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Elvin Lim is Assistant Professor of Government at Wesleyan University and author of The Anti-intellectual Presidency, which draws on interviews with more than 40 presidential speechwriters to investigate this relentless qualitative decline, over the course of 200 years, in our presidents’ ability to communicate with the public. He also blogs at www.elvinlim.com. In the article below he argues that the coverage of Balloon-Boy wasn’t all bad. See his previous OUPblogs here.

Last week, America came to a stand-still as we stood enraptured by television images of a runaway balloon carrying, so we thought, a six-year-old boy. Flimsy as the silver contraption appeared, we gladly suspended all disbelief that the balloon contained enough helium to be carrying a boy within so we could enjoy the side show. (Just as we did for Pixar’s animated movie, “Up,” which featured an old man who used balloons to move his house to a South American paradise.) So for almost two hours, most of the major news networks displaced all coverage of “hard” news to cover what Latimer County Sheriff Jim Alderman has now concluded to be a “publicity stunt.” And I’m going to argue that this was not a bad thing.

As the Balloon Boy story continued to dominate the weekend news cycle, the president and his advisers continued to deliberate on whether or not to send more troops into Afghanistan, and Senators worked behind the scenes to reconcile two different bills on healthcare. So let it be said that our “watchdog” media will switch its attention as soon as it is thrown an infotaining bone. But this is not necessarily a bad thing as long as we are clear-eyed about the media’s priorities. Instead, I think there is something strangely comforting that we allow ourselves such trivial pleasures. If we do not need an ever-vigilant watchdog, it is because we believe – by revealed preference – that government will mind government’s business, and we can tend to our own. Better no coverage of “hard” news than bad coverage, I say.

And this is exactly what the media did at least momentarily last week even as the President and Congress debated world and country-changing policies. Instead of another round of predictable punditry, or fact-checking of the CBO’s estimates of heath-care reform, we were fed images of a helium-filled balloon shaped like a UFO traversing the Colorado landscape. As we are with car chases, we, and therefore the media, were drawn to the balloon chase like flies are drawn to a light. We weren’t so much interested in the outcome – indeed knowledge of the outcome would have waken us up from our trance – as we were in the process, which was visually enrapturing.

For over a year we have watched a presidential campaign turn into a permanent campaign, and the American public is fatigued. We see this in Barack Obama’s dwindling approval numbers; and we also see it in our captivation by a drifting balloon. We are tired, and we are withdrawing from the public political sphere. The infotaining media detected this, and gave us a welcome reprieve.

And perhaps this is as it should be. Ours is a representative, and not a direct democracy. We vote and delegate; they, the elected officials, decide. The constitutional calendar is very clear that the people speak only every 2, 4, and 6 years. As far as the US constitution is concerned, our voices do not matter when we speak at any other time at the federal level. (Though our voices do matter at the state level where such devices as recall and refederanda are sanctioned by state constitutions.) If we didn’t believe this, than we have to deal with the conundrum that if last year’s elections were held in the second week of September, John McCain would have won. Clearly then, what you and I believed on November 4, 2008 matters much more than what you and I believe in October, 2009 (or September, 2008). Opinion polls may capture majority or minority sentiment at any moment in time, but these sentiments (should) have no import on constitutionally sanctioned officers exercising their delegated powers.

The deliberation of troop increases and health-care reform involve complex proceedings in closed-door war room meetings and conference committees reconciling details many Americans know and care little about. Such decisions make bad television, so maybe we shouldn’t try to force a message into an unreceptive genre lest we alter the message. Maybe those we put in charge should simply be let alone to do their job, for our constitution envisioned and sanctioned a low-effort, Rip Van Winkle approach to citizen participation. Sometimes we care a lot and we participate, but other times we tune out; and perhaps that is just as it should be. Last week, as we sat enraptured by the alleged antics of Balloon Boy, we embraced the implicit satisfactions of a representative democracy.

To survive a zombie apocalypse you have to be very brave and stupid. Stupid by actually trying to, I mean the whole world is basically against you now. Your going to have to be fit and athletic. You also need to have good aim. If you fit this description then your story begins…

Chapter 1

When a zombie apocalypse first happens, this is the most dangerous part. Many people are going to get infected because they don’t know what the hell is happening. Now you probably don’t care about the other people but the more of them that get infected the worse it is for you. For now all you need is a weapon.

