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Below are the results for the four first pages critiqued by agent Samantha Bremekamp from Corvisiero Literary Agency for April.

1. Next Friday on May 9th, editor Jenna Porcius from Bloomsbury will critique 4 more.
2. On May 16th Agent Marie Lamba from Jennifer DeChiara Literary Agency will critique 4 more. You have until May 8th to submit a first page for Marie. Her critiques will post on May 16th.
3. QUINLAN LEE, Agent, Adams Literary GUEST CRITIQUER will end MAY 2014 with her four critiques posted on May 30th. Deadline to submit: May 22nd.

Here’s the Results:

HALF A HAND SHORT by Johanna Bilbo (young YA)  

Chapter One — What Royalty Wants

He was my joy; he was my mission. When my yearling colt, Pippin, made a clean, high leap over his gate, he landed in a year of trouble for both of us. For the sake of my father, and to spite our king, I had to find us a way out.

I’d whistled for Pip from the lane beside his field. He raced to greet me, jumping wide across a tumbling brook. His dappled coppery coat gleamed in the late spring sun; his red-gold tail streamed like the banner of a king riding into battle. Yesterday, he’d slowed to a stop and pranced, feathery mane tossing as he waited for me to let myself through the gate. This time, he sailed over it with room to spare, and trotted down the lane to meet me.

My stepfather screeched. “Gillian, get that devilish animal out of here.”

“Impressive,” another voice said. “Your dowry, Gillian? I would stake gold on that leap.”

Those were the two men who wished to control my fate, just as a decree by our king would decide the fate of my horse. Or so they thought—but not if I could help it!

This was the second time I’d given my heart to a horse or pony. The Lady Elizabeth had taken my first love, Cinder, when I was twelve. Now, two years later, I would not let my Pippin be subject to the whims of her father, King Henry the Eighth of England.

I, Gillian, was the daughter of Sir William Goodway, a knight who’d been in the service of King Henry. Father was as good a horseman as his monarch; I, his only child, had been sure of myself in the saddle for as long as I could remember.

On a clear September day two years before Pippin’s fateful leap, I was being considered as a companion to Lady Elizabeth, Henry’s younger daughter. I had trotted across the grounds of an old palace on my childhood pony, Cinder. He was a fine gray gelding, and I adored him. I did not then suspect that royal whims about horses would knock my life a-kilter.

Samantha Bremekamp First Page Thoughts on Half a Hand Short:

The author uses beautiful descriptors for the horse Pippin who is easy to cherish as the main character does on introduction. The people on this first page are hard to picture as all the descriptors went to Pippin. I would love to see that use of details on what the two men who control Gillian’s fate look like as well since they play such a key role to Gillian as well as the plot of this book. If Gillian recognizes both voices, she wouldn’t need to have “another voice said” but should identify who it is so the reader knows also. The author created a strong voice in Gillian easily identifiable and someone the reader can root for as long as the main character continues to share all of the details she already knows with the reader. There is a good market for lovers of horses although it is younger than Young Adult, I see that it says, young Young Adult and I would consider working this for younger readers perhaps middle grade or tween/teen… Clearly it is a bit hard to judge on the entirety of a book based off of one page, but marketing wise for horses this is my suggestion.

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  Carol MacAllister/ Never Trust A Monkey /First Page

On the sunny island of Puerto Rico, a tall thin tree grew in the old man’s yard. A big ripe papaya hung at the very top. He spied its bright orange color.

“Um… My favorite fruit. I wonder if Grandmother will make some tasty papaya juice?”

“Just bring me the fruit,” she said.

From his home in the tall grass, a trickster monkey also spied the colorful papaya. “Um. My favorite flavor.” How can I pick it, he wondered. When I run into the old man’s yard, he chases me away with a stick.

The monkey watched the old man stretch up. He stood on his tippy-toes, but the fruit was still out of reach. He jumped as high as an old man could possibly jump. But it wasn’t high enough.

“Hm,” he sighed. “I can shake the tree and make it fall. But if I don’t catch the fruit just right, it will hit the ground and smash apart.” He thought for a moment. “Ah. I can use my ladder.”

He carried it across the yard. He leaned the ladder against the tree’s wobbly trunk and climbed up two steps. The ladder tilted sideways. The tree shook. His feet slipped from the rungs and he bumped his knee. The round fruit swayed.

“Oh, no!” he called up to the papaya. “Don’t fall.”

