performance
AT RISE: Some of the performers are chatting amongst themselves while others work closely, in some cases too closely, going over lines
ZEBRA(checking list)
...sleigh...bag of toys...jingle bells... What's missing? Hello? Where are the reindeer?
REINDEER RANDY(munching on moss)
I'm here, Zee (burps) There - better
ZEBRADid your mother not teach you it's uncouth to burp out loud, not to mention very impolite and boorish
REINDEER RANDYMaybe she did if I knew what those words meant
ZEBRAWhy...why do I agree to do this every year?
(
ZEBRA stares at himself in the mirror) 'You do it for the sake of the theatre, you talented, handsome beast...'
(cont'd.) Where, pray tell, are the others, he asks, afraid of what he'll be told
REINDEER RANDYThey're back in the barn, playing poker.
ZEBRA(jumps back)
Say what? The show is about to begin and they're gambling?
REINDER RANDYThey're playing for some green
ZEBRAStop them immediately! The last thing we need is for the zoo to be raided!
(staring at himself in the mirror)' It just never ends, does it, gorgeous beast!'
REINDEER RANDYNot to worry. There's only moss in the pot. Want me to go get them?
ZEBRAWhy must I suffer the humiliation of
amatoor performers? Why?
REINDEER RANDYBecause nobody else will do it?
ZEBRA(pacing)
Tell them to take their places in front of the sleigh, immediately. I'm a professional... I have a reputation to retain... they need me... without my presence there is no show. Go and bring them here posthaste - that means fast for your edification
(ZEBRA stares at himself in full-length mirror. Places a cloth on his forehead)(cont'd.) I feel a
mee-graine coming on...must control myself
(cont'd.)'My but those stripes are stunning! I would fall in love with you if I hadn't already!'
(loud squawking can be heard)(cont'd. ZEBRA) My head...the noise...Is there no peace for
moi?
(staring at himself in the mirror) 'What did I do to deserve to be put in charge of these...these
maladroit soubrettes? Still, the show must go on. I am a professional.
Hmmmm - my stripes do give my very well proportioned body a certain je ne said quoi...What are you doing after the show, handsome...
RATExcuse me Zeb...but there's a problem
ZEBRA...those dark enquiring eyes...those long lashes... Rat! Why are here? You're in the opening scene
RATFigured you'd want to know -
ZEBRA- we can't afford any more delays. My
mee-grain is definitely getting worse so break it to me in gentle hints
RATWell...it has to do with Santa....
ZEBRA- are my eyes bloodshot? There's nothing worse than a zebra with red eyes. People will think I've taken to drink, although I wouldn't blame myself. Is it the costume thing, again? I mean, really, the chicken is quite vain. She assured me she could handle the role. Nobody will even realize that the jacket won't close...just tell her to hold her mitts in front...
RAT...and one of the actors
ZEBRAI sent her to a quiet place to go over her lines with the acting coach, although why the necessity is beyond me. I mean, really, "Ho-ho-ho. I think I hear Santa" Nevertheless - where is she? Thespian chickens tend to be peckish. I'll have to give her a pep talk
RATWell that's just it...
ZEBRAWhat's it? Stop speaking in riddles and go get her
RATSeems somebody offered to give her private coaching in his den
ZEBRAThat can't be a bad thing. Wait a minute - did you say
'den'? That Cheetah! I should have known better! Last year it was Mr. Squeeze who got up close and personal with the squirrel and now this. I need some of my special tonic to help assuage my nerves.
RATPerhaps that's not such a great idea, Zeb. Remember what happened last year
ZEBRAThey don't pay me enough greens to direct this Christmas show. Must calm down. Is it...
RAT(holding up feathers)
...too late
ZEBRANo! This can't be happening! There's no time for a replacement so I, myself, will be forced to don the red costume, even though it clashes with my stripes and does absolutely nothing for my skin. The show must go on. But first, a dose of tonic....maybe two doses...down the hatch. "Places everyone! Curtain up!"
NEXT:IT'S SHOW TIME, IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE
Once again as has been the case on too many occasions, a rejection slip slipped in my email 'in' box. Somehow, in spite of nice, genteel words of apology by the theatre or whoever is in charge of the rejection notices, it doesn't get easier.
Really, given my former position as a freelance newspaper columnist/writer for many years, rejection slips aren't an unusual occurrence, but receiving playwriting-related rejections is a downer.
This time the recipient of the rebuff was one of my favorite short plays, "The Lemon." A short comedy, it focuses on the trials and tribulations of a woman attempting to contact a towing company in order to get her car removed, while trying to convince a public phone user to make the call. In spite of the usual assurances that the theatre will keep the play for possible future use, it was a disheartening notice. Dejection, as any writer will attest, never gets easier.
Looking back, none of my plays have yet to be produced in spite of witty dialogue, interesting plots and good spelling and punctuation. Look - gotta look for positive points where I can find them! Had high hopes for "The Shrubs", which didn't materialize and my short plays came back home without a successful showing.
Today while skimming through potential submission opportunities, came across a notification that the deadline for the BBC International Radio Playwriting Competition is coming up at the end of January 2016. In the past on two occasions, attempts to convert a play and a short story into radio format met with rejection. I'm toying with the idea - that's as far as it's progressed - of trying to convert "The Lemon" into a radio play. Given the fast approaching deadline, starting a new play isn't practical and it would be a personal challenge to see what can be accomplished in a month. Who knows...
Meanwhile, old soldier Joe McKenna and his vet pals are still meeting at the neighborhood bar, waiting for a new direction from the playwright. This play keeps calling me back in spite of self-declarations to let it die in peace. But it won't. There is something about the characters and the story line that is compelling and begging to be told.
"We ain't gettin' any younger," they all keep reminding me.
Neither are any of us, guys. Neither are any of us...
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By:
Heidi MacDonald,
on 12/21/2015
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PW -The Beat
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Love is in the air at Riverdale, and Archie, Betty, and Veronica are breathing deeply! Valerie from the Josie & the Pussycats band has caught Archie’s eye this Valentine’s Day, but Betty and Veronica have something to say about that. Check out the Comics Beat’s exclusive preview of Betty & Veronica Comics Double Digest #239! […]
Fail once, try twice more. Although NBC’s Constantine may be gone after a graceless one-season bow, DC Comics is continuing their partnership with the rainbow peacock in an attempt to solidify their domination of superheroes on network television. They’ve already announced Lucifer, and today Deadline reported that NBC would be producing a new office comedy with DC called Powerless. […]
Title: Luck of the Draw Writer: Michael Smith
Director: Matthew Dye
Performed by: Renegade Theatre Company and VF
Cast: Neil Brown, Claire Deards, Tom Hurst, Niven Willett, Grace J. Willis, Hayley White, and Zac Abbott
Seen at: Duke Street Theatre
Review: Six friends, getting ready for a night out, with Papa John's pizza, waiting for the lottery results, and plenty of alcohol. It's funny, it's dirty, it's crazy. But then there's an accident which throws suspicion into the group, and by the end, the night has gone horribly wrong.
I wanted to see this because I love the Renegade Theatre crew, and this was being advertised as a black comedy, which is definitely my cup of tea.
The humour was just as good as I'd hoped. Yes, you can think badly of me at laughing at various parts of it, because, as I said on the night, the majority of jokes are centered around things that cause people to go to hell (the effect of sexual favours for animals on a career in TV, potential necrophilia, what appeared to be multiple stabbings whilst everybody panics (I'm not sure about that one, I was laughing too much)) but at the time, in context, with the characters and the delivery, it was perfect. I also enjoyed the running gags- it's a menorah is probably one of Tom's greatest lines.
The writing, despite the mild bigotry that came in-character from some, is excellent. It's sharp and funny. Relationships and characters are established really quickly. The cliffhanger before the interval is huge, and act 2 went in millions of directions, expected and unexpected, bringing in things you thought were throwaway lines but turn out to be very important indeed. I didn't really enjoy Neil's philosophising in act 2, though, but the poignancy of the phone call was a poignant breather before...everything else.
