I know every one's gonna be over here in another minute. Hope it's okay to post here and not there. I'll miss you, dear Miss.

I’m brought low, this day.
Yet, she lives on
To bring forth a new age,
Alas, less one Snark.
So more or less
A coiterie of nitwits
Slog On,
Their devotions supplicate,
Their querys prevaricate,
When they doth strive to impress
She aimith staunchly,
Launching a clue at their digress.
But now, we Snarklings gently weep.
Our cyber tears
No less real
Than the company we keep.
Thus it has been and thus will forever be:
What lurks and sleeps and stealthily slinks
Beneath our collective soul – You
Were a virtual blessing to us all.

ME

See Miss Snark. It's just like Jimmy Stewart's character in "It's a Wonderful Life." You are loved and needed. Our world wouldn't be the same without you.

Please don't retire. Just cut back. We'll understand. Tell us what we can do to help. Anything!

I'd have to agree with "the anti-wife." Even if you stopped answering reader questions and posted your own thoughts on books and publishing and George Clooney, say, several times a month... well, that'd be MUCH better than nothing.

Oh, don't start showing weakness now! If you do that, the squirrels win!

You're not melting. No bad witch for you, dear! You're like Glenda, the Good Witch, who floats in on a bubble and tells us that we've had what we needed all along, we just didn't see it 'til you showed us.

Could you at least drop in on writers' blogs for a brief hello once in a while?

You're an icon -- we can't quit cold turkey.

Katie's right - you can't show weakness. We'll drag you screaming down from the tree where you're hiding with KY. And that would just be a tragic end to the saga.

Hey - you ought to repost that mock book cover from the very beginning of the blog. You know, for proper cyclical ending is beginning crap.

So i was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything i would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.


Yeah, I know...lame, but it's truthful! Chumplet has it right when she asks if you might possibly consider guest appearences on blogs? Maybe? Per chance?

I still can't believe it.

Are you sure I didn't fall asleep and it's April 1, 2008?

Who the hell is gonna tell me if my hook sucks or not with such honesty, such...Snarkiness?

I hope you pop in around the blogsphere occasionally ~ it won't be the same without you, you know.

You better stay open! I just got DSL and can now visit again after 8 months without a snarky read.

Praise the Lord...

Egads...now I have to go find Mr. Clooney!

(to the tune of "Bobby Jean" by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, from the album "Born in the USA")

Well I went by your blog the other day
Your grandmother said you went away
She said there was nothing that I could have done
There was nothing nobody could say
Now I learned from you what not to do
And KY too, when he did bark
I wished I would have known
I wish I could have called you
Just to say goodbye Miss Snark.

Now you hung with me when all the others
Turned away, turned up their nose
We liked the same novels, we liked the same writers
We liked good strong prose
You posted the wildest, the strangest things
I ever did see, just like Space Ark
I wish you would have told me
I wish I could have talked to you
Just to say good bye, Miss Snark.

Now I just set my hair aflame
And threw my rejections in the bin
There ain't nobody nowhere no how
Could teach me like you did -- pass me the gin...

Maybe you'll be out in the 212 somewhere
On the IRT, inching along
Or in the Hamptons one August, there'll be a radio playing
And you'll hear me sing this song.
Well if you do you'll know I'm thinking of you
Walking with George in Central Park
And I'm just posting one last time
Not to change your mind
But just to say I'll miss you, baby
Good luck, good bye, Miss Snark.

(Clarence Clemons sax solo here until we fade out...)

Chumplet's right. Your not really going to ask us to quite cold turkey, are you?

I still have questions... =(

But I understand. I really do. Can we throw cluegun fodder (instead of rice) at your wedding?

Miss Snark,

I had a very serious family crisis this week and stopped all work until tonight (something so bad I even ignored a contract, which I've never done in my life!)But I'm glad I took the time from my hospital visits tonight to read the blog.

Thank you so much for all this. There isn't a blog on the web with a voice like yours.

Good lord, these poems are making me cry...and laugh. ::blows nose::

Thanks for sharing them.

I'm also in the camp with Chumpley - come and visit us from time to time, won't you? Maybe then we won't miss you quite so much...

Nah - we will, but at least it'd be something to look forward to!

God, please don't go. I just found you. You made me laugh. You made me think. I'm in lust. I'm in love. I'm in devastation. How can you possibly think it's enough? How can you possibly know we've been satiated? We're not. And neither are you. And you know it. Reconsider. It can't be the end. What about the next Crap-o-meter? Surely that would lure you back.

You created a community--a strange community to be sure, but an important one. It will live on even after the blog is taken down. I've certainly met people through your blog that I will keep up with for years to come.

I'm going to try to make an effort to visit a few more of those blue hyperlinked names before the blog is gone--lots of cool people have passed through here in the last couple years.

It will take quite a few pails of gin before we're all able to adjust to this loss. Thanks for giving us at least a few posts to work through the transition and try to locate our actual lives again. I know I left mine around here somewhere.

Do what ya gotta do with at least my (and many other's I'm sure) blessing.

I have absolutely enjoyed reading what you had to write.

I personally think you could (if you wanted) just write. Let people comment but don't moderate them. Take the emails out. Then on days when you want to communicate with the people here you can but on the days when you can't you don't need to.

Honestly I worry about ya..what will you do without this fantastic (and entertaining) means to vent.

Best wishes.

Dear Killer Yapp--

I just want to say that with the sad, sad melting away of Miss Snark, there is a place for you in our home. We have no squirrels or cats. But we do have two children. Um. But they are really snarky. I think you would like them.

--Matt

p.s. So sorry to see Miss Snark go. If she hadn't just MELTED (!) I would like to tell her thanks for selflessly sharing her knowledge and sense of humor and time with all us clueless folk. And if I could just figure out who she was, I would make sure I wrote a novel she would love so that I could hang out with her. Adios, Miss Snark and muchas gracias.

Sung to the "We Love You Conrad" tune in Bye, Bye Birdie.


We love you Snar-r-ky, oh yes we do.

We don't love anyone...as much as you!

When you're not near-r us, we're blue.

Oh Snar-r-ky, we love you

While I am still in stage one of the grief process - see below, I'm going to try and bypass... anger... and go straight to bargaining... I'll start with returning the two spurs for two posts a weeks - and comments only once a week...



Denial (this isn't happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Just noticed the "About" info on the blog has been changed to past tense with a note about going dark. I'll still read your archives.

Mister Clooney is one damn lucky man! I hope you can leave him for a couple of hours once a month or so for just a little, teeny, tiny visit with us snarklings.

Whatever your decision--thank you, thank you.

I want to second what others are saying. If the letters are too much or too repetitive, cut them. If the blog is too much work, scale back. Act like most other bloggers: post when you have something pithy to say, even if it's only once a month.

Does the effort have to be all or nothing?

God, I never thought I'd be begging a blogger to keep blogging, but your absence is going to create an enormous gap in the community.

I just heard the news, Miss Snark. This morning at an MWA meeting another writer told me, knowing I'm a fan. And I thought, I was just on there last night, just finished reading the latest...

So I asked those attending for two minutes of silence in your honor. Had there been gin, we would've lifted our pails. The closest I got was Sierra Nevada Pale Ale... (Pale/pail... not bad when you think about it.)

Thanks for everything, and thanks for letting me interview you for the MWA Third Degree.

Your fan,
RB

I'd just like to add my "NOOOOOOO!" to the numerous others already voiced. I'm really going to miss you.

And say that I would really like to hear from you on the blog from time for time, no matter how infrequently.

Oh, one more thing. Thank you SO much for running such a superb website for as long as you did. I'm not sure how I'll manage without you, but reading it taught me a lot.

I fully respect -- nay, HONOR! -- your decision to live your life as you choose.

Perhaps one last Clue-Gun attack on those nitwits who still seem to believe it's all about them! People! Get a grip!

Best of everything to you! My only regret is that when my novel is published, I won't be able to thank you personally for all your wisdom and good humor.

Relax. Enjoy. Spend your time with George, as the Goddess intended you to do...

To the tune of 'To Sir With Love'

Those nitwit days of pictographs and sending crap are gone
But in the slush I know they will still live on and on
But how do you thank someone who has taken you from Parker to Pynchon
It isn't easy but I'll try

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high 'To Miss Snark, With Love'

The time has come for closing blogs and beverage alerts must end
And as I leave I know that I am leaving my best friend
A friend who taught me eight point font ain't what you want
That's a lot to learn, but what can I give you in return?
If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start
But I would rather you let me give my heart 'To Miss Snark, With Love'

Yup, I decided to give up blogging as well.

But instead of melting. I’ve flown.

You really must reconsider. You're not just a font of good advice and fun. You're provide an outlet for socially deprived pixies and goats.

My day is not a good one unless I can come here and read the latest comments, gossip, and ... sometimes ... foolishness.

You're really making me and Bill E. Goat very unhappy. It's not nice to be mean to pixies. Truly it isn't.

I was going to do a lyrical tribute, but I decided I'd make you one instead.

Don't worry, the song is used with plenty of irony!

http://members.optusnet.com.au/emmakate3/Snark.mp3

Miss Snark? You rock.

Yanno, quite apart from the no-bullshit help and information, we'll miss KY and Grandmother Snark and the smelling salts...

You learned who I was through this blog of yours. You looked out for me when I got my agent. I know that. You are more than a blogger. You are a conduit for the business who makes a difference to individual writers at ALL levels. You don't promote authors, you have no personal agenda, you don't need to sugarcoat to protect your reputation because of the anonymity. Who else can really talk about the S&S situation with honesty? An agent using her name must be careful not to overstep while Miss Snark and grind her stiletto heels in her response. That matters.

Change the format - instead of a constant barrage of questions from we the unwashed newbies, you choose the topic. How about an occasional "Miss Snarks Sister" like when Sesame Street brought in Mr. Noodle's brother Mr. Noodle for when Bill Erwin wasn't available to shoot? Maybe???

Thank you.

Dear Respect and HONOR! Anon:

The best compliment you can pay someone who is retiring is an emotional plea not to retire. I'm not a nitwit who needs a cluegun, I'm a fan who wants to say "I love you" as well as "goodbye."

Wow- I miss a few weeks of trolling through the blogs because of life, and what do I find when I return? I'm speechless.

I've learned so much from you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Much success to you!

We're going to make it, fellow snarklings. It's not like the real person is moving to Mars. She's still in the 212 and we still have the archives.

Please let her go. She needs to rest. Tell her thank you, wish her luck and let her go.

I think you should just stop answering questions and still continue to use the Miss Snark platform, once a month, say, to write a witty column about whatever catches your fancy at the time. The blogging/questions thing is a bit much, but you shouldn't just go away. My two cents.

Miss Snark, I discovered you through a writer's forum only a year ago. In that year, you've saved me from thousands of nitwittery mistakes.
I know you think you've said it all,there nothing new to say, but I'm so thick headed, I had to HEAR is more than once.
I'm so sad that you're stopping. You're the fourth funny, snarky blog I've lost in the last month.
I do hope you'll reconsider.

But wait, before you go. I just have one other question. Maybe two.

If I'm including gifts with my query letters to all of my dream agents, do I need to include an SASE? Yanno, just in case they feel uncomfortable accepting a gift.

If yes, does that mean I should include 2 SASEs? One for the standard reject, the other for the returned gift?

And, Miss Snark, what's your forwarding address?

Cheers,

I know I've never posted here before (never had anything to add), but I'd like to throw in my two cents.

Reading this blog has been a highlight of my day for the past several months. Both because it contained good practical advice that I, as an aspiring writer, could use, and because it showed me that I'm not the dumbest querier (is that a word?) out there, and that I'm probably actually on the right track.

I'll miss the daily laughs and advice.

The greatest tribute we can give our beloved Queen Snark is to carry her Snarkilicious Torch forward into the next generation of Snarklings. As Yoda once said, "Pass on what you have learned."

Not to sound incredibly self centered and self referential, but this is the worst news I've had since I began reading your blog and feeling as if maybe my writing had a chance. Honest to goodness, Miss Snark, you matter to people who are trying to live up to their ambitions without acting like blithering morons. If you were a character in a novel some wit-free wannabe sent you for review, would you accept this as plot development or ask for a rewrite?

Sheesh, next you'll be mailing yourself envelopes full of glitter and unicorn decals.

I'm crushed. I realize that and 50 cents will get you fifty cents, but I'm still crushed.

verification: ttjqne (the sound of me being crushed)

Give me some hope this isn't really the end. Why not re-open the blog for one 24 hour period once a year. We'll mark the date in our diaries (Christmas Eve?) and gather here awaiting Miss Snark's brief return,

Alice

May I paint and draw the pictures of the baby animals?
Please! Thank-you, Quilt Knit.

Ooooh, does this mean we can't keep you away!?!?!?!? It's kind of like what I'm doing trying to get off my anti-depressant--you have to wean us!!! Sllloooooowwly...

Like how about you post maybe just like twice a week instead of two or three times a day?? Huh, can ya, Puhleeeease!!!

I'm also thinking a Miss Snark Tells All book, including some of the best Q&A of the past two years. And your snarkism and wit, and maybe the FOREWARD BY GEORGE CLOONEY!

And hey, I know a good agent or two who can probably get ya that book deal (and I know you said once you'd never do a book, but come on, we never thought you'd LEAVE US!!!) A book--it's tangible. We can hold it. We can refer to it as needed, DAILY!!!

Please don't go!

Goodbye Miss Snark. I'm sure you've heard it a million times before, but I'm going to miss you.

Enjoy your honeymoon with Mr. Clooney. Perhaps if he does another sequel, he'll let you be the fourteenth Ocean.

Bernita said: Yanno, quite apart from the no-bullshit help and information, we'll miss KY and Grandmother Snark and the smelling salts...

Oh, and that lovely burnt smell of Miss Snark's flaming tresses.

It's hard to let her go, but this parting must be very difficult for her as well. I can't imagine it was easy to just quit. Yes, she'll have more time, but she won't have us, her adoring snarklings. :)

Good-bye and God bless you, Miss Snark.

I thought Clooney was gay. This brings into question everything you posted. Hmnn.

Best wishes. Don't be too embarrassed to change your mind and come back at a later date!

I'm sorry to see you leave. Best of luck in everything you do. I've enjoyed your blog immensely.

Just when I had a question you hadn't answered before (sniffs indignantly).

Come on, MS. How can you sleep at night, knowing you've pushed us poor snarklings out of the nest, into the big, bad writing world all on our own...

Why, at this very moment, I'm about to make a Snarkless decision that could wind up costing me my writing career.

