How to use this Page

Wanting something is entirely different from knowing what you are good at. I know a girl who admitted to cooking up blood pressure readings rather than admit she did not know how to, while she was volunteering at a doctor's office. She is doctor today. Someone with such an abhorrent paucity of integrity is a doctor only because her other sisters are. Its a public joke in our circle that we should avoid hospitals when any of these sisters are on duty. The point I am trying to make is this- its the 'being doctor' she wanted, not actually practicing the craft.I give her five years before she goes into depression or, God forbid, hurt a patient. Meeting that girl again made me more than slightly annoyed. Why do people do things for appearances? is that why they think they were born- to be what someone thinks is the right person to be? I know it takes a lot of emotional maturity and moral integrity to look for you within yourself. I did talk about this in my earlier blogs. Aim for something you want to do, not something you want to be. You want to play with fabric and cuts, be a designer. Do not do it for the bow at the runway. Join a political party because you want to work for the upliftment of the country, not solely to be a senator.

But this is about more than just a case of choosing an occupation solely for image. It is about our ability to recognize ourselves, and respect our own selves enough to follow our heart's dictates. And this brings me to something I have been trying to understand, or maybe just trying to put into a coherent thought. Who are we? Not as a community but as individuals. Each one of us is ONE person. It is not as facile as it sounds. Not us qua what our occupation or relationships define, but us in the raw; us with all extraneous layers are peeled off. The real person we are when we are alone.

I believe that if we can be exactly that same person when we are with others, it leaves a lot of tranquility and space in your mind and heart to discover other things in life. It leaves enough energy within yourself to learn new thing and grow as a human being.

How many of us behave differently in different crowds? Our reactions change when the recipient of those reactions changes. Of course, we act differently with a old friend than we would with someone we have just met, or treat a child differently from the elderly. But when our very style of interacting is dependent on who we are interacting with; when the tone, style and content dictated by the other person-then something is really missing within our own compass. It is not a simple question of civility, for genuine civility is independent of place, time and person (idea paraphrased from Rasha's essay :))

Everyone needs approval. It is a natural human need for approbation from family , friends and society. Everyone would like to be famous, but some do drastically crazy things to get attention. It is the same craziness whether Paris Hilton lifts her dress up enough to leave nothing to imagination, and assures her photo in a magazine, or whether I agonize if I should wear the same outfit to a lunch only because someone else might recognize a repeat.

The point I am trying to make is this: What you do must be only what you want or need to do, not what will make you appear 'cool or 'fun' or 'smart' or 'rich' or whatever else an empty soul might conjure up. Lets face it- your bag and shoes will garner a comment of admiration, or maybe derision, but you are the one who wears them-so you should be the one who is comfortable with them.

Your identity is two-fold. It is a perfect state when both parts are in synchrony. One part is what you know of yourself, and the second is what is perceived of you. If you do not know the first enough to be true to yourself, or if you do not accept the persona you are, the second part- the identity you present to others- is going to be an ineffective artifice. The identity is ideal only if the person you project is