If your in an office or a business area (this includes hotels, hospitals, etc) your going to have to use your fists.  But really your going to run most of the time. If your nearer to the top floor do not go down the stairs UNLESS you have a weapon. It is really dangerous to go down there, you will get cornered no matter how tough you are. Though you’re going to have to get out before it gets any worse. To get a weapon try going to a janitor closest. If your no where near there go into any office and grab a keyboard, chair, anything light and gives you the ability to crack a head in one hit. Now if you are near a janitor closet go in and grab a mop and some spray, make sure the spray is flammable. If you have a lighter then you have an advantage. Matches will work too. Now you need the spray for 2 things, some idiots lock doors that you need to get through and hell no they won’t let you in. Just spray the lock and light it up. I’d hide behind something just in case it blows. If you don’t have any thing to light it up all you need is a plastic Id card and try to pick the lock. This is very easy actually. All you do is try to place the card between the lock and the wall, the door will slide open. If your running out of time, try to break the handle of the door. If all else fails try another door, in an office building they probably have an emergency exit. If the exit is over run by zombies you now have a weapon so you may now go to the stairs! Just be careful, use your mop to knock the zombies down the stairs. If your mop breaks, which might happen if you hit with it too hard, then use the longest end and use it as a spear. Aim for the head or just push em off the stairs. Once you reach the bottom floor avoid the exits until you make a distraction. If you have a lighter or matches then you have a distraction. Go to any hall away from the exits and spray a lot of fluid on the floor. Once the floor is wet smear the can in the fluid. Make sure your hands are not wet and there are no zombies around,  then use your matches on the fluid before it dries and run to an exit ( try to hide behind something before you get close to the exit to make sure no zombies are around. The spray can will eventually explode, if you sprayed enough fluid on the floor. If you didn’t just make sure no zombies are around and run to the exit. If the can explodes a lot of zombies will come, now you can just run to the exits while they are checking out what blew up. Now if you don’t have matches just make a run for the exit. Continue on chapter 2.

Now if your in a house or you were shopping (this includes restaurants, malls, apartments) then just lock all the doors leading in to the building. If you encounter a zombie on your way to lock the doors in a shop, run to any aisle with tools or anything sharp. Once there grab it and try to smash its head. Be careful not to get bitten. In the store you will encounter other people that will probably help you out. If your in your house then you’re safe for now since you already have your doors locked..I hope. If your at this step you can just skip to chapter 3.

Chapter 2

If you were on the road, in a car or was just taking a walk when this happened then all you need to do is get to the nearest police department. If you just escaped from you office building or business area then you need to get to a car since the nearest police department is no where near you. If you were walking get the hell back to your car or house if your walking the dog. Anyway once your in a car go to the police department. If it’s over run or they won’t let you in then drive out of the city or the popular parts of town to the suburbs or any where that’s not as populace. You can then just find a small store or pharmacy. A pharmacy would be best. Once you find one that’s not over run go in and lock ALL doors. Not one should be left open. If the doors are broken seal them with grocery carts. If you can’t find any, get anything like empty boxes or useless items like signs and billboards and pile them on the exit. Once you completely sealed all exits you can rest.

Chapter 3

If you were the person that ran out of the office then you need to regain your energy, eat some food or candy that you can find in the store and sleep you will probably of already slept by then. Just don’t eat to much candy and drink a lot of water. If you were already in the store or house and you completely sealed off all entrances and exits you don’t need rest, you need weapons. For now you can hold off on weapons since security and protection is more important. Try wearing a plastic rain coat if you have any and wear thick boots and pants, put on some gloves and test biting yourself, if the glove gets ripped it wont help you against the zombies. If you are in a store that has no clothes then make yourself some weapons. Knives are usually sold at food stores and flammable stuff like disinfectant spray are usually there too. But if your gong to use the spray then head to the aisle with matches, the bigger the better. Then just get empty boxes and billboard signs and seal off the entrance to the food aisle, just in case the zombies breach the doors. Though you better get a lot of water and food in your aisle before you seal it off. If there is a pharmacy or a drug aisle in the store get some pain relievers and any useful drug that might help in the future, probably a cream that disinfects cuts and scrapes. 

Chapter 4

Friends and family at the most part are probably dead, if they are not following this guide that is, so you you going to need somebody to help you out. If you were stuck in the store you probably already have people that are nagging at you. If your home alone or you were the person from the office and is in a store now you don’t really need help from anybody else you can skip to chapter 5. Now if you do have people the are willing to join you then your first going to have to share your supplies. This is fine because more people adds to your defences and brain power. Just give a knife or if they have good aim give em a few to throw them at zombie heads. But watch your back one of those knives might be planned for you…

Chapter 5

Your food supplies are probably getting low if you are at home. If your in an apartment building and need to escape go back to chapter 1. Now if your in a house then you might have a chance… If your house has a chimney then this is a possible exit. Just make sure you can fit. If you can’t or if your afraid of tight places head to the Attic and open a window. Try to climb up to the room using your window sill as a foot hold. If it’s too high, then try using another window. If you actually have a car then go back to chapter 2. Don’t forget your weapons. If you don’t know what weapons to use go to chapter 6.

