When I started blogging six years ago it was out of hitting rock bottom emotionally. Out of feeling utterly defeated and almost suicidal. I have dealt with emotional people all my life. But sometimes it overwhelms a warrior to constantly be in the trenches. It's hard to stay focused when you feel like the battle is all on you. Like God took off somewhere and left you clueless as to where to find Him. Job felt that way for SEVEN YEARS. And then God was like, HERE YA GO SON. Phew!
Life was hard, harder than I had ever known. That is when God, in all His infinite grace poured out on me. Telling me to write a blog. Where women and girls who feel like they have absolutely screwed everything up and nothing about them is OK can know they are not alone.
It is meant to be hope in the desert. When a woman feels parched. No well in sight. It's rough around the edges and sometimes a little pushy. Sometimes that is who we have to be. A tough love mom.
But here's the thing, baby girl. Jesus doesn't want to leave us there. He wants to take us higher. He wants to heal us. Set us free. He wants to lead us into the right path and show us our REAL purpose. Too many voices get us spinning in circles and years later we are still scratching our heads wondering why nothing has happened when all along God was whispering in our ears telling us go this way, darling. Not the way man (and you) think/s.
I have taken a lot of slack from many people who think I write this blog so I can tell the whole world about me. Ick. It isn't about me, honey. Five hundred words in a blog entry compared to all day in the trenches. I write about what He does in me. This cracked up little blessed mess of a vessel. Because there are other chicks out there who are random and radical and full of emotions they have no clue what to do with.
The answers I have come to for myself, is do what makes my heart jump. I like to write novel type stuff. And I love to throw poetry in it. But here's the kicker. You notice I said LIKE novel and LOVE poetry. What we love, what we flow in, what comes out of us without even trying- that is where we belong.
Years ago I let someone tell me I should be writing for teens, not kids. This was an agent, who led me to an up and coming publisher who published GASP teen stuff. I signed a contract. I spent four years tied up in a knot and the book never came to be. Two and a half more pouring over edits and crap. And all that time I could have been allowing God to teach me to be a better illustrator. A better children's poet. Verse and rhyme pour out of me like mother's milk. And I let humans (all my STINKING life) tell me who I am and need to be.
I had to make up my mind a few months back that I will not follow the voice of a stranger anymore. When I try to be what people expect, I drive myself and everyone around me over the edge. And I.Am.Flipping.Miserable.
No more.
Hear me, sister, Princess when I tell you, if it brings you joy and in your heart you know other's are finding peace through it, then just do what God sent you to the earth to do. You don't go to auto mechanic school to become a heart surgeon. Just be YOU.
It doesn't matter if you have ten thousand subscribers and a huge following, an Aldecott and seventy-five comments for every hurrah you post.
Do what you love. I may never be a Trina Schart Hyman or Longfellow. But I am learning to love me more. Not selfish love. Just... the opposite of HATE kind of love. And I am learning to pray my haters through. Even if they are speaking volumes about me... Even if they curse me to my face (believe me that has happened more than once).
Just be YOU. Me. I am a radical. I am a weirdo. And if I speak of me it keeps me from speaking about them. Let's learn what to do with this hate being spewed at us. Let's learn to use it to help others.

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I was preparing food for my puppy, Rapha, this morning. He sat quietly behind me, tail gently thumping the floor in anticipation. He gets excited to see his needs met. His tummy growling, his little bottom side scooted forward just a bit and Mommy looked down and said, "Rapha, no. I cannot serve you if you keep getting in my way."

As Rapha scooted back out of the way, so many thoughts flooded my mind. But here are the most important ones...

Sometimes the Lord sends an individual to serve us. Not in a slave-binding kind of way. But in a come along side and make it easier kind of way. Or push us toward God's goal. Or ruffle our feathers a bit so we think outside the box.

Just because we are impatiently waiting for something to be done doesn't mean that servant is incompetent, or a fake, or inconsistent. That we should step in the way in impatience or our own stubborn refusal to be served.

That servant isn't always going to come in a package which suits us. Or completes a mission in OUR perfect timing or way. Perhaps that servant seems as if they are off in left field. They come barefooted. They don't talk and act the way we do. Speak our language. They are different, and they make us extremely uncomfortable. Especially if they tell us they are only in our lives for a season. Or maybe God sent them to rest up for a bit and we need to help the servant learn to be served.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes counterfeit servants do come to us. I have been in that situation more than once. It took a while to discern, but I realized who was for me and who was against me. Sent of the enemy.

And I have also been thrown more than once into a position which was not meant for me because other servants refused to do what needed to be done. Those seasons did not end well. I have learned since then to JUST SAY NO.

