I am not sure how to start this post. I thought about it while flying back and had some ideas. I should have written it then. Live and learn. 

So what do I write about? 

The conference? 

My experiences? 

What I've learned? 

The people? 

Geez, I could write about all of that for days.

Okay, lets give it a shot. No promises that this will not be a rambling mess since the jet lag has really hit me hard today. Note to myself: I need more than 3 hours sleep before I return home. I blame the kid in the room above mine for bouncing a damn ball. Hurray for hotel security. Hopefully they did not have to rough up him or her too bad. Maybe the ball went to the big dog park in the sky.

See, I told you that rambling was a possibility. Let me try to start this again.

Deep breath.

Exhale.

Now begin.

The day after returning home is filled with dirty laundry, puffy red eyes, a million thoughts, and a lifetime of new memories. The SCBWI LA Conference was my first national conference in over three years and my first one in LA. I've heard many stories about how great it was. Better than New York? C'mon, really? I don't think it is fair to compare them. I've love them both for different reasons. Some people think the weather is better for the LA shindig. Myself being a cold weather person, could argue for the cold streets of New York. I might be the only one arguing this point. I do live in Maine so what do you expect. The West coast was not as warm as I thought it would be. As a bonus, I did not return home with a sunburn. 

Why am I talking about the weather? 

See, ramblings.

Was this conference's experience something new and special? Yes, it was. I will not go into depth on the speakers and breakout sessions. I will give high praises to Dan Santat, Mem Fox, Molly Idle, and Kwame Alexander (that is how you give a speech!). Their workshops and keynotes were topnotch, well worth the trip alone. If you get a chance to see them or attend a workshop, please do so, You will not be disappointed. Just hearing Dan talk about his dedication to the art of creating books, Mem reading to everyone, Molly's poetic approach to visual character movement, Adam Rex moving from books to movies, and Kwame saying we all are going to experience great things, was enough to fill 100 notebooks. 

This conference was special for a different reason.

For the first time, I really got a feeling where I am in my children's book career. No longer new at this, maybe not a seasoned veteran, but major strides have been made in the three years. I have a book out that I wrote and illustrated which I am very proud of. No one would have guessed that three years ago. There are many who work so hard to do this and will never experience the feeling of their own book. Everyone should have that joy at least once. 

Now I am illustrating books for big publishers and earn a living from doing so. Again, I wish everyone who wants to do this could make a living doing so. Oh god, did this come across as bragging? I hope not. If so, I am sorry. 

While talking with Danielle, we discussed that I have more stories to tell and need to get them out. Hopefully on the printed page, with pictures  I would have never thought while attending my first conference that I would be writing as well as illustrating. It is a new territory for me to explore and learn. And so exciting! It is a new passion that holds hands with the illustration part of the process. That is what the conference can do. It can introduce you to new things and take you down paths that one has never explored or never thought of exploring. It is not about just being published, money, fame, etc., it is about finding another undiscovered voice. Your true voice, passion, and desires. The other things may come, but if not, and your are happy doing something you love, you already won. 

Making strides.

Reaching goals. 

Moving beyond boundaries.

Take in what you've learned, who you have talk to, listen to what is being said, mix it up in a beaker, and see what happens. Maybe when you attend your next conference, you can see the strides that were made.

I would like to end this post with some gushing about Danielle for a moment. It is really important to have people in your corner, helping you move along the path you desire. It is more of a like two like minded people with a common goal than a client/agent relationship. I was so excited to get to meet Danielle and the rest of Red Fox (hi Karen and Abi) in person. I cannot speak highly enough on how wonderful and welcoming they have been to me. You feel like you have known each other for a long time. Thank you for having me as part of the team.

The dryer just dinged, so it is time to fold some laundry while thinking of new story ideas.

*Please forgive any typos and grammatical errors. It is hard to type with puffy eyes.

It is a bright shiny new year. Full of hope and future happiness, yet unblemished or worn to a nub. Many people have resolutions that they try to follow while others set goals. I am one of those goal oriented folks. I have the usual "write two new picture books plus a chapter book", "work more traditionally", "start developing a school visit song and dance", blah-blah-blah, just like many others in my field. I will not bore you with a long list of those goals but instead I want to talk about "today". I very rarely dwell on the past but do try to learn from it while focusing on the future. So I tend to forget about the now and today. So I will make a list of for today.

