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The art and sketchblog of children's illustrator Courtney Autumn Martin
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A few weeks ago Adam and I were driving on the highway during late afternoon the day after a snowstorm. I always love to scan the trees looking for deer while we drive and thanks to the bright white snow, I had no trouble spotting a large female laying comfortably, enjoying the view of passing cars. I kept it in mind to make a piece inspired by that moment. Here is a quick limited palette color block sketch interpretation.
Life update: My second niece joined Planet Earth on January 10th! I was there for her arrival and it was one of the more memorable moments of my life, that's for sure! I love being an aunt and can't wait to get to know little Ellery as well as I do her big sister, Nora. They are my little loves.
Career update: Last week I wrapped up my latest illustration job and last night I came to a big decision.
After a lot of anguished discussions with Adam about my illustration career and my unhappiness with it, I've decided go on hiatus from freelancing. It's been a struggle to do work I'm not happy with just for the paycheck that comes some months later. I'm finally able to articulate that I don't want to be a children's illustrator. I want to be a children's book illustrator, which in practice is a world of difference. Ever since educational work became the only arena in which I get work, my career is not what or where I want it to be. It's completely lacking in my own ideas, my enthusiasm, my creativity, my personality, my problem solving skills, my passion. Ultimately: me.
My love for this line of work comes from a love of books and stories---not from a love of drawing or digital painting, or from quick deadlines and being told what to do. Today, my illustration career is an assembly line of detailed directions, dictated compositions, required elements down to each detail---sometimes rough sketches are even worked out for me beforehand. I find it a stifling, creativity-killing process from which I desperately want to distance myself. The problem is that I have been stuck in a cycle: I take a break from freelancing, but then want some money, so I take freelance job, but hate the work, I get bummed out, and take a break from freelancing. On and on for the last few years. And between gigs I'm left with such detest for my own work that I don't even try do work for myself in the downtime. I'm forgetting what it's like to like illustrating.
I am in a hugely fortunate position which allows me not to have to make a living at illustrating (thanks, Adam!). I get to do it because it is something I enjoy. Which is why I think it's counterintuitive to keep taking on work that I do not enjoy doing. Sure, the money is nice when it comes along but that's not good enough anymore. I want to work in the children's industry because I want to have a hand in telling stories. I don't know if I'm a writer or an illustrator (or both), or if perhaps I just really love books. I simply don't know, but I do know it is time I figured it out.
I want 2015 to be a year filled with experimentation, exploration, and hard work. I want to make work that challenges me, pushes me, and excites me.
I'm ready. I've been ready.
Now I have to prove it.
Happy New Year! Here's hoping your 2015 is off to a swell start.
(No baby yet for my sister, but I guess that just means we're one day closer...right?)
While I continue to wait around for THE CALL/THE TEXT, I'll stop checking my phone every thirty seconds and write a brief "Two-Question Tuesday" to ring in the new year. I'm not sure if I'll continue on with this series over the next few weeks as I'll be busy working to complete my current freelance project. But in the event that you have a question you'd like to ask me, post it as a comment below and I will be sure to answer in a future post. Cheers!
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Have you ever thought about writing and illustrating your own books?
Have I ever! Every. Single. Day.
Although I'm only formally trained as a children's illustrator, writing books is THE ultimate career goal in the back of my mind. I don’t think I’ll be satisfied by only ever illustrating another author’s words. When I read a good book, (be it a picture book, graphic novel, YA series, or otherwise) I can't help but have a deeply resonating gut reaction that says "I want to do this." Books are my everything. I have no idea if I'll be good at it. But I'm sure as heck going to try. In the words of Rumi:
"Let yourself be drawn by the strange pull of what you love. It will not lead you astray."
What are you reading these days?
I spent several hours of my vacation completely immersed in Emily St. John Mandel's
Station Eleven. I ordered it as soon as I read about it back in September, but had put off reading it so I could enjoy it leisurely and with undivided attention as my Official Book of Christmas Break. And after looking forward to it so much, it did not disappoint, it
impressed. A pandemic, societal collapse, theater, art, science fiction comics, beauty, tragedy, humanity, chock full of elegant reflections on the ephemeral nature of the commonplace---it was depressing, haunting, and invigorating. I loved every word and did not want it to end. But alas.
All good things must come to an One of my favorite passages:
“Jeevan found himself thinking about how human the city is, how human everything is. We bemoaned the impersonality of the modern world, but that was a lie, it seemed to him; it had never been impersonal at all. There had always been a massive delicate infrastructure of people, all of them working unnoticed around us, and when people stop going to work, the entire operation grinds to a halt. No one delivers fuel to the gas stations or the airports. Cars are stranded. Airplanes cannot fly. Trucks remain at their points of origin. Food never reaches the cities; grocery stores close. Businesses are locked and then looted. No one comes to work at the power plants or the substations, no one removes fallen trees from electrical lines. Jeevan was standing by the window when the lights went out.”
There are so many apocalyptic stories (don't get me wrong, I LOVE APOCALYPTIC STORIES), but it was refreshing to encounter one that offered beauty and hope along with its healthy dose of tragedy and humbling perspective. I may have to reread this again very soon.
2014 was a good year for doodles and a slow year for freelance work. Luckily that was (mostly) by choice. :)
I hope you all had a lovely holiday (if you celebrate) and are having a happy Last Tuesday of the Year! I myself have enjoyed a luxuriously long week filled with several Christmas celebrations, Minecraft-playing, movie-watching, and book/comic reading.
Presently, my family is waiting with bated breath for any developments on my very pregnant sister, due to give birth to my second niece any day now. While I wait anxiously for any news of contractions and water breaking, I will distract myself by continuing my "Two-Question Tuesday"series, the final installment of 2014!
If you have a question you'd like to ask me, post it as a comment below and I will answer it in a future post.
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Can you describe your illustration process?