The cast was brilliant. Everybody was completely in character, and they complemented and interacted with eachother like a real group of friends would. The improvisation especially was on point (I only saw one show, but I heard an usher saying he noticed some parts improvised. The Star Wars lines between Grace and Tom! Perfect!)
The set and tech is very different to Spring Awakening. It's just a mess. There's nothing else to call it. Reflecting Niven's personality totally, made with little details like a Katy Perry poster and a full book/dvd case where you sat close enough to be able to see some titles. I love how completely versatile Duke Street Theatre is, and how well they transformed the space for Luck of the Draw.
Overall: Strength 4.5, just a 4* to a fast, funny, filthy show that I wish I'd seen multiple times.
*If I hadn't had other theatre reviews with ratings, this would have probably been a 5. However, the last two shows I reviewed with a 5 were on a level that transcended every single expectation and left me breathless in awe, so that's my standard of strength 5 theatre shows. The problems of having a numerical rating system that you can't extend upwards!
Title: Tony Takezaki’s Neon Genesis Evangelion Genre: Comedy, Parody Author: Tony Takezaki Publisher: Dark Horse (US) / Kadokawa Shoten (JP) Serialized In: Young Ace Release Date: May 27, 2015 Review copy provided by the publisher. Is there such a thing as “Evangelion fatigue?” If so, the fandom certainly hasn’t felt it, as the manga spinoffs ... Read more
Even though I have a plastic watering container, for whatever reason, punching holes in the lid of a large, empty juice container seemed like a good idea. This got me thinking - one of those "what if" moments: what if everyone reading this decided to do the same and pursue our creation on the "Shark Tank" TV program for financial backing! Would it fly?
SCENE: SET OF “SHARK TANK” TV SERIES. A FEMALE, FOLLOWED BY A LARGE GROUP OF MALES AND FEMALES HOLDING JUICE CONTAINERS, ENTERS. THE FOUR “SHARKS” STUDY HER WHILE MAKING NOTES. VOICE OVER: “NEXT ON SHARK TANK, A GARDENING AFIENCIENADO WHO HAS COME UP WITH AN INNOVATIVE ALTERNATIVE TO A STORE-BOUGHT WATERING DEVICE. SHE’S ASKING FOR $50,000 FOR 30% EQUITY
FEMALE INVENTOR
Hello moneyed sharks! My name is blah-blah and I’ve come up with an inventive and cheap alternative to the watering can. When it comes to buying gardening tools, most gardeners head to their local gardening outlet to buy their equipment. Chances are that you or your maid or whoever takes care of buying grocery supplies buy the larger sized juice containers being more economical (sharks all shake their heads in agreement and take more notes). Once the container is empty, it’s tossed in the recycling pile. But wait a minute! Don’t do that! It can be recycled again.
MARK CUBAN Who are all those people you brought with you?
FEMALE INVENTOR They’re the CYBER FRIENDS OF FACEBOOK group who are my strongest supporters. They’re also big fans of Shark Tank
KEVIN O’LEARY Yuck! Juice spilled on my very expensive tie. If you can’t wash out your invention before bringing it here… I’m…
FEMALE INVENTOR Wait! Let me elucidate this great concept that’s akin to reinventing the wheel!
MARK CUBAN What is this? Says here in my notes that this is about juice containers. Now you’re talking about a new wheel?
LORI GRENIER
Give her a chance, Mark. So why exactly have you come to us for big bucks? Are you asking us to fund a juice container with wheels? I don’t get it…
FEMALE INVENTOR
If I may explain?
KEVIN O’LEARY
So? We’re waiting
FEMALE INVENTOR (visibly nervous) Okay… let me think here…
DAYMOND JOHN
Honestly? All I see there is a used juice container. Maybe this isn’t for me…
FEMALE INVENTOR
Okay. I got it together now.
ROBERT HERJAVEC
Time is marching on, lady. Get on with your pitch!
FEMALE INVENTOR
As I was saying…I was about to throw an orange juice container in the recycling pile and suddenly – you know – one of those eureka moments – I get the urge to punch holes in the lid, which I did…
KEVIN O’LEARY
…this is painful. So big deal! Anybody can do that! Next!
FEMALE INVENTOR
…filled it up with water and then used it to water my flower boxes. No splashing and the perfect system for a gentle watering of plants
BARBARA CORCORON
So let’s see this container of yours
FEMALE INVENTOR
I’ve only brought one sample. If you can pass it along…
KEVIN O’LEARY
We have to share one lousy juice container and it’s sticky with juice residue
MARK CUBAN
You should’a brought enough for all of us and Kevin is right. The least you could have done is wash the juice container
DAYMOND JOHN
All I see is five holes in a lid of a juice container. Anybody… No everybody who buys juice can do that. I’m out
KEVIN O’LEARY
Maybe this has potential and maybe it doesn’t. Tell you what I’m gonna do because they don’t call me Mr. Wonderful for nothing. I’ll give you $500 for a 75% equity. That’s more than fair
FEMALE INVENTOR
I don’t know…what do you think, people?
(she turns and asks the large group of people with her holding juice containers. They shake their heads indicating approval)
KEVIN O’LEARY
Better hurry up and decide whether to take my offer. Your only offer
FEMALE INVENTOR
Um…I don’t know what to do…
(large group of people chant, “take it, take it…”
(cont’d. FEMALE INVENTOR) As much as I thank you for your support, I have to decline your offer
MARK CUBAN
(laughing) You made a big mistake, lady. Next!
KEVIN O’LEARY You are nothing to me! A cockroach looking for leftovers in the juice of life…or something. Leave and take your container with you
BARBARA CORCORON Kevin – must you always philosophize when someone tells you and your offer to take a hike? You could be more charitable
KEVIN O’LEARY And lose my reputation as Mr. Wonderful?
FEMALE INVENTOR FOLLOWED BY HER GROUP LEAVE, DROPPING THE CONTAINERS IN THE TRASH AS THEY WALK OUT
Sharing the first scene of my first play, "A WEDDING" a.k.a. "MAKE ME A WEDDING." A comedy, the story focuses on the trials and tribulations of a young couple who want a small, intimate wedding, versus the bride and groom's mothers, who want an all-out, no holds barred (expensive) affair.
In this opening scene, the bride announces her engagement to her parents.
A WEDDING
ACT 1
Scene I
SETTING: Greenberg family living room. Plastic slip-covers cover,
kitschy French-provincial furniture, circa 1970’s. On
either side of the couch are two end tables with drop
“crystal” lamps on each table
AT RISE: A tense MORTY GREENBERG paces, stopping
periodically to glance out of a window.SADIE his wife, sits in an armchair, absorbed in her knitting. She glances up from time-to-time to watch MORTY
TIME: Late evening
SFX: television blaring
MORTY
What time is it now?
SADIE
Five minutes later than the last time you asked me. Stop
pacing already or you'll wear a hole in the carpet. It's thin enough as it is
MORTY
(staring out of window)
What could they be doing in the middle of the night?
SADIE
Counting toothpicks in a restaurant. What's it your business? She needs your permission to stay out late?
MORTY
What'll the neighbors think?
SADIE
Oh pul-l-eeze! Get a life. They'll talk no matter what she does or doesn't do and what they don't know, they make up. Sit down and watch TV
MORTY
I can't focus knowing that my daughter is out there – somewhere - doing who-knows-what. Maybe we should go search for her or better yet, call the police
SADIE
Not! If we brought her up right, she's okay. You stay up and wait for her if you want but I'm going to bed
MORTY
Don't you wanna be here when she comes in?
SADIE
(standing)
Why? She doesn't know the way to her room? Come to bed, Morty!