Today ...

... I will hum a tune.

... I will take a long shower and get dressed in real clothes. (Freelancers rarely shower or put on clean clothes every day. Pajamas, sweats, or even a robe are our clothes of choice.)

... I will cheer with the excitement when hearing great things that is happening to those that I know, want to know, or just think they are great, inspiring people.

... I will write something no matter what it is, good or bad.

... I will turn off the electronic world and pick up my banjo.

... I will open my sketchbook with pencil/pen in hand and let the lines explore the page.

... I will stay positive.

... I will appreciate the people in my life.

... I will smile, laugh, and be silly.

... I will stop what I am doing to look out the window for a few minutes.

... I will accept a compliment without shame.

... I will fight any self-deprecating thoughts.

... I will spend some time just for me.

... I will be not afraid of failure.

... I will love my family even more than I did yesterday.

And finally,

... I will be happy.


Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't live for tomorrow
Tomorrow's much too long
~Smashing Pumpkins

"The moment will arrive when you are comfortable with who you are, and what you are– bald or old or fat or poor, successful or struggling- when you don't feel the need to apologize for anything or to deny anything. To be comfortable in your own skin is the beginning of strength.” ~ Charles B. Handy

Instead of a NESCBWI conference wrap up, I would like to chat about something else. The conference was a big part of it.

I have never been comfortable in my own skin. During my childhood, I was never all that good at sports although I tried. Books smarts, meh, I did okay. I was the quiet kid in the back of the room with a pencil scribbling onto paper. Drawing my favorite characters from Famous Film Monsters magazine, comic books, movies, and cartoons. Not one of the popular kids which was fine with me. Just give me something to draw and I was happy. But I never felt like everyone else or that comfortable being the "art kid". I felt like an outsider because there were not that many "art kids" and if there were more than one, we were friends. Don't get me wrong, I had other friends but they never understood the love to draw or how I was searching for my "skin".

It seems I've spent half a century searching for my place in this world. Like a stray dog with a case of the mange, often chasing my own tail. Going round and round and round until I fall over dizzy, exhausted, and frustrated. Chasing this dream and then that dream but never finding my true passion. Everything changed this past weekend.

It took presenting a workshop on sketchbooks with my talented, hard working, and incredibly brilliant copresenter, Renee Kurilla Zulawnik, for me to realize that I have finally found the home for me. I want to be a part of the book world until I can no longer hold a pencil or until my tired old bones decide to move on to another adventure.

What was about this weekend that did this? The people. It was that simple. It is the people that I've known for a while and the new folks that I met. They support you as you struggle to be seen and/or heard, cheer for your success, hurt with you from disappointment, and rally you when you are down. We cheered as one for Kevin Barry, Marlo Garnsworthy, and Renee when they won their well deserved awards for their artwork and portfolios. We felt for those who struggling to get noticed or are too shy. We welcome you. Write and/or draw, you are one of the "art kids"

I questioned myself for about two weeks before our workshop. Did I have anything really to offer? Will I let Renee down? Would I look like a fool? Well, maybe I did but in a very fun, costume wearing way. But something happened during the presentation, I felt at home. It was okay. I am okay. Our fiends where there for support and to listen. The feedback after our workshop was phenomenal. Renee and I were thrilled, elated, and numb. I think we were a tad shocked too. We did it! As the above quote says "... the beginning of strength." A couple of "art kids" were approved by a room full of "art kids".

The book world is a family and the conferences are a homecoming. I am so lucky to be part of it. It took 4 plus years of going to conferences, listening, learning, shaking off some shyness and not standing in the back of the room, trying to hide. I know, it is hard for someone 6'5" to hide but I did try. Yes, this is the world I want to live in. To be with the other kids who never had a real place in the world. To be welcomed, loved, and made to feel at home. Comfortable of being who we are. Liking this skin that covers our pain, happiness, struggles, and creativity but no longer hiders it.

This "art kid" has become comfortable in his skin.