I learned to recognize whether offers made to me to serve or be served were an ingenuine gesture, or just a gesture that wasn't my brand of help. I am learning to accept those who are not my brand, and run from those situations not of God IN HIS TIMING.

Sometimes we are to serve and sometimes we are to be served. The beautiful lesson we must learn is when it is of God, and when it isn't. When to gently say yes. When to gently say no. And when to recognize the need to just stand back and let it happen. We have to be kind when those strange and fragile creatures come into our presence. I have had my heart broken many times, and in turn broken hearts of others through my emotional brokenness. I am learning to do unto others as I would HAVE THEM do unto me. Despite my heart being broken.

If a gentle word can turn away wrath, then we'd be doing ourselves great service to just be gentle in ALL our doings. It isn't as hard as we humans make it. It's so simple that even a puppy can learn.

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There was once a rather large and unusual man who had a rather large and unusual heart, and a rather large and unusual family. Full of flaws and creativity. Overflowing with the grace and favor of God. The most large and unusual characteristic about said family was that more children constantly appeared at their doorstep. At their table. Each one needed a Mama. Each one needed a Papa. Each one came with a broken heart.
Some came from a different culture, or language or background. Some for a season. Some for a lifetime. Some merely needed advice or prayer. Some kept them on their knees crying out to the Heavenly Father night after night.
But each child had purpose. Had gifts from the Almighty to share. Oodles of wonderful talent and were amazingly, supernaturally wise.
Papa and Mama understood that. And they cared. And they prayed. They nurtured and they fussed. And they loved. Because they both agreed. Kids were more important than self. More important than status or position. More important than glory or mammon. It didn't matter to Papa if he was rich or poor. He knew the Lord wanted them to pour forth. So they did. They taught each child the love of Jesus (the best they could), because without the love of Jesus all other learning is pointless anyway.
Sometimes Papa made big mistakes. Sometimes Mama did. But always they loved. Love does not always come in the form of warm hugs and kisses and a mug full of hot chocolate. Sometimes love comes in the form of pushing a child from the nest.
Being a Papa and a Mama is a tough and dirty job. Every once in a while that dirt sticks. But that's why there is a Savior. To wash us clean again. That is what made Papa so great. He loved Jesus as his Savior.
The point of all this rambling is simple enough.
Love.
If one has all the gifts and talents in the world, but has not love, all the other gifts are pointless. Love covers a multitude of sin. Love is something Papa was full of. And still is.
How do I know?
Because I am Mama. And I am blessed to be his wife.
Happy birthday, Papa Bear. Your quiver is full.
You are and always will be my hero.

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Beauty lies in little things,
both in the normal-
and the odd.
Smelling the roses
at the end of summer's season.
A smile, a wink, and a nod.
Butterfly's wings brush across my cheek.
A dream of a dear, old friend.
God's fingertips gracing the clouds
in His glory.
Are all to which my mind must tend.
A dandelion scatters upon the breeze-
it blows kisses in the wind.
When we leave the tangled cord
of strife behind,
the heartache of this life will rescind.
Copyright 2011 J. S. Watt
                                                                                                                                  

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The book of Psalms is proof of God's constant mercy and grace. How boldly it speaks of trusting the Lord. It promises hope. Speaks of discipline, love, restoration, deep worship of the Lord, and crying out to HIM in time of need. It is a glorious testimony of faith for young and old alike.
Psalm 108 is a grand display of the author's faith. At the end of the chapter, in verses 12 and 13 (MEV) it reads:
     Grant us help against the foe, for the help of man is worthless. Through GOD (emphasis mine) we shall be valiant, for He shall tread down our enemies. 
When facing battles humans tend to turn to human answers. They rely on self and mankind. But God's word speaks continuously about trusting HIM.
I had a friend once, who felt it her duty to "bless" me when a need arose. I was the type of person to ask God to cover it and stretch whatever we had to make it fit. To increase and prosper us as our souls prospered. To supply all our NEED. That really bothered her. She thought I was settling. She went out of her way on numerous occasions. If I mentioned I needed to buy extra towels and washcloths, the next day she would bring them to me. It almost became a ritual. And THAT bothered ME.
She, in her own mind, became my provider. I didn't need her help. I needed her prayers and friendship. Needed her to understand I was merely making an (thinking out loud) observation. I appreciated each and every gesture. Yes. But it became an obligation on both parts and it really tied me down. So I put a stop to it. I stopped talking about those needs at all. I recognized when it stopped being a God blessing, and started becoming a human thing.
Some would call that insanity. But for my family it was almost a release. We have to, as children of God trust in Him to be our Champion. If He lays it on someone's heart to help my ministry and family whether in labor or need, and I know it is of Him, I will say yes. But the Lord gives us the ability (and favor) to care for ourselves and others. We rely on Him. Those victories and answered prayers... the credit belongs to Him. And when we are facing our "enemies", He is the answer.
 Jehovah Jireh, my provider.
Have a blessed day, Princesses. I pray God's very best for you today and every day.