MORTY
Some mother you are. What happens if… if they were in an accident or something? Maybe they're injured and can't call us
SADIE
Rachel has a cell phone
MORTY
Maybe the cell phone got crushed along with the car…
SADIE
…and maybe you should get a life?
MORTY
I'm staying up and waiting for her like a good father, unlike other people who are more interested in their beauty rest. Like it'll help anyway… I can’t take it anymore! I’m calling the police
SADIE
Enough already! Really Morty, she’s 22 years old. Sit here if you want to but I gotta get some sleep
MORTY
Sure, go to bed and leave me all alone to wait for your daughter
SADIE
How come she’s “your daughter” when she does things that you don't like? Besides, I'm sure David is taking good care of her
MORTY
That's what worries me!
SADIE
Move away from that window or the neighbors will think you're a voyeur! Did I mention Becky's daughter got engaged last night? Don't think she didn't rub it in about the big diamond that her Joanie got. Two carats she tells me! Like the size of a diamond would interest me!
MORTY
(flipping TV clicker)
Of course not! Things like that aren't important to a person with your class. You materialistic? Never!
SADIE
It's what's inside a person’s heart that counts, not the size of a bank account. That's what I told Becky. Honestly, that woman is so money-oriented! I don't know how we stayed best friends all these years
MORTY
Are you telling me that you’d hold it against a potential husband for your daughter, if he was cash-friendly?
SADIE
Let me put it this way: if and I say if, the boy happens to come from a wealthy family, I wouldn’t hold it against him. I'm not prejudiced that way. Listen, I get dark circles under my eyes if I don’t get enough sleep
SADIE exits
MORTY
(calling after her)
“And you need all the help you can get!” Dark circles aren't her only problem. The woman needs a complete head transplant. Where's that daughter of mine?
SFX: key in lock
MORTY rushes to chair and feigns sleep
RACHEL
(V/O)
'Don't forget to call me the minute you get home! Mom will be thrilled when I tell her our news. Wave to Mrs. Belinsky across the road, the nosy busybody. I love you, David!'
RACHEL enters
Hi popsy. Wha'cha doin' up so late? Are you waiting up for me again?
MORTY
Wha…hmmm..? Must'a fallen asleep in front of the TV. What time is it?
RACHEL
What am I going to do with you, pops? Where's mom?
MORTY
Your mother was tired so she went upstairs. She was knitting me another one of her scarves to join the other sixteen stored away in the closet. When will she realize that I only have one neck? Where were you so late?
RACHEL
I was under the impression I can come home whenever I feel like it – at least that’s what you tell me
MORTY
What'll the neighbors think, a nice girl like you coming in at the crack of dawn?
RACHEL
Would you prefer that I move out altogether and you won’t have to worry about what everyone will say? Let them mind their own business for a change
MORTY
It's a lot to ask to call home and say you're alive?
RACHEL
Can we move on? I have something important to tell you both. Better still, go wake up mom. She'll wanna hear this
MORTY
Something is wrong! I knew it! I told your mother that she should wait up but did she listen? Noooo! Her beauty rest is more important
RACHEL
Why do you always think the worst? It just so happens that this is fantastic news and mom will be thrilled when she hears what I have to say
Dances around room, waving her left hand
D'ya notice anything new – like - on my left hand?
MORTY
You changed the color of your nail polish?
RACHEL
Look close…realLY close
MORTY
Whoa! That’s new since breakfast?
RACHEL
You do know what this means…
MORTY
A miracle! At last there's gonna be another male in the family and I'll have a chance at winning an argument, for a change!
RACHEL
I didn't expect that kind of reaction but I'll take it as a sign you approve?
MORTY
What's not to approve? The groom to be is David?
RACHEL
Who else? You know we've been seeing each other seriously and there's never been anyone else in my life, nor will there ever be. He's the most wonderful, sensitive, romantic…
MORTY
And those are just his so-so qualities. Only joking, honey. He's a good guy and normal, unlike some of those other weirdos you brought home to us. I still break out in a sweat thinking about - what was his name now - Clifford? What kind’a person tattoos the name of his girlfriend on his forehead and God knows where else?
RACHEL
That was just a high school crush, pop and besides, I
kind’a thought it was romantic at the timeMORTY
Sure you would 'cause you're not a parent - yet. Let’s see now - who came next? What did he call himself - Pukey? Porky? And then there was…
RACHEL
I get your point, popsy
MORTY
Remember your first rock concert? I couldn't hear for three days and never told your mother. Let me tell you - it was bliss!
RACHEL
So? I'm still waiting for congratulations and a kiss
MORTY
(hugging RACHEL)
My little girl - a bride! That means I’m old. I’ve never been old before
RACHEL
How 'bout go get mom so I can share the good news with her, too?
MORTY
You want me to go wake up sleeping beauty? If I disturb her beauty rest, she'll open up a mouth to me but if I don't… Be right back
MORTY EXIT
SADIE
(V/O)
‘Whad'ya doing? Lemme alone Morty. I'm tired! It's not Saturday night…go watch another program or something. What about Rachel? Are you talking about our daughter,…. Get me my duster in the cupboard! The other one! That's for the rummage sale. Do you ever look at what I wear?’
SADIE rushes on stage followed by MORTY
Rachel, is this another of your father's senior moments?
RACHEL
(extends hand)
So? Look for yourself!
SADIE
It's about time! Looks like a decent sized diamond. Must be - what - a carat at least? Bigger maybe?
RACHEL
David surprised me with it tonight. We don't want a long engagement so you won't have to plan a big party
MORTY
You're both so young. What's the big rush?
SADIE
They've been going out for five years! D'ya want she should be an old maid like your sister Miranda? I'm so excited! Becky's Joanie got engaged yesterday so she only beat you by one day!
RACHEL
This isn't a contest as far as I'm concerned. We want to get married in three months
SADIE
(ignoring RACHEL)
A summer wedding would be perfect, don'cha think? Maybe we could have it under a tent, in the back garden, just like those fancy society weddings. Mind you, indoors might be better in case of rain, but we have plenty of time to talk about the details
RACHEL
Did you hear what I said? We wanna get married in –like -three months
SADIE
Come again? I gotta get my ears checked 'cause I thought I heard you say three months
RACHEL
Your ears are fine, ma, and even if - and I say if - we wanted a garden wedding, pops has his old cars stored on the lawn, along with a thousand spare parts covering every square inch
MORTY
Listen, you want a reception in the back yard, I'll move everything into the garage…
RACHEL
It has to be at that time because David's been invited to be a keynote speaker at a big lawyer's convention in Europe, so we'll make it a working honeymoon. It's the only time we're both free
MORTY
…maybe call a few scrap dealers today to see what they'll give me. At least we'll have a couple of extra dollars towards the wedding expenses…
SADIE
Typical! Your father is worrying about the gelt, already! You expect we should get everything together in such a short time? It takes a year at least to reserve a place and even then, we have to talk to a caterer, get a band…
MORTY
…then again maybe I should keep them all. 'Ya never know when my car is gonna die on me. It's going on nine years already
RACHEL
There’s something else I haven't told you. We want a small wedding with just close friends and family, so there shouldn't be any problems with the arrangements
SADIE
Grabs chest, feigns shock and grabs MORTY for
support Do I hear right? You would deprive your parents of making you a big tra-la-la-wedding? I think I'm gonna faint. Catch me Morty!
RACHEL
We'd rather put everything towards important things like buying a house. You should be happy with all the money you’re gonna save
SADIE
Happy? You're gonna kill me! What'll I tell my friends? They'll think we're too cheap or can't afford to marry off our only daughter right! You can't do this to me Rachel!
RACHEL
Sorry? It's our wedding and we want to keep it small. The idea of inviting a lot of people we don't know is not for us! I'm really tired and not prepared to hash this out with you now. We'll continue tomorrow when I'm fresh and can think clearly. At least I'll have a fighting chance
RACHEL starts to leave
SADIE
Stay right where you are! I wanna hear all about how David proposed. This is what a mother waits for!
