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*hugs* I'm sorry things have been rough for you, but I'm glad you're back. Hang in there - your time will come!

I can so relate to this, and I'm sorry it happened to you. i went through the acquisitions dance with two books before I parted with my agent in 2007. To drop from the highest of highs (I AM THIS CLOSE!!!) to the lowest of lows (I AM BACK TO WHERE I STARTED!!!) is enough to wear anyone out. The important thing, though, is that you didn't give up. You took time to figure things out and then you moved forward with something new. That takes guts, my friend. And though we don't know each other, I want you to know I'm ridiculously proud of you for not letting this keep you down. Kick those feelings of frustration and despair in the groin and keep on being awesome.

Two Elizabeths in a row! SCORE.

Welcome back! I'm sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you! Thanks for being honest and open and sharing your experiences with us. Good luck!

Thank you so much for your honesty, Shelli.

I totally relate to your post. Even though I published my first book back in 2007, I am still struggling for recognition.
As you so eloquently put it even if your book is good, getting an agent is hard, as it's getting published.
And having an agent doesn't guarantee publication. And getting published, I may add, doesn't translate into public recognition or sales.
Why we keep on doing it?
My guess is that, at least for me, writing is an addiction, a curse that binds me to the computer with the promise of the bliss of finding that perfect word, that perfect scene.
Keep your faith and write on!
Best of luck!

Sorry to here this. If it wasn't for our insanity as writers... we'd move away from publishing. Alas... we're all crazy... some in more degrees than others. I've had 3 agents... and I'm still hoping. I'm looking forward to hearing how your new project is going! All we really have control of is our words.

Oh, Shelli, I'm so sorry to hear this. But you know what else I am? Grateful. I appreciate your willingness to share your story, because you're right--too often, the hard stuff goes unsaid. We all need each other: for celebrations, yes, but also for encouragement and solace and unconditional support. And you have my support 100%! :-)

I just love you.

And your new project is INSANE, it's so flipping awesome. It's the one, baby. Mark. My. Words.

We need to go for a Sangria soon. ;)

Shelli,
Yours was one of the first blogs I started to follow. I remember contacting you for agent advice and how kind and open you were.

This business can be so painful. There are no guarantees for anyone. Your persistence and commitment to writing above all the heartache is something to be admired.

Here's to that first love. We all are grateful for your honesty.
Caroline xoxo

Having not yet gotten as far as you have, I can only imagine the heartbreak you're going through. Thank you for sharing it with us. As someone still searching for that agent and editor, it's good to hear how the process works for everyone, not just those who make it big. Best of luck to you. You'll find your moment.

Hey, you are speaking my language over here!! (((hugs))) Haven't talked about it much either, but parting ways is HARD.

And this--->> "I think I'm a giving person and a positive person and the last three months have really challenged that. It's been hard to be supportive of those making it, hard to hide my own bitterness towards the process, and hard to find the motivation and confidence to push forward."

So much YES--saying that out loud is hard!! Welcome back and congrats for having the courage to do it all (And STILL DREAM)!!!

What amazing, courageous honesty. Thank you so much for being brave and kind enough to share. You are an amazing woman, and I can't wait to see your book in print one day, I KNOW it will happen for you! *hugs*
We support you!! :)

Welcome back, Shelli! I missed you! Sorry to hear about your summer. I totally understand how you've been feeling. So here's a big cyber (((hug))). Glad to have you back, and thanks for your honesty.

I want to second what Shannon said. Thank you for sharing your story with us! For those of us just entering this realm, we need to have our eyes wide open and know what to truthfully expect. Good luck on your new journey!!! :)

I'm so glad you're back and thanks for sharing this. I agree with Shannon that it's good to sometimes share the hard parts too.

I've so been there too. I started out starry eyed and so full of hope. But about 8 years later and I am hopefully finishing my first book while juggling a full time (and suddenly uncertain) job and family. And I'm realizing from putting pitches and queries out there that this may not be the book.

I do enjoy the journey and write when I can and hope for the best. But I am realistic and know I need to focus on the paying, hopefully more certain, job. I think we need to encourage and support each other and celebrate our journeys whether they lead to publication or not. Because we are the same people inside no matter what and getting published doesn't define our self worth.

I hope you'll stay around so we can support you and you can support us.