Well, okay. Maybe not the WHOLE career--maybe I'll just end up looking like a nitwit.

Still...will you enjoy having that on your head??

Kidding, Miss Snark. Thanks for all the hours of enjoyment, the words of wisdom, and the impatience with stupidity.

You're truly a legend.

You've given us your best and only asked in return that we learn.

God bless you, Miss Snark, and your little dog too.

I agree with Kimber An. I, for one, choose to honor Miss Snark by passing on what I have learned. At least once a week, I tell my writer friends to "quit obsessing" or hit them with a "clue-by-four." Even my children now say, "Dear dog...." When my 7-year old makes a promise, she says, "I swear to dog."

It's the finest tribute I can imagine.

We'll miss you, Miss Snark.

How fitting that I heard the news about Snark going Dark on the very day my agent sent me my first book contract to peruse...thanks, Miss Snark. I owe you one. We all do.

Don't mention the crapometer as a ploy to lure her back! That'll just send her away screaming!

Miss Snark, thanks very much for all the hard work. If you ever want to temporarily un-retire for a brief update, we'll understand.

This time "yemizu" is my word verification.

Picking up on what Bran Fan said, you've contributed a substantial vocabulary to the industry (dear dog, clue gun, and so on) that will live indefinitely. Years from now, for example, some brand new agent who never heard of you will make a reference to Rabbitania, and some of us old timers will know from whence it came.

Damn, I'm gonna miss you.

Well just fabulous. I actually stop being online so much to ohhh, I don't know - WRITE - and I finally pop through my fave sites to see you're LEAVING? That simply blows goat ass.

There has to be a compromise somewhere. Post only once a week or every two weeks. The information gleened here simply is not found anywhere else. Promise. It's beyond cruel to remove yourself from our greedy little claws. We can offer up human sacrifices. Would that help? Here - I'll start with my husband, k? Case in point:

Me: Holy crap, Miss Snark's retiring.

Him: Who?!

Yup, he needs to die. And then the I'm-so-bloody-exhausted-from-blogging-and-answering-nimrods-online-who-can't-read-archives-to-get-the-damn-answer gods will rain down blissful peace on you again. Such a simple solution. I knew we'd think up one if we worked hard enough.

In all honesty, I can't fathom the work you must put into this blog on a regular basis, and I know the Crapometers are beyond exhausting, with so little reward for you while an invaluable asset to us. There comes a time when we must prioritize, and it seems you're doing that now. I hope you reconsider, of course, or at least find a happy medium where we can still interact with you, but if you truly are gone, please know you've touched more lives than you'll ever know, and aspired writers to reach for heights we never knew existed.

You are loved and cherished and your wisdom will remain with us always.

~Brenda

:(

A tribute to Miss Snark.
On Orion's blog.

Will miss you dearly, even my cats Sigh, Thai & Arabella are going to miss you! Ha! :-)~

Never lose that spit-fire, snark-a-dasical spirit!

You created a phenomenally helpful, creative and inspirational community from scratch.

You maintained your professionalism to the highest degree.

And you bowed out to thunderous applause instead of burning out.

I can only imagine how steller it must be to be one of your clients!

I'm hopeing fervently that a sequel will come out in a year or two. =)

P.S. my word verification is "ohjann". Only three letters off from my feelings. <3

To Killer Yapp, Grandma Snark and Miss Snark her self... You will be sadly missed, however sometimes you need to do stuff for yourself and this clearly is one of them times.


First off all thank you for taking the effort to clarify exactly why you are quiting the blog, and your reasons make perfect sence. There is only so many ways you can make the same point. Plus Blogging and dealing with emails is also very time consuming and so I at least partually understand why you would not want to deal with that anymore.

Best wishes in future projects, I wish you a lifetime of success. It is clear from the comments a lot of people owe their success so far at least partually from the blog and I hope that the same success comes your way.

Again thank you for taking the time to offer help and advice, a much needed hit from the clue gun and recomendations for reading.

You are , as us Brits say, A legend, and now I know the blog is staying up I will still be sending people over here.

Hasta Luego! Its been much fun!

A tribute to Miss Snark on Anti-Wife's blog too!

I heart Miss Snark and Killer Yapp!

I'm only doing this because Pat shamed me into it.

Enjoy your retirement Miss Snark. God speed. So long and thanks for all the fish.

Kim

You've linked to some great blogs in the past, and done a lot for all of us (me, especially, as I'm one of the lucky many who you Crapometered). I can honestly say that I will miss your blog.
There is not a writer's group meeting (MSVWA, we're not fancy or anything, being Alaskan and what not, but we are) that I attend where you are not mentioned. Even if you retire, I imagine that will stay true. "What Would Snark Do" has become a second motto for many of us (after Magic, Mystery, and Mafia, our genres, of course), and a valuable phrase to young writers everywhere.
I don't know where I'm going to find my news for the writing world without you. Not the general information, but the important bits (like Librarians on Parade and a reference to NaNoWriMo). I don't know that any blogger in all the world has your tone, your penchant for focusing on things that matter, and things that genuinely make an impact on the lives of your readers.
Once I get past denial, and get done roasting this squirrel, I'm going to miss you.

Miss Snark,
You have been a shining light in this writer's journey for publication. You will be sorely missed. Following your post, I have been lucky to get a fabulous agent, and have just put my other un-agented writing friends onto your Snarkiness. They will all be crushed. Best of luck and THANK-YOU.

Miss Snark,

Before you leave for good can you do a post on Simon and Schuster's new contract terms? I'd love to hear your take on this. I'm so sad that you're leaving. You rock. Goodbye.

Goodnight, Miss Snarkabash, wherever you are.

Dear Miss Snark
I'm so sorry that you have chosen George Clooney over us. When you divorce him will you come back to us? My day in sunny Sydney is not as bright with your leaving.
Carla

OMG, I just got back from a writer's retreat in the mountains with no Internet access, to find this!

Miss S, I will miss you. And your little dog, too.

Thank you for all your amazing advice. I wish you all the best in your retirement from the blogosphere.

Thank you, Miss Snark, for all your advice. You deserve an award for decreasing the amount of nit-wittery in the world.

Godspeed, Miss Snark.

You are one hell of a writer yourself.

Thanks for everything.

Thank you, Miss Snark. I'll always remember and be grateful for the support you gave us over at Absolute Write during it's difficult times last spring.

Thanks for everything you've done! I will miss my daily visit...and the snark too.


"agtrudb" --what I said when I found Miss Snark was retiring this blog

Thanks Miss Snark. For bothering with such a nifty website. I have found it to be very useful already. I shall be bookmarking it right away.

One last comment while I still can. I loved going to my telephone and figuring out that number. What am I going to do without you? This reminds me (and dates me) of when Mary Hartman went off the air. The reruns (archives) just won't be the same. And nothing has felt so sad. I invented my blog name just for you when you did a French post a long, long time ago. I signed it Le Rayon Vert then, and I've been using The Green Ray ever since. You've been an inspiration and a total joy.

Vous me manquez beaucoup!

Le Rayon Vert

I bet Miss Snark is snuggled all up in her snuggy blankie with Georgey spooning her, whispering sweet nothings, and this might quite possibly be the best night's sleep she'll ever have, not thinking about the time and dedication and wit it took to run such a fabulous blog for two years.

Oh wait! Clooney's in bed with her?!?!

There will BE NO SLEEPING!

All the best, and I hate to see you go. I keep coming back for an encore.

Thanks. It's been a joy.
Bye

I hope yours is a Beverly Sills farewell. ;)

Oh No!I only just found your frightening and witty pages last week and now you are vanishing away. I do hope this is a joke or a test run to check how much we all love you.

Wow!!! I just caught up with my blog reading and am still in shock at seeing KY giving us the sign off.

I know that all good things must come to an end, but (*wail*) this seems so soon!!

Let me throw in my very sincere thank you. I've learned so much from reading your blog--little tidbits that will only serve me especially well in the future. Thanks for all the advice and all the snarky chuckles along the way.

Kimberly Clark is actually a pretty good company to buy stock in.

Good luck, girl!

Damn and blast it - you were such a help. Maybe if you keep your stuff here for a while you still will be.

Thanks ever so much for helping.

:-(

I've been with you, mostly lurking, from early days. You'll be missed. Your karma is all sparkly now from all the good you've done.

(My word verification is pmfqfof, which is pretty close to the sound I made when I read this news.)

Miss Snark,

Please don't go.

I just got back to LA from a week in NY - upstate along the Hudson, in absolute peace & quiet.

I am devastated to learn that you will be retiring from the blog - please reconsider. A post now and then as a surprise would be so welcomed.

Your fan,
Kate

My name is Anne, and I'm a snarkoholic.

Snarkoholism has cost me countless hours in front of my computer screen. It is an addiction.

I will always be a snarkoholic, but I will strive to replace my dependency on snark with more time spent writing well. Then I will query widely.

Thanks, Miss Snark.

Oh heck. I turn my back for a couple months and come back to find this. Miss Snark, I discovered you in early 2006, just around the time I signed with a great agent. Thanks to you I knew all the right questions to ask, and how to avoid looking like a nitwit. I can't begin to list the things I've learned here, or the fun I've had.

Last month my agent sold my first book to a great NY publisher. Among the people I have to thank for helping me along the way, you rank right up there. How can I express my gratitude?

Thank you. Blessings in all you do.

CR, who posted anonymously for over a year.

Okay...

I'm sad, but excited for you. It must have been one of those tough/easy decisions. I sincerely hope you have a great time with all that free time you now have (Agents have free time?) to burn through slushpiles and use those clueguns on live targets. I envy yur clients and friends the extra YOU they will now get.

I really have to thank you. I am as yet unpublished (and will probably remain so for a while yet) but I went through a recent crapometer and you were the first person with no personal connection to ever suggest the stuff I wrote did not suck like a black-hole made of a million vacuum-cleaners. And you had no reason to do that. Sincere, genuine, deep and other heartfelt-synonyms of gratitude, Miss S. Thank you.

Dear Ms Snark, KY and Snarklings...

'Tis I, Frankenfoot. Thank you for your wonderful advice and help in the great footgear debate. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, but I went back into the blankety blankety hospital when I got back. Apparently I did too much during those two weeks.

Ms. Snark, your wit and wisdom will be sorely missed. Please drop by every now and again and say hello. I've noticed tribute-ish comments to you in other blogs 'round these parts. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and if I ever do get a book contract out of any of these literary albatrosses I'm lugging about, I will remember you on the acknowledgements.

Love from from Frankenfoot and Crash the Kitten, with ear scritches to KY!

And stop crying, you're waterin' the gin!

It's all Brady Westwater's fault, isn't it?

I second the motion that instead of answering nitwittery that you write a once-a-month column on books or bad query letters. Pretty please? After all, the snark in you needs an outlet. Anonymity gives you a cloak to say what you think. Won't you just explode if you can't, yanno, let it out once in a while?

Please don't go. But if you do, you still get an ack in my book. You didn't like my synopsis or hook... and that just made me work harder to make them irresistible to whatever agent I land.

Thank you for the snarkasm, the witticisms and the-- dare I say it?-- love that you have shared with us.

XOXOXOX 4ever to you and KY.

So long Snark. Whoever you are. Take care. What a service! What a woman! What a snark! I gotta go...don't speak...

Your Snarkiness is abdicating?

Thank you so much for everything you've done for us over the past two years - sadly I only found you a year ago, but what a year it's been!

I'll miss you so much! But enormous thanks for giving so much time to the clueless, stopping our nitwittery, making us laugh and giving us a huge amount of joy along the way. You're much loved.

But now you can have a life again, so that's great - in fact I can't imagine how you've managed to do anything but blog over the past two years! Enjoy it, be happy. I hope someone one day does as much for you as you've done for all of us.

One extremely grateful (and bereft) snarkling.

never in a million
you made me write haiku
so dark now the day

Boo-hoo. Boo, hoo.....

I barely knew ye and now I say fare thee well.......

Many Blessings, Miss Snark!!!!

I hear through the Desperate Author Grapevine that this is true. At least you know how to go out in style...though we expected nothing less.

Long live Killer Yapp!
Long live Miss Snark!

Deb Kinnard, a.k.a. T2

Good-bye, Miss Snark. You were a class act.

I for one will be sad and bereft.
Much aloha from one very grateful snarkling.

Is this code for Mr. Clooney said yes?

Wow. We'll miss you! You've given so much.

Let's hope Your Snarkiness is like a phoenix and rises again.

I'll miss you.

It's been a great two years. Your influence will continue to be felt on writers for a long time.

Best wishes.

Oh man, I can't believe it! Is it too embarrassing to cry?

This is the first blog I ever read and the only one I read regularly. You will be sooooo missed!

Oh, say it ain't so.

I love coming to you in the middle of the night when I get writer's block.

I had no idea the shock I was in for when I came to see you tonight. Since I've already been by to see you several times today, and all seemed well in the world of Snark, I just can't get over this post.

But in your honor, whenever I feel the need to come see you in the middle of the night instead of plowing on, I'll look at the sign I have above my desk and think of you....Write well, query widely.

What's going on with you all? Dia (Nadia Cornier) is "leaving" or "changing" or "quitting" her blog (not sure exactly), Jennifer says she has nothing more to say. Now you? Who's next? Kristen? Rachel? I certainly hope not. I'm bummed...but you know what? I got an agent and I have a website and I am writing all the time. If I knew who you were (I mean really knew not just a google guess), I'd send you a big fat bouquet of flowers and a bottle of gin because the things I learned from you were write well and stay after it, which I did, and now I'm on my way. Thanks, Miss Snark. And cheers!

Dude. I am really, really depressed now.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

(While fully respecting your need to live your own life, of course.)

It's been amazing. Don't suppose you would reconsider?

You will leave a huge gap in my writing life. Without you, I would have been even more of a nitwit than I am, a nitwit with no chance of ever finding my one true agent.

Thanking you from the bottom of my heart. Missing you already. Heart...is...cracking...

*mckoala drags self up eucalypt to lie on branch and cry*

Farewell. And thank you.

*sob*

This makes me sad. I always enjoy reading your posts and look forward to them showing up on my RSS reader. I've enjoyed participating in and have received great help from the Crapometer.

Miss S you will be missed. Thank you for all you've done to educate, encourage, inspire, and amuse us all.

But...but...I only just FOUND you, Miss Snark!

And now I have to miss you while I go read your all your previous posts instead of looking forward to new ones.

***sniff***

Unending gin and cookies to you and KY, and the best possible success.

Crap, you'll be missed.

Thank you for the two years. Hard to believe it was that long, from this end.

