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In this January 6, 2013 NPR interview, John Sandys talks about inconsistencies in movies that were released in 2012:
Well, I think ’cause “Men in Black 3″ travels back and forth in time, it means you’ve got a whole host of factual mistakes as well, which it opens itself up to. One which jumped at me was in Cape Canaveral in 1969, we see the flag of Spain waving, but it’s the wrong flag. It’s the current era flag, not the 1969-era flag. I mean, it’s hardly a major research job. I don’t know whether they thought it wasn’t worth looking into or they just thought, well, no one will care.
This week, I am doing a final pass through of a novel and finding tons of inconsistencies.
For example, the main character shows up in a cloak and a scarf wrapped around her head. But at the beginning of the next scene, which is a direct follow-up, she throws back her hood and takes off her cloak. In another scene, she is described as wearing a cape.
(I know: Capes are soooo out of style.)
Reading and revising for consistency of details is different than reading for story. Here are a few tips:
Put on your editor’s hat. This isn’t the time to worry about the story line, characterization, plot or those other big issues. Instead, you need to be very logical and you need to pay attention. That requires a different mindset.
Take notes. I use sticky notes, but you could use just a sheet of paper to jot notes. As I read along, I jot down anything that sounds fishy to me, or I am uncertain of consistency through out the manuscript: numbers, names, eye color, hair color, peculiar or unusual wordings, etc. For complicated books or series, some suggest a Story Bible, or a place where you record all such details. For this story, I didn’t feel the need for something that structured. But in an upcoming series, I will definitely go that route.
Timeline. Lots of what I am doing this week is tightening the time line. I had to cut some scenes and that left my character at a loss for an afternoon and evening. So, I moved some scenes to fill in those spaces. Often, I will literally fill in a calendar for the final timeline (after the major revisions), and often it will be hour by hour. I know I planned it all out before, but the revisions make a difference. So, I do it again.
Words and phrases. I also make sure I haven’t repeated a word or phrase too often. It’s hard to describe how this one works, but you sorta have a watcher in your head paying attention to how a story is told. And it will go, “Whoa! Stop right there, little missy.” So, I stop and correct. It’s paying attention to the difference between work table and workbench.
Logic. It’s important for every action to be in the correct time order and to be logical. Clarity rules on this pass through. You can’t hit a ball with a bat if you haven’t picked up a bat first.
Of course, I am making these types of decisions as I write the manuscript, but I’ve found I need one last run through. What else do you check for in your last pass through a manuscript?
Adding emotional depth to a novel is important enough to warrant a special pass through the manuscript. This video talks about how I did that on a recent mss.
This is an experiment with doing a video to explain something about writing and revising. Please comment and let me know what you think about doing this with video.
Revisions are a circle. I print out a manuscript and read it while marking up edits and revisions. I go back to the computer and make corrections and changes. Then Print, Re-Read, Repeat.
The number of iterations depends on where I started and where I want to go, but the process remains the same. I am trying to match up what is in my head and what is on paper. If someone else reads it, I am trying to match up what is in my head, through the medium of words on paper, and put that exact image/story/whatever in someone else’s head–exactly. I try not to leave anything JUST in my head. It’s got to be on paper and in the reader’s head.
Revision–it’s a head thing. I’m doing it today. Are you?
Have you got a scene that’s looking lifeless? Here’s how I pep it up.
Have something change.
No scene should ever go as the reader expects. If you have a character set out to buy a pint of milk and all they do is amble to the shop, buy their stuff and walk back, you’ve hit the snooze button. Instead, take that scene somewhere the reader is not expecting. It needn’t be a big twist. It could be tiny – a change of mood, a resolution to do something. But if nothing changes, the scene isn’t worth showing.
To keep the sense of progress through the story, a scene should always contain change. Otherwise it hasn’t earned its place in the story.
Make that change have consequences for the characters.
Suppose you add something to your milk-buying scene – the character realises her boyfriend claimed he bought a certain brand of cigarette from the corner shop, but that shop doesn’t sell them. So where did he get them? And isn’t it odd that they are the same brand smoked by his ex? Are they seeing each other again?
If a change has happened, it should have a lasting effect in the story. Again, it could be small, or it could set them on a new and dastardly path. Good scenes don’t exist in isolation; they affect what comes after them. And they are affected by what happened before.
If you have to fill a blank, bring something in that you introduced earlier.