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Racing (negative) thoughts left untamed will explode into backlash in one form or another. You have the mind of Christ, Princess. Renew your mind in Christ. I know I speak rather boldly in most posts. In second person. And sometimes seem hard. But I love you. Jesus loves you so much more. If I don't speak truth (in love), then I speak compromise. 

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"Spirits of divination cover this land "prophetically" using MY name to proclaim their own agendas and ways of thinking. But know this, O children, I am about to rise up and silence the voices of divination and they shall divine NO MORE."

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I know, Princesses. It's been a while. I'm sorry.
Today I'm just in a place. You know the one. That place where everything you need is right in front of you, but it doesn't seem to matter.
That place where you know there's that ONE THING you need God to do. You need Him to reach down and make a miracle and you'd give just about  ANYTHING for that one life changing thing to happen. For that secret nightmare to be over and life to be okay. It's not my nightmare I'm seeing in front of me. It's other people's nightmares that are keeping me awake at night.
Here's the thing, though. I already know the answer. His name is Jesus. How do I know? Because He was my answer. When my own life was a nightmare and it felt like I had no hope HE made the way. All of a sudden. He did it, Princess. Not because I deserved it. But because I am His child. He gives good to His children.
Hang in there, lovely. Listen for His still, small voice. He'll lead you out of this. And into a better life.
If you don't know Jesus, get with me. I'll help you. My email is [email protected]. Or J. Susanna Watt on facebook.
Feel free to comment, email, ask questions or ask for prayer. God bless and follow me on Twitter, facebook, google+, Pinterest, etc. Subscribe to this blog and I will follow back.
I love you. Jesus loves you more.
Love,
Mama Jae

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This week Stinkerbell and I have been working on some behavior issues. Some of those patterns she has learned from others. Some she inherited. Then there are the behaviors she picked up by observing Papa Bear and me. Ugh to the parent thing.

The last few weeks she came home telling me not so nice words other children have said at church. Smh. But this morning she ratted out her cousin for saying shake your bum.

"But you say shake your booty ALL THE TIME."
"Actually he said butt."
"Actually we shouldn't be talking about shaking ANYTHING, little Princess."

And it hit me. Not the first time, but one of those mommy moments. Princesses must remember to clean their own yard before attempting the mess in their brother's.

Human beings who constantly point out the flaws in others often forget they have flaws of their own. They flip the script to show their "superiority" and intelligence. But eventually they fall flat on their face in their own haughtiness.

My prayer is that they (we) learn after the first face plant instead of falling repeatedly in the dirt. The Bible says pride comes before the fall. We all could learn a lesson in that department sometimes.

I want Princess Stinkerbell to have a teachable heart. Princesses learn such traits from teachable "queen mummies". I want her to be a humble example instead of a finger pointer (ehem). We are learning together daily how to be more like the King...

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When the Lord says open to Job chapter one and replace Job with your own name, it's safe to say He's trying to tell you something...

You are going to go through times of trial and testing, Princess. It is inevitable. It will hurt. You will want to crawl in a hole sometimes, and stay there until it's all over. But you still have to stay in the fight, love. You cannot quit.

You may feel as if you are tongue tied and everything comes out wrong. Every time you turn around you are hurting someone's feelings, or they are mad at you, or the other way around. Keep growing. Keep going. Even if it gets turned around on you. Even if you feel like you will always be the punchline to everyone's jokes.

It might look as if the light at the other end of the tunnel is flickering in the storm. You may not see an answer anywhere in sight. Fight. Never quit. Just fight.

Pray.
Fast.
Pray some more.
Worship the Lord.
Pray the scriptures.
Proverbs is amazing.
But no matter what, refuse to back down.

Just about the time you think you are going to lose it completely, chapter 42 will open up and you will breathe again. AFTER you forgive your accusers. AFTER you repent for questioning His precious will. You will see the Light again, my darling. You truly will. How do I know? I've been through the book of Job many times. And lived to tell about it. God really does give His tested ones double for their trouble in the end. Hang in there, my lovely. I'm praying.

Out of Egypt, His Children Come will be available for sale May 1, 2016 through amazon.com, b&n, and lionsroarfiction.com.
Finally.
I know.
If you enjoy it, leave feedback at the sites and Good Reads. Please and thank you.