Big hugs, Shelli. Here's to new beginnings and new directions.

Follow your bliss, hon. :)

You are brave and thoughtful and wonderful, friend. Sending you hugs!

So glad you are back! At the same time, I am so sorry! Good for you for not giving up. That is the most important aspect out of all of this. If you love what you're doing, never give up!

Shelli, It's so good to see you back on line. I agree with your thoughts about timing and luck and fate. But only pure doggedness will keep you in the game long enough for all three to align correctly! I am glad to hear that you are staying in the game.

I really related to Carmen's comments too--getting published moves you into a whole 'nother level of "no control"--over sales; over whether people like your book; over people's snarky reviews; over whether anybody will buy it; etc., etc.

To stay sane (admittedly, I'm always a bit borderline ;-)), I've decided that the only thing we CAN control is how we tell our stories. Everything else is out of our hands.

So tell your story, girl! There are plenty of us who want to read it!

Shelli,

I'm so glad to see you back online, but sorry that things with your agent and your books didn't work out as you had hoped. I would just echo what others have said here and thank you for sharing the not-so-great part of this business with us. We have all experienced these disappointments in different ways, and it's good to know we're all in it together and we can be honest with each other.

Good luck as you take your next steps. I am certain you are on your correct path.

Thank you for "coming clean" and sharing. I am starting over too - sounds like we've been on a similar path. I'm grateful for this generous, supportive community along the way!

Oh, Shelli, my heart is breaking for you. What a difficult road you've had for the last few months. I can't even imagine the roller coaster of emotions you've been through. I'm so glad to hear you're working on something new. Keep going forward. There's no doubt in my mind you WILL make it. *hugs*

Much, much, much love for you.

Nothing good is easy. Nothing too easy is good. Mom used to say things like that to me all the time. It doesn't make it any better but sometimes hard words are true.

Hang in there.

Thanks for sharing this and we're all so glad you did! It's true; I'm always ranting to my bf about how everybody's online lives seem perfect and awesome and everyone has a great marriage and a writing room and lots of money.

Someday soon you'll look back on this as the yukky time before all the good stuff happened.

Miss you terribly!

I just wanted to thank you for your honesty. I understand much of the pain and disappointment you've experienced and face that question, "Do I continue" on a regular basis.

I know you've made a difference in many writers' careers already and I know the karma or good juju (whatever you want to call it) really will come back on you. Maybe not as you expect it or even want it and certainly not on your timeline. Just remember to stay open to opportunities beyond what you are striving for.

Best of luck with your new project.

Welcome back and sorry you've had such a hard time. Hopefully this new project will bring you some of that excitement back.

i've seen enough of these posts from writers who have left their agents now to know that getting an agent isn't the answer. I know the tougher road is still before me. I know that great writers with great books don't always get deals. And I know that some books really aren't that great but got published. And that there are many writers who come so close only to not make it that last step.

I wish you the best with this new manuscript. And someday we'll all be celebrating together.

Thoughtful post--I agree with others. Your honesty about the process is moving, and I just want to give you a hug. :-)

Wow. And *hugs* and I'm so tremendously impressed with your tenacity and honesty and openness. Thank you so much for sharing, and you are doing the very smartest thing: starting something new, fresh, something that will revitalize you so you're ready to go forward.

I've been a follower from a while back, but I hope to keep closer tabs (now that you're back! yay!). :)

Your post has probably helped more people than you know! I applaud your honesty and courage. Sharing your journey helps us all gain perspective on this crazy life we've chosen as writers. *hugs*

Go Shelli go!!!

((hugs)) I know your time hasn't passed you by, Shelli. Keep believing, it WILL happen. And I will be there to celebrate when it does!

Good for you for making the hard decision and living to tell the tale. Good luck! I know you'll bounce back, better than ever!

This was a brave post, Shelli and I imagine that every single writer can identify with this on some level or another. This is a tough biz and perseverance is half the battle. XOXO

Great post, Shellibean! I believe in you :)))

Shelli - Your post is so honest and so heartfelt and SO TRUE. Thank you for opening up online but especially for taking a difficult experience and allowing the whole world in to learn from it. At the same time, I hope the whole world reaches out to thank you and comfort you and call you "friend." If you don't mind, I'd like to direct other writers to your post. It will be a gift to them.