The monkey laughed. “I can easily climb his tree and pick the tasty fruit.” He swaggered over. “Why do you sit there like a bundle of sugar cane?”

“I fell off my ladder trying to pick that papaya. But the fruit is much too high.”

“Well,” the sly monkey said, “I can climb your tree and bring it to you.”

The old man’s face brightened at the monkey’s offer. “But what do you want in return?”

The trickster tapped a finger against his bristly chin and grinned. “I only want a small piece. Just a tiny one. Nothing more.”

Samantha Bremekamp First Page Thoughts: Never Trust a Monkey

Who doesn’t love a mischievous monkey? If this is a picture book, which I think it is and rightfully so, the author would be able to let more of the art show rather than tell with words, an example would be the monkey thinking about being chased away by the old man waving his stick. In the beginning the use of the word/sound “um” would be better exemplified with the word “mmm” which is what I believe the idea is. “Um” is often used to portray a teen who uses “um” while coming up with an excuse for why they didn’t, um, do their assignment. The “mmm” sets the tone for the monkey and the old man both wanting that delicious fruit. I already feel bad for the old man as I know how sneaky monkeys can be when it comes to fruit! I hope they become friends and share it equally and that the lesson is learned.

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SHEARLOCK HOLMES AND THE CASE OF THE BARNYARD BANDIT by Kirsten Bock – PB

Detective Shearlock Holmes was TOOT-TOOT-TOOTING his tuba when the phone rang at 221 Bleater Street.

“Come to Farmer Doyle’s stables right away!”

Shearlock and his assistant Woolston hurried to the farm.

[ART: Dialogue bubbles of horses shouting: “Someone made off with our manes!” “I didn’t need a haircut!” “My neck is nippy!”]

“It seems we have a barnyard bandit on our hooves,” said Shearlock, examining the horses’ hacked hair.

“Sir,” said Woolston. “A clue.”

“That’s a polar bear hair,” cried Shearlock.

The horses rolled their eyes.

“I think that’s sheep’s wool,” whispered Woolston.

Shearlock didn’t hear. He was pointing his magnifying glass at a mound of mucky mud.

Woolston urged him on to the sheep pen.

[ART: Dialogue bubbles of sheep shouting: “Someone fled with our fleece!” “My beautiful wool coat!” “I’m freezing my lamb chops off!”]

“The barnyard bandit strikes again,” said Shearlock, inspecting the sheep’s short shave.

“Sir,” said Woolston. “Another clue.”

“Penguin feathers,” cried Shearlock.

The sheep shook their heads.

“I think those are chicken feathers,” whispered Woolston.

Shearlock didn’t hear. He was poking in the dirt with a tiny toothpick.

Woolston nudged him towards the chicken coop.

Samantha Bremekamp First Page Thoughts: Shearlock Holmes…:

I am a huge fan of Sherlock Holmes and have been since I learned how to read. This is a very cute adaptation of the famous Sherlock and Watson entering the scene to solve the case. Animals are always a successful market for children; it is a sweet introduction for them to learn about the great detective and his partner. In my understanding of this first page, Woolston second guesses everything Shearlock points out. In the real Sherlock stories and all of those adaptations Sherlock is never wrong. If the author is portraying Woolston to be a goof and not liking to be undermined by Shearlock that could work, but if Woolston is right and Shearlock is always wrong than the dynamic doesn’t quite work based on the famous and well-known Sherlock Holmes and Watson dynamic, unless this is the one time that Watson/Woolston finally outsmarts Sherlock/Shearlock. Depending on the outcome of the story it could be a hard sell as the brand of Sherlock has been around for so long. Children will enjoy the silliness of the thrill of the chase of the barnyard bandits while collecting clues with the main characters.

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Willa’s Flying Stars / Picture Book /Jennifer Reinharz

The week the carnival came to town, Willa and her family camped out to count shooting stars. It was her favorite summer tradition.

“Tonight starts the Perseid meteor shower,” said Grandma.

“Per-see-id,” Willa said. “This year I’m big enough to stay awake all night.”

Grandma smiled. “Do you have your blanket and binoculars?”

She reached into her tool belt.

“Check.”

“Popcorn and pillows?”

“Check,” Willa said again. “Now I’m ready to watch the stars fly like fireworks!”

            Zoom. Flash. {Illus note: A shooting star flies overhead}

“One!” Willa squealed. “They go fast.”