You will have the undying gratitude of so many. Thank you for all of your time these past two years.

The devotion will live on!

Thanks for two years of good laughs and even better advice. And if you're just having us on - ho ho.

Yes, I think you've covered it all, so your good deeds are done.

I hope this has also been a chance to articulate your ideas and observations. Perhaps you could boil it all down into an ebook?

Good luck. It would be nice to think that you're dropping this blog because you have one or more happy life events.

My sword is at your service,
Z

What? No more sending Haiku to you at 3 a.m. Eastern European time?

It's been a fun ride, a great learning experience. I found my agent mentioned in your blog.

All the best.

Oh no!

I'm so sorry to hear this, but I echo the other posters in my gratitude for all the helpful advice you have taken the time to post. You made a difference to me.

Sophia

NOOOOOOO! I'm with mckoala, as well as the rest of your myriad fans, on this one.. I only just discovered you a few months ago and already I'd become heavily addicted.. (there's always the archives i guess - I've only read about half of them so far..)
I did wonder how you managed to get o much done and update so wonderfully regularly.. So thank you so much for a brilliant blog, and best wishes to you and the Killingest of Yapps for the future
-apathy m.
PS. You could always return just occasionally? Special occasional appearances?

You'll be missed, Miss S.

Interestingly, I just thought about this yesterday. I wondered if you would ever run out of topics or get tired of having the same ones over and over.

I am not sure what initially motivated you to help the writers of the world, but I am certainly grateful for your time, your efforts, your honesty and your humour.

Now I think I'll go light my hair on fire.....

You'll be missed very much. Happy retirement.

In the midst of the word she was trying to say,
In the midst of her laughter and glee,
She had softly and suddenly vanished away -
For the Snark was a boojum, you see.

A sincere thank you for all the help, advice, critique and drive you've given the legions of aspiring writers.

Because of you, your slush pile won't be half as bad as it was two years ago; the writing, the letters, the grammer, the stories will all be the better for your input.

susan

Thanks for this blog.
You are appreciated.
You will be missed.

You were my first blog stop in the morning and my coffee will not taste as rich and fine without you.

Miss Snark, I'm a much better writer now than before I discovered your blog. Please accept my most heartfelt gratitude.

A day without Miss Snark and KY is so empty.

Thank you, Miss Snark :~)

...

THis deeply saddens me. I'm not kidding. It will leave a void in my life.

And it's my son's birtday --so I know a few things about this day in history. It's Malcom X's birthday. It's also:

Anne Boleyn, the second wife of Henry VIII of England, is beheaded for adultery.

New England's Dark Day: never-explained complete darkness falls on Eastern Canada and the New England area of the United States at 2 pm in 1780.

1897 - Oscar Wilde is released from Reading Gaol (prison).

Nathaniel Hawthorne dies on this day, 1864.

On this day in 1848, the U.S. acquires Texas from Mexico. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

I'll stop here.

Cheers,

Oh, alas. Well, thank you for a marvellous website, and all the best for the future!

It's your life you've been pouring into these pages and I can understand the need for something different, but I hope you'll permit me a very selfish "boo-hoo."

Very thankful for all your help and support but, nevertheless, devastated.

OMG sobbing

I never truly understood how you found the time to do this blog, but I didn't question -- just selfishly soaked up all the wisdom.

You answered my question, when I needed direction the most and helped me extricate myself from a bad agent relationship.

You will be sorely missed.

Malia

But... but... No!

*sniffle*

Wow, this is so sad! I didn't even get a chance to get Snarked (although I read you for more than a year!)

The writing world will be lost without you!

I second a big bunch of flowers and a pail or three of gin! You've helped me so much!

*sniffles more*

You're awesome. Thank you so much!

Thank you for everything, Miss Snark.

Good luck. God Bless. Mazel Tov. And a personal thank you from the heart for your kindness.

LONG LIVE SNARK!

Oh, and I so wanted to hear your view on the Simon and Schuster contract changes. This blog is such a powerful presence in the industry.

Yet, some decisions must be final. One thing you aren't, is washy-washy!

Thank you, Miss Snark and Killer Yapp!

It was that video of me acting out the 3rd chapter of my synopsis for "Dancing Naked in Central Park', wasn't it?

I assure you, the Mounted Police horses were not harmed during the filming. I apologize if your hair burst into flames.

Bye, Miss Snark. It has been a great time reading your blog. Good health and enjoy your retirement.

Um...does this mean I should go to Barbara Baur for writing advice from now on?

I will miss you. Good luck!

What?! You can't leave!

Awwwwwwwww . . . damn! Well, the fan listing will remain!

But, maaaaaaaaaaaan . . .

*sighs*

I've learned so much from you, Miss Snark. Just two weeks ago, an agent I'd queried gave me a "nice, but not for me" response and if it hadn't been for your advice, I would have concentrated only on the rejection and missed her subsequent offer to help with my agent search.

As it was, I'd learned enough from your blog to value that offer and take her up on it -- and she gave me a referral to a wonderful agency who fell in love with my work and offered representation within the week. If it hadn't been for you, I might very well have missed that opportunity entirely. So thank you. You will be greatly missed.

Very sad day, and the fact that this happened as I was busy appreciating the absolute doll-ness that is Dan Lazar, who I never would have thought much about without that fun contest.

We'll miss you, Miss Snark. I hope that since this place will be here, if you come across something that needs to be said, you won't hesitate to open those Bobbi Brown'd lips and punch a stiletto through to the heart of it.

C'mon, you're going to miss us all so much you'll be back!! Write that book or whatever excuse you have for this horrible announcement, and reconsider PLEASE! Im going to keep Miss Snark as a favourite and check this site every week. You CAN'T go, I havent written my book yet!

Wow. Totally not what I expected to read this morning. A scathing snark about S & S's contract changes, a shot at yet another clueless nitwit, another tribute to George Clooney--yes.

Miss Snark hangs up her clue gun? No.

You've been a tremendous help in so many ways, Miss Snark. My last two query letters resulted in requests for more, thanks to the Crapometer. I know how to spot a scammer, know at least 20 agents to avoid completely, and know several "do not ever's" to avoid at the next conference, all thanks to you.

You'll be greatly missed.

So many blogs that I read are going away. This is the third to retire this month from my blogroll. I need a drink.

But thanks for all your time, Miss Snark. Happy retirement to you, you certainly deserve it.

The prospect of another Crapometer was just too much, huh?

*goes away to be sad*

I'll miss you. Your snarky advice has helped me avoid doing dastardly deeds of nitwittery many times.

Thanks for the fun and informative ride.

Toss a cookie to Killer Yapp for me as I raise my glass of gin to you.

As one of the few who have been here since the beginning, thank you for all you've done - especially the personal notes you used to send before it went crazy -they were most helpful.

Many of the writers who started with you have gotten book deals and now, the books are coming out. I can't but think that you helped.

Those of us who are still plugging will miss getting snarked. And sitting late at night trying to figure out how to explain things better to prevent the dreaded WTF?

THanks again.

You will be sorely missed! You've provided us with a stellar education in a baffling business. Thank you so much.

I'm sorry to see you go. Thanks for everything. I wish you continued success in your future endeavors.

Dear Miss Snark,

I hope you have tears in your eyes when you read these tributes. I sure have them in mine.

I miss you already. The words "thank you" are hardly adequate.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank you. I'm not a writer but I've learned alot and had a lot of fun. You've been great, and I'll miss you and your little dog, too.

Thank you, for your wit, help, and insightful comments. I will miss my daily visit, but life is change and we all must move on.

Keep well, Miss Snark.

Thank you, Miss Snark. I echo the comments above, and if I should find myself with an offer from your mysterious alter ego in my search for an agent, I think I'd be in good hands. Unless of course you are retiring to a tropical island with no way to send manuscripts back and forth.

How can you just close up shop like that? The multitudes need you! Like so many, many others, I too will be bereft -- and I just happened to stumble into your blog this morning!

No, no. Please.

Stay ... and keep snarking! No one else does it so well!

Reading this puts a big lump in my throat. I only write kiddie lit, but what you've taught still applies.

It's hard to express how much you've helped me, but basically . . .two years ago I was a nitwit.
Now I'm not.

Thank you, Miss Snark.

Please come back!

I learned more from you than fiction classes, conferences and all the how-to books combined.

You also made me spit more beverages than I can count. I'll miss the humor you brought to all of those isolated days at the keyboard.

I feel like I've lost a dear friend. Thank you for the invaluable advice.

Kristen

With greatest respect for your generosity ...

with greatest pleasure for your snarkiness ...

with tears in my eyes for your departure.

MS, thank you. Thank you for your extraordinary generosity and those words of snarky wisdom. Thank you for your support. May you have a fine, happy, prosperous, successful life filled with Clooney, gin and fine manuscripts.

I can only hope that in Miss Snark's 36-hour-per-day universe it's still April 1st.

Thank you for everything, Miss Snark.

Well, hell. Thank you so much for all the info and the work. This was a great blog, and my first post. Just when I was going to ask a question about writing and the industry, all I had to do was wait a nanosecond, and you gave the unblemished answer. This was a work of art.

So. Are you going to write a book based on the info you got from the blog? It would be a mega bestseller. Might even get optioned by the studios, and you'd find yourself in bed with co star Clooney filming that post coital Sunday morning hug over and over and over again "until he get it right." Not to mention the scene where he rises naked and goes to the window, to ponder his love for you, his assistant editor/intern/aspiring writer.

But not that bedding George is the only reason for writing an informative and lively book on the craft of writing, but it could help you through the late night rewrites. All of your Snarkophiles await with
money in hand, waiting to buy your book. Support your gin collection. And buy Killer Yapp's new, vibrating doggy bed with the digital, self-feeder.

Something to think about. Anyway, have a good life, and thank you so much for gracing my screen.

Miss Snark, we are all a little wiser after a few shots from your clue gun. Thank you for doing this for us. :)

Words can't really express.

I learned more from this blog in the six months or so I've been reading it than I have from years' worth of how-to-write-and-get-published books.

In your snarky way, you've been on our side--thank you so much.

When is "Miss Snark: The Book" going to be available? If it isn't, can I have permission to put all your blog posts into a PDF and print myself a copy through Lulu?

Sigh.

Best of luck with whatever is next for you, Miss Snark.

I've been informed, amused, helped and entertained. Surely, blogs don't get much better than that. Thanks. I'll miss my daily kick. Might have to resort to the bottle.

Thank you for all your time and knowledge you've shared with us. I know I learned a lot I will take forward. You'll be missed!

Here's to you and KY!

Waaah. I'm sad.

Where can I buy a cluegun for personal use?

I've never posted, but I read your blog faithfully. There will be a big hole in my life without you!

Best of luck to you and Killer Yapp!

Thanks for all the great advice.

Thank you very much. We writers tend to grow nitwittery, but you've taught us how to weed it out better.

I'm sure you've done a great service to your fellow agents as well.

NOOOOOOOoooooooooo. . .

Best wishes to you, Miss Snark and Killer Yapp. You have saved me from much nitwittery, and I am grateful.

Like a good book -- sad to have it come to an end, happy to have read it.

Thanks for everything.

Wait a minute. No more writers or wannabes saying, "Miss Snark said today..."

No-o-o-!!!

Your words of wisdom spiced with a handful of snarkiness will be greatly missed.

Just when I finally had a decent questiong to ask...

~the irony~

Bless you Miss Snark and the Tammed-One too --I think I'll miss him most of all *choke*

You were wonderful to do what you did, and remarkable that you were able to do it for so long.

Thank you for your generosity. You did a great thing for all aspiring writers.

Best wishes and continued happiness in the 212!

Thank you so much for everything you've taught us and done for us. But just one thing: don't forget us. Don't forget what it's like here on the other side of the slush.

Go well. You'll be missed, very, very much.

Aww, hell.

You're one classy lady.

Here's to ya!
CAM

Your departure will be the subject of many blogs today.

Farewell and promise to blog on occasion will ya? Just so we know how you're doing.

Best wishes,
Taryn Simpson

p.s. If I thought George Clooney would make you reconsider your decision, I'd stalk him and bring him to you.

Thank you for the last two years. You will be missed.

Thank you, Miss Snark. You will be missed.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Who will uphold the beacon of snark?

Oh I hope you miss it so much that you come back...soon.

Miss Snark,
Thank you so much for giving so much to so many! You have been a bright point of light in cyberspace, and will be missed. Best of luck to you and KY! Good dog, now I've got the "Old Irish Blessing" running through my head, I'm such a sap. You know:
May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back . . .etc.

Top Ten Reasons Why Miss Snark Should Reconsider (cue Letterman music here)

10. Who else but devoted snarklings will make you a You Tube Holiday Greeting?

9. Not that you need an excuse to refill the gin pail, but dog knows you have plenty of them every time you post something new to this blog.

8. There’s been an overstock of clue guns on eBay, so you won’t get much money for yours. Might as well continue using it here.

7. Ya never know—one of us might really have an "in" with George Clooney.

6. Don’t you need to use "yanno" for, yanno, ten more years before you can officially trademark it?

5. Grandmother Snark didn’t raise no quitter.

4. Your hair looks best when it’s on fire.

3. Four words: orange cunts from Rabbitania.

2. Killer Yap really works for the CIA. Some of what you post as "nitwit" e-mail is really in code. The future of this world rests on you keeping this blog live AND current.

1. SASEs—come on, we all KNOW there’s so much more to say.


Please reconsider.

(But if the answer is still no...thank you, Miss Snark. For everything.)

I have written a non-fiction book but it would not be as it is if not for the comments and suggestions I read here over the past year. You did a wonderful service and your candor will be missed. I wish you and Mr. Clooney all the best. (There can be no other logical explanation unless hostile inhabitants of Rabbitania invaded...)

Sincerely, and with Best Wishes
Roger Anderson

Alas! You leave us too soon! I can't thank you enough for your advice and your wit.

sign me--
Snarkhotep

:P.N. Elrod shaves her head in mourning:


BWAAAAAHHHHH!

Cats sleeping with dogs (sorry Killer Yapp), birds flying backwards, Neighbours leaving the BBC all on the same day...it must be Snarkaggeddon. Thank you so much for all your help over the past year I've been reading your blog.
Thanks for introducing me to the world of blog (you were my first), to Evil Editor, to the whole realm of how not to get rejected quite so fast...
Good luck with everything
[word ver - ljpgehtv, the sound of my upper lip quivering]
Love
Katmarine

You've been a source of snarky fun and wisdom for me and my writer friends. Thank you so much.

May the gin be with you.