RACHEL
I promise to tell you everything only let me get a couple of hours of sleep. Please?
MORTY
Let her go to bed, Sadie. The kind of wedding you want will put us back a few dollars. I like the idea that the kids are thinking small. Small is good
SADIE
You would, Mr. Cheap-skate! I'm sure David's family would want a decent-sized affair, too. Open up your pockets father-of-the-bride and let the moths fly out! Small wedding - over my dead body
MORTY
That can be arranged
SADIE
(taunting)
"Cheap-cheap-cheap…"
RACHEL
I've heard enough for one night. Enjoy yourselves, you two!
RACHEL exits
SADIE
You don't get it, do you? A big wedding means nice gifts. Have a small wedding and you end up with a bunch of fruit bowls and vases
MORTY
As far as I know, the only green growing on our trees are leaves. I have to worry about the cost if you don't
SADIE
What's money when you're marrying off your only child? Dear, dear, husband of mine, you should keep your nose out of things that aren't your business. Planning a wedding is a woman's affair. The husband only writes the checks
MORTY
0 Comments on First scene of A WEDDING as of 5/6/2015 7:45:00 PM
By:
Sue Morris @ KidLitReviews,
on 4/23/2015
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Nickerbacher, The Funniest Dragon
Written by Terry John Barto
Illustrated by Kim Sponaugle
AuthorHouse 3/23/2015
978-1-4969-5454-1
34 pages Age 5—8
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“Nickerbacher is a sweet-tempered, bushy-browed beast who spends his days guarding Princess Gwendolyn and dreaming of being a stand-up comic—not exactly a profession for a dragon! He’s true to his duty as dragon—as dictated by his Papa—but wants only to make the world laugh. Gwendolyn is supportive and encouraging, telling his he needs to do what makes him happy. It isn’t until the dashing Prince Happenstance comes along, ready for a fight, that they realize that instead of battling each other, they should do what’s in their hearts and pursue their true desires (the Prince wants to e a baseball pitchwer). With a winning set at The Comedy Castle and his family’s newfound support and pride, it’s all laughter, happiness, and dreams come true for the good-natured dragon!” [press release]
Review
The sign by Nickerbacher’s station below Princess Gwendolyn’s tower window states,
“BEWARE OF DRAGON”
Maybe at one time, but Nickerbacher is no threat to any Prince or enemy. The softhearted dragon loves the princess, but he would rather be doing something else—telling jokes—on stage, on the road, or just about any place he might land. Nickerbacher’s papa is not one for tomfoolery. The gigantic orange and red-spotted dragon strictly obeys one commandment,
“Every dragon has a duty to guard princesses.”
Nickerbacher is to be no exception and quickly stands guard—fearfully—whenever Papa checks up on him. Poor Nickerbacher, he tries to explain, but Papa will not budge. Nickerbacher may display his angst but will not disobey Papa. Kids will feel for him, but they will identify more with Prince Happenstance, who would rather be a baseball pitcher than a knight. (Did baseball exist at the time of knights and dragons?) The story is cute and the illustrations are captivating, nicely enhancing Barto’s story. I love the spread where Prince Happenstance flips a coin, which bounces off Nickerbacher’s nose.
Though he looks young for a knight (maybe eleven or twelve), Prince Happenstance is a tad full of himself, which fits his knightly role. Once the prince decides to follow his dream his attitudes takes a major shift. Nickerbacher’s family finally accepts his true self, encouraging him to pursue his comedic dreams. The story does not end there. We see Nickerbacher signing his book How to be Funny with modern appearing people waiting in a long line for his signature. Nickerbacher no longer looks like a dragon as he dons a red hat and an Hawaiian-styled shirt.
Being a tad fussy,]]] I notice out-of-place details: baseball, Hawaiian shirts, and modern looking people in the era of knights and dragons. I doubt kids will care and may appreciate the reference to a game most have played. Those details side, Nickerbacher is a good story about standing up for your true self. Barto gets his message across without hammering them by using kid humor. It is a shame the book is in paperback (eBook is available). Kids may well wear out the pages with repeat readings. They will love the goofy jokes. Parents who like read using different voices will have loads of fun with Nickerbacher, the Funniest Dragon. Barto’s first foray into children’s book was Gollywood (review here).
NICKERBACHER. Text copyright © 2015 by Terry John Barto. Illustrations copyright © 2015 by Kim Sponaugle. Reproduced by permission of the AuthorHouse, Bloomington, IN.
Purchase Nickerbacher at Amazon—Book Depository—AuthorHouse.
Learn more about Nickerbacher HERE.
Book’s website: http://www.nickerbacher.com/
Meet the author, Terry John Barto, at his website: http://www.tjbkids.com/
Meet the illustrator, Kim Sponaugle, at her website: http://www.picturekitchenstudio.com/
Find more picture books at the AuthorHouse website: http://www.authorhouse.com/
AWARDS
2015 Beverly Hills Book Awards Finalist: Picture Books
Mom’s Choice Award Gold
Copyright © 2015 by Sue Morris/Kid Lit Reviews
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By: scriberess,
on 4/13/2015
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SCENE: DEN IN THE EVERYBODY HOUSEHOLD.
AT RISE: MRS. EVERYBODY IS HAVING AN IMPORTANT CHAT WHILE MR. EVERYBODY IS READING A NEWSPAPER
MRS. EVERYBODY
Why? Why must you torture me like this? What did I ever do to deserve this treatment other than heap undying love and devotion to your upkeep?
(MR. EVERYBODY glances up and returns to reading his book)
MRS. EVERYBODY
You seem to be dying slowly right in front of my eyes and I'm at a loss how to save you
MR. EVERYBODY
(looking around)
You talking to me?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Fed you top of the line nutritional supplements and this is the thanks I get
MR. EVERYBODY
I appreciate your cooking, honey. You make fantastic meals and really, I'm in great shape
MRS. EVERYBODY
You are not aging well, sweetheart
MR. EVERYBODY
(gets up to examine himself in the mirror on the wall behind him)
For the record, I'm in better condition now than I was when we married. Sure there's a few extra inches on my stomach but that's due to your good cooking. Work out on the tread mill...
MRS. EVERYBODY
I fear it's time for us to part, sweetheart. You are halfway between this world and the next
MR. EVERYBODY
Say what? Is it something I said?
MRS. EVERYBODY
You've given me a lot of pleasure over the years. Your nightly performance kept me riveted and it's something I will cherish all my life
MR. EVERYBODY
Hey! There's still a lot of life left in this body! Is there somebody else? I can change, y'know!
(MRS. EVERYBODY turns around and stares at her husband)
MRS. EVERYBODY
It's just so hard to say goodbye! Did you say something?
MR. EVERYBODY
You never said a word. I deserve to know who's the new love of your life!
MRS. EVERYBODY
Say what? What are you babbling about?
MR. EVERYBODY
You're leaving me!
MRS. EVERYBODY
Are you insane? You thought that... That is really funny
MRS. EVERYBODY
There is nothing funny about being informed that your wife is leaving your for someone else. It's always the husband that is the last to know
MRS. EVERYBODY
Husband of mine - I was talking to my prayer plant here that is slowly croaking after 40 years and I'm about to replace her with a new one
MR. EVERYBODY
How was I supposed to know? There was only you and me in the room and I never guessed you were talking to a...a... house plant
MRS. EVERYBODY
I've raised this houseplant from a small little stalk. Fed her...coddled her...and she gave me years of pleasure but lately she seems to have taken a turn for the worst. The writing is on the wall...or in this case, in all those brown leaves.
MR. EVERYBODY
A plant is a plant is a plant. Don't know what the big thing is. Just empty the pot and replace it with a new one. Simple
MRS. EVERYBODY
How could you be so cruel and callous! You just can't...discard it like it that!
