I will begin finally my blog. I have been waiting to find a way to get a blog rolling. This seems to be the place.
I have blogged in here a chapter from my latest book for parents of teens.
Unfortunately unlike my first book the current publisher never made much of an effort at... more

I will begin finally my blog. I have been waiting to find a way to get a blog rolling. This seems to be the place.

I have blogged in here a chapter from my latest book for parents of teens.

Unfortunately unlike my first book the current publisher never made much of an effort at all to publicize this new book.

Ironically the book is considered controversial. It is not, but does undo most of the failed myths on drug education, sex ed., abuse, drugs, relationships, etc.

It is based on anon response from over 24,000 teens. It is their cries for real answers that prompted me to write the Real Deal.

Someone has to empower parents and remove the hysteria about teens and their problems.

I have crisscrossed the US for 20 years talking to parents and teens. The irony is that millions of dollars are budgeted for topical school seminars on drugs, et. al. that in fact do not work. The deal here in my book is that any school /community has the direct means to address all their students issues. And parents are a needed must in that loop. Furthermore, it hardly costs a dime to implement a program in house and in community that grabs an immediate handle on our kids issues and problems. It builds real trust. So much trust that students actually will go to teachers or administration with the real problems they face. Ask yourself a simple question. Why is it that in every school in the country students know who is in trouble, who is self-medicating, who is suicidal, who is dealing drugs, who is engaged in high risk sex, etc. yet never go to any teacher per se or person in school or community? The answer is simple they don't because there is no trust, no faith in help being provided, zero tolerance policy and the political climate of adults that drives teens underground. The Real Deal is that family and faith values et . al across the spectrum can be meaningfully addressed with out in any stepping on anyone's faith or values. Abortion / no abortion , suicide, depression, counseling issues, the whole ball of wax can be discussed without politics period in any secondary school. I am though no fool. What I have discovered rubs many school district politics, school board politicians, private agenda people the wrong way. In other words, all those debates go away and kids get help and the answers they need. Parents are empowered and happy. And finally it really does work. I have never not gotten in less than two hours at least 85% of teens secret questions and issues. Why is that so easy to do? Read the book and/or ask me questions.

A Word About Being the Parent of a Teen

Being a parent of a teenager is not an easy task. At times, all parents question how well they know their own child. Sometimes it seems the child at the breakfast table in the morning has transformed into someone else at the end of the school day. There always seems to be a new mood, a new style, new music, and above all a new emotional intensity that ricochets around the household. Even in families with no major problems, parenting a teenager is a challenge. Relax. The good news is that your anxiety is normal. Nearly every parent of a teen has similar thoughts and frustrations.

But challenges can also be positive experiences. In fact, parenting teens can be one of the most rewarding and satisfying times in family life. It can be a time to deeply cement your bond with your child. To accomplish this, it is essential to tackle your teen's questions and issues directly. Our children have so many questions and decisions to make in life. They need our input and advice. The key words here are input and advice. Obviously, teens don't want lectures -- as we've seen here, and no doubt experienced firsthand, lecturing doesn't work.

Don't Be a Perfect Parent

Parents often ask me, "What is the one thing I should avoid doing as a parent?" I often answer that the worst mistake a parent can make is trying to be a "perfect parent."

I consider the "perfect parent trap" to be one of the worst sins in parenting. In truth, the best way to raise resilient children is by being an imperfect parent. A perfect parent cannot teach his teenager to face adversity. A perfect parent cannot teach her children to learn from their mistakes.

A perfect parent, by definition, tries always to appear never to do anything wrong. Perfect parents demonstrate that they are living life as one big cover-up. Besides the rigidity and tension that comes from trying to appear perfect, it is also exhausting, disingenuous, and certainly not helpful to your teen. The truth is that your child will grow stronger when you admit your failures. Not doing that creates an impenetrable wall between you and your child. You are unconsciously signaling to your child that in her most desperate hour, she had better not go to Mom or Dad for help. Perfect parenting gives teens the message that they cannot approach you because they haven't measured up to your standards. Children growing up in families where they can't possibly admit their failures are vulnerable and isolated.

Perfect parenting, therefore, puts your teenagers at risk. Why? Because perfection creates rejection. If you raise the bar beyond your teenager's reach by creating a false, perfect view of the rules and regulations of family life, you are giving confused messages. Who better than teenagers to understand, as they go through all the complexities and frustrations of adolescence, that perfection is impossible, that it simply can't be attained? As a result of pressing perfection on them, then, your children will know only one rule clearly:

Don't go to Mom or Dad if you are in trouble. They will not understand, and they will not support you! What makes matters even worse is that teenagers see through the false standards their parents preach. They fear letting their parents down by not handling their own problems "perfectly." Not only is this a recipe for low self-esteem, but it also forces your children to move their emotional life underground, below the radar screen of the family. All of this, if compounded, provides the jet fuel for creating a dysfunctional family life.

Be an Imperfect Parent

In adolescence, your children are on the cusp of the transition into adulthood. They are having the beginnings of adult experiences and challenges in their lives. If parents don't demonstrate the value of truth and honesty, which means exposing your mistakes, vulnerabilities, and imperfections, how are teenagers going to learn how to manage success, failure, and adversity?

Being an imperfect parent means being forthcoming about your mistakes. While it may be painful to let your child witness your vulnerability, ultimately it strengthens their ability and resolve to grapple with their own problems and dilemmas. Sharing your admissions, regrets, and hard lessons learned -- as well as your successes -- prepares them to meet their own challenges in life. Your example -- of being a perfectly imperfect human being in a far-from-perfect world teaches them how to face consequences and challenges. Most importantly, they are able to recognize how your ethics and standards didn't magically arise from nowhere.