I'm stunned.

Thanks, at least, for leaving the snarkives up... and for the time you've spent trying to get clues to the clueless of the world.

Wishing you Paradise Found in the arms of Mr. Clooney, a freezer full of steaks grilled to perfection for you and GC and KY as needed, a bottomless gin pail--and cabana boys all around for the sunscreen.

not to suggest you're a *gasp* good person or anything...but thank you so much for all you've given.

*sniff* Well. I guess I'll just go write something, then. *wibble*

Thank you for all you've given. The Internet will be a darker place without the sparkle of your blog.

A couple pros told me about this site last year and also said to drink it up while I could because all good things come to an end.

Lots of good advice.

Thank you for helping me become a better writer.

*tips hat*

It's sad enough that the glorious Melinda Doolittle was bumped from American Idol. With the loss of the glorious Miss Snark, I am declaring a week of mourning.

I just found your blog a few months ago.

Thanks very much for what you've given.

Ah, Miss Snark! It was your blog that introduced me to the whole online world of publishing blogs and author communities. I will be forever grateful for what you've done here.

Thank you!

Robin

If someday you change your mind, no one will think the less of you. Rather, bells of joy will ring all across blogland.

In the meantime, thanks for everything.

Dear Miss Snark: R.I.P. (Represent in Peace)

It's kind of like attending your own funeral isn't it, with all these glowing eulogies? But I know we'll be seeing you someday soon on Larry King and/or Charlie Rose(you sitting behind a screen, profile obscured, voice distorted)--just give us a heads up as to when you're scheduled.
Till then....

Miss Snark, I think you were the catalyst for other agents and publishers to blog and provide insight into the publishing industry. Because of you, those of us aspiring to be published, and those of us who have and still have a few things to learn have some sound knowledge behind us.

I'll miss seeing the new entries, but am thankful you'll keep the blog up. It's a gold mine of information and will continue helping many more writers.

Very best to you.

Nooooooooooo! I haven't gotten to the query point yet. Who will be there to fire the clue gun at me when I do?

Good luck in future endeavors, thanks for everything you've done so far.

*goes to cry in the corner*

I'm a better writer thanks to you and to the other experts who share their time and expertise. Thank you.

What a great gift you gave us!Thank you to the Snarkiest.

Oh, NOOO! Yours is the blog I check first (and the funniest).

I am sad and sorry, but certainly wish you the best.

You've given us a first class, graduate level education in publishing our writing, and the Snarkives are a National Treasure. Thank you.

Referring to the previous anonymous comment about bells ringing all across Blogland, should you someday return, they'll ring all across Rabbitania, too.

I'm in tears.

Nooooooooooo!

Some of us met you recently, and are addicted already. I know I have old posts to learn from, but...

Anguish. But thank you for all the good times and good advice

Thank you, Miss Snark. You've shared so much of your time, advice, agenting experience, wisdom, and snarkisms. It seems that I, too, was one of the many who started each day with a cuppa joe and a dose of your blog. I'm grateful for all that you gave and am even more happy to see you taking your leave while the going was still good---classy to the end. Grandmother Snark would be proud. I predict that the advice you've shared will continue to be passed among writers and hopefully you'll see the results in your submissions pile and your deeds will have gone full circle.
Warm regards and best of luck!
-SK

Thanks for all the laughs and the education, Miss Snark.

Sorry, the loud echoes are just an homage — me crying into a gin pail.

You've pulled so many of us from the abyss of ignorance and thrust us, screaming, into the light of your burning hair; how will we get through our morning starbucks without you?! How will we know who we have offended? How willl we know when we're obsessing?

The words, "Write well, query widely," shall be our daily mantra.

What was that noise? It was the collective gasp of fans everywhere when they checked in to your blog today.

I read a lot of blogs. But Snark Central was the only one I went to daily. I always looked forward to your advice, your snarkyness, and your sense of humour.

Wow. You will sincerely be missed. Thanks for the ride!

My first thought: "What?"
My second thought: "WHAT?!"
(checks to see if this is a joke, some previous announcement, something I've missed...)
My third thought: "Nooo..."

Tucking away all selfishness, there are no adequate words to thank you for all you have done for we writers, nitwits, hopefuls, dreamers and targets for clueguns -- however, I can say that it's been a ride well worth taking. I hope that the next one matches the rush.

We laughed. We winced. We cried. We tipped our hats and said, 'good-bye.'
You will be missed.

-- Yea, A Loyal Snarkling, The LitWitch

Oh, no.

How is it possible to totally understand someone's decision, but still be totally heartbroken by it?

Ah, Miss Snark. The blogging world is going to be a lot less attractive from now on.

May the Force be with you.

I will miss you, Miss Snark. :(

Well, this rainy day just got more depressing...

Such a shame. But thanks for everything, Miss Snark.

Thank you for everything, Miss Snark. I am not nearly so stupid now as I was when I first started reading your blog. Perhaps I am one of the lucky ones, though, for I will now go back to Day One, which I was not around for, and read your advice from the beginning.

Fair winds and following seas, Miss Snark, you and your little dog too.

Wow, Miss Snark! Thanks for the great ride.

I'm sure aspiring authors will be digging through the archives for years to come.

Wanted to chime in a note of thanks for all the tips.

Great, you made me cry!
I am going to miss you so much. Thank you for all the advice, and snarking. Thank you for all your time. I think you have managed to smack everyone of us writers with a clue gun at least once. It was great and horrible.
I hope I have become a better nitwit because of your advice.
I am going to miss you sooooo much!

Mahukey

Thanks for all the advice :)

Yes, I am still a nitwit. But I’m not as big a nitwit as I was before I started reading your blog in January.

I will go to my writers conference at the end of the month and instead of assaulting all the agents and publishers present and attempting to convince them why they NEED to represent me, I will sit quietly, listen, observe and learn.

The third draft of my manuscript is finished with a minimum of passive voice and without overusing the words that, just, really, very and all the other oft repeated unnecessary ones

I will refine my query, identify and research agents in my genre and query widely. I will not take rejection too personally and will use any comments to make my query letter and manuscript better.

All of these things, plus many others, I learned from you. You have no idea what a great service you have provided to us and how very much we appreciate it.

I respect your decision to retire from your blog but do hope you will consider posting occasionally to let us know how you are doing and to provide any tidbits of wisdom to make us better writers.

I won’t take you off my list of blogs I check frequently.

And, I will miss you.

Would you please change your mind so my mistress will stop crying ...

Respectfully,

William (Bill) E. Goat, III

You've been a great inspiration and prodder to this writer--and I can't count the times I've spewed various beverages out my nose...Thank you, Thank you. (and Thanks for the sticky keyboard too.)

Shit. I mean, shit. Did I say shit? What I meant was shit.

Aw, shit.

Nooooooo!!! How will I survive without my daily dose of Snarkitude?

*sob*

You will be sorely missed. Thank you for all the words of wisdom. May the future bring good things to you and KY!

Thank you Miss Snark. Thanks especially for leaving up the blog so we can refer to it in the future.

You are priceless and will be missed!

This is dreadful news. :(

Of all the "online writing/agenting gurus," you alone have profoundly affected my writing.

Dear Miss Snark,

I've been a lurking Snarkling almost the whole two years. You have taught me so very much and made me snicker, snort, and guffaw in the process. I've even read some of your posts to my husband and dinner guests--they were that good. The service you have rendered to all of us is unmeasurable.

I'll miss you.

And I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll return to Blogland or write your own book about this cyber trip.

My best to you, KY, and all the Snark family.

(raises glass)

"Two million cheers for Miss Snark!"

Oh, dear. I can't even put together a coherent sentence.

The average level of nitwittery will rise. Clue guns will fall into disuse. Publishing will lapse into its pre-Snark state.

We should all take a moment to mourn.

I'm brokenhearted, and so glad to have been here for some of your wonderful run. Thanks for leaving the blog up. I'll refer to it often. I've read every post, including the snarkives.

They say when one door closes another opens. I hope this is true for us all. Congratulations, Miss Snark, on what you've achieved and on getting your life back. Thank you for sharing with us.

Noooo! I only started reading a few months ago!

But you are entitled to have a life. And I understand that. Know that you will be missed. A lot. Especially by me.

Have a great rest of your life,

VD

PS: word verification: o god don go

The one morning I don't start out with Miss Snark and I see THIS? Oh sadness. You most definitely will be missed.

Word verification: piewsudx seems appropriate somehow.

btw, this should be filed under "aw, hell." Not "housekeeping."

All of a sudden, the melodic tune of K.C. and the Sunshine Band enters the space between her ears...puhlease don't go


(BTW: we won't think less of you if you play an Oprah Book Club-like return on us in future).

Is this a joke? Please say it is. You just wanted a lil love for the weekend, yah??

Dear MS, I will miss you. You're a model of intelligence, generousity, and emotional stamina. I'm very grateful for all I have learned here.

Now please say it's a joke.

I went through withdrawal when Imus left the airwaves. Now I am going to be REALLY bummed out.

I got my daily dose of morning snark from old scrotum face himself, and then I had the comfort of knowing I could get Miss Snarked all day long, almost every day, and learn stuff, to boot...

And I was always laughing. And laughter is key, especially if you live in the down and dirty world of kids' books and celebrity "authors."

Oy. What a dark and dreary spring this is turning out to be.

So maybe now you'll write that novel about the Clooney chasin', tough talkin' , poodle pushin' chick in heels who takes no prisoners in the world of publishing.

Best wishes!

Thank you for two great years.

Your blog has been the single most educational and enjoyable resource I've found, as well as my favorite daily site stop. Thank you for all you've done, and for leaving the archives.

I've never teared up over a blog before. I knew agents could make writers cry, but this...

May happiness, gin, and fabulous clients come your way forever more.
And juicy meats to KY.

Aw, man.

You'll be missed.

Dear Miss Snark,
I still consider it a point of honor that I made you laugh with my Pynchon haiku.
It's thanks to you I found agentquery & retoooled "Absurdities" for submission.
You have a place of honor on my bookmarks bar. I'm torn between two quotes:
"And so I close, realizing that the end has not yet been written") (Myst)
or
"So long, and thanks for all the fish."

Sincerely,

Greg

There is only one curse word foul enough to befit such stinkin' rotten news: SARF. (Sh-t-ass-rat-f-ck).

But first, thank you MS and KY, for the hours of diversion and entertainment when what I really should have been doing was writing. You're an enabler, but a fun one.

You know you just really want more time to watch The Wire DVDs. All you had to do was say so.

Have you considered the withdrawal you yourself are going to go through? It will not be pretty -- writing posts in Notepad just to keep from getting DTs.

Now I must go drown myself in a gallon of ice cream.

Thank you. What more can I say?

I agree. You've had a great run and I appreciate your attention.

Now, all someone has to do is edit the entries and come out with a book!

That would be a suitable way to close this puppy out.

And thank you again.

Just checking in to see if you've changed your mind yet.

Guess not.

I'll go back to crying in my appletini now.

We love you Miss Snark! If I knew your address, I'd send a crate of gin and a box of bones for Killer Yapp.

Very good job and we will all miss you.

There is not much I can add that hasn't been said on here, but I feel obliged to add my two cents.

THANK YOU and I hope all your kind and charitable work return tenfold for you. Yes, Dezspite the snark in your voice you truly provided a service to us writers. Thanks.

Oh no! I was an early adopter of your blog. For nearly the last 2 years I've read it several times a day. What am I going to do without my Snark fix? I'm going into Snark withdrawal already.

Thanks, Miss Snark. Best of luck in all your endeavors.

Thank you so very much. May the sun always shine on the 212.

A. Woodwork Snarkling

Running off with Clooney?

You'll be missed!

Aw shucks. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Pass the gin.

O... farewell to Rabbitania
That Snark-bound land;
May Her clue-gun long and fearsome be;
When I'm far away on the publishing shoals,
Will She ever light Her hair on fire for me?
Will She ever light Her hair on fire for me?

[sobbing softly into my newfie screech for a safe harbour now lost to me forever, I float away on waves of briny tears into the unknown and unkind waters of the cyber-ocean]

JEB

Me: here.
Rug: there.

Good luck on your next gig, whatever that may be.

I hope everything's okay in Snarkville. Know that thousands of writers are wishing you well.

You are irreplaceable, and you changed a lot of lives, mine included. If I avoid major nitwittery along the road to getting published and beyond, it will be largely because of you.

Thank you.

I'm coming out of lurkdom to say thanks, thanks, and thanks.

Thank you so much for everything. You will be missed.

Thank you soooo much for the inspiration to begin my book.

I read as others collected various kinds of clueguns, cluebats & outright clues and I've learned from them.

This blog gave me the courage to try it myself, because if the worst that could happen was someone saying "no", well piffle, that's no big deal. I'm still breathing right?

Thanks again,
Bill Bolton
Longmont, CO

Thanks so much for all you've done, Miss Snark. You'll be truly missed.

Thank you-you helped me make a tricky decision about my career and here I am now, new agent, NY publishing deal...
please don't go!

I've often wondered how you managed to run such a terrific blog and (I assume) a great agency. Thanks for all your time and advice, including the shots from the clue gun! (I'm going to huddle in the corner now, sweating and shaking, in withdrawal from my daily dose of snark.)

oh dear dog--this has been one of my 'check every day' sites and I have learned SO much. Thank you for two years of wonderful advice, straight shooting, and of course Killer Yapp. Best wishes to you, Grandmother Snark, and George (since we all know he'll be calling you any day now. :)

Oh no!!! Miss Snark, we'll all miss you. Thank you so much for all your wonderful advice; you've done so much for so many.

I am sure that I am one of many, who while never commented, visited often and learned more than I can properly express or thank you for.

Your candid advice, your intelligence, your sense of humor and your dedication to all things books will be sorely missed. There will be an empty space in all writing communities now where you used to be, ready to offer advice and clue guns as necessary.

More than your advice, I will miss your presence, which despite all your claims to the contrary, is one of the kindest I have found on the blogosphere. Blunt honesty in your case has definitely been it’s own form of kindness and encouragement.

So thank you for everything! We will miss you!

I wish you all the best with your future endeavors and may they all be as resounding a success as this one.

-Aly

Like the nearly 300 commenters before me, I'll miss you -- your inspiration, your belief in us, your fearlessness, your honesty, and even your dreaded clue gun.

Thanks for a great ride!

Damn.

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!NO!
I am throwing a tantrum.
I will kick and scream.
I am NOT amused.

Fine. Be that way. I'll just go sulk in a corner.

I have to echo all the comments above.

Thank you for the time you put into the blog and all the advice you have offered.