When I am working on a freelance project, the first thing I do is read the provided text thoroughly to get a firm grasp on the story. Then I read through the illustration notes (if any) provided by the publisher. Some publishers even provide very loose sketches along and the design layout of the project. I consider their sketches and begin thinking of how I can add my own ideas to what is required. Then comes the RRR Stage: I gather appropriate visual references, resources and research. As an illustrator I need to be adequately informed. This part is critical to my process, especially as I am often drawing things I've never drawn before and may know nothing about.
Once RRR is done, I start sketching. Very scribbly thumbnail compositions first. Once I get an idea I want to follow through, I may have to go back and seek out more specific references. This often includes taking my own photos of figures in the poses I need. Then I use the references to create a cleaner sketch that I can send to the publisher for approval. Most of the time these sketches are black and white line drawings. If I have enough time before submitting the sketches, I might do a black and white value study to suggest how the final rendering will look. And if I have a good feel for where I'm going with the images, I might submit full color sketches in place of black and white. I like figuring out color and value as soon as possible in the sketch phase as it quickens the pace for the final images which are usually (sadly) always under a time crunch from the publisher.
Once feedback is received, I make any necessary changes to the sketches and proceed to final images. In an ideal world, I would have enough time to work on the finals relatively leisurely, say 4 hours a day until they are all finished. Usually this is more like 12+ hours of work a day. This is frustrating because the quality of my work goes down after about 6 hours of painting. So in the rush to finish, I actually take much longer.
I don't have the ability to slow down the process to better work in a way that I find enjoyable. I'd love to have the time to paint each illustration in black and white first so that I can sort out my drawing and rendering without also having to figure out color at the same time. But since rarely do I get that extra time, I have to figure it all out AS I'm working on the finals. It's hasty, it's stressful, and usually results in a finished product that does not meet my expectations.
As for the illustrating process itself, first I scan the pencil sketch or refined drawing and set that layer to "multiply" in my Photoshop file. On a second layer ordered underneath the pencil layer, I block out the overall values (or colors) of the illustration. I also add a third layer on top of the pencil sketch on which I paint over the drawing as needed. I paint using a custom brush textured like chalk. It keeps me from getting too detailed, so I will also use a separate brush for line work and any smaller details.
Once the images are finished, I place them in the layout the publisher provided to see how they fit with the text and make any small changes if need be. Then I send the flattened TIFF files to the publisher and hope they get approved. Working digitally, it's easy to accommodate last minute adjustments but it's always a relief when they approve them as they are!
What do you hope to achieve by this time next year?
Hmmm! An appropriate question to close out what has been a lovely year overall.
By the end of 2015, I'd love to have done these things:
• Complete the rough draft of the first installment of my planned YA sci-fi trilogy
• Have three of my own picture book ideas in development
• Have a contract for a freelance illustrated a picture book
• Hold a baby lamb
Well, that's all for now. See you next year!
Continuing "Two-Question Tuesday", in which I post and answer two questions each week, one pulled from some of the actual questions I've received over the years, the other a playful question I ask myself. I hope they provide a bit of insight into who I am and how (and why) I do what I do!
If you have a question you'd like to ask me, post it as a comment below and I will answer it in a future post.
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Q1: What influences your doodle paintings?
I think the truest answer here is that not much influences my doodles. They just sort of happened on their own. Above is the basic evolution of my doodle process. It all began in 2004---doodling in black ink on white paper. After a few of those I naturally began to wonder: W
hat if I add color first, and then draw over the painting? It progressed into subdued washes of watercolor backgrounds on top of which I drew with ink. From there it has been a steady continuation of that original method. Today, my doodles are far wilder in color. I paint more thickly using gouache and I also paint over some parts of the drawing and add touches of colored pencil to push the depth of the shapes and spaces.
Abstract art has been an interesting departure from my representational illustration work. I like that my doodles allow for multiple interpretations---some people see cells, bacteria, bubbles, etc. To me they feel like microscopic worlds or galactic worlds--like alien planets. But I do not try too hard to convey these things literally. My doodles are the one thing I feel like I am discovering entirely on my own---without outside things influencing how they should look or what they should become. Occasionally I take initial color inspiration for my doodles from other pieces of art that have exciting color palettes, but I never plan too heavily when I actually paint them. I just sort of begin painting and let it take me wherever it goes. The reason why I call them "doodles" is because I am truly "doodling" as I create them, drawing whatever I want to, in whatever order I want to ---with no pressure for it to look a certain way. That's the point of doing them---it is a very free process (unlike my illustration work which is VERY constrained by the needs of the project or story).
Q2: What is your favorite holiday movie?
Without a doubt: The Muppet Christmas Carol.
The story. The sets. The actors! Never have Kermit and Gonzo been better. Oh, and Michael Cane is brilliant, too. OOF! I think the ideas within the Christmas Carol story itself (whatever the iteration) can be appreciated by anyone who wants to find it in their heart to change for the better. Its message resonates very strongly within me, and as a non-religious person, this particular retelling is pretty secular-friendly. Funny enough, it is a muppet movie that brings out my humanity the most at one of the warm and fuzziest times of the year. Wherever you find love, it feels like Christmas. That's a message to which I can truly relate.
Brb, gonna go watch the muppets and cry.
Happy Christmas!
Continuing "Two-Question Tuesday", in which I post and answer two questions each week, one pulled from some of the actual questions I've received over the years, the other a silly question I ask myself. I hope they provide a bit of insight into who I am and how (and why) I do what I do!
If you have a question you'd like to ask me, post it as a comment below and I will answer it in a future post.
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Q1: Did you take art classes when you were young?
NOTE: I like to think that I am
still young, but I get what you're asking...for the sake of argument I will address my relationship to art prior to age 21.