In the thick of a scene, you often have to invent details off the top of your head. Where was your minor character John last night? The cinema, you write, because it doesn’t matter where he was, he’s not very important. But go back and look at what you’ve written about John before. Is there something else you already invented that you could bring in instead? Three chapters ago, did you send him, quite casually, to choir practice? Why not send him there again, or to the chemist to get throat lozenges? Now we’re fleshing John out and with very little effort.
Bringing back ideas you used before is a great way to make the world of your story feel more solid.
Even if what you’re using is trivial it can build up – and who knows where it might lead? It’s a technique called reincorporation. It makes stories elegant and satisfying. And it adds to the feeling that everything matters.
Keep a list of everything you plucked off the top of your head because you needed to fill a blank space. You’d be surprised how useful it will be.
I know what method of working has made the first 2/3 of my mss better. I’m just getting tired.
Don’t get Lazy Now! I’m on the last third. I know that I must rewrite a major scene for a subplot/secondary character climax. But much of these later chapter are in good shape. By now in the story, so much is set, the stakes are established, character arcs and plot arcs are underway, the scenes are focused and full of tension. My inclination is to avoid the work!
But I think it’s still essential to question everything! Runners know you can’t stop until you’ve actually crossed the Finish Line.
Questions I’m still asking myself:
Is this scene essential to the story line?
Is there a better way to present this scene?
Is there a better way to set it up?
Can I raise the stakes?
Is the dialogue snappy enough?
Could the reader possible be confused at any point?
Are the emotions still building?
Are the characters’ actions exciting?
Can I improve the language at any point?
Are descriptions static or full of emotions?
Can I connect scenes in any way?
Of course, each scene presents new challenges, so these are only a few of the concerns at this point. The main problem is to not rush this last section, to slow down and take each scene very seriously, as if this scene might prevent the entire book from working well. It’s very, very hard. I want to be finished! But I’m trying to keep to the working method that worked and trying to keep myself focused and working.
Oliver News and Let Me Solve Your Writing Problems
Oliver News. Since The Journey of Oliver K. Woodman has come out in paperback this year, it has been featured in many recommended book lists. For example, Hicklebees Independent Bookstore in San Jose, CA starts its review this way, “We can’t think of any book in which people smile as often and as widely as they do in The Journey of Oliver K. Woodman. . . ” For more updates on Oliver, see his website.
Shrunken Manuscript Sighted. Elleen Booream reveals all in this photo of her novel in Shrunken Manuscript format. She says,
“As I recall, dialogue was pink. Notice the decided pink tinge to the manuscript.”
Solving Your Writing Problems One at at Time.Who Needs That Book? Get a sneak peek at the new Fiction Notes Store! We’ve added a section to Fiction Notes, a bookstore with annotations for each book, focusing on what book can help solve a particular problem that writer’s encounter.
NOTE: Lisa did the editing for my retreat video. She spoke at the San Rafael conference and I was interested enough to try her services, for which I paid. This is an invited guest post and she speaks here as a professional working full time on video promotions.
Thanks to the editors at SMITH magazine, the popular mini-memoir book “Not Quite What I was Planning,” is full of incredible pieces, all only six words long, some uplifting, some intellectual, some tragic, some incredibly accessible, but all what I would consider to be successful.
It got me thinking about the economy of communication and how that translates to book trailers. If I were to edit a book filled with only links to book trailer videos, which ones would make the cut and which would not? Could I narrow down the critical elements of a good book trailer into six words? Here’s what I would write.
Memoir of a Successful Book trailer by Lisa Gottfried
Economic Focused Editing; Authentic Emotional Entertainment
If these ideas can be met and done well, no matter whether an author has a budget of $200 or $2,000, a book trailer can be successful, i.e. move a viewer to get excited about the book, share the trailer with friends, write an on-line review of your book. Let’s look at the six key ingredients to a successful book trailer.
Economic – 30-90 seconds
On-line audiences are interacting with their computer, not passively watching a TV. You either get the message across in a short time, or your viewers are moving on with the click of a button. We all know this.
But keeping communications brief and to the point is an art form. The length of a book trailer should be thirty to ninety seconds. You might get away with two minutes, but an eight-minute trailer needs the eyes and ears of a good editor, no matter how famous the author.
Think billboard. You’ve got 10 seconds as the car drives by to get your point across. Think, big, bold and simple. Leave an impression, don’t tell the whole story. Steer clear of special effects unless they are used sparingly. Like they say on “Top Chef,” if the food is on the plate just for looks and doesn’t add anything to the taste of the dish, it shouldn’t be on the plate. Focus, focus, focus.
Edited – balance and blend text, images, audio.