It sure has been an entertaining and educational read, a daily part of my web browsing routine and I am sure as hell going to miss reading this blog.

Again thanks for everything Miss Snark, and if you ever decide to compile all your helpful knowledge into a book I would be one of the first to buy it.

What!?!?!? Where am I going to get my writer's humor every morning??? Who else frequently uses the f-word to such levels of hilarity??

Regardless, you have been so appreciated and I, for one, will miss you.

Okay, I know they have a hard time reading human languages, so... if the squirrels are holding you hostage, BLINK TWICE.


Aw. Miss Snark, one day I'm going to query agents (widely!), and when I do, I will feel supremely more confident for all that you taught me. And I have also learned that, whatever mistakes I make, it's not the end of the world. (Particularly important for my personality type.) So thank you. I hope one day we learn who you really are so we know where to send the cards come Christmas.

And I hope you learned, too, that many of us really do appreciate a firm hand. You've made us stronger, not only as writers, but as people! And we will be eternally grateful.

(And my thanks as well to KY, without whose timely interventions we would be overrun by mailmen, squirrels, and WHATTHEHELLISTHATs. Good boy!)

Dammit, I should have taken advantage of that last Crapometer when I had the chance!

Undoubtedly, others will try to replace you and steal your thunder, but there is no one who can fill the void you'll leave Miss Snark.

Really, it's a shame some agent didn't stroll by and see all the wisdom here and offer you a major deal to write Getting Published For Dummies.

Thank you.

This seems so...sudden. Did I miss a clue somewhere?

Miss Snark, you will be SO missed. You leave behind a a great many better informed writers, but also a gaping hole in the blogosphere that no one can fill.

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry...."

and us, too.

Take care.

*sniff*

So sad....

wanders off to find a black armband

I'll miss you! I've been mostly a lurker but I've been daily to read, laugh, learn, and oh yes even shake with fear at times.

I too hope that you and Killer Yapp will rise again.

You've taught us much with your snarky wisdom. For that I say thank you, thank you. You will be missed.

Perhaps a summer vacation would do?

I hope so.

Oh Miss Snark, say it isn't so.

You have done such a service to the writing community, all out of the goodness of your snarky little heart.

Lounging Labrador and I will miss you very much. Thanks for the invaluable education.

As my dear old Grandpa used to say (or some version thereof):

May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind always be at your back, and may you get to Heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Happy trails to you, Miss Snark!

With props to Wille Wordsworth (while my own grief presently prevents me from concentrating on the dirge I dedicate to you, in due time, I will post again this very night):

She lived unknown, and few could know
When Miss Snark ceased to be;
But she is in her grave, and oh,
The difference to me!

Yike!

(Thanks)

Holy crap-o-meter!

Miss Snark,

Oh, this can't be true! I've gained so much from you; it's been great being able to ask questions and receive answers from someone in the industry.

I'm so sorry to see you leave. Thank you for everything.

Nooooooooooooooo! Don't go!

(But thank you for such a wonderful, insightful and snarky blog. You will be missed.)

One of the benefits of a mortal existence is that we can put life's moments in their proper perspective. You have been more than generous. It was a blessing to see the other side of the slush pile, indeed. Be well and happy.

I'm real sorry to see you go Miss Snark. This has been a daily blog stop for me. And I've often linked to one of your helpful posts.

May George Clooney land on your doorstop with chocolate and the best bottle of gin on the planet.

Mir

Gutted
Wishing you amny many best sellers on your client list.
When I sell my first book, and I will, I'll attribute it to what I've learned here, in much laughter, with you and the snarklings, and last but not least Killer Yapp

I'm crying. I'll miss you. Thank you for your generosity. You've made the world a better place.

I, for one, will definitely miss you.

I am glad you are keeping the blog up. I have decided, after being exposed to a writer friend of mine and your blog, to write a book! I will reference your site in times ahead when the book is finished and it's time to try to get it published!

A bone for Killer Yapp, some really excellent gin, and my highest regards,

Amy

You've broken my heart.

To be dumped without warning after 2 years of faithful devotion to your every word. I am bereft.

Thank you for everything. For all the good you have done, good karma will return thousand fold back to you. I think you are a wonderful human being and I will miss your wit every day for the rest of my life.

Ello

Damn, this makes me really sad. I've only been a visitor for the past few months, but yours was probably the only RSS feed I followed very closely. I was going to submit a question which I don't think you've answered before, too. :(

At least I've got the archives to read through.

Whaaaat?????? I go out for one lousy day to shop in Toronto and this happens? Was it me?

This is a sad day.

We'll miss you.

*sniff*
I felt a great disturbance in the Snark, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

I feel sad already. Thanks for leaving up the blog. It will help me get through the withdrawal pains.

Your Wonderful Snarkness,

I will miss your knowledge of the publishing industry, along with your delightful sense of humor. Please know that you have made a positive difference in the world. Dog bless you!

I guess I should be glad that I will no longer be tempted to read Miss Snark instead of getting my work done, but...

OH, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Miss Snark,

I haven't often posted in the comments section of your blog; this is largely due to holding either my infant or toddler (or both) while I am online, which makes typing difficult. However, I love what you've done with this blog and I just wanted to tell you:

Since I discovered your blog well over a year ago, I made it my homepage. I will definitely miss seeing your snarky comments first thing when I get online from now on.

Thanks for everything!
Rachel Dryden

Dear Miss Snark,

As one of the first to discover you, I would like to thank you.

As always,
I heart Killer Yapp

And just when I was going to link to you on MY blog...

Thank you for calling my crapometer entry a "spun-sugar gimmick." That was exactly what I was going for, even if you didn't mean it as a compliment!

The blogosphere will not be the same without you, and neither will the snarklings, now doomed to our own dubious devices.

Free at last! Thank dog almighty, you are free at last. Very best wishes.

I'm a newcomer to your blog, Miss Snark, but after having read all the previous posts (it took about two weeks of steady reading, too) I feel much more confident in tackling the industry should I ever finish my magnum opus. Thank you for your wit, your charm, and yes, your snarkiness. I feel sure your blog will live on in perpetuity for countless nitwits to peruse and, hopefully, learn from. All Hail Miss Snark!

Oh, and P.S., Miss Snark... write the Book of Snark!!! Your expertise and insight need to be documented for posterity!

I'll miss your insight and frank wisdom.

:-)

Be well.

Well, rats. I guess us snarkling birds are being pushed out of the nest. Ouch. Don't wanna go.

Guess we owe it to Miss Snark to do some flying. Or at least some heavy duty flapping in the attempt!!!!

Thanks for everything, Miss Snark. XOXOXO

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. ~Theodor Seuss Geisel

You've brought many smiles. Here's looking at you, Miss Snark.

I'll miss you. Thanks for everything.

I have learned much, been endlessly amused, and am forever grateful for your tireless work. Checking your blog daily will be a hard habit to break.

Thank you for all you have done for us.

For the rest of my life, whenever I see a movie with George Clooney, I'll think of you and raise a glass. :)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

ok altho i can totally understand why you might want to retire,

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

it's been such an enlightenment and a pleasure to read your blog, miss snark. and you are due a zillion karmic points for your uncompensated advice to us newbies.

you will be truly missed...

Wow...this is HUGE news. I'm definitely going to miss this blog. You're advice has been extremely helpful to all of us.

I've never commented before but, before you leave, you should know to add another aspiring author to the roll call of those you've mentored.

Thank you.

But a slip of light stays:

I too have learned a lot, as much if not more about my writing passion as about the details of the craft. I've been snarky myself-- most of my few comments haven't seen the light of day- but I greatly appreciate your time, effort, intelligence, kindness and humor. I remember you like Jane.

Three Times My Life Has Opened

by Jane Hirshfield, published in The Lives of the Heart

Three times my life has opened.
Once, into darkness and rain.
Once, into what the body carries at all times within it and starts
to remember each time it enters the act of love.
Once, to the fire that holds all.
These three were not different.
You will recognize what I am saying or you will not.
But outside my window all day a maple has stepped from her leaves
like a woman in love with winter, dropping the colored silks.
Neither are we different in what we know.
There is a door. It opens. Then it is closed. But a slip of light
stays, like a scrap of unreadable paper left on the floor,
or the one red leaf the snow releases in March.

(apologies to Jane for the formatting)

Oh my. I'm late getting here to see this, but I'll miss you something fierce!!

Please know how much I appreciate everything you've done for us writers and the help you've so freely given. I wish you the best of luck and much happiness.

Dear, dear Miss Snark,

Thank you. You gave me hope.

No matter what happens with my writing, I will forever be able to tell myself, "Yes, all right, but Miss Snark said she loved my crapometer pages. Miss Snark said they were perfection on toast points. I must be a writer."

Where can we send flowers? Or perhaps contributions to a favorite charity? Think of all the good that could result from an outpouring by bereft but grateful snarklings. Let us know.

*toddling off to the snarkorphanage now... whimper*

Oh, Miss Snark, no! *sniff* But--but--you haven't labeled me a nitwit yet and you told me to keep trying! Whoever will call me a nitwit now?

*Sigh* Alright, if you must go, know this. You truly did help me and I attribute the fact that I'm getting published early next year because of you. (Never mind the fact you don't *do* romance!)

Give Killer Yapp my love and here is a pail of my finest gin. We love you!!!

The selfish part of me says, but I'm not done enjoying Miss Snark!

But if you really mean it (sniff) then please know that I've had untold hours of pleasure and information from reading your blog. When I hear from aspiring authors, I always direct them to Miss Snark. I still will, but gee (sob) I am really going to miss your wit and insight.

Best of luck and thanks. Really, really thanks.

Dear dog. May George Clooney stalk you in places other than your dreams.

Thanks for all that you've done for writers everywhere.

I'll miss the updates, but I'll console myself with re-reading the archives.

Over and over. *sniff*

God's work, you did, Miss Snark. You saved many hours of many thousands of writers and editors and agents, and you gave up your own hours to do so. Many thanks indeed.

Thank you! You've blessed us in many ways.

Yikes! I finally did some actual writing today, holding off checking in until I finished five pages. And look what happened in my absence (in the name of self-discipline.) I have never commented before, choosing to learn from the other nitwits and ducking the clue gun, but you have helped me so much.
Thank you--two million plus hits later. I will miss you more than Seinfeld.
Best of everything to you!

I've been reading your blog but not commenting for some time. I just wanted to say that I've learned a lot, and am now less of a nitwit than I might have been.

All the best,

Scott

You will be missed. No doubt.

Over 300 posts on a Saturday?

I think this means Miss Snark should reconsider. Otherwise, she will surely be responsible for an international epidemic of despair, despondence and, yes, I'll say it -downright nitwittery.

Has Miss Snark considered downsizing rather than retiring? Couldn't she eliminate email replies and simply post periodically on her thoughts and the industry in general?

She could at least wean us off gradually. Cold turkey is too cruel by far.

I'm only a relative newbie to your blog... Only discovered it about 4 months ago.... But it is one of only about 4 site that I actually keep up with. You've given us all so much help and inspiration. I'm glad at least that I'll still have the joy of going through the snarkives and discovering new information.

Thank you. We're all better writers because of you.

*hugs* to KY.

A sad surprise ending.

I'll miss you. Thanks for the gift of your advice, and you can add me to the list of those who would love to see new occasional blog commentary.

Thank you.

I recommended your blog to so many people, and I will continue to do so. You are the best (and most honest) writing resource on the web, or hell, probably better than most if not all books.

If I get published, it will at least be in part because of you.

You will be missed.

Word verification: gnivzwkv - the state of being so overcome and bereft that one can no longer form real words

I miss a couple days - and the world ends! Please let this be your evil twin. And I know better than anhyone one about... eveil twins...

*Runs to check calendar to see if it's April 1.*

No. No! You were my first friend in the writing world! I will be forever proud to state that I got torn to shreds in your crap-o-meter.

You're awesome. I've often wondered how you managed it all...Clooney, blog, agent, KY, Grandmother Snark, Clooney, conferences, Clooney.

We'll miss you.

Miss Snark, if there's any chance you will change your mind, please don't retire.

But if you must, I have to thank you for the guidance and directions. This is one of the few blogs I check every day, and I will miss you.

May you have Clooney wishes and gin dreams.

You will be missed.

I just checked in with my (still soggy) evil twin - and he checked with the Evil Twin network - and sure enough - this is the work of... Miss Snark's evil twin. She has temporarily taken over the blog while the real Miss Snark is being held hostage in Winslow Arizona by the Crapometer.

Thank you for being there when I decided to try my hand at fiction.

I'm still a "nitwit". But -- If I ever get the distinction between a query and a synopsis through my thick skull, you will be partly responsible.

Thank you again for making it all so funny.

I have to say, I am depressed.

Will we miss you? Does a poodle have fleas?

This is the most significant event in the arts since Gary Larson retired in 1995.

Maybe more so.

wtf!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No! No! No!

Pleeeeeeze no!

::sniffle::

Please with a gin bucket on top?

There aren't a lot of blogs for writers that are truly useful. This is one of them.

I've been here almost every day since I found you about six months ago. I guess I will start at the beginning and read it all over again...and again...like my favourite book.

I learned a lot :) Thanks.

Miss Snark,


I hope that even in your retirement from regular blogging that if something makes me want to grab your clue gun that you'll share your insights with us Snarklings.

Similarly, should you want to share with us your thoughts on the Authors Guild/Simon & Schuster dust-up that you will do so. Or anything else from the publishing world.

I understand if you do not wish to continue to be inundated with questions that were answered in one form or another 6 months ago.

Even if we only hear from you two or three times a month, it still would be better than if you were to leave us completely.

I'll still have your feed in my Google Reader in the hopes of some new witticism coming my way.

Thank you for everything that you have done and continue to do for writers and the writing community at-large.

Miss Snark,

You are one of a kind and will be sorely missed. Thank you for all you've done.

Ack! You can't retire, where will I get my advice, or my dorky amusement or all of the wonderful things this blog does for me! I'd just started reading, too...

Well I'll miss you and KY. *tear*

Hoping to sneak in here before she shuts the comments off.

I'm going to miss Miss Snark most of all because she's a funny writer with an incredibly quick mind, able to drop references from art and literature next to potboilers and old TV, and do it all unpretentiously and without regard to how many readers understand the references in the first place.

Do you have any idea how many times I read something obscure here and believed that no more than four of us could possibly have gotten that reference, and felt grateful? Do you have any idea how few people can riff like that?

Only good stuff should happen to you, Miss Snark. And if that means your practice grows fabulously successful and your private life fabulously rewarding, well, of course the blog must go.