            Zoom. Flash.

“Two! Look how high!”

            Zoom. Flash.

“Three! I want to fly with the Perseid stars!”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Grandma said.

Willa spent the whole night thinking of something. The next morning, she tightened her tool belt and opened the big closet.

“I need to go fast,” she said.

Willa pulled the clothes off the hangers, and the hangers off the rod; except for one. She wrapped her hands around it like a steering wheel.

“Fly-EEE” she sang.

Samantha Bremekamp First Page Thoughts on Willa’s Flying Stars:

I love stories that include a child with their grandmother experiencing something out of the ordinary. This is a very sweet storyline. I always enjoy books that encourage children to use their imagination and that anything is possible. The author was able to easily bring the reader into the life of Willa bringing a bit of information like how to say Perseid without it reading like a homework assignment. The joy of children’s books is the gift of the author being able to teach without preaching with the use of few words that meld together with a solid plot-scape achieved by picture. I think the reader would be excited to see what Willa comes up with to fly with the stars using her imagination and a hanger from her closet!

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Here are the submission guidelines for submitting a First Page in May: Please “May First Page Critique” or “May First Page Picture Prompt Critique” in the subject line. Please make sure you include your name, the title of the piece, and whether it is as picture book, middle grade, or young adult, etc. at the top.

Please attach your first page submission using one inch margins and 12 point font – double spaced, no more than 23 lines to an e-mail and send it to: kathy(dot)temean(at)gmail(dot)com. Also cut and paste it into the body of the e-mail and then also attach it in a Word document to the email.

DEADLINE: May 22nd.

RESULTS: May 30th.

Use inch margins – double space your text – 12 pt. New Times Roman font – no more than 23 lines – paste into body of the email.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

Interview by Katia Raina:  More Than An Agent, More Than An Author: Marie Lamba On Submission Likes and Dislikes, Writing A Practice Novel, Self Publishing And More.

Faithful followers of this blog may already have come across the name of Marie Lamba, Associate Literary Agent with the Jennifer DeChiara Agency. But did you know Marie is a fellow writer as well? As an author, she brings unique understanding when nurturing her clients. As a writer, she is well-positioned to understand the demands of the publishing business. I asked her about being both, and found her journey to be fascinating and inspiring. I hope you will too.

KR: You’re a YA author and a literary agent. What came first, and how did it come about? What led you from one side of the industry to another?

ML: When I was 10 years old, I read Edward Eager’s HALF MAGIC, and that was that. I fell in love with story telling. From that moment on, it was all about writing for me. So, writing definitely came first. I studied writing and fine art in college, and then worked in publishing (doing editing and book promo) and as a P.R. writer and freelance writer and editor for many years, doing a ton of magazine work. But all that time I was also toiling over my fiction. I worked on my first novel, a middle grade fantasy, for 10 years, revising, submitting, revising, submitting (one of my crit buddies likes to call this process “polishing the turd”). And during that time, SCBWI was a critical part of my life, giving me endless guidance and support.

That book never did get published, but I think of that one as my personal MFA, since I learned a ton doing it. Then I wrote the manuscript for WHAT I MEANT… in just a few months, and within a year landed my agent (the wonderful Jennifer De Chiara) along with a publishing contract for it at Random House. For me, moving on from my “learning novel” to a newer manuscript was key, since I was able to bring all I’d learned into WHAT I MEANT… It was hard to move on, though, since I’m a very tenacious person and it felt a bit like I was giving up on that first novel. Looking back though? Smart move.

I’d never ever thought about being an agent until my own agent approached me about working for her. It took me a while to wrap my head around the idea, and I worked for several months as what I call a “secret agent,” reading manuscripts for Jennifer and trying the whole agent thing out for size. It didn’t take me long to see what Jennifer must have seen: that agenting was a great fit for me. I love to mentor people, I brought my own author experience to the table, and as someone with P.R. and book promo experience, pitching books and positioning authors felt natural.

KR: Can you share the story of how you first found publishing success?