Every piece to the book trailer puzzle needs to fit perfectly. The music needs to go with the words just right, not be tacked on. If you use subtitles or printed words, the pace needs to be slow enough to read and take in the background images, but not so slow that it’s excruciating to watch.
I highly recommend using a voice over artist to speed things along, but if you don’t have the budget for one, subtitles can work. Keep your sentences and phrases under six words at a time. It’s also tempting to put the entire review on your trailer. Here’s an example of how I would edit a review for a trailer for “The ABC’s of Writing for Children,”
“Pentacoff provides a most fun and readable book, packed with insights and inspiration about the children’s book field from the people who know best–the authors and illustrators.” -Andrea Brown
The pieces I would include on the trailer might be:
“…most fun and readable book….”
“…packed with insights from the people who know best…..”
It makes sense that authors want to be wordy. This is their craft. With book trailers you need to move in what might feel like a counter-intuitive direction, where less is more, a LOT less.
Authentic – be real
Web viewers have a lower threshold for BS (your Basic Story). Don’t try to be something you are not because viewers will sniff you out in an instant and be on to other things faster than you can say “boo.” People know when they are being “sold” to and there is less tolerance on-line for the tactics used on TV commercials. Your message needs to be more down-to-earth, user friendly.
You can provide something more home-grown and people will be more receptive to the message. However, home-grown does not mean cheesy. Production value still needs to be there.
Emotional – look for teasers
Find a place in the book where there is some emotional pull and concentrate your efforts there. You want to offer a teaser, a trailer that gives the viewer the essence of the writing while using the emotional moment as the vehicle to deliver that content. Trailers are not simply fancy announcements of your upcoming book. If viewers can emotionally connect, they will buy your book. Remind viewers of their humanity. Grab them by the heart strings.
Entertainment – make ‘em laugh; then make ‘em cry
Here is where I am amazed that writers seem to forget the basics of, well…writing. You start a novel with some interest. You don’t tell the reader, you show them. The same holds true for book trailers.
Is there an interesting piece of dialogue you can lift from your book? A moment when things seem really charged? Where is your book entertaining? Grab a piece of that pie and serve it up.
Your name and reputation is on the line and if the trailer is not done well with a certain standard of sound, images and final product, don’t bother putting it on the web. Poorly done book trailers can hinder sales and ruin reputations. Instead, a great book trailer serves as the place where a potential reader flips open the book and randomly reads a page. Why not make it choose a juicy and entertaining page?
Lisa Gottfried runs her own book trailer, digital video, and website business, DigitalWeavers.com. She brings over fifteen years of experience to the video and web marketing field and specializes in children’s book author promotion. Lisa is available for speaking engagements around the San Francisco Bay Area and around the nation.
Today, I’m glad to begin the 2k9 Series of novel revision stories. Class of 2k9
“When your editor says your character isn’t stepping up to the plate…” by Edith M. Hemingway, author of ROAD TO TATER HILL (Delacorte Press, September 8, 2009)
Structural Changes?
I consider the process of revision to be the true meat of writing. In fact, I revised my middle grade novel, ROAD TO TATER HILL, for three years before I decided it was finished and polished enough to submit to an editor. So, when I heard from Michelle Poploff, VP and Executive Editor of Delacorte Press, that she was interested in talking to me about my manuscript, I was confident that if she wanted it, there would of course be changes, but surely not major structural revisions.
She was interested and wanted to set up a telephone conversation a week later. I asked if there was something I should be thinking about in terms of revision before we talked. She said, “My assistant and I think your character, Drew, isn’t stepping up to the plate. We’d like you to consider removing him entirely from the story.”
I was thankful this was communicated through email and not face to face or over the telephone because there would have been a groan, a gasp, or a fleeting look of panic. My immediate reaction was, “How on earth could I take my brother out of my book?”
What I neglected to say earlier is that the seed for ROAD TO TATER HILL was my own childhood experience of the premature birth and death of my baby sister. Since I started writing it as a memory of an emotional childhood incident for a creative writing assignment, of course I included my older brother in the story. He was a significant part of the whole experience within our family. As the story evolved into fiction and took on more characters and an actual plot and story arc, the brother in the story tagged along, too. We had always been close, and I could not imagine life without him for either my character, Annie Winters, or me. However, the student in me that constantly strives to improve my writing urged me to be open to all suggestions—especially those from an experienced editor.