Dreams do come true. How do I know? Well, let me tell you. After working on a picture book idea for  two and a half years, countless revisions, rewrites, sketches, character studies, etc. my little story is going to be published. Faraway Friends, published by Sky Pony Press, will hit the book shelves in April of 2015! It all seems so surreal. 

"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege." ~ Charles Kuralt
After getting through the holidays and a busy start to 2014, it dawned on me that I have not posted an update on my blog in three months. The last post was about our trip to Italy. Since then, a lot has happened professionally and in my personal life. I thought about writing about those events but it is a new year so time start fresh. As I started writing for this post, I had to rush to Tennessee last week for my uncle's funeral. His death has made me realize what is the most important thing in life, family. The few days that I was there, we laughed, hugged, told stories, remembered, visited, and let bygones be bygones. It has been ages since we were all together. I missed my other two uncle's funerals, my wife told me I needed to get down there this time and it would be good for me to be around everyone. "You need good dose of Tennessee!" is what she said. Since moving to Maine, or Southern Canada as some family members refer to Maine, it has been harder for my wife and I to get back to our childhood homes to visit. As we get older, the importance of family reunions, visits, and special events such as weddings and graduations is magnified. We need to enjoy each others company and discard any past drama or spats. None of us will know when the phone will ring with not-so-happy news. Or when we will be subject of such news. I will miss my Uncle Eddie. He was a good person with a kind heart and would do anything for you without asking for anything in return. His last good deed was to bring us all together to celebrate his life and our family.

I tried keeping this blog for more of my professional news and events with a sprinkle of personal stuff. For 2014 and beyond, I want add more personal events and general thoughts. Some will have photos while others will be just words or musings. Thanks for following the past few years and I hope you stick around a bit longer.

Russ

Geez, I just realized that it has been almost two months since I last posted. Where has the summer gone? Here in Maine, we have begun our preparation for winter with the stacking of firewood, getting the snowblower ready, putting gardens to bed, watching the leaves start to fall, and the bringing out the warmer clothes from their hibernation. I am ready for the cooler air but my wife has not embraced the coming cold. Of course she wears a sweater during the summer.

In the last few months, a lot of things have happened here in Otis Land. I started doing illustration work for A&E which has been a blast. My good friend, Ilene Block, is the creative director there so that is my "in". I also in the final stages of a new book with Islandport Press. We are working together on Lynn Plourde's new Christmas book. Once it is in print production, I can reveal more. During this chaos, I managed to just finish up the fifth installment for an ongoing app with Nine22 Media. There is talk of book project after the new year. I also squeezed a quick illustration for Peter Reynolds Dot Day and was on the Celebri-Dot page. Check out the blog and see the other wonderful illustrations that were submitted. Katie Davis has listed us on her blog as well.

Fellow illustrator buddy and Mainer, Hazel Mitchell asked me to participate in a blog tour. Hazel and I have known each other for a while. We usually travel together to conferences, book events, etc and are Pixel Shavings members. Hazel has several books out or coming out this year including One Word Pearl (Mackinac Island Press, an imprint of Charlesbridge). You can read more of Hazel's book adventures at http://hazelmitchell.blogspot.com

With the new year, I was thinking about writing about some accomplishments that happened in 2012 but thought, "I should focus on today, tomorrow, and beyond." Not that I am not proud or happy with 2012, in fact it succeeded my expectations, but as a personal goal, I needed to list what I am working towards. It will be interesting to see at this time next year, what was accomplished. The list is in no particular order except for number 1, that is a must. So here is the list:

10-Get better at the banjo. My banjo is quite pissed at me for neglecting it. Time to make amends.

9-Find more personal time to relax and recharge. Very obvious.

8-Write, write, write, and write some more. My journal is filling up with story ideas, I just need to actually write them.

7- Find an agent to help me in developing my stories and to build a long term relationship.

6-Improve my skills. I've already signed up for some fine art courses (alla prima painting, color theory and mixing, and portraiture) this winter so they should help with number 5.

5-Do more traditional pieces. This is for my fine art and book work.

4-Read more of the classics.

3-Take the next step. I am not sure exactly what this is, but I felt that if I wrote it down and looked at this list once in a while, it may become clearer.