As a child, I had regular public school art class like everyone else around me. But at home, my sister ---she's 3 years older---liked to draw and paint and it wasn't long before I decided I wanted to, too. Maybe part of me wanted to show her up a little? (I am the middle child, after all...) By middle school I was drawing a TON. It was my favorite thing to do, and all that outside practice helped me improve pretty quickly. Granted, the kind of art I was doing at the time involved realistic teeny bopper drawings of my celebrity crushes [see above,
age 11: Devon Sawa], but I guess they served a grander purpose eventually. When I was younger, I spent most of my personal time drawing from photographs as opposed to from my imagination. It taught me certain basics of light/shadow/value, but now I wonder where I'd be as an artist if I had relied more on my imagination as a child...it's something I'm still trying to develop now at age 30.
Anyway, I digress.
In high school I continued taking art classes as electives (i.e. advanced drawing and painting, portfolio, and AP studio art) but I was equally if not
more concerned with my academic classes. I didn't want to be just a good artist, but a good student all around. My favorite teacher was my English teacher, Mrs. Sullivan (I had her sophomore year and senior year) who encouraged her students to approach their final projects creatively rather than just written essays. For
The Lord of the Flies I drew realistic before and after portraits of Ralph (see above,
age 15), and for
Macbeth I drew a poster montage of key scenes from the play (see above,
age 17). I loved having the opportunity to fuse my art with my academics and will always be grateful for having had a teacher like Mrs. Sullivan.
All throughout high school my number one pastime was drawing in my bedroom for hours on end. Most often by myself, but occasionally with the company of one or both my sisters. I was a pretty independent art maker motivated by a simple desire: make realistic portraits of my favorite movie stars to hang on my bedroom wall. It might not have been the most sociable use of my free time, but it kept me entertained through the stress factory that is high school, so I regret nothing!
After I graduated, I went to RISD---but that's a story for another question. :)
Q2: What is your favorite book?
Oof! How do you pick just one when there are so many books that make your life a little more complete just by existing?
UGH. Ok--- I know! I'll answer this in list form.
FAVORITE
Picturebook: The Sea Chest by Toni Buzzelli, illus. by Mary GrandPre
Graphic Novel: The Arrival by Shaun Tan
Middle Grade Novel: The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate
Juvenile Sci-Fi Series: The Giver series
by Lois Lowry
Juvenile Fantasy Series: Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
YA Series: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Adult Fantasy Series: A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin
Non-Fiction: Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors by Carl Sagan andAnn Druyan
These are the books I'd rescue from a fire.
These are the books whose images have implanted in my mind, whose inky words have stained my fingers and become part of my being. (Can you tell I do not read ebooks?)
But if I had to pick JUST ONE book to attribute my entire being to, I'd pick
Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone. Reading this book at the age of 16 forever broke me of my adolescence-induced, too-cool-for-anything cynicism and showed me that it's ok to be a nerd/dork/geek/whatever and it's ok to openly admit loving that which you love. No more teenage apathy and negativity. No more putting people down for what they like, however different it may be from my own interests.
Like what you like. Life's too short not to embrace the things that make you happy.
I will never forget reading the first few chapters of
Sorcerer's Stone in bed at my gramma's house. She'd bought books 1-4 for us grandchildren to share, despite none of us really being interested at the time. Begrudgingly, I decided to see what all the fuss was about (
Goblet of Fire had just come out--midnight book release parties for a kids book? Whaaat?). But there I was, finding myself absolutely hooked by the first few words:
"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."
I sat in bed with the dawning realization that this book, this writing and the
world within those pages---Roald Dahl meets
The Worst Witch but with a voice entirely its own--was the book I had always wanted to read. It felt as if JK Rowling was speaking directly to me. I was at once both 16 and 6, teenager and child, completely transported, my imagination unlocked. There is no spell strong enough to undo the magic this book cast on my life.
Harry Potter singlehandedly changed everything I thought I was by connecting me to my true, unapologetic, wide-eyed inner child. Without this book (and subsequent HP books), I would not have made the friends I did, or met the love of my life in my husband (also a huge HP fan), or done just about anything else that makes me who I am today. This book made me love books, reinforced my lifelong love of reading, and kindled a passion for children's literature in particular which gives shape and meaning to my life and career on a daily basis.
So yeah. I guess I DO have a favorite book afterall!
Continuing with "Two-Question Tuesday", in which I post and answer two questions each week, one pulled from some of the actual questions I've received over the years, the other a playful question I ask myself. I hope they provide a bit of insight into who I am and how (and why) I do what I do!
If you have a question you'd like to ask me, post it as a comment below and I will answer it in a future post.
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Q1: What artists influence you?
I am a great appreciator of the work of many children's illustrators, although I don't actively try (or succeed) at making work anything like theirs. Instead, I admire their work because it looks like they sincerely enjoy their process. They are consistent in their dedication to quality and their craft, whatever their medium of choice. Most of my favorite illustrators have a recognizable, characteristic style that makes their work easily identifiable. Some of my favorites are Mary GrandPré, Linda Wingerter, Cory Godbey, Brett Helquist, Brian Selznick, Tony DiTerlizzi, Rebecca Guay, and Aaron Becker (just to name a few). If you know their work you'll probably notice that they all have distinctly different styles from each other and from my own work.
By looking at these artists' images, I absorb valuable insights that I hope to someday be able to bring to my own art---insights into color, composition, lighting, character, style, etc. Qualities like strong drawing skills (good anatomy or intentionally stylized figures), use of interesting perspectives, dynamic environments, looseness of lines, use of expressive, dynamic shapes, and a sense of gesture and movement are all evident in the illustrations that strongly appeal to me (in contrast to my own work, which all-too often tends to become stiff and overworked). There is much to be learned from the artists I admire.
Most important of all, my favorite artists remind me to enjoy myself, to work hard, and create with authentic passion. They're all so good at being themselves that I'm reminded to be myself, too (whatever that may be). Their techniques and processes encourage me to try something new, loosen up, and be playful. Their work compels me to continue to hone my drawing skills so that I can draw realistically when I need to AND be expressive when I want to.