You done good.

I'm an irregular reader who has enjoyed this blog whenever I've checked in but won't die without it.

This retirement announcement strikes me as cruel and manipulative. Like you didn't see this outpouring of love coming? Please. If you'd told me what you were planning a week ago, I would have bet my entire savings account on the occurrence of precisely what has occurred.

You've created a relationship with your readers and now you're dumping them. Yeah, yeah, you didn't know how time-consuming it would be and nothing that's happened over the past two years clued you in? Fine, whatever.

Choosing the Big-Deal Swan Song over the not-such-a-big-deal cutback in posts guarantees you a lot of fond farewells, but it's still as manipulative when you do as when Sinatra or Cher or name-your-cult-following-has-been did it. It's a transparent call for protests and "we love you's." If you need the "we love you's" that badly, fine - take 'em and go. But it's still a shitty, manipulative, disingenuous way to handle it.

FOAD

Definitely time to hang it up!

Ditto on the last 351 comments.

To "Somebody might as well say it said..." :

Sounds like sour grapes to me. You wouldn't know altruism if it hit you in the face. One can only be selfless for so long before something has to give.

I'd say Miss Snark has more than earned her retirement; her saying so on her blog wasn't as calculating as you make it out to be. She knew we'd all worry if she just dropped out of sight. This way we know she's healthy, happy, and still snarking away in the real world.

It's been fun checking in each morning for the stiletto heel dawn chorus of nails struck on heads.

Let's just hope the Nitwittery-R-Us franchise doesn't sneak into the vacuum you'll be leaving behind....

I've learned so much from you. I've found amazing authors through your posts and comments. I have a whole new appreciation for gin not in relation to tonic with a twist of lime. And I will miss your daily wisdom and general snarkiness (and occasionally specialized snarkiness as well).

My husband says that he hopes this means he'll get a bit more attention, but I'm hoping that KY will use this opportunity to update his blog.

We miss you already.

Awww--I just found you! Oh well, at least I'll still be able to read the archives. :) Thank you for leaving them up--a wealth of vital information indeed. You will be sorely missed.

I've loved reading your blog. Your voice is fantastic and will be sorely missed.

I've been lurking for over a year now. Daily reading, laughing, and learning. I will miss you and your humor with your pithy takes on writing, agenting, and publishing.

For the two years, the caring, modeling your respect for literature, writers, and agents...and readers, for so much more...

Thank you.

Even my MS is wearing black right now...I have sent a keg of gin to KY via his mistress...look for it in the mail.

*crying...* WTF am I going to do without the clue gun?

You have been great and the four letters you answered of mine helped me dearly.

I hope you are leaving for reasons of wanting to be free of the stuff that bogs your days down instead of something more serious.

Will deeply miss you.

Please know how very much your blog has meant to so many of us who want to become published authors. Each minute you spent on it was a blessing to us. Your humor brightened our days and your knowledge guided us in our writing. May dog bless you richly.

Nicole Gibeaut

By the time this comment gets moderated through, I imagine "somebody might as well say it" will have gone down in a gin-feulled wall of flame, but here's my two cents.

If you are an infrequent visitor, and you don't care whether she comes or goes, why comment at all? Are you jealous of the love? Or are you just a mean-spirited dipstick who can't let anything good be applauded without trying to turn it into something bad?

Butt out. Go comment to people who care. We don't.

With sincerity, but absolutely no regard, Imelda (who isn't afraid to be identified as the author of my comments)

PS: btw, it should have been 'may' not 'might' in your pseudonym - but you aren't interested in helpful advice, offered freely, are you? My mistake.

Thank you, Miss Snark and Killer Yap. You'll live forever in my heart and my hard drive.

xxx

Well, now we all have to get snarkier to take up the slack. No wait, some of us are already on a fine edge of snarky...

But we *do* all need to stock up on cluegun ammo. If you haven't yet, grab some boxes, people. We'll all need to shoot ourselves sooner or later.

For talking about the business of stories, and the love of them, with joy and wit, and ever refusing to lie about it, you will be remembered, Miss Snark.

When I do something silly, something most sane people wouldn't notice, and yet I want to curl in a ball of pointless shame and hyperventilate, instead I say "I am my own nitwit. I am my own nitwit every day." And, strangely, I feel better.

More than contracts or Clooney, I think the best thing to take away from this blog is the visceral certainty that you'll screw up. But you can do better tomorrow.

Thanks so much for two fantastic years. Not sure how I'll spend my procrastination time now.

Could someone please pass the gin pail?

You know that phrase "I can't thank you enough"? I always thought that was a cheesy cliche, but it's true - I really can't thank you enough for how much you've helped me with my writing and - of course - for all the times you've made me laugh until whatever I was drinking came out of my nose. Thank you.

Wow... 'Somebody Might As Way Say It'... needs to have his meds checked...

This alter ego of yours will be missed. Thanks for all.

Going to miss you terribly, Miss S...you already know that.

Might you be stopping by once in a great while, just to say hello to us all?

Aw man! I JUST started reading your blog, and now you're retiring! Well, needless to say, I'll miss you Miss. Snark! And all your snarkyness. :3 Your words and "voice" will be truly, TRULY missed!

It takes great courage to move on and I wish you all the best. You've given us so much - now do what's right for you.

Thank you for everything.

~ Elizabeth

Ah, Miss Snark, please ignore the assholes. Some people just can't stand love.

*THUD*

I don't know whether to give you a standing ovation, and shower you with roses, or ask for a moment of silence.

You already know how very much I'll miss you. I haven't cried this much since I had to slice the onions while on kitchen duty with Grandmother Snark. Blessings on your path, wherever it takes you, and those of Grandmother Snark, and Killer Yapp, too.

Thanks. I learned so much here.

Good luck, MS!

Oh! Your blog has been a complete addiction - the first thing I look at when I go to my computer . . . the best fun and the best information.

Big big thanks from an Aussie lurker . . . (sniff). (And how will we know what KY is up to? It's like coming to the end of a great novel.)

If it weren't for your Crapometer this December, I never would've written Trevor & the Tooth Fairy and found my writing niche. When you requested follow-up pages and gave your encouragement on that and the initial hook, you zapped me out of my multi-month writing slump and the words just poured from my fingers. In fact, the response to the queries for my completed story has been great, and I thank you and the Crapometer for my success with that! You really are an inspiration. You'll be missed.

Erica Ridley

Will miss you! Will miss you!! Will miss you !!!

*big sigh*

Z.

Aw hell indeed! Just as I'd discovered this great blog. Come back, do.

Noooooooo! Please, not gone away gone! How about one blog a week? Is there a Snark patch? Cold Turkey sucks.

I will miss you.

Thanks for good advice given with good entertainment. I'll miss you and I'll be sending students and writing proteges to your archives for year to come.

Dear Miss Snark,

You were always my favorite daily addiction. Thanks for the memories.

Faye

What I learned from Miss Snark:

I learned what query letters are, what synopsis's are, and the difference between them.

I learned how to tell a scammer from reputable agents.

I learned of P&E, Bat Segundo, and more other places and people than I can count.

I learned that checking through a novel five times for errors is not just reasonable, but recommended.

I learned personal notes were encouragement, but that no two agents are exactly alike so if no two comments agree don't change much.

I learned when I should start going to writers conferences and what not to do there.

I learned that nothing matters so much as writing well, and querying widely.

Thank you so much, Miss Snark. For all that I listed above, and for the things that can't be named- but are worth far more.

And please- check in with us every now and then, every month or so tell us how you're doing and accept a few comments on it, and if the nitwits thicken again start anew.

Dammit, this really sucks. We get one straight shooter who is able tell her ass from a hole in the ground and she just goes off in the blog sunset.

Yeah, it's selfish of me. So, what?

That's a sad day.

Thanks for all the help you've given me - mostly unnoticed by you, since I read much more than I commented.

All the best for you, Miss Snark.

- Firlefanz

DON'T leave us. Who else can give the smackdown WWW advice like you?

I'll miss you too.

Thanks so much for the fun, the laughs and the smackdown.
xo Future Famous Writer

I've been querying agents and editors for thirteen years. Have the rejections to proove it. This time I found one who works in my genre. Wonder of wonder, where did I learned that? I did not tell this editor where I went to school, how many children I have, or what I like to do in my spare time. I told her where I heard about her and why I thought she might like my novel. Miss Stark's words were not wasted on me. In the first of the eight pages I sent with the query, I killed off a character and set the scene for more mayhem to come. Straight from the crapometer. Now, what do I do if she buys the novel? How will I thank you? You will be gone.

'Thank you, Miss. Snark' - I'm sure many authors will have reason to put those words in their acknowledgements over the coming years.

All the best.

NO! NO, tell me it isn't so!

I don't care if you have said it before. I like listening to the Snark.

Maybe just more ruthless pruning of the email?

Throw out every third message unopened?

EE is great, but he isn't the Snark.

Please don't go. Sob!

We'll still love you if you post less often. We'll still love you if you answer few emails. Please, don't leave us without the light of your flaming hair to guide us.

No, just no ... whimper ...

Beth

WAAAAILLLLL.

You are top notch, MS.

Best to you, KY and Grandmother Snark.

snif.

A heartfelt thanks for all your help, Miss Snark. You have made a tremendous difference for me!

If it is true that 'what goes around comes around', you've got some really good stuff headed your way after the generous and entertaining way you've shared yourself and your knowledge through this blog.

Danke, Frau Snark. (I do hope that was right-I don't actually have any fluency in German whatsoever.) The site has been incredibly useful. You'll be missed.

Thank you so much for all you've done here - I've learnt an enormous amount, and the entertainment value has been huge too.
Thank you for leaving the blog up. I agree with the poster who asks that you visit us from time to time - maybe you can surprise us with a pithy comment now and then when something in publishing cyberspace is in particular need of your cluegun?

Thanks.

I admire you, Miss Snark, for going when you felt your work here was done and for not just hanging on, basking in the adulation of the Snarklings (and, yes, I am one). I learned a lot from you, and will forever be grateful.

Wow. I'm so sad to see you go. I only started reading about a month ago, and your blog has been a great source of help and inspiration. (I send writers your way all the time.) I'd save up the day's posts on your blog for sort of a treat at the end of each day.

I wish you and Killer Yap many snarky adventures (hopefully with Mr. Clooney)

We'll miss the Snark. Thanks so much, it's been an amazing learning experience. Enjoy George, and give KY a pat for me.

Dear Miss Snark,

I went online this morning (coffee cup in hand) and there was the news (gasp!). And, finally, after 13 years of Catholic school, I stopped shuddering when I saw the word Satan. Thank you for all you've done. As a new writer, I would have committed countless acts of nitwitery without you and the bloggers. You created a whole community of writers who truly want to improve their craft and to better understand the publishing world. You're funny as hell too. You're so funny I had a couple of my co-workers reading your blog and they're not even writers. Good luck to you Miss Snark (Killer Yapp and Grandmother Snark too). We will miss you!

I've been reading you from your genesis! This was such a shock.

I participated in one of your first crapometers and your response was great and it carried me through to finish the damn thing. And then it sold big. You're in my acknowledgments, and I'm in your debt, dear Miss Snark.

Thanks for everything.

I prefer to think of the cluegun as a Zen master's kyosaku, the stick to beat enlightenment into recalcitrant souls. I certainly had a sense of query letter satori after reading about 500 hook entries over a 3 day period.

I second the motion that we all implore Miss Snark to make one last post on the Simon & Shuster contract changes.

Thank you, Miss Snark. Your time and effort are greatly appreciated. Not only have you have winnowed many gonnabees from the wannabees, your legacy shall be the litmus test for all who follow.

*twenty-one cluegun salute*

CAO

Later dude.

Yikesarooni. I ban myself for a few days to get a project back on schedule, and I return to THIS?!?!?! Tragic. If I promise to get my priorities straight, will you reconsider? You take some time to think about it, Miss S. -- I need to go apply some Cruzan Confusions to this wound - stat.

Best of luck...

Warmest wishes...

Your words have awakened us like a cold shower, and we are more educated writers because of them.

(Does my comment get a crapometer rating?)

Seriously, I wish you the best.

What shall I obsessively check for updates fifteen times a day now?
Hmmm... I guess I'll actually have to devote that time to writing now.

Thanks for a great ride.

Thanks for all of your wisdom, Miss Snark, and send my regards to Killer Yap.

I know it's been said 401 times already, but thank you for everything. You will be greatly missed.

Tay

NOOOOO!!!!!!!

The tribute video got me all weepy.

See my response: An Enormous Disturbance in The Force.

A million thanks for all you've done. I couldn't have gotten through last year without you.

Oh, dear dog, no, Miss Snark.

Thank you for giving so generously, for so long.

Hard to imagine a day without Miss Snark in it. Sigh.... sniff... umm... do you smell that? Is that smoke? Wait, no. It smells like--it is--burning hair!

There once was an agent named Snark
On whose feet a killer would bark
At a pail full of gin
(to drown nitwits in)
When the cluegun had lost all its spark.

*sigh*

I'm already having withdrawals. Could ya just throw something at my head one last time before I bury myself in the Snarkives?

There is nothing original that I can add to these 400+ comments, so I will just add the voice of profound gratitute and affection of yet another devoted Snarkling. You will be missed more than any of us can express. On the bright side, now that I'm not constanting reading your blog, maybe I'll actually get some writing done. We heart you and Killer Yapp and wish you an abundance of best-selling authors and slow squirrels!

Miss Snark, I just started reading your blog. It's fantastic. You're going to be missed. Snark on.

Steph B

Shoot and darn it, Miss Snark.

Thank you so much all you've done: for all the priceless information and fun, and for all the wonderful new writing friends I found here, too.

You'll be missed. A lot.

I'm terrified that I'll backslide into nitwittery without your constant companionship. My new mantra will have to be, "What would Miss Snark say if she found out I did THAT?"

I have a white and pink stuffed poodle guarding my writing desk. Hopefully this good luck charm will channel your wisdom.

May Snark Central prosper and bring the best of everything to you and Killer Yapp! Thanks for all your work over the years.

Tis a great thing you've done, Miss Snark. You should and better be damn proud of your work here. You input to the writer community will sure be missed...a lot. Best wishes to you. May your slush pile be mined for gold.

JDuncan
www.jimnduncan.com

Thank you for everything. You and the blog have been the best education in publishing that I've ever gotten.

Thank you again. You deserve a great long break and much gin.

I'm late because I was writing instead of spending time properly procrastinating. And now I find my favourite procrastination-time site is done :(

Fortunately, as a latecomer, I can still wander through the archives and see how past nitwits have been blasted. That should keep me occupied for some time yet.

