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(the continuing saga of life among the plastic people)

Our story so far:

EXILED IN A WAREHOUSE DUE TO AN UNFORESEEN PRODUCT RECALL, THE PLASTICVILLE CREW WERE UNDER SEIGE BY A DEMOLITION COMPANY, SENT TO CLEAR OUT THE WAREHOUSE



BARBIE
(struggling to lift the lid of her box)
Somehow...we've...got...to...show...that...we're...here. Can't...move...this...top. If...only my...legs...would...bend...


G.I. JOE
Stop your moaning, soldier! You're part of the proudest fighting machine in the nation! Ten-shun!


BARBIE
Earth-to-G.I. Joe! Earth-to-G.I. Joe! Knock-knock! Anybody home?


G.I. JOE
Who's there? Anybody-home-who? Love 'em knock-knock jokes! Go on - tell me the punch line


BARBIE
No Joe - it's not a knock-knock joke. It's not funny one little bit! Like...we gotta find a way to tell those people we're here or else it's curtains for us


KEN
Surf's up! I hear it and the smell of salt water!


BARBIE
Ken...Ken...Ken... What you hear is the sound of heavy equipment and the smell of gasoline. Get a grip!


G.I. JOE
Yeah - get a life soldier sissy-boy! (sniffing) I just love the smell of gasoline in the morning! Hey soldiers - I think I got me an idea. I'm not quite sure yet but I feel something happening in my head. Wait a minute... Yeah - it's definitely an idea. Sometimes it's just dandruff but this time it's an idea...


KEN
Oh Gawd! We're gonna die!


(ALL THE BARBIES', KENS' AND GI JOE'S' IN THE BOXES, ECHO KEN'S WORDS)

BARBIES, KENS, GI JOES (TOGETHER): 'We're gonna diiiiie!'


G.I. JOE
(softly)
Ssssssh - quiet - everyone! The enemy is near! They think we can't hear them but I can. I've been trained to hear enemy talk. These aren't your run-of-the-mill, every-day, plastic ears, y'know! Keep your mouths shut and for gawd's sake - youze all, stop your snivelling! I can hear them... They're saying: 'Blow this place sky high!' I gotcha, you bastards! You ain't gonna get away with it! G.I. Joe is gonna blow us all to kingdom come! I got me one last grenade and...


BARBIE
No! Please! Listen to me, Joe! Babe! Soldier boy!


KEN
We're all gonna diiiiiie! I'm too young to die. I still got a lot of surfing to do!

KEN:(sung to: "Lot of Livin' to Do")
There are waves, just right for some surfing,
And I'm gonna get me a few,
Lots of curls waitin' in Hawaii,
Oh I got a lot of surfin' to doooooo!


BARBIE
Oh Ken - I love it when you sing! I almost forgot what a good voice you have


KEN
I know. Remember when I tried out for American Idol but they wouldn't let me sing to my surf board? Damn Simon! Damn Brits! What do they know about surfing? Oh babe! If only I could touch you! Remember how we used to watch the waves from your beach house, holding hands? The tips of our plastic fingers touching each other. It was magic! Waves came in...and then went out... Came in...and went out...


BARBIE
I get the picture. That seems like centuries ago! Oh why, oh why, must we deserve this fate?


G.I. JOE
Hey! As long as I got my one leg and arm - I'm gonna save us all! And don't forget I still got my teeth


KEN
...we don't have teeth, G.I....


G.I. JOE
Oh yeah. I knew that. Well...anyway. All I haf'ta do is pull this here string with my one good toe... And... Just a minute now...I'm almost there


BARBIE
No! Stop! You'll blow us all to bits!


G.I. JOE
Almost there...I got the end... just pull...


(SUDDENLY, THERE IS A HUGE BANG AND EXPLOSION. ALL THE BOXES AND THE LIDS FLY UP IN THE AIR)


KEN
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Surf's up!


BARBIE
(in mid-air)
My-my wardrobe! It's ruined! My life as a fashion icon is over! I am no longer the fashionista that everyone looks up to... The Bratts win in the end


G.I. JOE
Told you I'd get us outta here, babe! Look - there's my jeep down there! We're as good as free, babe!


(AS THEY SLOWLY FALL TO THE GROUND, ONE CAN ONLY SPECULATE AS TO WHERE THEY WILL END UP NEXT. WILL THEY BE FREE AGAIN OR ARE THEY FUGITIVES FROM JUSTICE?)