MR. EVERYBODY
I dunno. Never bothers you to do that with your clothes
MRS. EVERYBODY
Besides, I read an article that said plants can sense pain and they react to it. How could I betray my friend after all the years we've been together? I feel like a killer! I feel like I'd be ripping out her guts and tearing her apart
MR. EVERYBODY
Not that I pretend to feel what you feel but check this out
(MR. EVERYBODY shows her a page of the newspaper)
MRS. EVERYBODY
What's this? The Plant-a-atrium is having a sale on houseplants?
(turns to look at plant and at newspaper ad)
(MRS. EVERYBODY cont'd.) 'Parting is such sweet sorrow my formerly green friend. Go meet your other friends in the composter! Do not think badly of me for I shall remember you with great fondness.' I'm ready.
MR. EVERYBODY
Ready for...?
MRS. EVERYBODY
To make new friends at the Plant-a-atrium, silly! We all gotta go some time. I mean, it's just a silly plant for heaven's sake...
Title: Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches Genre: Comedy, High School Publisher: Kodansha (JP), Crunchyroll Manga (US) Kodansha USA (US) Story/Artist: Miki Yoshikawa Serialized in: Weekly Shonen Magazine Translation: David Rhie Ryu Yamada is a delinquent at Suzuka High School and wholly unpopular so while he’s heard about honor student Urara Shirashi he’s never talked to ... Read more
Title: My Neighbor Seki (Tonari no Seki-Kun) Genre: Comedy Publisher: Media Factory (JP), Vertical Inc (US) Artist: Takuma Morishige Serialized in: Comic Flapper Translation: Yoshito Hinton Original Release Date: January 13, 2015 It’s a great pleasure to jump back into the world that Seki himself created. I watched the anime last year, and it made ... Read more
By: Helen,
on 3/17/2015
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Title: Spirit Circle Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, Publisher: Shonen Gahosha (JP), Viz Media (US) Story/Artist: Satoshi Mizukami Serialized in: Young King Comics (33 out of 33 chapters reviewed) Fuuta Okeya lives a normal life and has gotten to his second year of middle school without incident, although he can see some spirits including the one following his new classmate, ... Read more
Title: Assassination Classroom Genre: Comedy Publisher: Shonen Jump (JP), Viz Media (US) Story/Artist: Yusei Matsui Serialized in: Weekly Shonen Jump (volume one reviewed) Translation: Tetsuichiro Miyaki Original Release Date: December 2, 2014 Review copy provided by Viz Media Sometime in the past few years, the hosts of the American Weekly Shonen Jump stated on their podcast that Assassination Classroom was never going ... Read more
Title: Jaco The Galactic Patrolman (Ginga Patrol Jako) Genre: Sci-fi, Comedy Publisher: Shueisha (JP), Viz Media (US) Story/Artist: Akira Toriyama Serialized in: Weekly Shonen Jump Translation: Tetsuichiro Miyaki Original Release Date: January 6, 2015 If this is the final manga Akira Toriyama does — after all, he’s getting up there in age and I think ... Read more
By: scriberess,
on 1/8/2015
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A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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Today would have been Elvis "The King of Rock'n'roll " Presley's 80th birthday. It is generally believed by most that Elvis is no longer with us as in gone to that great jam session in the sky. However - love those howevers of life - there are those who believe he arranged for his disappearance and is out there somewhere, doing gigs. What if they're right? You just never know.
Elvis – The Real Story
CAST OF CHARACTERS
TAMMY 40-something avid Elvis fan and wife of Len
LEN 40-something husband of Tammy"THE" ELVIS, former big star/singer/performer
THE TIME
The present
THE PLACE
Jackson’s 7-11 GAS BAR AND DINER
Photos of Elvis cover a large portion of one wall; Elvis songs play non-stop. There is a table with two chairs on one side of the room, while the other side of the room has the usual gas station displays of motor oil, etc.
AT RISE:TAMMY and LEN, two customers, are seated at a table looking around the room
LEN
(Scrutinizing the surroundings)
Um…who recommended this place?
TAMMY
(reading book)
The restaurant guide write-up says it’s fine dining with a differenceLEN
Fine dining if you’re a rat! Did you happen to notice that a cockroach just crawled out of our bread basket? Must be one that escaped the Chef’s special catch-of-the-dayTAMMY
Stop being so negative and take in the atmosphereLEN
You mean the aromatic scent of “eau du trash” coming from the back? Phee-ew!TAMMY
You’re so…so…provincial in your thinking, sweetheart. It's about this authentic ‘60’s décor that gives the place its special caché!LEN
More like early condemned. Every square inch of wall space is covered with faded Elvis photos and the man’s been dead for how many years?TAMMY
That's the beauty of this place! It’s like a shrine devoted to “The King.” It's all too…wonderful
LEN
Are you saying that this…this gas station and one-table-diner was the King of Rock and Roll’s eatery of choice? Not!TAMMY
For your information they say he used to eat fried chicken here and sometimes he even entertained dinersLEN
Was that before or after he turned into the Goodyear blimp? If I had known we were coming here to eat, I’d have checked to make sure my insurance policy was paid up TAMMY
You know how long I hadda wait to get reservations for this restaurant…LEN
…obviously not long enough…TAMMY
…seven months! If you think I’m going to give up the chance to dine here…LEN
…and a fine dining establishment it is – if you’re into salmonella poisoningTAMMY
Get a grip! The waiter is coming to try to act normal, if that’s possible
the waiter dressed in an Elvis jumpsuit struts over, swinging his hips in a
typical Elvis-like walk. He smoothes the sides of his hair with his hands, frequentlyWAITER
(swinging his hips between every word)
Evening folks’. Need a menu? Uh-huh – oh yeah…LEN
No. We prefer to use ESP to order. Of course we need a menu!TAMMY
Don’t mind my husband – I don’t. Leave the menu here and we’ll chooseLEN
So tacky. All the dishes are Elvis songs. 'Be-bop-a-lu-la' chicken wings…' The 'Love Me Tender' T-bone looks questionable and it comes with fries that are probably a couple months old and a 'I Did It My Way' salad. Look at this: says here on the menu that all their steaks are aged to perfection. Yesterday's road-kill most likelyTAMMY
Have you considered that your cranial spark plugs have stopped kicking in? I can’t make up my mind – so many choices… the waiter comes over to take the order
LEN
Are all those dishes served a la carte?WAITER
(swinging hips)
No – on a plate. Uh-huh…TAMMY
Just choose something already, will you?WAITER
Want me to come back, folks? Uh-huh… SFX: LIGHTS DIM
TAMMY
Ssshhh! Quiet! The shows is gonna begin
SOUND: GUITAR TWANG
LEN
I don’t see why we hav’ta be quiet. Cheez – I can hear the sound of someone pumping gas outside, not to mention the smell. Mind you, it's hard to tell the difference between the food and the gas
(The song from “2001: A Space Odyssey” is heard and the waiter now dressed
in a mechanic’s uniform on the other side of the room walks in front of the
counter holding a hand mic)
VOICE OVER
“For you entertainment and pllllea-sure, the King has entered the building!”
An over-weight bordering-on-obese man dressed in a white jump suit enters, stopping to pose while leaning on a cane. A wide belt hangs well below a sagging stomach; black aviator glasses cover his eyes and a badly-fitting black wig sits lob-sided towards the front of his head
(VOICE OVER)
“Direct from his engagement at the luxurious Pink Flamingo Laundromat and Bank Drive Thru in Tijuana, Mex-i-co, the management of Jackson’s 7/11 and Diner is proud to present, “the” King of Rock’n’Roll himself, the one – the only – El-vis!”A bent over Elvis slowly makes his way to the other side of the room. He bends over to kiss Len, who pushes him way
ELVIS
“Whoops – sorry. Gotta get my eyes checked
He whips out a dirty handkerchief, spits on it and cleans his eyes and replaces it in a back pocketELVIS
(in weak squeaky voice)
Thank y’all very much! It’s the first time I been back this way goin’ on twenty years…or maybe it’s thirty…could be forty… Anyway… Good t'see y’all ain’t fergetten the King
whips out his handkerchief again and blows his nose
ELVIS
Guess I ain’t the same Elvis you remember a ways back, huh? But then who is?