ML: Conferences were key for me. And the best conference by far was the Rutgers One on One, where you get paired with a mentor. I subbed my initial pages for WHAT I MEANT… and got paired with Alvina Ling from Little Brown. She is awesome! Alvina recommended several agents for me to approach and encouraged me to use her name. I just about passed out with joy/appreciation. Seriously. Jennifer De Chiara was my top choice so I queried her and that same day got a request for a full manuscript. Yes! But Jennifer was a busy person, and months passed. So in the meantime, I attended the Writer’s Digest Conference, and did their one minute pitch slam (I’ll be at this year’s WD pitch slam, but this time as an agent…). There I snagged the interest of my Random House editor, who requested chapters, and later the full manuscript. That following September was the most surreal time of my life. First I got “the call” from Jennifer, then within the week, I heard from the Random House editor. I introduced my agent and editor and we took it from there!

KR: How does your agenting work feed into your work as an author, and vice versa?

ML: As an agent who is also an author, I can be as editorial as an author needs. Some clients need light editing, and for others with amazing work that isn’t quite ready, I’m not afraid to help them reach the finish line. Also, since I’ve got mucho hands on experience with the whole “author promoting herself” thing, I can offer my clients a perspective of what they can really do publicity-wise. And my author background has really helped me in understanding any concerns my clients feel about their careers.

On the writing side of things, I’ve gained huge insight into what really grabs a reader and an editor, and I get to ask editors what they are hoping for in the future. I can stick that info into my own personal plot incubator and let it stew…

KR: I notice that at least one your books, “Drawn –” a time travel love story that intrigued me enough to order it as soon as I saw you quoting from the book in this post (http://marielamba.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/writer-wednesday-on-writing-magic/) — is self published through Lamba Associates, Inc. Can you talk a little bit here about this choice, and what your experience as been as an author who is using a variety of channels for her work? In what ways do these compliment each other?

ML: We writers now have so many ways to reach readers, and this couldn’t have come at a better time! It’s no secret that the recession hit publishing, along with people’s pocket books. My first novel, WHAT I MEANT… came out through Random House in 2007, but publication of its stand-alone sequel was derailed. OVER MY HEAD sat on my shelf for years until at last self-publishing became viable. But I still wasn’t sure about doing the whole indie thing, until my friend and superb best-selling author L.A. (Leslie) Banks had a talk with me. She, too, had a YA sequel without a home and had just self-published that novel (SHADOW WALKER). She was thrilled with the results and told me to go for it. So I did. Leslie even gave me an awesome cover quote for the novel. Sadly, Leslie passed away shortly before my novel launched, but, corny as it sounds, I felt her there with me at that first signing, and I knew it was definitely the right thing to do.

My paranormal YA novel DRAWN was on submission with publishers for 2 years, and had gotten some strong interest and a ton of positive comments, but no offers, so I decided to take it off submission and publish it myself. While I would always prefer to go the traditional publishing route and to have the wisdom and promo muscle of a big publisher behind me, sometimes publishers just aren’t on your same page. I’m pleased with how DRAWN is performing. It’s gotten high ratings from readers and reviewers alike, has been rated a Top Pick and a Best Book by book bloggers, it’s just snagged an award, and the ebook version, especially, has been downloaded a ton, reaching well over 16,000 readers.

For the next book I write, I’ll definitely have my agent go for the top markets, but, as I’ve said, it’s wonderful to know that we writers can reach our readers in many different ways and continue to build on our careers.

KR: Finally, I’d love to get a word of your updated query policy. What are you looking for nowadays, and what have you seen too much of? What is the best way to query you?

ML: What am I seeing too much of? Novels with fantasy elements that feel tacked on to an otherwise interesting plot. Heroines with so many problems when one overwhelming problem would have sufficed. Books that feel like re-do’s of what’s already out there. Angry teens being dumped off at grandma’s in their mom’s old town and finding out secrets about their mom, whether supernatural or scandalous or both. Books that are really just thinly-veiled autobiographical stories about less than unique experiences.

I’m open to queries for middle grade and YA novels, for women’s and adult fiction, and for memoir. I don’t rep non fiction, picture books, short stories, poetry, category romance (though romantic elements are welcome), high fantasy (though fantasy elements are welcome), or strictly sci fi novels (though futuristic elements are welcome). And if you write gory horror or extreme violence, I’m definitely not the agent for you. I’m drawn to books that are moving and/or hilarious. If you have an engrossing story, please do send it my way!

Currently my client list includes both new and previously published authors writing books that range from contemporary to humorous to historical mid-grade novels, YA that is smart and romantic and touched with fantasy, and also sweeping adult historical.

