I’m a fiddler.
No, you won’t find me balancing on a rooftop, silhouetted by moonlight, playing an instrument with a bow. But for the past couple weeks, I could easily be found on most nights hunched over my desk, glowing in the light of my monitor, endlessly tweaking my Powerpoint presentation.
On Saturday, I’ll be giving a workshop at the national SCBWI conference titled No Bookmarks Allowed: How to Inject Suspense into any Novel. And basically, I’m nervous as hell with a little bit of heck thrown in, too. I know I’ll be fine once I begin talking and there’s no turning back. But until that time comes, I haven’t been able to think about anything but my workshop.
Sometimes I’ll think about creative ways to improve it. But usually I’m just thinking of ways I might potentially blow it.
Also, I’ve been kind of cranky lately. (Shut up! At least I admit it! What’s your excuse!?!?) I’m not normally a cranky person, but I get that way when I don’t sleep. And when there’s a speech coming up that I’m nervous about, I just do not sleep much. I always think there’s a more creative way to get a point across and that I’ll find that creative way if I just stay up and stare at my monitor for another 15 minutes.
Of course, that doesn’t usually work. But I still try!
The past few days, friends have been e-mailing or texting me around midnight. Most of the messages consist of nothing more than Go To Bed. And even though they’re right…boy, that sure makes me even crankier!
What I’m getting at is, I’m actually kind of excited about my presentation. All of those extra 15 minutes (which usually piled on multiple times within the same night) might have paid off this time. But I'm afraid that for the first day-and-a-half of the four-day conference my mind will be distracted. So consider this an apology-in-advance to any of you who might run into Cranky Jay this weekend. I promise, once my workshop is over…it’s party time!
- Jay
Fondue Fridays
- where everyone dips in, and everything comes up cheesy -
- - -
Every year, we have a blast at the SCBWI National Conference in Los Angeles. But every year is a totally different experience. Recently, the three of us got together, placed a laptop on a Lazy-Susan, and discussed our thoughts and hopes for the next conference…which begins one week from today.
- - -
Jay: Okay, who wants to go first?
Robin: Well, you just did.
Jay: Okay, then who wants to go sec--…I mean…third?
Eve: I’ll go…wait, what are we talking about?
Robin: I think this is the last time we’re going to do this.
Jay: Robin’s in a bad mood cuz she had to put off her hair appointment. Nice hat, by the way.
Robin: I like to call it Redneck Chic. Let’s move on.
Eve: I love the hat! And, Jay…you’re wearing a hat too. Speaking of hats, what are you guys most excited about doing at the conference?
Jay: Just for your info, dear readers, Robin’s hat says Pheasants Forever. I think it’s from back home in Georgia.
Robin: Pheasants
are forever. Now let’s move on. I’m looking forward to so many of the speakers, including the amazing Jay Asher who had better lose his hat by then…and his attitude.
Jay: It’s a Penguin hat. I’m just trying to represent!
Eve: Pheasants. Penguins. Who cares? I’m excited to meet blog readers like
Suzanne Young and
Laura Ludwig Hamor, who I’ve only met cyber-ly! And
Christy Raedeke, who I only got to hang with a little bit in Big Sur.
Robin: Yes! And Rachel Cohn and David LaRochelle and…and…oh, who am I kidding…I can’t wait to get soy lattes all day long from the Starbucks in the lobby!
Eve: OMG! I was just going to say the same thing! Except my drink of choice is a café mocha. We are the same person, Robin!
Jay: You definitely are. Each year at the conference…each and every morning!…I’m told to get up early, go downstairs, and bring back your coffees while you “put your faces on.”
Robin: Thanks, Jay. Extra hot…don’t forget! Hopefully we’ll make it down in time for the faculty parade, where each faculty member says one inspired word into the microphone. Do you want to give our readers a hint as to what your word will be, Jay?
Eve: Ooh! Do not say something generic like
creative or
imagine. You should say…
Robin: Wait, you didn’t tell Eve yet?
Jay: No, back when I came up with it, it would’ve just frustrated her. But I think she’d like it now.
Eve: Wait, I know! Your word is…wait, why would it frustrate me? Is it
menopause???
Robin: You’re right. It would’ve frustrated her.
Eve: What IS it?
Loser?
Cellulite?
Dumb blond? No, that’s two words.
Jay: Come here, I’ll whisper it to you.