Until then, if you need prayer or somebody to talk to, come see me at [email protected] Know that Jesus loved you enough to die for your sins. Loves you no matter what. Feel free to leave comments, and subscribe to the blog. We will be having a giveaway soon. And oh yeah, enjoy this song...

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A little over a year ago, someone I care about called to tell me they had to terminate their pregnancy. My heart skipped a beat. I'd been her biggest cheerleader concerning the pregnancy. Her first child died at a few months old. This friend had an illness that prevented healthy pregnancies. Was afraid to try again. So she'd adopted a newborn girl.

She'd finally been able to have another pregnancy. Everyone was so excited. What in the world would make her choose termination? It just wasn't like her. Then she told me it was an ectopic pregnancy. My heart broke.

I had no idea what to say. There are never good words when a person faces such tragedy.

Sometimes life termination just has to be. Not because of inconvenience. But because the child was growing in her tubes. So I told her.

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If I spent a thousand days in solitude,

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Warning: This post intentionally has no image and an overuse of lazy description.

This morning I woke at five.
Before you think I'm a good little Christian, let me confess. It was a hot flash that sat me straight up in bed. Not an immense revelation.
I've been thinking about how my hormones cause me to get into trouble (bad mouth, bad emotions, poor decisions). But I have been up early most mornings this week worshipping the Lord. Each morning was because I suffered a little. Night sweats and nightmares. PMS induced allergy symptoms, and my all time favorite. The lovely anxiety attack/hot flash/brain fog combo.
I absolutely believe with all my heart that Jesus can and will deliver me from the demon called menopause. But I am learning to stick closer to Him in these moments of literally having to isolate myself in fear I might start a zombie apocalypse or something. No, I'm not being sarcastic. It gets that bad sometimes.


*When I am feeling paranoid about the entire world hating me, I am seeking scripture to remind myself that it's a lie.

*When I am overwhelmed with anxious thoughts and unbearable sadness, I am making up little songs and singing them to Him. Not only does it force my brain to be creative, it shows God I'm more interested in pleasing Him than bowing down to middle aged flesh.
It also cheers me up.


*When I wake from those ridiculous dreams I'm not questioning whether it was pizza or Divine information. I'm praying. In the Spirit. I'm seeking God's face, instead of seeking to punch a human's.

 I am learning to lean more on the Lord in this otherwise difficult (that's my nice word for it) season.
Sure, all the problems in the world seem to arise when my skin is shining with enough oil to fry a flipping egg. The devil knows my schedule better than anyone. Including me. He knows when my mind and body are not cooperating (oh my GOSH I want chocolate cake) and he tries to pick a fight.
You see my lovelies, what the devil doesn't know is this. He's searching for a tangle with the wrong hot mess. Seriously.
I'm going to use what the devil intended for evil, and fight back. Not only am I armed and dangerous. I'm going to snatch those fiery darts in mid air and send them flying back at him. How do you do that? By engaging in the best form of warfare there is. Worshipping the Lord. Praying in the Spirit. Boom. In your face, devil.
That's all.
I love you, my darlings.Try to find humor and gratitude when life throws you a curve ball. Have a wonderful week in the Lord.
Princess Jae

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 Yesterday I conquered one of my biggest fears. I will blog more about that topic some other time. God has been giving me a spirit of boldness, and I am breaking free from old familiar ways. His hand and His help are all I need to accomplish the tasks ahead of me.

       Breaking ground in territories I never imagined possible.
*Three classes left until I complete my degree.
*Searching for a school house. Whether our dream barn/castle or a one-room school. It no longer matters.
*Finishing up editing of some work so we can move forward (finally) with book one in the series, Whispers in the Sky. We have had so many setbacks. No more. Only forward moving from here.
*I am changing direction with our blogs and websites. Have gained some wonderful insight thanks to the folks at My Book Therapy.  and Joel Friedlander.


   Please feel free to follow, subscribe, comment, connect, etc. I am still learning how to do this, after all these years of blogging. I know-

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If it's one thing I've learned in twenty-four years of parenting- it's let them figure it out for themselves. Shoving scripture and unwanted advice down your teenage/adult child's throat is only going to make them want to do exactly the opposite of what you say. Yes, it's good parenting to give them guidance and boundaries. Ultimately, though, what they do with their lives is between them and God.
They learn a tremendous amount more from observing the behaviors and screw ups of others than they do a speech for every question they ask. If we gently show them what the Word says, we have gained a victory because the Word does not return void.
That, and that alone is my hope.
I would rather my children chase righteousness than riches. Blessings from the Lord are much more fulfilling than toys (of any size). This morning was a wonderful reminder of that.
My blessings will come through the generosity of my heart, not from my husband's bank account. My heart has been blessed today. Thank You, Lord.