So, if you're stopping, would you have any Snark-surplus clueguns for sale? I could use one on myself once in a while.

In the 6 months I've been here, I've gone from knowing nothing about publishing to ... well knowing a bit more than nothing. The point is, it's all thanks to you. I often wondered how you could find the energy to maintain this blog not to mention run contests and crapometers. If there's anyone who deserves a break it's you.

So enjoy, and thanks for all your help. Hope I can do you proud someday.

Oh wow. Having just discovered your great snarkness, I feel very sad indeed! Thanks so much for giving your time and input so generously. I WILL MISS YOU!

Coming back from a weekend away to hear the sad news.

You have been such a help--and not just with your practical/agent wisdom (which has been amazing) --but also your attitude. Tough, as in, don't wallow, suck it up.....and tender as in, don't give up, have faith, keep going.

A perfect balance.

You are probably right, you have said it all. Kudos to you for recognizing this and not Jumping the Snark. :)

Wish you loads of continued success and happiness....and a pleasant detox from the blog.

Once a Snarkling, always a Snarlking.

Thank you for all you've done.

For the record, I plan to go through a long denial stage where I re-read every post in chronological order, pretending they are all completely new.

Goodbye Miss Snark and thank you for everything.

/Sara

Aaaaaaargh!

No. This is not allowed.

Oh, Miss Snark.

Scrolling through all of the comments, I can't help but think of countless children clapping their hands to keep Tink alive.

Is there anything your desolation of Snarklings can do to keep you around, even part time?

If not, best wishes and many thanks. I'll miss you.

WHAT!!!???

Well that's just PERFECT!

So tellme, little Miss 'Aider of the Lost' Snark, what am I gonna do with all these gin flavored SASE's?

This is my very sad bunion face.
>;-*

Thanks Miss Snark. For you, [I]The Last Idol[/I]:

"Dan Lazar will be crushed," said the poodle between cigar chomps.
"Well he can kiss my stilettos," she drawled, "Pass me the pail and the picture of George. I'm going to spend more time, uh, ruminating on how to find the next Reacher novel, the next snazzy franchise in the making."
"What'll I tell them?"
"Feed 'em moonbeams. Tell them I've died in a helicopter crash. Tell them I was swallowed by an angry griffin. I don't care - I've retired."
The magic poodle packed his bag the next day and went looking for the next literary soul in need.

Well, bless your gin pail and stilettos. Your assaults with the cluegun have straightened me right up. I guess when the students are ready, the teacher disappears.

Keep after Clooney, though, he's a keeper.

Regards to Killer Yap . . .

Thanks for everything, Miss Snark! I will miss you - we all will!!

Now I must find some other blog to keep me sane at work...

There's no way to express in words how large an impact your blog has had on the publishing world, dear Miss Snark. While not everyone was suited to hearing the truth beneath the snark, those snarklings who have benefited are many.

We are all richer for your generous outlay of time and expertise and you will be sorely missed on the web. I wish you nothing but happiness, a full pail of gin and the deserved adoration of Mr. Clooney for your future. (((((HUGS!)))))

Cathy Clamp

I feel a sense of bereavement...who else will give a well-timed wtf or cause me to yell "snarkination!" at my WIP?

I will have to find a different site to browse as I eat my breakfast.

Thank you, Miss Snark, for giving so much. I join with the others in expressing how MUCH you helped me navigate the tricky world of publishing.

Will it seem crazy that I want to set my hair on fire, name a location in my newest novel Rabbitania, and even spring for a copy of Space Ark! out of nostalgia?

This hurts a little.

You will be missed.

WTF?!!!

Wow. Next you're going to tell me there is no Dog.

Thanks for all the laughs and the clues.

I wish you the best.

Gosh, I hate goodbyes.

Reaches for tissues...

Long time reader, first time commenter.

Thank you, for all the advice and the how-tos and, you know, taking the time in the first place.

Gonna miss you and this blog...but won't forget all the Snarkish advice.

Thanks again, and best wishes, and may your gin pail never run dry.

Miss Snark kept me from looking like a complete idiot in front of a lot of people - and she didn't tell anyone about my moron plan. I owe her big time for that and she can call in the marker anytime she desires.

My daily routine was put the kids on the bus, turn on the computer, and write my thousand words. Then it was time for lunch, reading e-mail, and catching up on Snark. It was sort of a reward, you see.

Lunch will never, ever be the same.

Thank you for two wonderful years, Miss Snark.

I can't help but say I'm seriously sad. So I'll add my name to ask you to reconsider some sort of compromise and to go and read the book "4 Hour Work Week". (http://www.amazon.com/4-Hour-Workweek-Escape-Live-Anywhere/dp/0307353133)

That's for letting me be a quiet observer, occasional commenter, and letting me ask a question or two you found time to answer.

Kimi
talechasing.com

Miss Snark, you have provided not only a valuable service, but you kept it entertaining. Can't ask for much more than that. Thank you.

I'm bereft. What will I do every day when I turn on my computer? Oh right. I'll write. But my day will be less snarkful. Or is that snarkless? It's a black day.

Wow... I've enjoyed watching you in action. You'll be missed.

xoLaurelSnyder
http://kidliterary.blogspot.com/

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You recommended my agent, she signed me and we sold it. THANK YOU. You have made a difference in my life.

bye...

sigh...

and thank you SO MUCH.

all the best,
Leanne

Thanks for the entertainment and the agent's perspective. Great good wishes to you.

This is my first post to your blog. I only found you a few months ago but have read your posts every day since. I will miss your snarkiness and the community you created.

Best wishes.

Thanks. I'll miss your daily advice and humor. Now I can get back to writing.

Sue, who is posting anon as she can't be bothered to remember her new googleblogon

PS - The advice was great and will be used, and referenced, in years to come. Again, thanks.

What more can I say that the hundreds before me haven't already written?

You are certainly going out on top.

Thank you for the good advice and many laughs.

As a long-time reader of your blog, I just wanted to say...

Thanks for all your fabulous advice.
It's been a great run.

You'll be missed!

Pamor

Miss Snark said...
FOAD


This is EXACTLY why I'll miss you so much.

Word veri's like wcxklmbvp...not so much.

OMG! I'm late to the sobfest. But that's because I was at the ER on mother's day (that would be this side of the date line, when it was still Saturday your time)and confined to bed rest for days. So I'm only now just checking in. And I wondered where the comment button went to, and then I got to the "retiring" part. NO-O-O-O.

Well, good luck.

Sure hope you keep busy. According to my dd, I'm not old because I'm too busy to be old. Only old people have leisure time. So if you find yourself having time to spare, come back to the blog. We will welcome you eagerly.

Thanks for all the thrills. Better watch out, though, for the return to nitwittery that's bound to happen now that we're no longer in fear of your snarky whip.

Go away to a writers' conference, and this is what happens. That will teach me to go four days without surfing the net and stopping by Miss Snark's.

There is a Snark-shaped hole in cyberspace.

And in our hearts.

No one will ever fill your stilettos.

Miss Snark, I've enjoyed procrasting on your blog. You will be missed by many, including me. Enjoy your retirement from the Blogosphere.

May your slush pile be NitWit Free, may your gin pail be ever full, and may you always remember that we Snarklings Heart Miss Snark.

(sniffle, sniffle)

Susan Gable

I've been with you since post number 6. I'm sorry to see you go and will always try to remember your words of wisdom!

So long.

I'm just adding one more voice saying "thanks for everything" and "you will be missed." Truly enjoyed the blog and learned a lot.

Miss Snark,

Thanks for EVERYTHING!

When it comes to retirement, I hope you do better than Roger Clemens. But if you don't, we'll all be waiting...

Thank goodness, I got here before you switched the commenting off.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your expertise. I've learnt so much from reading your blog, and because of you I've got a heap of clue-arrows in the quiver for when it comes time to look for an agent.

Best wishes for everything that comes next.

*sniffle*

Camilla

Shit,
Now I have one less thing to waste time on instead of actually writing.

Ah hell is right. You were the first thing I read in the morning and the last thing before I signed off for the night. You've made me happy and even angry a few times. Now, I wouldn't know who you were if you walked by me at a writer's conference, but I feel like I've lost a friend.
Well hell. Now you've gone and done it. You made this tough ol' broad cry.
CJ

(Typing through tears)

I foolishly thought you would always be here. (Smacks forehead, Homer Simpson style.)

I can't imagine how much work this has been for you, nor can I find the right words to express my undying gratitude for all you've done.(Some writer I am!)

I hope that you, KY and Grandma will have a wonderful life, filled with joy and endless supplies of booze and Clooney.

You will be missed, but always appreciated.

Lighting a candle for the crap-o-meter....

I opened a Google account specifically and solely so I can bid you goodbye, thank you again, and wish you well. You answered one of my questions some time ago, and for months now I have been checking your blog daily, and I've long since read through the entire archive. Thanks to your advice, I dumped my old agent, and got a new one, considered 'tops' by the writers boards, that I'd never heard of before discovering your blog.

You have done what so few people do in a lifetime -- you have made a difference to lots of people.

Thanks.

The last track has played.
The record skips and hisses.

You will be missed, Miss Snark.

Oh bugger.

You've been talking to POD-DY Mouth, haven't you?

THANK YOU, for all of your advice and crapometers. I hope this means that you and Mr. Clooney are having a wonderful time together
:-)

Thanks, Miss Snark. Just that.

It's hard to believe, but I only discovered your blog two weeks ago. (Say what you will about sites like Writing.com, but it was there I discovered it).

After 10 minutes of reading, I was immediately in love with your snarkiness. I added your blog to my Favorites list and found myself digging through the archives every day at home, at work, wherever I had internet access. So compared to many Snarklings, I may be seen as a fledgling. However, for all I have read and all the info I have taken in, I feel like a veteran and will miss you bestowing new posts upon us just as much as any other Snarkling. I'm glad I at least enjoyed new posts for the two weeks I had.

P.S. We won't look down on you if you pull a Michael Jordan. In fact, I think many of us are counting on it

Just wanted to say thank you for all the great advice and laughs! Thanks for keeping the archives up, I know alot of us will be referring to them alot.
You will be missed greatly!
Diane in Idaho

Miss Snark,

Aww hell is right! You'll be sorely missed. Thank you for all the advice over those gazillion posts. I was beginning to feel edumacated. (g)

Gah, this is a sad day. I will miss your humor.

Thank you Miss Snark for your advice, inspiration, and most especially, for your unique voice.

Oh no. This is sad. You've earned everyone's respect. Even 101 reasons writes your blog a great eulogy and refrains from making any snide comments on the side. (http://101reasonstostopwriting.blogspot.com/2007/05/miss-snark-retirement-linklove.html) You will be missed.

Wait... I go away for a couple of weeks, come back, and you're leaving! :(:( But... but... ::sigh:: This makes me sad. But I understand why. So here is my incredible sappy comment on what Miss Snark has done for me...

As a college student navigating the publishing industry, you saved me from many foolish errors... resulting in the three poetry acceptances to professional journals I now have. You were of immeasurable importance in my quest to finish my novel.

I could go on and on. Essentially, the fact that I'm starting to kick off a writing career at age 19 is, in a large part, due to your advice and suggestions.

Thank you for helping me make my dreams come true.

P.S.-- And dear dog it'll be weird never to read of another nitwit, another poor sorry writer like myself being ground beneath your stiletto heel...

P.P.S.-- Killer Yapp, I want you to know that you are only ankle-biter-tiny-evil-dog that I have ever felt real affection for.

P.P.P.S.-- to both on you, I grant an unending supply of virtual gin...since that's the only kind I can legally give you.

Now I'll go cry into my Norton Anthology...

You will be so missed. But I can quite imagine your exhaustion. You put so much into this blog.

And you have provided me with so much more than just Snarkly advice. The links to other blogs in the comments section led me to so many other wonderful writers. Your blog formed a community of writers. Closing down blog will be a loss to us all.

Miss Snark, Say it ain't so! I've learned so much and gotten so much inspiration from your blog - the only one I've ever read. Once you published a query from me and I was so proud I emailed the link to all my critique partners. Can't believe you're going.....somebody pass the gin pail, please. Give my best to KY.

Thank you Miss Snark for your wonderful posts.

I'll miss you.

Jessica Russell

Gi-hu-guh-what?

I go away for the weekend and this is what I come back to? I haven't even written a query yet! What am I supposed to do with all the questions that will inevitably arise when I do? Read the archives? That's so impersonal. I need fresh snark.

I feel like I've just been pierced through the heart by a stiletto. Drowned in a gin pail. Shot in the face with the .357 magnum of clue guns.

Who will give me a clue now, Miss Snark? Because I need a clue. Do you hear me, Miss Snark? I need a clue.

I NEED A CLUE, DAMN IT!

Good luck, famed slinger of snark. You will be missed.

Wow, I guess i need to scan blogs more often. So sorry to see you go. Thanks for your time!!

Oh Miss Snark, we'll miss you so much. Sniff sniff.

Miss Snark, you have comprehensively rocked my world. Thank you so much for your generosity, and may your gin pail never run dry.

Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you...

Though deliciously snarky, your kindness shone through. Is it the silly romantic in me that believes that "we" (the anonymous readers) brought out the best in you, as you struggled (sometimes) in vain to whip us into shape? *cough* *grin*

Your clue gun shall forever be enshrined. *bows*

Someday, soon I hope, my first novel will see print. Look in those "thank-you" credits, for your most gracious Snarkliness will not be forgotten.

Bless you, Miss Snark. You will be so missed...

Miss Snark, I'm not a writer and don't aspire to be one, but I've enjoyed reading your blog immensely.

Good luck in the future!

I'll miss you so very much. Your comments on my crapometer entries has been extremely valuable and all your agenting wisdom has done much towards reducing the number of nitwits in the industry.

Hope you snag George soon. Here's a bucket of gin to tide you over until then.

Oh noooooooooooo!!!!!! And I was juuust getting to know you! So looking forward to another crapometer; one where I would have 'made it in time' to see how I fair and become an official 'Snarkling.'

It's quite obvious from the numerous comments, you will be genuinely missed.

All good wishes and many blessings, to you and Killer Yapp!

My heart is breaking; I am bereft. I'll be raising a G&T to you tonight at my writer's group (we meet in a pub). I wish you all the best in the world (which, as we all know, is gin, Mr Clooney, and Killer Yapp).

I shall take comfort in knowing that somewhere out there, you are still crushing nitwits under your stiletto'd heels, and Killer Yapp has his canine-powered squirrel-targeting RPG.

