How to use this Page

I’ve been duped. Tricked. Lied to. Taken for a ride to disappointmentville by a fancy I’ve held for years. In reality no one told me a falsehood. Like most times I find myself disillusioned, I did it to myself. A starry-eyed dreamer, I tend to put things onto such a pedestal that once attained, they can’t measure up to expectations.

Who can forget the Chia Pet of the 70′s that I saved and saved for. Don’t even get me started on sea monkeys. I had such high aspirations for them after seeing them on the back page of Mad Magazine. The promise of joy died quickly because the only time they moved was when I shook them out of the bag into their simulated habitat. Ant farms, the bass guitar, a shiny pastel jacket that I thought would be an absolute chick magnet. I was amazed when I found that on the discount rack and wore it proudly to school with my sleeves pushed up, only to find that the world had moved past Crockett, Tubbs, Miami Vice, and the style I flaunted. That first new car I had to have post-college before I understood the stranglehold sixty easy payments could be. I won’t even mention women of my youth, like Hilda* the friendly barkeep. For a foolish lad, women are the most dangerous sort of thing to deify.

I could go on. There have been a litany of things I prized – nah, idolized – right up until I got my grubby mitts on them.

And so, now, I am disappointed with baldness. I have always wanted to shave my head but been dissuaded by my lovely wife, who likes hair on my head, but not on my chin. If you recall my rant about Tom Selleck, I have never truly been satisfied with my hair. Current circumstances gained me quick approval to remove it and I did so excitedly.

I don’t like it and here are my grievances:

1. I always assumed it would be low maintenance. It is not. To my dismay, the hair on my head grows as fast as the hair on my chin. Who knew?

2. I thought it would save money – no shampoo, conditioner, or gel. See complaint number one, razors aren’t cheap and every shave seems to chew through one.

3. Who knew the skin under my hair was even pastier than the rest of me? I’m told paint stores can mix approximately 140 shades of white, welcome to Pure White.

4. When I was twelve, my football team had to get me an adult helmet, then pad the sides because my cranium was so long. Any time I hit someone, the thing wobbled side to side. Head shapes don’t change, they just expand. Let’s play a little game, shall we? I like to call it:

 “Which one is Mark’s head?”

♦

Surprisingly difficult, is it?

So you can see why I’m disappointed. Like most broken things in my life, I have no one to blame but myself. I lifted baldness onto a throne it simply cannot occupy. Fortunately, I can grow my hair out to fix this monstrosity…but not quite yet. Part of me feels a little like a rebel since this has been against the marital rules for so long. And that, I like.

*Name changed to protect my stupidity

My little sojourn in the hospital in Bari appeared to be just what I needed. A comfy bed, some saucy fresh pasta (once I got off the drip) and perky Italian nurses put me right back on my feet in … Continue reading →

When I think back twenty years, I recall a chaotic mixture of experiences, which gave me a great sense of excitement, despite knowing that being a teenager was not always easy.  I feel that it was the innocence of the era, which made every day so fulfilling.

Maybe it is true to say that everyone goes through a phase in their life where things seems very intense and opportunities to experience new delights seem to lie around every corner, however, I feel that the 80’s represented a time where nothing seemed predictable and young people appeared to be doing their own thing, rather than conforming to any particular ideal?

School life was a constant source of amazing sights and sounds!  Every day someone would turn up with a pair of new trainers, or perhaps wearing fluorescent socks, fashion was a constantly changing and often overwhelming influence!  After endless days of messing around in the classroom, it was time to head home via the local shop, and stock up on ‘e’ numbers, which were to be found in various soft drinks, sweets, ice lollies, and other unhealthy snacks.

Other stimulation was found through the music of the time, an extraoridinary blend of styles, from break-dance, to pop, to Gothic, soul and even rock music, there were so many experimental artists producing exciting and original pieces of work, it seemed like there was limitless creative talent!  Break-dance was a particularly powerful influence, perhaps one of the most co-ordinated and mindblowing art forms of it’s time!  Sadly, I was unable to manage more than a basic, poorly exhibited, form of body-popping, which was perhaps, ‘best displayed in private’!

Home life was an interesting combination of events, it was hard for my friends and I to cope with all the options available.  Some days we would spend having fun in the local countryside, other times we would take part in various sports, and there were also computer games to play on.  During this period of great variety, we were determined to make the most of the freedom which was available to us.

People in general seemed more interesting back in the 80’s.  I had different friends every month, and on birthday’s, we would all meet up, a wild mixture of personalities, from varying backgrounds, all with a common cause, “to have fun”!  Though we could be a bit unruly at times, the underlying innosence of our youth, always gave us a sense of right and wrong, and we know where to ‘draw the line’!

Though my 80’s experience was largely hightened by new inventions, I feel that it was the common sense of humanity, which made every day a joy.  Sometimes, it seems that some of man’s advances, have only served to create a false environment, and I hope that we can all return to more simple values, in our search for a more harmonious and enriched existance?

My magic mushroom design has been printed by Threadless.com. I’ve already ordered a copy myself and I can’t wait to get my hands on it. I am so very pleased and a little smug!

Growing up in the 80s I always found it that the side kick characters or mascots from cartoons were the hardest toys to find. Inspired by these hard to find characters, I decided to do a series of three that were my favorite! Here's my first from Masters of the Universe, Orko.

“It’s Tuesday! That means it’s time for a Varcarel Jade Web Comic update! Enjoy! “

“Report.”

“Web comic update in progress, Commander. Page Three completed.”

“Affirmative. Fashionable warriors, huh? I like it. Check back, folks. It’s Tuesday, and that means a new Varcarel Jade page is on the way!”

“Report.”

“Varcarel Jade updates underway, Commander. Varcarel Jade Page One and Varcarel Jade Page Two now complete.”

“Outstanding, Z-bot. Report as each page is completed. Acey out.”

“Fridays are when we update the Varcarel Jade Web Comic. Have a great weekend!”