Ancora imparo!
Q2: Are you obsessed with space, and why is the answer YES?
Our solar system, exoplanets, the galaxy, and the entire universe has been and will forever be a topic for me which inspires true AWE. Contemplating space used to leave me boggled and afraid. Afraid of what is out there, afraid of what we don't know, and afraid we'll never know enough to satisfy my own curiosity. Apart from my creative projects, the pursuit of space related topics has been filling ALL of my free time for the last year and a half. I've read non-fiction (several of Carl Sagan's books), fiction (The Martian was a particular favorite this year), sci-fi comic books and classic novels, not to mention watched countless documentaries and educational videos. I'm discovering more and more my passion for topics like cosmology, astrophysics, and astrobiology. (If I hadn't been scared away from studying science in my youth, I suspect I would have loved spectronomy.)
I've always been dissatisfied with the sub par science education I received in school, and up until last year I'd spent most of my life avoiding heavy science topics altogether because I was intimidated by how stupid I felt trying to navigate it all. But I'm making up for lost time by throwing myself into it now, at age 30, with a level of passion and enthusiasm I've only ever experienced inside the art-making realm.
So YES. I am obsessed with space, that wondrous, fascinating and overwhelming place of which we human beings have the privilege to be a very small part. Sometimes I wonder if anything besides the study of the universe really matters at all...
Did you watch the Orion test flight last week? Are you following the New Horizons mission? There is so much happening right now--- it's a very exciting time to be a space enthusiast!
While I was at RISD, I contacted illustrators I admired eager to glean whatever I could about what life as an illustrator was really like. Answers to questions like "How did you discover your style?" and "How do you navigate the vastness of the children's book industry?" provided valuable insight to me as a new and wannabe illustrator. Now, nine years later, I have the humbling pleasure of sometimes being on the receiving end of some of these very questions from students and aspiring artists. Imagine that!
I thought it might be fun to have a weekly post themed around answering the kinds of career-oriented questions I've received. So I'm beginning "Two-Question Tuesday", in which I will post and answer two questions each week, one pulled from some of the actual questions I've been asked over the years., the other a playful question I'll ask myself. I hope it provides a bit of insight into who I am and how (and why) I do what I do!
If you have a question you'd like to ask me, post it as a comment below and I will answer it in a future post.
Here we go!
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Q1: How did you get your start in the children's illustration industry?
Getting a foot in the door as an illustrator can be remarkably hit or miss. My experience is not a very common one in that one of my first professional jobs was a legitimate picture book with a big publisher (believe me, I was just as surprised as you!). I graduated in 2006, and during that first post-grad year I spent a lot of time researching and learning about the industry I wanted to be a part of rather than actually being part of it. I created some sample pieces and spent 2007 prowling the RISD job board for illustration gigs. Eventually I got my first paying job that way, creating pencil drawings for a kind of paint-by-number kid's paint set.
Next I sent out promotional mailers to publishers (a packet of sample prints, postcards, the norm), but nothing came directly from it. Then I put my portfolio on the website
childrensillustrators.com. There were many artists on the site (and tons more now) but somehow (miraculously!?) my work was seen by an editor at Abrams Books. After creating a spec illustration for the manuscript, I was hired to illustrate a book called
Ballots for Belva by Sudipta Bardhan-Quallen. (I hadn't done anything that big prior, nor have I since, really.)
The money from that advance was enough to allow me and (my then-boyfriend) Adam to move to Boston and get real jobs so we could live together. From 2008-2010 I worked full-time as a web/graphic designer and sought out small illustration jobs when I could. Illustration was relegated to late nights and weekends. At the time that was enough. It kept me busy, brought in some extra money, and served to remind me what I truly wanted to do someday.
After two years at my day job, I felt the itch to quit and try freelancing full-time. I also just so happened to have been contacted by an agent around that time. She'd also seen my work online and thought I might be good for the kind of work she often assigns. I came on as a
Tugeau2 artist four years ago and have very much appreciated working someone so knowledgeable, accessible, and supportive as Nicole Tugeau.
But my plan to become a full-time illustrator hasn't quite worked out as I envisioned. At least not yet. 2010 was the same year I contracted Lyme disease, and it has been a bit of an unpredictable ride ever since. (Fortunately, I think I'm finally moving past all that now...)
Anyway---back to freelancing:
Most of the projects that come through Nicole are educational work. They pay well but sometimes prove challenging to the spirit. There usually isn't (in my opinion) enough time to explore in the initial stages before I have to pump out the final artwork. Generally after educational work wraps I'm completely worn out and frazzled. And I always wish I had more time to let the process breathe a little. I do the best I can with the time that is given, but with my part-time job sometimes it's very little actual work time.
I'm 9 years out of RISD now but I feel like I'm still establishing myself. I still want to be a children's illustrator, but I'm realizing now what that really means to me: I want to make my own books and stories, and take on less educational work. Since I'm not relying on illustration to support myself, I don't really want to do work my heart isn't in fully---especially since I don't have to.
It's a big world out there and I've inadvertently taken longer figuring out who I want to be as an illustrator than I originally intended. But I'm ok with learning little by little and improving project by project. Everything is a chance to get better. To get closer to being the artist I hope to someday become.
Q2: Courtney, if you were an animal, what animal would you be?
People often remark that my cat Miette looks an awful lot like me, thus I have been likened to a cat by those who know her. But if I'm picking for myself, I'd say I would like to be a deer. I feel a kindred spirit with these wild yet gentle animals. For being so commonplace, deer are wonderfully majestic and mysterious. When I see them appearing out of the treeline or standing stoically in a field at dusk, l feel connected. Connected to all of nature and to my peaceful animal brethren, silently taking in the sights, living their quiet lives, hoping to remain undisturbed.
Oh, and I, too, malfunction in the spotlight. So there's that.
