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Juniper is 7 months.

7 months

Let’s just let that sink in for a moment.

Seriously, people told me it would go by fast, but I guess I did not believe them.

In the last seven months I have gleaned some pearls of wisdom. Nuggets, if you will, of encouraging wisdom, spoken over me by trusted family and friends.

Are you ready?

1. Do what is best for your baby and family.

This advice almost made me cry when I heard it.

Here’s the story – Juniper loves to wake up at night. Her routine is as follows:

7pm Bedtime
12am First feeding
3am Second feeding
6am Third feeding

When we took June to her six month appointment the doctor told us that she did not really need that 3am feeding. She told us that Juniper would probably scream at us when we ignored her at 3am, but to stay strong and after about a week she should be sleeping right through it.

Ahem.

We tried. We really, really tried. But when Juniper would scream for 1-2 hours and we watched the first week come and then go without any change, well, we were exhausted. I also felt extremely defeated, especially because on top of the sleep issue she had a nasty diaper rash that would not go away. Changing her diaper, giving her a bath, changing clothes was a NIGHTMARE! Her little hands would swoop down to scratch every inch of her skin. I felt bad for her, but I also felt bad for me! How was I supposed to change her diaper while holding her hands down while feeling utterly exhausted?

Around this time, Lesta came to visit, and Forrest and I shared our woes. Her advice: do what is best for your family. If that means that what is best is bringing Juniper into bed at 3am to give her that feeding then DO IT.

So we did.

And we all slept so much better.

Then, of course, we had the night where Juniper woke up every hour after 12, so we went back to a modified version of crying it out at night. At the moment we’re back to the 12, 3, and 6 routine, and we’re doing pretty good. Then again, who knows what tonight will be like.

Which brings me to…

2. Forget about controlling a situation and thinking you have it all figured out.

As soon as I think we have something figured out, something happens to throw us off our groove. The sleep situation is a perfect example. One night she’ll sleep from 7pm-3am and then the next night she’ll be up every hour. I have relinquished the idea, wait… I am continually relinquishing the idea that I have figured out anything, and I am learning the art of flexibility.

3. No two babies are alike.

What works for one baby might not work for another. Similarly, I have learned, wait… I am continually learning to stop comparing Juniper’s development with other babies. While I could get worried that she hasn’t crawled yet, has no teeth, and still does not sleep through the night, I am not going to worry. I am going to be thankful that she is not into everything just yet, still has a heart melting gummy smile, and lets me cuddle her in the middle of the night.

Whew.

This parenting stuff is not for the weak-hearted.

And on that note…my little girl is just waking up from her nap, which is my cue to go. I’ll leave you with a lovely picture that gets me choked up every time I see it.

Love,
Libs

birders

ps: Juniper’s rash is all but gone. Turns out her skin was reacting to the detergent I was using for her cloth diapers. We’re still struggling with her excema, but it has gotten a lot better.

I have had a few people ask me how my makeup fast is going, so I thought I would share an update with all of you.

I have gone 21 days without makeup.

I am a little over half way done.

Hm.

Let’s be honest, do I feel more comfortable today, on day 21, than I did on day 1?

Yes.

and…

no.

Yes, because today I have only interacted with Forrest and Juniper, whereas on day 1 I was still working at the library and was nervous about a lot of “are you tired?” comments.

No, because I still really, really miss makeup.

Despite my desire to swipe some mascara on my pale eyelashes, I have had some thoughts about the use and purpose of makeup.

I think that makeup is a medium that we, as women, can hide behind.

Now, I don’t believe that is the sole purpose of makeup, but I think it is definitely part of it, at least for me.

When I used to put on makeup I could control how people perceived my well being. Putting on makeup tells the world, “I’m doing great! Look at how put together I am!”

When I don’t wear makeup I am presenting my true self, my vulnerability.

For instance, earlier this week Juniper went to bed earlier than normal but then woke up about 4 hours later. I fed her, she fell back asleep, but then proceeded to wake up every 1 to 2 hours after that. Miserable, miserable night. I think Francie is the only one who slept through it.

The next morning, I went to work (work for me right now is one morning a week at a software company where I help out with office work) and saw a few dear friends. I left feeling a little discouraged because I definitely did not look my best. My tired face had nothing to hide behind, and that made me feel sad and embarrassed.

As I write and reflect on that morning and those emotions I think, “Geez! It’s just makeup! People still like you for who you are!”

True, but do I like me? Embarrassing to admit, but true.

Sometime around puberty, most girls/women start to paint their faces and learn a new normal.

A new normal.

I have to wonder, if I do not wear any makeup what will strangers or possible employers think about my personality, ability, and competence based on the first thing they see – my face?

You might say, why should you care what strangers think about how you look?