[Jay whispers his word.]Eve: Oh! NEVER would have guessed that one! Funny. Yes, maybe it would have frustrated me a few months back. But not now. Thanks for telling me!
Jay: Okay, Robin, what year did you first attend the conference?
Robin: My first year was 2003. The theme was the Mad Hatter Tea Party or something. I drove down by myself for one day and ended up crashing in Eve’s room that night. I remember thinking…
I could make a habit out of this.
Eve: That’s right! We all hardly knew each other then. I remember sitting in my room with Jay chatting about how much I loved his new project, and insisting that he keep working on it. Back then it was a little thing called,
Baker’s Dozen. Most of you now know it as
Thirteen Reasons Why!
Jay: I remember that conversation so well! When you told me you loved my book, I remember thinking, “I think we could become really good friends.”
Robin: Awww. This is getting so cute. Let’s do more cute! When was your first year, Jay? What was that like?
Jay: 2000 was my first year…and it wasn’t so cute at first. I knew absolutely no one and I was so shy back then. But I ended up befriending Kathleen Duey, and she introduced me to so many cool people. By the end of the conference, I was more determined than ever to stick with this. And then, Eve, I think you came to the conference two years later, but we never even talked.
Eve: Yes, 2002 was my first. I had just moved to Cali, knew no one at the conference, but met a fabulous group of girls the first day--
April Fritz,
Kelly DiPucchio,
Hope Vestergaard,
Alice Pope,
Lisa Wheeler--and they made me feel right at home. I do remember seeing a strange guy sitting all alone at the Saturday night luau dressed like the Hawaiian Punch logo-guy and playing a ukulele!
Jay: Yep. That was embarrassing…cuz NO ONE ELSE DRESSED UP THAT YEAR!!!
Robin: But
this year, things will be much different!
Eve: Yes, because it’s not a luau, so you won’t need that ukulele. Don’t bring it. No, seriously. Don’t.
Robin: Right! This year will be very different. Jay’s book is out and he’s on the faculty and he’s going to be the hit of the conference. For me it’ll be different because…oh, wait…it won’t be different at all. Except we’ll be dressed in red!!!
Jay: Hey, Robin. I’m actually starting to like your Pheasants Forever hat. You look good in it.
Eve: Leave her hat alone!
Jay: No, I’m serious. I like it!
Robin: For real ya’ll, pheasants are forever.
Eve: Oh! Oh! I know! Your one word should be
I’maNewYorkTimesBestsellingAuthorLookAtMeLookAtMe.
Robin: Or how about
EveAndRobinWillBePublishedSoon.
Eve: Oh, oh, or
MillionDollarContractsMovieDealsAndTheWholeShabangForBothOfYou.
Robin: Or
ILoveEveAndRobinMoreThanLifeItself.
Eve: IWouldBeNothingWithoutThem.
Jay: [walks away]Robin: Jay! We’re sorry.
Jay: I’m just getting more coffee.
Eve: Maybe his one word should just be
creative.
Robin: Yeah.
Creative. That’s good!
Almost as good as being there! Keep it up so that I can pretend. Next year I'm going to be one of the cool kids with a lanyard nametag and an elevator full of friends.
I'd love to hear snippets of Jay's talk - will one of ya'll take notes?
Man, I'm so wishing I were there.
I would have loved to hear Jay's main stage Debut. But probably more loved to hear the Guffaws during the Main Lobby Skipping contest!
Anyway, sending some cross continental LURVE!
Honestly, I'm not sure any Guffaw Skipping contests will ever be that funny. Ever. It will just be too much to live up to.
Well it was a blast to finally hang out with Y'ALL in person! And so cool to see all your fun pictures.
What a weekend!
Jay was a ridiculously good skipper, I was not expecting that at all. I do think a rematch is necessary, though. This time, WITH shoes!
Maybe a rematch is necessary because SOMEbody cheated by running! Just sayin'.
Actually, Suz, I'm not sure any conference will ever be that funny. Ever. It was ALL too much to live up to. I have perpetual Demi-Moore laryngitis man-voice now from screaming and laughing so hard.
I used to have a high, squeaky voice, I swear.
Eve
yes, the sad truth is, I did cheat, but the even sadder truth is that I still didn't even win.
Oh, hooray! There's a photo of me! Yay!
I missed this skipping contest. Eve, you look like you're about to do cartwheels. It's hysterical. (That is Eve, right? Are you like the flag girl in The Fast and the Furious, of skipping?)
Pics of you guys will abound soon enough. :D