It has now been a year since I completed illustrations for the story "Follow the Drinking Gourd" (which hopefully means I can now safely post my work). It's about two runaway slave children who, through the help of good samaritans, are able to escape to freedom. Here is a sampling of the finished pieces:
I spent the afternoon exploring ideas for a deer themed illustration/painting for my husband and I's joint fine art venture (Slumberland Studio). We will attempt to collaborate in the art-making process, but first we need ideas! We each have to come up with three composition ideas to show each other and then we'll settle on one to develop further and bring to finish---with actual paint---imagine that! I only got through one of my 3 ideas today. More to come!
It's getting colder in Rhode Island and each day seems to pass in the blink of an eye. I've been keeping busy in my free time, spending it either reading books (currently
Bill Nye's newest), comics (
Bravest Warriors is a new fun favorite), or watching documentaries and educational programing via PBS, Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube while I work on new doodle paintings.
I have one more small craft show coming up on December 6th (
Blackstone River Theatre's Holiday Fair). It's the last show I have lined up at the moment so it seems a nice time to wrap up the doodles for a while so I can dive back into developing (and perhaps writing) my story idea.
Generally, during the cold months I tend to go into a hibernation mode, wanting very little to leave the house after sundown except for occasional trips to the movies. I've seen Interstellar [twice], and Big Hero Six---both excellent. Interstellar was just about everything I imagined and hoped it would be, namely epic and beautiful and emotionally moving and ambitious and mind bending, while at the same time different (enough) in plot from my own. There are many components of the story that overlap but thankfully there's still enough unexplored in my idea that continues to push me forward conceiving my own epic space odyssey.
I certainly haven't been able to get enough of space related stuff since I began this project a year and a half ago and I'm fairly certain the obsession won't let up any time soon. I'm also fairly confident that there's room for yet another space exploration story in the world...
Anyway, as I mentioned, I don't want to leave the house when it's cold which has a nice bi-product of increased productivity. Staying in = working longer = getting more done. I'm quite content to "work" until late each night since there isn't much else happening to distract me. This has resulted in several new doodles in progress, including this one just finished this evening.
I really do love the doodle painting process, and while it will always be part of me, I suspect I'm using it now more as a diversion from tackling the things that scare me most---and that truly matter to me and my ambitions. I don't so much miss illustrating but I miss the idea of actively pursuing a career I want. When I close my eyes and imagine my dream job, it's working in a studio writing and illustrating my own picture books. So why is it that I'm not working towards this every day?
Perhaps it's time to really consider my priorities and find a way to tend to all the branches of my creative tree---including pruning those that aren't what and where I truly want to be growing...
All in all, I am extremely grateful to be in a position where I have the luxury of contemplating what I want to be when I grow up. I just don't want to miss my chance to make something of myself.
No better day than today, no better time than now. The winter light is fading. Better get to work.
Join me on Benefit Street in Providence this Saturday, October 11th from 10am-4pm, where I'll be selling new doodle prints and paintings like the one shown here.
"Corona", title inspired by the music of Sheridan Tongue, who created the score to the BBC series "Wonders of the Universe", which I happened to be watching while creating this.
Quite a bit more paper trimming and print backing and bagging left to go...
Read the rest of this post
(DEEP BREATH)
Ahhhhh.
Fall has officially arrived.
Summer seems like (literally) only yesterday, and yet here we are, on the brink of my favorite time of the year.
The summer was lovely and part of me is sad to see it go. But I am comforted in knowing that I spent a good deal of time reading outside and soaking up the sun from the comfort of my favorite reading chair. I think I made the most of the warm days---I've certainly read a lot. And
thought a lot. (And watched a lot of
CrashCourse). While I haven't made much direct progress on the story development front, I have made a constant effort to absorb everything I'm reading (or watching), be it comics, novels, non-fiction ,television, movies, or even YouTubeVideos.
After all, it's all funneling toward my creativity.
It's what I call the percolating phase...I never know when or how inspiration will bubble back up and out and into the writing. I'm just hopeful that it does.
In other news:
I will be participating in the
Fall RISD Alumni Sale taking place on Benefit Street in Providence on October 11th. In anticipation of the day, I've gone back to the doodle board to finish up some new pieces. It's been nice to return to my beloved circles, cells, and stones after a few months away.
Here are my two newest pieces.
Ascension
Daydream
That's all for now. There's more work to be done and the night is young!
Prior to a few months ago I'd basically never read any comic before - ever. I've always enjoyed accompanying Adam to comic shops and browsing the different titles and artwork, but I'd never embraced the medium myself. I found comics difficult to read and follow - I often read the text boxes/bubbles out of order and was overwhelmed by the amount of visual information.
I'm not sure exactly what flipped the switch (I suspect my growing appetite for sci-fi stories) but this spring I decided to bite the comic bullet. I began with an adaptation of Ender's Game, Ender in Exile, because I really like the world building in Ender's Game, but was not a fan of the writing (I find Orson Scott Card often tells more than shows, undermining the emotional impact). Because comics are great for action and simplified character/dialogue, I figured by reading the comic version I could cut to the quick of the story without getting distracted by the writing. And thus began a new-found love affair with COMICS!
I'm happy to report that I am now a full-fledged comic enthusiast. I'm also downright inspired! I don't picture myself ever illustrating comics, but I admit that the writing part intrigues me. I've got a few ideas of my own floating around now, and maybe one day I'll be able to pin them down. For now, I'll stick to reading, thinking and collecting... It's all circling back to my trilogy idea. Some of what I've read below deals with similar themes and concepts. It's good to know what's already out there so I can keep crafting my story to be all the more my own.
Below are the series I've read so far (not counting one-off single issues). I was pretty picky initially, opting only for comics in my genres of choice (sci-fi or fantasy) with impeccable artwork. My tastes are already broadening, expanding and evolving. I'm finding I like series that I didn't think I would and enjoying artwork that originally turned me off. I'm growing.