Well, here is another for instance: I had a job interview last Monday for an On-Call Librarian position at the Clackamas Library. When I got the interview, I immediately wondered, makeup or no makeup? After a conversation with my sister-in-law about first impressions and societal norms, I decided to wear makeup for the interview but wash it off as soon as I got home. But I wonder, if I had gone sans makeup would I have presented the same professional impression, or would it have looked like I was not trying my very best? Who knows.

Maybe I am making too big a deal of this, but I am frustrated that making up our faces can hugely determine our success. It makes me wonder, why don’t men have to wear makeup? Why do women, at least some of us, feel like we have to? Why do we need or want to look a certain way, and who determines what the ‘certain way’ is?

Ahem.

All this to say, this commitment to go 40 days (not including Sundays) without makeup is a lot more exhausting, vulnerable, and discouraging than I thought it would be.

However.

It is also eye-opening, thought-provoking and a darn good thing for me to do.

I am thankful for the last 21 days and the next 19 days because I am still reminded daily about the reason for my sacrifice – small and silly though it may be. Even when life gets busy, any time I see my face I can remember the beauty of the gospel and the sacredness of this lenten season.

I am also thankful for these days because I am learning more about myself, and, more importantly, I am able to reflect on the message I want to share with Juniper someday about self-worth, makeup, and the beauty of a face that is au naturel.

Thanks for listening.

How is your lenten fast?

Love,
Libs

Ever since the strip turned positive, I have been mildly obsessed with reading about motherhood.

One of the blogs I have added to my daily reading is Cup of Jo by Joanna Goddard, specifically her Motherhood column. I love reading about her experience as a first time mom. One of her posts that really resonated with me is titled: “Do your eyes light up when you see your child?”

In it, she writes that whenever she calls her mom, even to just talk about something mundane, her mom will act like that phone conversation is the best thing to happen to her all day. Joanna tries to show that same enthusiasm with her son, Toby, whenever he comes into a room. In fact, she does this so well that sometimes Toby, who is 2, will enter the room and say, “Ta-da!” Love that.

My parents have always done this really well. They always show me through their voice, facial expression and attention just how excited they are to talk to me. I love them for that.

Before reading this article, I already felt pretty strongly about showing Juniper how excited I am to see her, especially when I get her from a nap. I make my whole face light up and exclaim over how happy I am to see her and how much I missed her, which is actually true! In return, Juniper gives a lovely smile of her own and does that full body stretch that makes my heart melt every time.

There is something so beautiful about knowing that there is someone in your life who will always be over the moon to see you or talk to you. I believe it is the foundation to healthy self esteem. Which is why I want to give Juniper my undivided and over the moon attention whenever possible.

I mean, look at this face…

Love her

Love,
Libs

Being a mom is hard.

Specifically, the lack of sleep thing.

To be honest, it has really been getting me down these days.

While Juniper goes to sleep like a champ, she is still waking up several times a night to feed. Once she is fed she will usually go back to sleep pretty easily; however, I have a more difficult time. It is 3 am and my brain simply won’t shut off. I start to worry about this and that until I look at the clock and it is 4 am and then 5 am. And just when I have fallen back to sleep….you know the rest.

I don’t want to make a habit of whining to you, but I also don’t want to paint an unrealistic picture of my motherhood experience. It ain’t all roses and rainbows over here.

That is why something like a hearty muffin, a hot cup of coffee and an amazing fella who takes the baby for an hour or two in the morning so I can get a little more shut-eye is just the thing to make life okay again.

Mom’s Bran Muffin

My mom has been making these muffins for years, probably because they are easy to make, they make a ton, and they are really filling. Forrest requested them the other morning, and I was more than happy to oblige. They make a gallon (WHAT??) so you can either power through and bake the whole darn mix at once and freeze the muffins you don’t eat right away, or keep the mix in the fridge for a couple of weeks and make them fresh each morning, or every other morning, or whatever strikes your fancy.

My Nana wrote out the recipe for me when I got married. I love her handwriting!

Recipe

Here is the non-blurry version of the recipe:

Bran Muffins
Makes 1 gallon

1- 12oz box of Raisin Bran (Forrest does not like raisins, so I just use any bran cereal I can find. Trader Joe’s has a great one for $1.99!)
3 cups sugar
5 cups flour
5 tsp baking soda
2 tsp salt
4 eggs, beaten
1 cup vegetable oil
1 qt buttermilk

In a large bowl, mix together cereal, sugar, flour, soda and salt. To this mixture add eggs, oil and buttermilk. Mix well and cover.

Side note: Really make sure it is mixed well. The bran cereal I use has a lot of crevices so unincorporated flour/baking soda/salt can get stuck in there, which is not pleasant tasting. Trust me.