Starts coughing and choking. Scantily dresses nurses rush over to pat him on
the back ELVIS
See? I still got it but now I don’t know what to do with it! Thank y’all very much… Listen ladies – go see if you can find my extra set of dentures that I left in a steak yesterday.
He chokes again and a well-endowed female doctor wearing tight fitting clothing enters, with a stethoscope draped around her neckDOCTOR
Now Mr. Elvis – honey – you know you gotta take it easy. Your ticker ain’t what it used to be ELVIS
(laughing and staring at her breasts)
Yeah but ask me if I care. Thank you all very much. And now before the spaceship comes to take me away, I’m gonna sing you a personal favourite of mine… ELVIS sings the first few lines of “My Way” completely off-key
LEN
(starting to get up)
Oh fer… We’re not gonna stay and listen to this… The man is obviously senile Sound of tires squeaking to a stop and the slam of car doors
ELVIS
Uh-oh…they’re coming back…I knew they’d find me… Damn aliens!Two males wearing white outfits move on either side of Elvis and take his arms
MALE 1
C’mon pops. You got another gig at the Sunnyvale Nursing HomeELVIS
ut…but…I ain’t finished my set, yet! MALE 1
Shaking his head and winking at Len and Tammy
You don’t wanna be late for your big entrance.ELVIS
Where’s my peanut butter and banana sandwich. I caint sing without it the two men start to lead Elvis off the stage but Elvis stops and addresses the
couple
ELVIS
Thank you all very much!
Elvis walks over, signs a piece of paper and hands it to Len and then exits with the men
LEN
(addressing waiter)
That was not “the” Elvis Presley now, was it? You got us here under false pretences. And that’s against the law, y’know!
WAITER
The guy is 80 years old. Whad’ya expect? He’s got two hip replacements, a bad knee and now all that shaking he does is the real thing, poor bastard. By the way, know that piece of paper he handed you?
LEN
I really couldn’t care less about the man’s autograph… In fact this is what I think of you AND your Elvis
LEN rips up the piece of paper into small pieces
WAITER
You shouldn’t have done that. Uh-uh…
LEN
Elvis my a-s-s!
WAITER
That piece of paper would’a given you a tank of gas with your meal. Oh well…uh-huh…
Len throws himself down on the floor picking up the pieces of paper trying to put them together
LEN
Don't just stand there, Tammy. A tank of gas is a tank of gas is…
VOICE OVER
“The King has left the building
LEN
(on his knees scooping up pieces of paper frantically)
Hang on a minute. I can put these pieces together… gimme some of that leftover barbeque sauce...
By: Catherine Fehre,
on 12/7/2014
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Seinfeld famously added a ton of terms to English, such as low talker, high talker, spongeworthy, and unshushables. It also made obscure terms into household words. Shrinkage and yada yada existed before Seinfeld, but it’s doubtful you learned them anywhere else.
Another successful Seinfeld term has gone under the radar: Jerk Store. The term was coined in “The Comeback,” when George is unselfconsciously stuffing his face with shrimp during a meeting. A co-worker sees George’s gluttony and says, “Hey, George, the ocean called. They’re running out of shrimp.” George is speechless, but later he crafts a comeback: “Oh yeah? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they’re running out of you.” The episode shows George going to absurd lengths to find a way to use his comeback, as well as his friends’ unwanted workshopping of the joke.
In a way, that workshopping has never ended—at least on Twitter, which is likely the largest collection of jokes, good and bad, by professionals and amateurs, ever created. Many of those jokes involve formulas, and the Jerk Store has become a popular one. On Twitter, every day is the Summer of George.
Most variations start with “The Jerk Store called,” which is as trusty a joke starter as “Relationship status:” and “When life hands you lemons.” From there, the joke can go just about anywhere. Comic Warren Holstein makes a food joke out of the formula: “The Jerk Store called but I couldn’t understand their thick Jamaican accents.” Matt Koff reveals what would likely happen to a real-life Jerk Store: “The Jerk Store called. It’s closing because it couldn’t compete with Amazon. :(“ Some use the formula to comment on politics: “The Jerk Store called; they’re no longer hiring because of fear of Obamacare mandates.” I particularly like this joke, which finds the funny in sadness: “The jerk store called. We didn’t chat for long but it was good to hear their voice. It was good to hear anyone’s voice. I’m so alone.”
Other tweeters abandon the formula when making Jerk Store jokes, like Laura Palmer: “I’m applying at the Jerk Store and I need references.” This holiday tweet sounds like perfect storm of jerkdom: “Looking forward to the Black Friday deals at the Jerk Store.” Food trends also get spoofed: “when will the jerk store start getting organic jerks. tired of getting these jerks full of gmos.” Here’s a particularly clever joke, playing on an annoying Frankenstein-related correction: “Actually, the jerk store’s monster called.”
This term/joke formula isn’t going anywhere for at least a few reasons. Seinfeld is still omnipresent in reruns, and I reckon the entire series is imprinted on the collective unconscious. Plus, the world is full of jerks. The following are some recent epistles from the Jerk Store to help you get through the polar jerk-tex. Jerk Store might never make the OED, but it’s one of the most successful joke franchises in the world.
Headline image credit: Seinfeld logo. Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.
The post The Jerk Store called…and called and called appeared first on OUPblog.
THE MYSTERY OF THE SOCKS
SCENE: THE KITCEN OF MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY. MRS. EVERYBODY IS LOADING THE DISHWASHERAT RISE: MR. EVERYBODY ENTERS THE KITCHEN CARRYING HIS SOCKSMR. EVERYBODYWhat's wrong with these socks?
MRS. EVERYBODYJust a sec - I'm loading the dishwasher...this new dish set we bought is too large. Takes up too much space...
MR. EVERYBODYYou had to have them, remember?
MRS. EVERYBODYExcuse me? May I remind you that you also were very anxious for me to get them 'cause they were on sale. Why are you holding two socks? Are you making hand puppets? 'Get...in...there...dishes...or...you're...gonna...feel...so...sorry...'
MR. EVERYBODYLike I said before, what's wrong with these socks?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Just another sec...let me start the dishwasher. Okay. Now you have my full attention. So I see two socks...navy blue to be exact. Look to be your size. I'll go out on a limb and say that they're yours Oh look! I made a play on words. Out on a limb...sock...leg... Get it?
MR. EVERYBODYYou should get your own comedy show. Now take a good look at them. Come closer. What do you see now?
MRS. EVERYBODYWhat do I get if I give you the right answer?
MR. EVERYBODYStop with the snarky remarks and look closely at them
MRS. EVERYBODYHere - hand them over. Okay. Like I said before, "a" pair of socks. Should I be look for something else? Are they socks from outer space?
MR. EVERYBODYDo you notice something...off, perhaps?
MRS. EVERYBODYHmmm...can't say that I do... The left one is worn out a bit at the toe?
MRS. EVERYBODY(
holding up a sock in each hand)
Now what do you see?
MRS. EVERYBODYOne sock in the left hand and another in the right. What's this big mystery?
MR. EVERYBODYHow about the size of both of them?
MRS. EVERYBODYI dunno...you take a size 10 shoe. I'll go out on a limb here and say that those socks, those very socks are size 10. Can we stop playing quiz show and get to the heart - or toe in this case - of the sock issue?
MR. EVERYBODYYou're right that these socks are navy blue but something is off
MRS. EVERBODYOf course! You're barefoot. Put them back on and the mystery is solved.