SCIENCE FICTION
FANTASY
OTHER
I've decided to get back to using my blog as a means to chronicle and remember noteworthy happenings since it is not likely to be used for posting illustrations anytime soon. Though I may be taking a break from that side of my life, I am still spending my days doing things that keep my imagination going. This weekend's trip to NYC was certainly an extension of that. Knee-deep in my YA sci-fi book project, I've been listening to a plethora of science podcasts of late, including my favorite, StarTalk Radio, hosted by Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
Each time Neil introduces his show, he makes mention of being the director of the Hayden Planetarium---and after listening to dozens of shows (and thus dozens of intros) my already strong inclination to visit was catalysed into action. I've loved planetariums since I was a kid, and my best friend lives in Manhattan, so BAM. Finally made it happen. Adam and I arrived in the city Saturday afternoon, and planned our trip to the American Museum of Natural History for Sunday.
Yet Saturday was not without inspiring time of its own. Even just riding the commuter rail into the city gets my brain stirring. There's something deeply moving to me about watching the dilapidated buildings pass by on the train...especially when contrasted against the periodic splash of much nicer, upscale areas. The divide between wealth and poverty is a theme making its way into my story...so even an otherwise dull train ride became a useful piece of my weekend.
Saturday was lovely outside and included some walking around Central Park before getting dinner and heading to Broadway. We had tickets to see The Cripple of Inishmaan, a revival (and first time on Broadway) of Martin McDonagh's dark comedy featuring Daniel Radcliffe. The Gamm Theatre put on The Beauty Queen of Leenane just last season and I loved it, so I was primed for another McDonagh play - especially given the chance to also see Mr. Radcliffe's return to Broadway after missing him in How to Succeed.
Our seats were up pretty high in the balcony section so while they didn't offer up close views of the actors, it was still a great view of the stage. The set was beautiful and absolutely deserving of its recent Tony nomination. From our seats, we viewed the set at an almost isometric perspective, which made me appreciate the triangular, rotating stage piece even more. The play itself was quite funny with darker moments of sadness you'd expect from Martin McDonagh. What I hadn't anticipated was the overall sweetness the play would have. It was a crowd pleaser...less controversial perhaps than some of his other plays, and I have to admit I appreciated the moments of tenderness and humor.
Theater is quickly becoming another favorite form of storytelling. It's magical and bizarre and quite wonderful to watch a story unfold live before your eyes...your imagination carried away by actors becoming their characters, sets becoming a new place you've never been to, and the smallest of lighting cues creating an entirely different atmosphere, be it inside a village shop bathed in the beautiful golden glow of morning, or a bluish moonlit night by the sea. I'm always so charmed by the mileage simple theatrics get with such minimalism.
And I know Dan Radcliffe is the money-making draw for the show, but ALL the actors were excellent and well-worth attending for in their own right (I loved the aunties in particular). A great show. I really enjoyed it.
....now on to Sunday!
I've never been to the
American Museum of Natural History before and was super impressed with the place. It's huge! We barely dipped our toes in the wealth of information there. Admittedly I was mostly there to see the planetarium show,
Dark Universe, and to check out the fossils and dinosaurs (Adam's favorite).
I LOVE PLANETARIUMS. Did I mention that already? Because I seriously LOVE planetariums. I wish I could sit in there all day long, day after day, watching every show they've made in the last few years on repeat. Because how can you not be blown away with how far our technology has come to allowing us to visualize and communicate this kind of information in such an accessible, inspiring way?!
Dark Universe succeed at precisely that. Seeing the idea of red shift/universe expansion was awesome. Visualizing dark matter was fascinating. Thanks to pieces like this and the updated
Cosmos series, my appreciation for science communicators and visualizers has multiplied exponentially.
Man, I LOVE PLANETARIUMS. Its like being on a rocket ship roller coaster ride through the universe. I can't get enough. Certainly not in only 25 minutes. But I guess that just means I'll be coming back again!
We were able to spend a bit of time breezing through other areas but truthfully we'd need to really take more time in each exhibit in order to not feel overwhelmed. Fortunately we did see the blue whale room, which was SO COOL. My husband and I had a fascination and appreciation for the dioramas that border the room. They were beautifully painted, sculpted, executed, what have you. An amazing example of many separate creative processes coming together for stunning results. I don't know who makes those things, but I'm sure glad they do.
It's funny to me...being at a museum. There's so much information inside, yet there are so many limitations to realistically appreciating and absorbing that knowledge. First of all, just walking around a place so large is exhausting. You start thinking about how much your feet hurt and less about what you're experiencing. Then before you know it you have to pee (so you waste time hunting for a bathroom). Or you get hungry so you have to stop to snack. Most of us breeze through museums without even scratching the surface. And from what I saw, if you bring kids, it's even worse. They don't have the attention span to read the information, they just want to run around, pressing buttons on exhibits or spinning the things that spin or turning the things that turn. I found myself imagining us museum visitors as aliens on planet Zorba, visiting the Museum of Zorban History...mommy and daddy aliens lugging around cumbersome strollers while kids whined about being bored. Here is an amazing place, a vast wealth of information cultivated by centuries worth of Zorban intellect and discovery. And yet there we are, modern day Zorban idiots staring thoughtlessly at the exhibits, wondering if they sell dehydrated astronaut ice cream in the museum gift shop (neapolitan, not that ice cream sandwich crap).
There are so many chances for us normal (aka not super intellectual) humans (or Zorbans) to learn new things that I find it deeply tragic how pedestrian we can be...
