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Do you suspect that your portion sizes are maybe more generous than standard? Just check your reactions to the following statements.
- They just don’t make plates big enough anymore.
- Family size packs seem designed for a single mother whose only child is not yet on solid food.
- Menus are handy to point out the few things you don’t want to eat.
- You are glad food is now sold in kilos as those silly little 1lbs never seemed worth bothering with anyway.
- You’ve heard the term left overs but have no idea what it means.
- Individually wrapped chocolate biscuits have to be the biggest packaging waste ever, each cup of tea results in 27 empty wrappers.
- Your takeaways get delivered as you can never lift yours by yourself.
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If you found yourself agreeing then watch out, as soon you will be finding that these are also far too close to the truth.
- They just don’t make bus seats big enough anymore.
- You buy clothes from shops that don’t sell sizes S, M and L but XL, XXL and XXXL.
- All your clothes have mysteriously shrunk in the wash.
- Fat people want to lie next to you on the beach.
- Friends don’t want you to sit on their patio furniture.
- People avoid queuing behind you at turnstiles in case you get stuck.
- Your entrance into a room can be described as a total eclipse of the doorway.
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Don’t loose heart though. Here are a few cunning ways to make people believe your size is reducing rather than increasing.
- Replace your entire wardrobe with identical clothes a size or two larger than you are.
- Move to somewhere new taking a digitally altered picture of yourself looking about ten stone fatter than you are and show it as the ‘before’ picture of your diet.
- Get a job at a funfair and work in the hall of mirrors.
- Paint half your body with luminous paint and only go out at night.
- Date sumo wrestlers, you will look slim in comparison.