Yes, to Editor’s Suggestions
By the time our telephone conversation rolled around, I had come to terms with the change and realized the loss of a longed-for baby sister would be all the more poignant if Annie were an only child. I had even taken the necessary steps to mark every point in the story where Drew had appeared physically, through dialogue with other characters, or by reference in Annie’s thoughts and memory—especially those scenes where he played a significant role in driving plot points. Drew had appeared in 81 pages out of the then 154 total. I had also figured out the perfect character to beef up and take over the plot points that Drew could no longer control—Bobby Miller, the neighbor boy, who not only now became Annie’s best friend, but also added an interesting boy/girl dimension to the story.
Michelle and I talked for nearly two hours—going over those ideas in addition to many other lesser points and clarifications she needed. She ended the conversation by saying she would mail back my manuscript with all her written comments and suggested I think it over for a couple of weeks to decide if I wanted to move forward with these revisions. I did not tell her then that I had already decided—of course I would make those changes and even take them a step further!
Taking Time to Plan Revision
Once I received the manuscript, I spent several days reading through and taking meticulous notes. Then I put together a 4-page revision strategy list which included 9 detailed character improvements, 17 other considerations based on Michelle’s questions, a clarification of the time span of the entire story, and a plan for resequencing some of the major scenes.
Before scheduling our next telephone conversation, I emailed this detailed revision plan to Michelle, so she had time to look it over first. When we talked, her first words were, “You’ve really stepped up to the plate.” I had demonstrated that I was ready, willing, and able to make the revisions they wanted, and they were ready to offer me a contract, even before I completed the revisions.
Yes, there were more revisions required after I finished the first round and even before we reached the copy-editing stage. I even rewrote the entire novel in the first person point of view in order to dig deeper into the emotional core. It sounds as if I made every single change my editor suggested, but no, I didn’t. There were a few ideas that just didn’t ring true to my characters, even though I tried. In those cases, I came up with alternative plans that worked as well or better. I also learned that revisions often need to be done in layers, rather than all at once. One change perhaps leads to another change, which in turn reveals another problem that must be fixed, and so on. The hardest thing for me is to know when to finally stop revising.
I firmly believe, however, that my willingness to trust my editor, listen to her suggestions, and follow through with revisions was critical in landing my first “solo” contract!
I’m currently revising a picture book and my major goal is to simplify the story.
Simple Steps to Revision
Why simplify the story? At 1200 words, the picture book text is way too long. I needed to cut it about in half. Why? Sue Edwards has just been reading 50 picture books in a short amount of time - something you should do at least once a year if you write picture books - and she reports that “. . .short sells. I ran into very few longer books.” Simplified = Sales. Good enough reason.
Omit Major Character. In fact, this version of the story had already simplified by leaving out a major character. It meant a total reworking of the story, but it flowed much smoother.
Cut the conflict in half and expand what’s left. Given that 600 words is a worthy goal, what could I do? I took the first half of the story and expanded it into the whole story, thus simplifying it by leaving out the conflict in the last half of the original. It sounds drastic and it was. But after it was done. I wondered how I could ever have thought we needed that last half.
Planning for interactivity. In the next revision, I plan to strengthen the interactivity of the story. I already have one section where kids can anticipate and chime in. I”m looking for a couple more places.
Planning for stronger language. The cuts I’ve done so far are playing up the fun language of the story. But I think it needs more tightening, so the fun phrases will shine.
Planning for unique characters. A friend reminded me that my characters are too stereotypical. But with minor edits, I can remove the stereotypical references and leave the characters stronger.
Planning to connect the beginning and end. The motivation at the beginning and the resolution at the end are still not matching up exactly. It’s close - but not right. I’m searching for alternative ways of setting it up. Because I like the new ending, which means the beginning has to set up that ending.
Not much to revise, huh? And people think writing a picture book is easy?
took a stab at writing a Wikipedia stub on one of my favorite Second Life locations, Caledon, the steampunk/Victorian sim. I’m a Wikipedia n00b, and my stub got flagged for deletion (rightly) due to a lack of notable references.
Any of you SL-lovin’ librarians out there wanna take a crack at improving it?
For more 
Lisa Gottfried runs her own book trailer, digital video, and website business, DigitalWeavers.com. She brings over fifteen years of experience to the video and web marketing field and specializes in children’s book author promotion. Lisa is available for speaking engagements around the San Francisco Bay Area and around the nation.
took a stab at writing a Wikipedia stub on one of my favorite Second Life locations, 
I'm a big fan of wood cuts and scratchboard art. Yours is real nice Ellis.
That is great. The art I mean.. not that you were falling into a tub of oil.lol