* * * * * * * * * *
I think the best part of this past year has been reconnecting to my own curiosity. It's not so much that I stopped being a curious person, it's just that I suffered from a fear of information overload. Let's face it: there's a lot about
everything that I don't understand. Old me tried to hide from that fact so I didn't have to think about how ignorant and stupid I am. But new me embraces the idea that there is so much out there to learn. Even if the majority of it goes well above my head, it still seems like the only quest worth taking. I've always had a deeply rooted fear and fascination with space in particular --seeing
Apollo 13, trips to air shows, and the Air & Space Museum as a kid enhanced a natural attraction to the topic. It's always been in the back of my head as a subject area. But for the last 20 years or so it hasn't had a way to come back into my life. Now age 29, I have the luxury of time and freedom to learn (at my own pace) about areas that truly get down deep and move me. Space and space exploration seem like the only things that matter in some ways... I get sad thinking that within my lifetime we may not make as much progress as I would like to see---certainly not as much as I thought we'd make when I was a child. I hope big things do happen. I hope big answers are pursued, and I hope we get some amazing returns on our investments. Even if I'm just a nobody artist/writer with no scientific background, I can appreciate what space means to me as a human being. I may never be an astronaut or a scientist or an engineer, but that doesn't mean I can't live vicariously and reap the rewards of the people who
are out there doing amazing things---and adding to the wealth of knowledge for which all humans can be grateful.
...since I first sat outside in the sun and commanded myself to write words down on paper in a spontaneous short story exercise. It was the first and only time I have ever done anything like that. It was exciting, invigorating, unpredictable. And it was the beginning of something that has become the focus of all my creative pursuits for the last 11 months. Who would have known?
Within the first few minutes of that exploratory exercise, I found myself watching characters emerge out of the darkness of my own imagination, fully formed with names and faces so familiar to me it was as though I'd known them all my life. Everyday since I've found myself thinking about them, my friends with secrets and stories to tell only me. Somedays they feel like beautifully mysterious strangers whom I don't really know yet, but desperately want to...
I have been having so much fun learning - reading - thinking - plotting - imagining...it's truly been the fastest year of my life. Ideating eight hours a day. Researching science topics, taking pages of notes in my journals - heck, entire days have been spent just Photoshopping and creating images of the characters in my mind so I can see them more clearly as I write. Everyday is a new thinking adventure.
I haven't illustrated anything for myself in a year. My last freelance project was 5 months ago. I've never been happier or more fulfilled.
And I've barely even begun.
Attempting to conceive a YA/new adult sci-fi fiction trilogy with high level, big picture concepts and thematic undercurrents is a pretty daunting task, particularly when done by someone who hasn't a clue how to do it. And yet I forge ahead...not for myself or for vainglory..not even for my own delusions of grandeur....but because my imaginary friends so very much want to be real. Only I can fulfill that wish.
So when the voice in my head belittles my ambitions with taunts of You're not good enough!, I close my eyes and strain my ears, and I hear them.
Softly calling. Patiently waiting on the other side.
I hear you...I tell them.
Soon.
I've been browsing Pinterest a lot recently, collecting typographic quote posters with the intention of switching out some of the artwork hanging around the house in favor of inspirational words instead.
As a side effect, all that pinteresting got me randomly wondering if there were any super cool graphic posters floating about that I might also want to display around the house... Particularly for the movie Gravity (one of my new all-time favorite films). After some searching of the interwebs, I found a cool poster or two but nothing that is (in my opinion) very definitive of the movie. So for now I decided to take and use a pre-existing poster which I already really liked on its own---except that I want to be able to see stars and the earth alongside that awesomely lonely floating figure. So with a bit of adjustment and editing, I tweaked my way to my ideal version of the Gravity movie poster. See below.
Note: I intend no copyright infringement by sharing this customized version with you, I just wanted to share my excitement and enthusiasm for the film (which if you haven't seen...you are truly missing something mind bogglingly beautiful and important to the progress of cinema). So go see Gravity and enjoy.
That is all.
New year means no better time than today to keep living the dream. The dream may be changing (i.e. probably no more freelancing for the foreseeable future) but I'm more excited than ever to have the chance to chase my passions for the next 365 days.
Tasks at the forefront:
MORE DOODLES! Goal: Expand my body of work to include larger (and pricier) doodle paintings so that I might be able to join TurningArt.com some point soon. [Yay potential passive income!].
PROGRESS towards goal: FIVE new doodles have begun. I will focus on them exclusively until they are done so I can get the ball rolling while I turn my gaze towards writing.
MORE WRITING! Goal: Pick back up where I left off on my book project, start developing the characters and story further... working towards completing the crummy first draft by the end of 2014.
PROGRESS: Still excited to pursue this, but it's sidelined until I finish the new doodle paintings.
MORE PAINTING! Goal: Expand into the fine art market (hopefully in collaboration with my husband). Up first is clouds. Lots and lots of giant cloud paintings!
PROGRESS: Gathering inspiration. Going to start the first soon.
Happy days are where you look for them!
It sure has been a whirlwind fall. I have no idea how it's almost half way through November---the last two months have been a complete blur. Working, and playing, and working some more. I'm anxious for the break that awaits me around the end of this month but it will be a hard push until Thanksgiving to meet my self-imposed deadline for my current freelance project. I really can't wait to be finished with it so I can focus on creating some gift paintings for Christmas, collaborating with my husband on new art endeavors, and FINALLY getting back to my book. I can not wait to have the time to get back to thinking about my story and getting to know my characters. It is just too much fun and I miss it. December can't come soon enough!
But for now, I'm keeping pace with my project. 19 illustrations, 5 of which are finished, 12 are well under way, and the final 2 drawings are almost there, too. This is going to be the last project I take on for a little while. I should have a better grasp of where I'm heading once the new year rolls around.
The Scituate Art Festival was a success, thanks to the many friends, family, and strangers who stopped by the DoodlePaintings booth to chat. But the absolute best part of any art festival is interacting with children. And when I can tell that certain kids really connect with my doodles, I try to let them choose a small print for free. It makes me feel good to see kids embrace abstract art and I hope they find it inspirational. Many times they are the most eager to look at each one and say what it makes them think of or imagine.