MR. EVERYBODYGetting closer to the point I'm trying to make. What do you think would happen if I put them back on?
MRS. EVERYBODYYour feet would be warm? I dunno!
MR. EVERYBODYHere - let me show you
(MR. EVERYBODY puts socks on his feet)(Cont'd.) Now what do you see?
MRS EVERYBODYUh-huh...I see now... One of your legs has shrunk. That happens in old age.
MR. EVERYBODYNot! They do not match. Not partners. Single socks. Looking for mates. Get the picture?
MRS. EVERYBODYNow I see what this is all about. You know - your pant legs cover up the socks. Nobody knows and I can assure you I won't tell
MR. EVERYBODYThat's not the point. Somewhere in the sock drawer...
MRS. EVERYBODY...or sock bag. There are a lot of single socks looking for a partner...
MR. EVERYBODYYou mean, there could be a matching sock to this one? Last week I wore a black sock on the left foot and a blue one on the right
MRS. EVERYBODYI'm sure nobody noticed. Did anyone say anything?
MR. EVERYBODYThey were probably too polite to mention anything especially since I was wearing a grey suit at the time!
MRS. EVERYBODYThese things do happen. You should check more carefully next tme
MR. EVERYBODY"I" should check?
MRS. EVERYBODYUh-oh! Darn dishwasher is acting up again. Sounds like somebody is playing a set of drums. When are you gonna call a repair guy? The neighbor upstairs is gonna complain again and there she goes, right on time!
'Okay Mrs. Bud-inski! I know!' I better go upstairs and calm the poor woman down.
MR. EVERYBODYWhat about the sock situation?
MRS. EVERYBODYWhat about it? Why don't you go take a look in the sock bag in the cupboard and maybe you'll get lucky and find your sock's mate. Then they can live happily ever after
MR. EVERYBODYThe last time you went up to calm down Mrs. Bud-inkski, you disappeared for a couple of hours
MRS. EVERYBODYIs it my fault she makes yummy strawberry cheese cake and buys off my silence?
NEXT TIME: AT THE MALL: THE EVERYBODYS' LOOK FOR A PARKING SPOT
Just read a piece that Nia Vardalos is doing a movie sequel to "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". As much as I really enjoyed this film - I've seen it many times - my play, "A Wedding" which could be described as a Jewish equivalent, is as funny if not more. Here's a taste and scene out of the play to see what I'm talking about and see if you agree. It's part of one of my favorite scenes - but then they all are. Some of the formatting has been lost cut and pasting and transferring from Word.
THE SCENE: At the Greenberg house. The bride and groom's family are meeting for the first time for dinner. Lenor, mother of David, groom-to-be, is on the snobby side unlike his father Charles who is down to earth. Meanwhile, Sadie, mother of the bride, Rachel, is middle-class and in competition with Lenor while husband, Morty, is realistic and down-to-earth like Charles. Morty has done a lot more than taste the wine as his mother, Sylvia, arrives unannounced. The leg of a dining room chair is broken.
SADIE
Excuse me people…what kind of person visits at this time of night?
SADIE EXITS
SADIE re-enters with her mother-in-law, SYLVIA
And here is the answer to that question
MORTY
(slurred speech)
Ma? Whad'ya doing here? I fought you were shtaying wiv Elaine until shummer
SYLVIA
Can a mother visit her only son, without having to announce her arrival before? Maybe I should check into a hotel and come back tomorrow, since you have dinner guests. Are you drunk? My poor baby boy! See what living with you does to him, Sadie? The man has turned to liquor for escape. I warned you, Morty, what life would be like living with…her
SADIE
An excellent idea, Sylvia. Why don't you come back tomorrow…or maybe next month…next year? Never would even be better
MORTY
Don't talk shtupid! Shadie, put mom's shutecases in the rare shpoom. You've come jus' at the right time. You ate already?
SYLVIA
Your sister packed me a sandwich and fruit for the train but I finished that hours ago. Just make me some toast and a glass of tea and I'll go to my room until your company has left
MORTY
Nonshense! Rajel, go get a chair from the kitchen, for your…your… bubie. You heard our good news?
SYLVIA
Does anybody tell me anything? Who am I anyway? Just a sick, old woman shipped from place-to-place, because nobody has room for me. Why should anyone share their news with me?
MORTY
Our Rachel here is… em-em-gaged to be marry, ma!
SYLVIA
Uh-huh… So, you couldn't have picked up the phone to tell me, Sadie? You forgot my phone number, maybe? After all,
…I'm onlythe grandmother. Why should you share a happy event with me? So, introduce me to your fianceyRACHEL
David, this is Grammy Sylvia, my best friend in the whole world!
SADIE
And what am I? Chopped liver?
SYLVIA
Sadie dear, look at yourself as the pickled herring: always a hors d'oeuvre but never the main course. How many times have I told you that she always liked me better than you?
SYLVIA hugs RACHEL
SADIE
Come again? Morty – you better tell her…
MORTY
Now ma, you know you shouldn't tease Sabie like that. You shtill ‘aven't tol' us why you here
SYLVIA
Your sister, Elaine, went on a cruise so I landed up here on your doorstep. That cheapskate husband of hers didn't even pay for my fare. I tell you – nobody has respect for the aged anymore. In my days…
SADIE
Will you be honoring us with your presence for a long time, she asked, afraid of the answer?
MORTY
She jus' got here f-fur crying out loud. You-you can shtay for has l-long has you wan, ma
MORTY gets up to get another drink and SYLVIA
quickly takes his place
SADIE
Don't sit there ma!
SYLVIA
You want I should stand all night or maybe I should leave, better? I'm a weak, old woman…my legs don't hold me up any more. Oy! The pain! Starts in my big toe and travels all the way up my hip and stays there! Soon I'll need a wheelchair! Pain is my constant companion!
MORTY
Rushing over to pull chair away
Trust me ma, you don't wanna shit on that
SADIE
Weak like a bull! Rachel honey, go get your grammy a chair from the kitchen. Morty sweetheart, you don't look comfortable. Wouldn't you prefer to drink…sit in your favorite armchair over there, so you can relax?
RACHEL EXITS
MORTY
But…I wanna be able to…to…talk wid eberyone…
SADIE
I'm sure we can sacrifice your…witty observations of life, so that you can be comfortable!
MORTY staggers to the armchair
SYLVIA
The truth is you really don't want me to join your dinner party, do you. Don't worry 'bout old Sylvia. She'll watch television upstairs, all alone in her room, listening to everyone laughing and having a good time. Excuse me, people, for bothering you…it's past my bed time…just get me a glass for my teeth, Sadie, and I'll get out of your way
Starts to get up
MORTY
You know you're alwaysh welcome and you'll shtay 'ere to celbrate wid ush!
RACHEL enters with chair; MORTY follows her
SADIE
Places TV tray in front of MORTY
MORTY Cont'd. Absolutely! There's nothing I love more than a visit from your mother. Almost as much as an appointment with the dentist. Set a place for your bubie, Rachel
MORTY
Attempts to sit in armchair but jerks to an
standing position, waving arms as he speaksShadie mape her besh dish tonight, ma. Roast ducky in orange sauce, wiv orange booze
SYLVIA
Duck? I couldn't possibly eat that! Too fat and it's bad for my cholester-ail
MORTY
Couldn't you gib her shomething else?
MORTY teeters over to SADIE, tries to kiss
her on the cheek but she pulls awaySADIE
Oh something springs to mind alright, but I could get arrested for homicide
RACHEL
Moves a chair in back of SYLVIA, who sits down
I'm sure you could find something for grammy, mom, couldn't you?
SADIE
I'll go check what I have in the fridge. How 'bout a cheese sandwich, ma?
SYLVIA
It's low fat, I hope?