Store in refrigerator for 4-6 weeks. When you want to bake a few, spoon into greased muffin tins. Bake 15-20 minutes at 400 degrees.

You could also add frozen blueberries, nuts, bananas, or anything else that strikes your fancy. This is a very forgiving recipe, and it is fun to adapt depending on the season.

Enjoy!

Love,
Libs

I love being home, especially now that Juni and I are establishing a routine.

(who knew I would get excited about things like actually having time to clean the house and organize the paperwork?)

However, there are moments when I get really lonely and long for adult company and conversation.

(When it’s just me and June I tend to say one word over and over – hi. See the video at the end of this post for proof.)

Thankfully, Forrest had the last two days off and I LOVED having him around.

And not just because he made me a pecan pie.

It’s not like I’m trying to lose weight or anything, right?

Our ‘weekend’ included plenty of:

• Early morning family snuggles, coffee, and 101 Dalmations
• Chinese food that tasted great but gave us horrible headaches (thanks MSG)
• Walks to the library
• Reading Grace Lin’s newest, “Starry River of the Sky” to each other
• Acting silly and ridiculous to get the baby to smile and coo – amazing.

When it is just me and Juniper hanging out I go by her schedule. She lets me know when she is ready to eat or nap or have her diaper changed. It is working out pretty well…except for the nights where she really doesn’t want to sleep and I really do want to sleep.

I love the sleepy cuddle time, but I also love when she is happy and alert after a feeding. We stare at each other and I make all kinds of ridiculous high-pitched sounds to get her to smile or coo. I love that she is waking up more and more and showing us her sweet personality. She still has at least one or two really grumpy sessions a day, but her smiles get me through.

Also, this girl has the craziest hair in the world. When she was born it was so dark, but it is steadily getting lighter and wavier. I love how the top of her hair always sticks up.

Now, when Juniper is napping or sitting contentedly in her swing I like to putter about the house, read, put movies on, and putter about the internet.

It’s rather lovely.

For instance, I love setting small, attainable goals each day. Like, clean off the dining room table (how does it get SO cluttered???), file paperwork, clean the bathroom, vacuum the downstairs, etc. I am so thankful for the time and ability to organize and clean my home. It kind of feels like a luxury.

I have been reading the Inspector Gamache series by Louise Penny and I am in love. They are exactly the kind of mystery I like – cozy & thought provoking. I just finished book 4 of the series and I gasped out loud when the murderer was revealed. She fools me every time!

I have been watching Harry Potter movies, Pride & Prejudice (BBC version, of course), Dick Van Dyke (oldie but a goody), Project Runway, and New Girl. Most of the time the tv is on while I am puttering.

Oh the internet. Facebook is such a time waster, and I am trying to spend time doing other things instead of becoming a Facebook zombie. I am also in love with Goodreads. Here is my profile. Are we friends?

Well, that is what is happening around here. Not terribly exciting, but lovely all the same.

Now, enjoy this cuteness:

Love,
Libs

I can hardly believe it has been one month since this precious girl made her grand entrance.

Even though I am just a little tired (“little” actually means a lot), and even though life has been a roller coaster of emotions, healing and change, I couldn’t be more grateful and overwhelmed by the gift that is Juniper Elizabeth Johnson.

Soon after Juniper was born I started to mentally compose her birth story to share with you. However, since I have been home and had a little more time to really reflect over that experience I have decided not to share it.

Gasp.

The reason(s) for this:

The process of giving birth is vulnerable and private. Granted, it wasn’t so private with a room full of doctors, nurses, a fantastic mid wife, parents, sisters, doula and spouse, but let me tell you that when you’re in that moment the only thing you are focused on is that baby. Everyone and everything else was kind of muted for me as I labored to bring Juniper out into the world. It was very, very surreal.

The process of giving birth is beautiful and should be shared…but the thing is, I want to choose who I share it with. Selfish? Maybe. But this experience has reminded me that not everything needs to be shared and that is okay.

Now, I love reading birth stories, so I feel kind of bad withholding my own. However, chances are, if I know you I want to share it with you. I just don’t want to publish it for the whole world to read.

(Oh, didn’t you know the whole world reads this blog?)

(smile)

I’ll just say this about the labor experience: the Lord blessed me with a relatively short labor and He surrounded me with the best people in the whole world to encourage and support me through. In fact, He has continued to bless me with people who have given of their time, kitchens, and arms to walk with me through something that is both terrifying and wonderful in its newness.

So…can we still be friends? I promise to share all kinds of Juniper pictures and stories in the future. In fact, I’m totally going to over-share in that department, trust me.

Juniper, I’m so glad you came on October 1st, and I am thankful for every moment I get to spend with you…even the sleepy ones. You are one in a million and I love being your momma. Keep the smiles coming…you have no idea how much they mean.

Love,
Mom