Two clips from kids I heard this weekend:
(Young girl to her mom):
"They just stopped my eye. I was like 'WOAH. Colors.'"
(Little girl): "These are magnificent." (Her little brother, shyly): "Yeah, I like them, too...
I know my doodles aren't for everybody. But it's really rewarding when I can literally watch people stop themselves from 20 feet away, walk directly towards my booth, and generously share such nice thoughts about my work with me. Typical positive responses involved adjectives like "awesome/thoughtful/cute/wild/neat/beautiful/gorgeous/fun/cool/different".
But I have to say, my favorite comment of the weekend was "They just make you happy!"
This weekend is the awesomest fall fair of all: The Scituate Art Festival in Scituate, RI!
I was a vendor last year selling my doodlepaintings and will return again this year selling 5x7, 8x10, 11x14, and 14x16 prints (and will have originals onsite for those interested). I've made some simple foam display shelves to hold everything and I think it will make for a fresh, clean presentation. If you're anywhere near RI this weekend, stop by. You won't regret it! The whole main street section of Scituate is devoted to the event, with many great vendors, food, and fun.
For the past two months I've been working heavily (and steadily) planning and exploring my YA/New Adult sci-fi trilogy story idea. It's still evolving of course, but so far it has already been the most fun, fascinating, and exciting creative endeavor I've ever attempted. But more importantly, it's been a catalyst for some personal change, conquering of fears, and overall general sense of enlightenment. Here's why:
1. I HAVE AN IMAGINATION AFTER ALL!
I've already learned a great deal about myself with regard to what it takes for me to unlock my imagination. I've always been afraid of not being able to think up interesting things. You know how every kid who has ever asked an author a question probably began with: "Where do you get your ideas?" Yeah, well...me too, kid.
As an illustrator I know how to generate ideas by doing research and collecting all sorts of visual references and inspiration. But until very recently I felt completely mystified by how authors come up with their ideas. Not knowing any other way but my own habits, I began applying the way I work visually to generating ideas for a written story. Research (LOTS), books on writing, lots of reading, building a photo sheet of my cast of characters, illustrating some characters, etc. I'm also creating a music playlist of songs that key me into mood/tone/atmosphere/pacing and sometimes directly inspire the action of a scene. All this thinking and immersion has lead to original ideas! Who knew?
2. CONQUERING ONE FEAR HELPS CONQUER A LOT OF FEARS
Attempting to write is currently alleviating many fears, because I am staring them in the face everyday:
- fear of thinking of ideas
- fear I am stupid
- fear that I am unimaginative
- fear that I am supposed to be an illustrator but don't want to be
- fear that my only value is in what I produce/create
- fear that I have nothing to say
- fear that I will never express myself
- fear of disappointing myself
- overwhelming fear of aliens. (Yup. Imagining a sci-fi novel about aliens is forcing me to deal with a lot of my issues.)
3. I AM ADDICTED TO CREATIVITY, AND IT NEEDS TO STOP
Three important things I need to reiterate to give this proper context:
1. I have been dealing with Lyme disease for 3 years
2. I do not eat well (I would live on bread & water)
3. I do not exercise enough
My good friend John is a personal trainer (though if I were to give him a more accurate title it would be something like "holistic health and fitness guide"). He came to his career through practice rather than formal education, and his passion for his work primarily concerns bringing awareness to how our daily behaviors (our diet & movement) play a massive role in not only our long term health but also our potential as human beings. So much of what he says inspires me and hits very close to home. It's like I'm finally in a place where what he's saying is getting through. Because I'm ready now in ways I wasn't before. (Because I happen to be writing a book about human potential.)
I've never been fit, or especially healthy, but I'm also not significantly overweight. And I've never cared enough about my looks to motivate me to the gym based on appearances alone. But I have always wanted to feel healthy and alive. This whole time I thought my biggest hurdle in improving my health and getting over Lyme disease was my reluctance to change my carb-heavy food addiction (which is partly true). But in undertaking this new huge storytelling project, I've realized that there is a much, much, larger addiction controlling me. And it probably has been for my whole life.
It's an addiction to creativity and productivity.
I put so much value on using my time for "creative" purposes that I will choose that over anything else every time. I should not have to tell my Lyme doctor that the reason I don't exercise is because I can't pull myself away from my art long enough to fit it in. Like a drug, art makes me feel good. And I do it all day, every day, for at least 12 hours. Why can't I make 30 minutes to take care of myself? And why is it that (on the rare occasion) I do go a long period of time without creating that I feel so depressed?
Because I have a dependency.
The only part of myself that I have viewed as having any value or worth is that which produces. In focusing only on the part of my being that makes me feel good about myself, I ignore and neglect the parts of myself that make me feel badly about myself (i.e. my health).
Putting creativity above all else is actually destructive to the other parts of myself.
I need to find a balance between mind and body. I can not be a complete person without tending to all parts of my well-being.
And that's what I'm learning from trying to write a book.
Who knew?
If you've ever wondered where inspiration for my cloud paintings come from, here's a good example: A quick photo snapped while driving last week lent itself to this painted version. Rarely do my photos capture what the clouds truly felt like, so it becomes my need and job to paint in the memory of that color and feeling. This piece is called "Sanctuary".
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By: Courtney Autumn Martin,
on 1/28/2015
Hey Courtney, I thought I should leave a comment while reading this post. It's nothing great but I want to thank you for putting journal entries like this up. It's amazing how you relate your whole life to "a single project", but it makes so much sense to me! I like seeing everything in context and it encourages me to link different things in life together, even if they seem unrelated. Also thanks for being open about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Keep up the great work :-) Lisa
Thank you for the comment, Lisa. I very much appreciate it. :)
And it gives me a really nice feeling that when I write a post like this for myself, it can sometimes make unexpected connections with others. Life is life. And we're all in it together!
-Courtney