SADIE EXITS
…Where's your manners! Don't be so rude Morty and introduce me to your guests
MORTY is drinking another glass of liquor
at the bar
MORTY
Meet Dabid's parents, Lee-oree and Ch-Charmie Skybird
SYLVIA
So, what do you think of my granddaughter? Is she not a beauty?
LENOR
You have a lovely granddaughter, Sylvia. And what do you think of our David?
SYLVIA
Seems like a nice catch but he makes a living for my Rachel? She's used to good things!
LENOR
He's a corporate lawyer with a very good practice
SYLVIA
He's a partner in the firm, maybe?
LENOR
I'm sure that will happen in the future. After all – he's got all the right ingredients – a good family background…
SADIE RE-ENTERS
SADIE
Has my mother in law been telling you all the family secrets? Here's your cheese sandwich, ma, with low-fat dressing, just like you asked. Now close your mouth…and enjoy!
SYLVIA
So where's the lettuce? Salad greens are good for my constipation
LENOR
I'm definitely getting a migraine!
SADIE
(bowing)
Any particular kind…iceberg,romaine…bib…? Your wish is my command your majesty…I mean, Sylvia
SADIE EXITS
SYLVIA
Rachel sweetheart, bring me my small suitcase. I have all my medication inside
SADIE RE-ENTERS
SADIE
So what pills are you taking these days or do you have one of everything?
SYLVIA
With all my conditions, they're so many. This is for my vangina and this is for…
SADIE
…thank you for sharing, but I'm sure our guests aren't interested in all your pills
SYLVIA
I'll be at the wedding as long as my vangina doesn't act up but you never know
MORTY
How c-come n-n-nobody tol' me you 'ad am…vam-gi-na? I-I'm the son!
SADIE
Do you feel up to cutting us some more duck, dear?
MORTY stands up and teeters over to the table.
He grabs the carving fork, thrusts it in the
duck and hacks away
Morty…dearest, the duck is dead already! There's no reason to keep stabbing it!
LENOR takes her napkin and wipes her dress.
SADIE distributes plates of duck. When MORTY
takes his portion, he lifts the plate to his
lips and drinks; LENOR is horrified
MORTY
My Shabie makes the bes' gravy! You-you make dood guck, honey-bunny
SYLVIA
Did I mention I mixed up my medication and ended up in the hospital emergency room? I could'a died, y’know! Rachel dear, bring me my blood pressure thing-ie like a good girl
SADIE
No such luck - I mean, isn't it dangerous taking your own blood pressure? You could over pump and then… Why don't you let medo that for you?
MORTY puts on TV and an
ear-piercing screech comes from the TV.
Everyone jumps in response
MORTY
Look ad dat! My faborit all-time mooooomie is playing on our big screen TV too – Night of the Living Dead. Reminds me of our supper tonight…just a joke
SADIE
Thank you for sharing, sweetheart…
MORTY
Don'chu love zombies? They scare me shi-…
SADIE
- dearest, shouldn't you close the TV when we have guests?
MORTY
Why? We could all watch it togevver. Shabie – go make some popcorn for eberyone
SYLVIA
Let him watch his movie! It bothers you? You always were a fun killer
SADIE
I think you should close the TV – NOW – and we'll discuss this later, dearest?
RACHEL
You start clearing the table, mom, and let me take care of grammy
SADIE clears the table of dishes
SADIE
Morty dearest, be a darling and help me?
MORTY gets up but loses his balance and falls backward on the broken chair, which collapses under his weight
SYLVIA
You gave him that chair on purpose, didn't you Sadie? Don't think I'm not on to you trying to collect on his insurance. Your wife wants to trade you in for a new model, Morty. Better leave now while you still can!
SADIE
Oh God! She's over-medicated herself again
SADIE EXITS
SYLVIA
You could have married Roseanne Epstein and her family would have given you the world. She was crazy for you, Morty, and I hear she's divorced from her third husband. It's never to late to find real love
RACHEL
You're such a kidder, grammy! She loves pretending to hate mom, don't you?
SYLVIA looks away and doesn't answer
What a joker!
MORTY
(getting up from sitting on floor)
Shabie is my one and only true love! We m-may not be rich in dollars b-but my Sadie has a lot of sense. Get it? Dollars…cents…?
SADIE re-enters holding a cake with sparklers
on top
SADIE
Morty…sweetheart, why don't you give your mouth a rest…I mean, relax and watch your movie. You've had a long day but not half as long as this evening has been
CHARLES
Wow! That's some cake! I bet it tastes as good as it looks
MORTY
You outdone myself, my sweet bon-bon!
DAVID
You baked this for us? It must have taken you hours
SADIE
It was just a little something I whipped up
MORTY
My Shadie is good at whipping things, aren't you my little pickle?
SADIE
Who wants coffee and who wants tea?
LENOR
Nothing for me since both keep me up at night
SYLVIA
I know exactly where you're coming from Leoree. Drinking liquids before I go to bed makes me pee all night too! Sometimes I think I spend more time in the bathroom than I do in bed
LENOR
Charles dear, we really must leave now. My migraine is getting quite intense
LENOR stands up
Sadie, it's been wonderful meeting you and Monty…
CHARLES
We have to have a slice of this special cake Sadie made or she'll be insulted. Won't you Sadie? Just a little sliver…please?
LENOR sit down again
LENOR
Remember your cholesterol, dear…
SYLVIA
…you too? What pill are you taking for that? Wanna see all mine?
LENOR
I'll take half of the sliver you gave Charles
CHARLES
Now this is what I call a supper. Everything was perfect. Why don't share your recipes with Lenor? Anything is better than the grass we eat
LENOR
We really must leave dearest. I have a busy schedule tomorrow. Call me Sadie
MORTY
But… arem't… you… Lenor? If you…you wam me to call you Shabie, than Shabie it’ll be. I got a g-good idea! I'll call Shabie, Lemor, and Le-le-more, Shabie!
In this 1980 tribute to legendary animation director Tex Avery, fellow legendary director Chuck Jones shared six lessons that he learned about comedy from working with Avery in the 1930s. The advice remains essential to animation director working today.
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Love is in the air at Riverdale, and Archie, Betty, and Veronica are breathing deeply! Valerie from the Josie & the Pussycats band has caught Archie’s eye this Valentine’s Day, but Betty and Veronica have something to say about that. Check out the Comics Beat’s exclusive preview of Betty & Veronica Comics Double Digest #239! […]
I think I liked the concept better when Marvel did it as a book called Damage Control. Based on the first two sentences I was already thinking great The Office with super powers and then I read that description under the picture. I guess we will see if viewers are into this or not.
I didn’t realize Bendis has taken Powers out of the police precinct and to a DC insurance company.
There was an awesome mini-series that Marvel did a few years back called “Powerless”. Michael Gaydos (Alias, The Black Mask) did some amazing art.
oops, I meant the Black Hood, not the black Mask. sorry
time for THE PRO!
LOL the title is how I’ve felt ever since Dan Didio started ruining all my favorite comics LOL
So DC gets to drink Marvel’s milkshake.
Marvel could have launched Damage Control after the first Avengers movie (a quick blurb at the end, perhaps on a newscast).
Like Six Feet Under, each episode starts with a cameo-battle… say, Hydro-Man battling Frog-Man… causing some collateral damage.
Damage Control then steps in, and that’s the A-Plot for the episode.
Meanwhile, the B-Plot runs the entire season, Each character gets a little development through the season.
Low production cost.
Fans watch and post for the cameos.
Marvel gets to test new characters for future episodes, comics, merchandising, movies…
The general public gets to watch a superhero show which doesn’t involve a lot of background knowledge, and they get to sit with the “cool kids”.
Instead, DC gets to do all that (if the pilot is picked up).
DC is beating the crap out of Marvel on television.
I think we see Marvel television mirroring Warner movies… they want to control everything, keep it all in-house, only on Disney channels.