2-Get out of my comfort zone. Go to more author/illustrator lectures and book signing, do school visits, teach a class, give a lecture, and do a Pecha Kucha in Portland. They have asked me several times to do one so I need to get off my ass and do it.

1- Take my darling wife to Italy for our 25th anniversary. We have chatted about doing this for a long time so 2013 is the year to make it happen.

We shall see how the year plays out. My sleeves are rolled up and pencils are sharpened, lets go!

Cheers to 2013!

"Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties." ~ Helen Keller 

"The art trade brings with it certain prejudices ... particularly ideas that painting is a gift -— well yes, a gift, but not as they make it appear; one must reach out and take it (and that taking is a difficult thing), not wait until it manifests itself of its own accord. ... one learns by doing. One becomes a painter by painting. If one wants to become a painter, if one has passion, if one feels what you feel, then one can do it, but this can go hand in hand with difficulty, worries, disappointments, times of melancholy, of powerlessness and all that." ~ Vincent Van Gogh

For this post, there will be no photos, sketches, or any support images. Only a chat about why we, as artist and people in general, seek validation from our peers and question our abilities. Before we go further, I am not writing this for a pat on the back or some accolades, just to get this weight off of my shoulders. What started this self doubt, is that I have been experimenting with my style and learning new techniques, trying to improve but questioning my abilities along the way. One would think that after being an illustrator for such a long time, those thoughts would never creep into one's brain. But they do. I think why this happens is that we are striving for a perfection that we may never achieve. No matter how many times people tell us otherwise, we see the imperfections in our work. After a while, those thoughts add up and self doubt rears its questioning head. "Am I good enough? Will anyone want me to work on their book or projects? If so, why? Will my peers like the artwork?" The over thinking begins to fester and grow.

One reason why this may happen is that we can look too much at the work and accomplished of others, especially those we admire. Yes, we should look around and absorb the creations by other artists but too much of a good thing can be damaging. We all have said, "I wish I could (insert one or more of the following: paint, draw, write, photograph, etc.) like (fill in the blank)." The thing is we will never be able to create like those people. We don't think, hold a pencil or brush, mix a color, etc. like that person or persons. We can loose ourselves by thinking like that instead of seeing what we do and how we create. Each of us are special and offer our own voice.

Trying to be perfect can hinder the message, especially in picture books. It is not about the technique but the character(s) and story but about getting that emotion across. Our very own perfection will come out naturally. This was a hard one for me to ingest. I wanted every line, stroke, color choice, background element, etc. perfect, loosing the message and the characters personality but just as importantly, the fun of what I do.

What snapped me out of this funk, I was having a conversation with a dear friend and fellow artist who told me to look at what I have done just this year. Several new book projects, some awards, a gallery show, a piece shown at the R. Michelson Galleries, and a my first picture book dummy ready for submission. I am not one to look back, always forward, but having done so, I missed enjoying those accomplishments. She also told me to stop fidgeting with my artwork, let it alone, it is good enough, instead concentrate on my writing. She sees stories in my doodles, sketches, etc. that need to be developed and brought to life. My wife has been saying this for years but sometimes you need that smack down from a fellow artist for it to sink in. Thanks Kelly and Lynn, I now get it.

With a bit of reflection, and new found energy, I am thrown aside this "over-thinking-self-doubt-attaining-perfection syndrome." Story ideas have begun to flood my head and it is time to get them down onto paper. As much as I want to, I have not gone back and proofread this post so it stands as is with any grammar, puncheon, and typos. I must be on my way to a full recovery.

I know I am running a bit behind on my postings but I am doing a quick pre-thanksgiving post about last week. It all started with a trip to Northampton, Massachusetts to the R. Michelson Galleries for the 23rd Annual Children's Book Exhibit. There were many top-notch illustrators, authors, editors, etc., there for the event. Many of them are household names. I was literally "hanging" with Dr. Seuss since my Mother Goose piece was on display. It won three awards last spring and one of them was for it to be displayed at the gallery. What an honor! Everyone at the gallery was so wonderful and supportive. I did not feel too much like a little fish in a big pond. It helped that many of my friends showed up for the show. A big thank you to all of them.