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There comes a time when a mom has no control over her child. When one of her babies makes a very adult decision that will alter your future relationship indefinitely. Mom feels hopeless, as if her hands are tied over this decision. Mom, while those hands are tied, hit your knees and pray like never before. Jesus is still on the throne. Maybe this decision was really an act of God and your child is following His lead.

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     As much as I dislike entering blog posts from a phone, I don't regret taking a summer break from internet. Her Majesty and I have shared many new adventures over the last few weeks, including treasure hunting at the beach and the river.
     Today she took an early nap. This gave me time to do some editing. As she later woke (always when I'm at a crucial scene), I scrambled for activity. Aha! The art kit... She loves watercolor as much as Mommy.
     I noticed right away she was struggling with the tiny brush. I had an idea. I found a colorful watercolor brush from my own collection. She's old enough now to occasionally share Mommy's tools.
     We must allow our children to express themselves. And I must trust my child's artistic instincts. The more room we give a child to grow, the more they will desire to learn and accomplish.
     Selah.

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Sometimes we need to rejoice. Like those times when people use us, accuse, and lie. Last week I had occasion to find the joy of forgiving a woman who's done serious damage to my life. It brought such love and warmth into my heart. I realized that sometimes God's favor comes in the form of a test. It really doesn't feel that way at the time. But the end result is such peace. My Heavenly Daddy gave me a gift by teaching me that lesson. I owe that woman gratitude for being part in that lesson, instead of anger for all the damage she's done. Now God can move. Selah.

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 Sometimes Princesses busy their lives with so much that it doesn't seem as if they have enough room or time for their own royal duties. They fill their time slots with the purposes and plans of others. They put off what they are called to do. And sometimes that causes a slip up in their understanding.

Last week I attended a small gathering at the library to celebrate a local author's new children's book. She is also the illustrator of her book. I read the entire flyer for the book signing. All I saw was the word costume. So guess who throws on her tutu and tiara and does same for Princess Stinkerbell and treks across downtown Galax for an awesome afternoon event? Yep, that would be me. When we arrived there were costumes already there. PERIOD COSTUMES. Made especially for the event. Pioneer times, and Indian costumes. Yours truly nonchalantly sits down to a table with her blue and pink tutu and a tiara. Ugh. Lack of time to prepare properly has started wars, I am sure. But in the midst of my sweet little blunder, I am still a princess. Thank God for His covering grace and mercy.

Not many days before that (or maybe it was right after?) I had a dream. It was graphic, and details are not necessary. The basis of it was Princess Jae running around helping all the other pregnant ministries come to birth when I was in the labor (almost HERE) stages myself. Finally the nurse told me it was time and I had to stop helping everyone else because my baby was HERE.

I got the hint, Lord. It is time for me to put a stop to helping everyone else get their lives together. Their ministries- together. It is time for me to settle into my own calling and just give it all the push necessary... because it's time. Seriously time.

God has perfect timing, even if we as His children do not, my lovelies. Never forget that. If you do not remember anything else in your walk, remember this. Pray daily for God's perfect timing. He will direct your paths. And it all shall work out smoothly if you take the time to listen to His direction.

Have a wonderful week my little ones. And be blessed in Jesus' name.

Princess Jae

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Sometimes we have to walk away from our own anger and hurt. We hold onto words from the past that were spoken to/over us or even by us. We allow those words to dictate our future.

The word forgive has been in my heart for quite a while now. It has stirred and churned through my veins. It's in my bloodstream. Holding on to a heart full of hurt is not going to produce anything positive or good in our lives. We must cleanse ourselves and allow that hurt to be buried (just as a sin committed and repented).

How can we claim we are Christians if we are embittered with the pain of twenty years ago and still holding on to that hurt somebody else caused? The Word speaks of forgiving in order to be forgiven. We are to be as giving with our hearts as Jesus was when He died on the cross. But sometimes we cannot do it alone.

Sometimes it takes confessing that hurt to a person we know is strong enough to hold us accountable. Speak out the pain in a way that will heal, instead of fuel the fire. And then let it go. If that does not work, then perhaps a counselor needs to be seen. Forgiveness is sometimes an instant action/reaction. But sometimes it is a process we have to go through.

Either way, though, we have to have a willing heart. Not just to mouth the words 'I forgive you'. But to truly allow the Holy Spirit to move in us and bring us to a true place of forgiveness. It isn't always easy, but all things are possible with God.












photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/85608594@N00/13659820903">Lama Surya Das Forgiveness means letting go of the hope for a better past</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>

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