Farewell, Miss Snark. I'll miss you.

Nooooooooo!

I am sobbing into my beret.

I'll be a snarkling forever. Forever, I say!

Love you Miss Snark.

Sniff.

I wish you only the best, and I hope one day to get over my fear of "real writing" and assault your sensibility with a submission....
Artemis (only a lurker in your sphere; my comments have all been in the medical blog world)

What a shock when I came to visit today. Thank you so much for your time and energy, Miss Snark. We will miss you! Thank you also for leaving the site up, even without additional input, there is a wealth of information for writers. Beneath your snarky exterior beats a warm heart.

RMS

Miss Snark,

Your snarks and encouragements have made me a better writer, and I will forever be grateful for this.

Take care and know you will be missed!

Well, this sucks.

I'll miss you, Miss Snark. I wish you many uber cool book sales and gin pails. Hopefully you won't be setting your hair on fire too much, since we all hoped we learned something from you.

Of course, if you're marrying Clooney, you won't be able to keep your secret identity for long . . . then we can start blasting you with all our nitwit quesitons again!

Thank you, Miss Snark!

We should have suspected when you took that vacation. This leaves a hollow feeling inside my usually full spot.

Fellow readers & writers, whither next for the collective wisdom? I don't want to think about life without your thoughts, questions, and smartitude.

Gods bless you, Miss Snark, and dog bless you, too.

~pulp

Aaack - this is what happens when I don't read blogs for a few days?

Seriously - many, many, many thanks for all your no-nonsense advice on writing and publishing. You've given so much and like so many others, I truly appreciate your time and effort over the last two years :) Happy Blog retirement!!

Thanks for all you've given us authorial wanabees!

I've mostly been a lurker, enjoying your snarkiness from the safety of the other side of my computer, yet I join with everyone else in saying how sorry I am to see you go, Miss Snark. I've sent links to this blog to countless friends so they could enjoy your wit and wisdom as much as I do.

I wish you all that you wish yourself and more.

As a lurker to your blog, I'm coming out to say how sad to know you won't be there to read. I've laughed, and learned and screamed and yes, cried. You are the best...and I hope from time to time, you will come back to haunt us.

take care,
we'll miss ya.

Does this mean my vacation to Rabbitania is a no-go? Can I get a refund for the tickets?

Thanks a million Miss Snark. You'll be missed more than you know.

Dear Miss Snark,

You were my matchmaker. You held up Kristin Nelson as a great agent and she's been everything you said she would be.

And now to know that your would depart the blogs before our first baby hit the shelves...Sniff.

I love you, Miss Snark.

wtf

dear dog

It's been two days. Did you change your mind yet?

no, sorry.

But we love you, Miss Snark. Isn't that enough (sob!)

Two more words from Miss Snark!! Ah, my withdrawal symptoms are appeased just a tiny bit! I guess we're all moving on to a new era. My website should be up soon, and they're smashing the windows of our apartments this week, giving us new windows, new openings to view the world. It's a new world for us, Miss Snark, and I'll always remember how you influenced the transition to it.

Thank you for giving me the courage to stand up to snarkiness while gin is being sloshed from the pail onto my stilettos.

I was one of the lucky ones able to be included in the second crapometer, and it was an eye opener. So I just want to say, like all the other writers on here, that I understand the need to move on, but will miss you immensely.

Thank you for the time you have spent in helping out a bunch of people that you probably will never even meet. It wasn't wasted.

If ever I am published (and oh I will be) there will be a spot for you on the special thanks page.

Can I be the last commenter?

If so . . .

Bye bye.

I've finally figured out that, if you want to email a query, save it in rich text format first, then copy it into the email. Word does weird formatting stuff that doesn't translate well to email.

Odds are good that your have some of Word's Autoformat options on--this consists of "smart quotes" that determine whether quotation marks are opening or closing (they curve in different directions). I think apostrophes go in either direction too. These directional marks are not within HTML's character set, so it really depends on the reader's e-mail program as to whether they display properly or look like gibberish.

Type up your queries in something like Notepad or Textedit and your apostrophes and quotation marks should display normally. (They will be "straight quotes" and not "smart quotes") Failing that, go turn off the related Autoformat options in Word and then run it through a test like Miss Snark suggested.

--K.

Many times you get all that gibberish when you paste from Word to an email application because you're pasting formatted text, and either your email program or the recipient's email program can't read the formatting. Try pasting your query as plain text (either save it from Word as plain text first, or type it into Notepad as plain text). Yes, you'll lose any fancy formatting--italics, bolds, colors, em dashes, etcetera. Actually, in a query, probably not such a bad thing.

Hope this helps!

Elizabeth

If you send your email as plain text as opposed to Rich Text or HTML, and save your word doc as plain text and then copy & paste from it, you should be fine.

To reiterate one of the points alluded to above - it's happening because Word sucks as an email composer.

In a business email (such as a query), it is never wrong to use plain text. Indeed, there are very few circumstances that call for anything except plain text emails - perhaps emailing friends and relatives, but that's it.

Configure your email programme to use a plain text email composer, and write in it. There's no reason to use Word or any other external editor in any modern email app. If you're using webmail, just use the form that your webmail service provides. (Indeed, most webmail services let you compose rich-text emails if you insist on it.)

Hope that helps!

pax et bonum

Word is notorious for extra symbols -- we've had issues with this over at the DII forums. When I post anything to the DII list, I remove ALL curly quotes and apostrophies, use a double dash instead of an em-dash, places spaces in between the periods of an ellipses, and either paste it into notepad (preferred since you get black rectangles for Word's symbol mess) or wordpad. From there it gets copied and posted into my email program.


To turn off Words symbols & otherwise make something more email compatible, here's what we tell DII members to do:

1. Open your work in your word processing software, then open a wordpad file.

2. To remove "curly" quotes and other symbols, do the following: in the edit menu click replace; in BOTH the find what and replace with box type a ' (or whatever other symbol you are replacing); click replace all; it will automatically take out the curlys

other symbols you may want to do this with:
"
-- (which gets turned into an em dash)
- (sometimes gets turned into an em dash)
;
... (should be changed to . . . , spaces included)


3. Copy and paste your work into wordpad and save either as a text file or as an rtf file. This will help convert whatever version of word (or any other program you happen to be using) into a format that most pc's can see without resorting to formatting idiocies. Go through and DOUBLE SPACE between EACH paragraph (like what you see between this line and the first line of #4 below).

4. DO NOT use stationary or any other images in your email as it adds to the size of the email you are sending and some programs do not accept it. DEFINITELY do not add music or anything of that nature. Outlook Express users need to avoid using an OE signature as OE signature files are one of the most popular ways to spread viruses.

5. Don't indent and don't put line breaks along the right side of the page or email.

6. It helps if you turn Word Wrap OFF.

7. Copy from the wordpad and paste into your email.


Some of that is unnecessary for regular email, but most of it helps keep email issues at a minimum for most members.

Oh, we also have this post about removing the Word symbol mess almost entirely from Word docs:

To avoid odd symbols when pasting text into your posts:

in the format menu, choose Auto Format
in the dialogue box, click options
click the AutoFormat tab and make sure the following are unchecked:
Straight Quotes with Smart Quotes
Symbol characters (--) with symbols
Click ok
Click ok again (not close, it won't work that way and resets back to having this options checked)

When in doubt, tell your email client to send as text only. You won't get any formatting, and you'll probably have to clean it up on your end (line breaks and such), but better yours than theirs.

Turn of Smart Quotes, do a search-and-replace to fix them, and set your program to not squish double hyphons into an em-dash. That'll fix virtually all the problems.

Saving to .rtf is a good idea, too.

When sending a mail set the character encoding to UTF-8 rather than ISO-8859-1.

Theoretically everybody should be able to read this one (unless possibly you are writing in Russian ...)

Turn off the curly quotes and make sure WORD isn't changing elipses into one character.

And in some incarnations of WORD and Windows, you don't remove these artifacts by copying into NOTEPAD.

WORD calls it autoformatting but most people call it screwing up the text.

As some have already said, the issue is with Word's automagic formatting of text. You can save the document into PLAIN TEXT and copy and paste from that .txt file.

But it's not just queries. If folks want you to submit material by pasting into the body of an email, you'll have the same problem, only multiplied many times. Any time you email your text to someone, use only PLAIN TEXT, as the person on the receiving end may have HTML turned off to keep from seeing spam sent as images instead of text, to circumvent spam filters. Let your words wow them, not your choice of fonts or interesting formatting.

I would suggest typing the query up in your email program, and perhaps leaving a copy in "drafts." This way you can probably avoid any word processor weirdness.

If you really must use a word processor to copy and paste from, consider something like Google Docs, which will only use HTML entities.

I've found if you hit spell check on this kind of document, AOL will highlight every part that will come out with the strange symbols. The words that highlight, just retype. Problem solved.

Mina's got the solution: Write it in Plain Text.

The weird gobledeegoop comes when e-mail systems convert your text to a different format. They do this because HTML can hide viruses and other nonsense. Plain Text can't.

Using rich text format can also lead to problems -- it's a proprietary format developed by Microsoft that preserves some of the very formatting that you want to shed. Use a plain text editor instead.

In addition to the other advice, I'd suggest you don't include columns in your emails.

Text files are just that - pure text. Reliably placing text at a particular spot on the screen is impossible because the recipient's email program displays in whatever font the recipient requested, not the font you used. Different fonts use different-sized blank spaces, so even if you try making columns by entering blank spaces, your columns still won't line up when the recipient views them.

Lose the columns, and any other positioning. Bowl 'em over with your text.

[Echo] I 'wash' all my stuff in notepad, pasting it there, then copy it into my email.

If you really need bolds, italics, you'll have to edit them in after the fact. This should preserve the formatting.

in many e-mail programs, the send and recieve messages default is set to HTML, I personally don't uderstand the protoco; for using HTML but e-mail programs do. Many times, people will go into tools and reset this option to text instead of HTML. When it is set to text you will get strange characters and even odder formatting in the body of the e-mail message.

so; go into the e-mail program, go to "tools", then choose "options", then choose the "send" tab and make sure that the "mail sending format" is set to HTML.

hope this helps

I just sold my novel to a top-shelf house, contract, advance, the whole deal, with positive coverage from a film agency, too. Now I'm told I need an agent, but I can't seem to find one. Got any ideas?

Miss Snark,

It was rather devilish of you to post that "how do I find an agent" comment, but I guess if I had the power to throw babies to the wolves, I'd do it too.

For the person who's handle sounds strangely like a pedophile:

1. lrn2read
2. lrn2searchbox
3. Stay on topic if you want the trolls to like you

My head hurts...

Not to mention that I remember reading somewhere of someone who made this mistake but got an acceptance letter the second time! Sure, it's not likely, but with a follow-up like this, it's impossible.

I'm not sure I understand the desire to set one's hair on fire over a triviality. If you don't like the email, just ignore it.

Think of all the old bald guys that would love to have hair before you go abusing yours.

I e-queried an agent two months ago and got a rejection the following day. Then last week I got a request for the full manuscript from the same agent. I did not re-query this agent. I was puzzled, but sent the full as per instructions, only to get a rejection (the second one) the following day. I can only assume that an assistant sent the first rejection and somehow the initial query made its way to the agent's computer at a later time.

However, the agent did send a nice note and called the book adorable (a picture book) but not right for her. Go figure.

I've had a few short stories come back with more than the standard rejections (a. not for us, b. can't use it, c. wrong genre, etc...). One even had several paragraphs of why the editor didn't accept the story.

In these cases, I always send a thank you note saying thanks and I appreciate the comments.

I think a thank-you note would most definitely be in order. (Just don't tack something on the end like, "And the completed MS is ready if you want to look at it again." Just a plain simple thank-you.)

Good Form.:)

Thanks a million. Funny what little things a girl can get all twisty/obsessive over, but there seems to be a whole 'nother kind of etiquette in this wacky biz.

I judged a contest recently where comments were given, and I got a thank you forwarded through the contest coordinators (it was anonymous judging).

It made my day to think someone found my comments so helpful they went to the trouble of forwarding their thanks to me.

I've wondered about this, with longer/instructive rejection letters from editors. My inclination is to send a short 'thanks for the feedback', but I generally haven't for fear of stepping on toes or sounding grasping.

Thanks again for enlightening me, your Snarkliness!

I made the short list of a certain very big (as in $$$) fiction fellowship with a submission of part of a novel-in-progress, and one of the judges, a well-respected novelist, told a mutual acquaintance to have me give him a call. So I did, he was really nice, said he thought I should've won the big wazoo, and that when I finished the novel he'd give me a recommendation to his agent (who doesn't even accept unsolicited queries). Well, I finished the book, this very kindly novelist made the recommendation, and guess what? The agent didn't like the book.

As the wise Miss Snark says: keep querying, keep writing.

Thanks Miss Snark for pushing me in what I know in my heart is the right direction.

Quick question: Isn't the term "obsessive (unpublished) writer" the height of redundancy? I sure hope so.

Thanks again for your advice - now on with the process of trying to write/publish another bit of tripe.

More Clooney news, this time comparing him with Archibald Leach:

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/film/2007/05/is_george_clooney_the_new_cary.html

Will it never end?

mmmm . . . cookies . . . killer yapp has got his priorities straight!

Those two comments might be saying the same thing, just in different ways. The second agent might also think that the market isn't big enough for your book, as it is currently written. Had you chosen the so-called brutal voice it might have made the book more commercial and thus satisfied both agencies.

Maggie adds: eat cookie dough.

"Chanage"? Is that a French word that rhymes with "triage"?

From an objective but uninformed perspective -- since I haven't read the novel -- it's entirely possible that both agents were spot-on. ie, there's not a large market for the novel in its current form, but if it were made more brutal, it might fit into an existing shelf at B&N.

Either way, the obvious answer is Miss Snark's - finish number 2 before spending any further effort on number 1.

The first agent who rejected my full said "Well written, but not for me."

The second said, "interest in fantasy adventure is waning and this doesn't move me enough to get behind it."

The third said, "The main characters' relationship needs to be further developed. I don't care enough about them."

The fourth said "it's perfect the way it is," and offered representation.

Go figure. Just like movies and music, literary taste is subjective.

I don't know why you'd want to stick your head in the oven, however, after someone said nice things about your work and that they'd like you to submit your next project.

I have NEVER heard of an agent saying anything like that just to be nice. They're already overwhelmed with submissions as it is.

I agree with your gut instinct and Ms. Snark, write book number two! You can only become a better writer by writing more.