Please do check out my guidelines, since they allow for you to paste in the first 20 pages of your manuscript right into the query. You can find them here: http://jdlit.com/submitpages/mariesubmit.html   

And if you subscribe to my website (www.marielamba.com ), you’ll catch my weekly Agent Monday posts and Writer Wednesday posts.

Thanks so much for having me here, Katia, and good luck to you all! I wish everyone a rock star writing year in 2013.

Katia Raina is the author of “Castle of Concrete,” a young adult novel about a timid half-Russian, half-Jewish teen in search of a braver “self” reuniting with her dissident mother in the last year of the collapsing Soviet Union, to be published by Namelos. On her blog, The Magic Mirror, http://katiaraina.wordpress.com Katia talks about writing and history, features interviews, book lists and all sorts of literary randomness.

Throughout the month of December, Katia is gathering participants for a new challenge for those who’d like to do better next year in sticking to their goals and making their dreams happen. To participate in the “31 minutes” challenge – and the giveaway – visit here and leave a comment telling Katia about your project and committing to working on it 31 minutes a day, every day in January. http://katiaraina.wordpress.com/2012/12/10/the-31-minute-challenge-faq-getting-ready-for-january/  

IT IS TIME TO NOMINATE WRITING AND ILLUSTRATING www.kathytemean.wordpress.com for the WRITER’S DIGEST’S 101 BEST WEBSITES FOR WRITERS!

If you have enjoyed the articles and information you received everyday this year, please help by dominating my blog. Submit an email to [email protected] to nominate my blog www.kathytemean.wordpress.com

I would greatly appreciate your help.

Thanks!

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

For the last few years the NJ SCBWI has invited Agent Stephen Fraser at the Jennifer De Chiara Literary Agency to our June conference. Not only is he a very talented, successful agent with many years experience, but he is also a very nice man. I am sure that combo is the reason for his success. I know so many of you would love to have Stephen represent you, but let’s be logically, Stephen can not take on an unlimited amount of new writers. So today when I received an e-mail from Marie Lamba at Jennifer De Chiara Literary Agency, I realized I should point out the Associate Agents at the agency. They are building their list and they have the backing of a good agency, making this a great opportunity you may not have thought about after getting stars in your eyes with Stephen. Below you will find the three Associate Agents at the Jenniffer De Chiara Agency and what they like:

Maria Lamba Associate Agent is currently looking for:

Young adult and middle-grade fiction, along with general and women’s fiction and some memoir. Books that are moving and/or hilarious are especially welcome. I am NOT interested in picture books, science fiction, or high fantasy (though I am open to paranormal elements), category romance (though romantic elements are welcome), non-fiction, or in books that feature graphic violence.

To Submit
Please email a query to [email protected] and put “Query” in the subject line of your email.

For queries regarding children’s and adult fiction, please send the first twenty pages in the body of your email, along with a one-paragraph bio and a one-paragraph synopsis.

For queries regarding a non-fiction book, please attach the entire proposal as a Word document (the proposal should include a sample chapter), along with a one-paragraph bio and a one-paragraph synopsis of your book in the body of your email.

Linda Epstein, associate agent is looking for accessible literary fiction, quality upscale commercial fiction, vibrant narrative nonfiction, and compelling memoirs – A MG, YA or Adult manuscript she can’t put down with a distinctive voice.  She says, “I love to learn something about another time, place, or culture while engrossed in a gripping story. Books with Jewish or other spiritual/religious themes or undercurrents are of particular interest. I am partial to underdogs and outsiders. Occasionally I like to read something funny, and sometimes a little magical realism is entertaining. I don’t like bodice-rippers and won’t read anything with dead, maimed, or kidnapped children. I don’t read horror. I’m not really interested in traditional SciFi, but I do like fantasy and I’m intrigued by Steampunk. I’m the wrong person for romance, thrillers, or anything but a very offbeat cozy mystery.  For middle-grade, it should be particularly character driven and quirky, with excellent pacing and rhythm. For YA, I’m a sucker for strong girls, deep friendships, and overcoming adversity.”

For Non-fiction 
She likes alternative health and parenting books, cookbooks (especially, but not limited to, Gluten Free cooking), select memoirs, and the right spiritual/self-actualization book (think Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Don Miguel Ruiz).

She is particularly committed to representing books that include, are about, or are geared toward people in the LBGTQ community, for both adult and children’s literature.

To Submit
Please email a query to 1 Comments on Looking for an Literary Agent?, last added: 7/8/2012