Chapter 6

Weapons are a crucial part to surviving. Many things can be weapons. If you have a car you can just run over zombies no problem. If your at home a nail gun, hammer (If your actually gonna use a hammer make sure you have 2 since they are slow to hit with) mop, broom, keyboard, flammable spray, matches, knives and forks. For the forks you can throw them like darts, though your going to have to be a good aim and throw it hard enough to make any damage. If your at an office or hotel weapons like brooms, keyboards, flammable spray, matches, will work just fine. If your at a food store use anything like carts or knives. If your in a super center or a tool store you don’t really need help finding a weapon, they are every where!

Chapter 7

Surviving for a long time is hard and probably won’t be accomplished since your probably gonna get nuked. Your friends might turn on you or you starve or thirst to death. The only possible way of surviving is if you have a helicopter, gas, guns, food factory, water from a river with filter, and a mansion with steel walls and gates. Even if you have that stuff you will eventually die of old age anyway. It’s a horrible and sad tragedy that you will endure if you ever have to go through a zombie apocalypse. A zombie apocalypse might never happen but i could always be wrong…

To survive a zombie apocalypse you have to be very brave and stupid. Stupid by actually trying to, I mean the whole world is basically against you now. Your going to have to be fit and athletic. You also need to have good aim. If you fit this description then your story begins…

Chapter 1

When a zombie apocalypse first happens, this is the most dangerous part. Many people are going to get infected because they don’t know what the hell is happening. Now you probably don’t care about the other people but the more of them that get infected the worse it is for you. For now all you need is a weapon.

If your in an office or a business area (this includes hotels, hospitals, etc) your going to have to use your fists.  But really your going to run most of the time. If your nearer to the top floor do not go down the stairs UNLESS you have a weapon. It is really dangerous to go down there, you will get cornered no matter how tough you are. Though you’re going to have to get out before it gets any worse. To get a weapon try going to a janitor closest. If your no where near there go into any office and grab a keyboard, chair, anything light and gives you the ability to crack a head in one hit. Now if you are near a janitor closet go in and grab a mop and some spray, make sure the spray is flammable. If you have a lighter then you have an advantage. Matches will work too. Now you need the spray for 2 things, some idiots lock doors that you need to get through and hell no they won’t let you in. Just spray the lock and light it up. I’d hide behind something just in case it blows. If you don’t have any thing to light it up all you need is a plastic Id card and try to pick the lock. This is very easy actually. All you do is try to place the card between the lock and the wall, the door will slide open. If your running out of time, try to break the handle of the door. If all else fails try another door, in an office building they probably have an emergency exit. If the exit is over run by zombies you now have a weapon so you may now go to the stairs! Just be careful, use your mop to knock the zombies down the stairs. If your mop breaks, which might happen if you hit with it too hard, then use the longest end and use it as a spear. Aim for the head or just push em off the stairs. Once you reach the bottom floor avoid the exits until you make a distraction. If you have a lighter or matches then you have a distraction. Go to any hall away from the exits and spray a lot of fluid on the floor. Once the floor is wet smear the can in the fluid. Make sure your hands are not wet and there are no zombies around,  then use your matches on the fluid before it dries and run to an exit ( try to hide behind something before you get close to the exit to make sure no zombies are around. The spray can will eventually explode, if you sprayed enough fluid on the floor. If you didn’t just make sure no zombies are around and run to the exit. If the can explodes a lot of zombies will come, now you can just run to the exits while they are checking out what blew up. Now if you don’t have matches just make a run for the exit. Continue on chapter 2.

Now if your in a house or you were shopping (this includes restaurants, malls, apartments) then just lock all the doors leading in to the building. If you encounter a zombie on your way to lock the doors in a shop, run to any aisle with tools or anything sharp. Once there grab it and try to smash its head. Be careful not to get bitten. In the store you will encounter other people that will probably help you out. If your in your house then you’re safe for now since you already have your doors locked..I hope. If your at this step you can just skip to chapter 3.

Chapter 2

If you were on the road, in a car or was just taking a walk when this happened then all you need to do is get to the nearest police department. If you just escaped from you office building or business area then you need to get to a car since the nearest police department is no where near you. If you were walking get the hell back to your car or house if your walking the dog. Anyway once your in a car go to the police department. If it’s over run or they won’t let you in then drive out of the city or the popular parts of town to the suburbs or any where that’s not as populace. You can then just find a small store or pharmacy. A pharmacy would be best. Once you find one that’s not over run go in and lock ALL doors. Not one should be left open. If the doors are broken seal them with grocery carts. If you can’t find any, get anything like empty boxes or useless items like signs and billboards and pile them on the exit. Once you completely sealed all exits you can rest.

Chapter 3

If you were the person that ran out of the office then you need to regain your energy, eat some food or candy that you can find in the store and sleep you will probably of already slept by then. Just don’t eat to much candy and drink a lot of water. If you were already in the store or house and you completely sealed off all entrances and exits you don’t need rest, you need weapons. For now you can hold off on weapons since security and protection is more important. Try wearing a plastic rain coat if you have any and wear thick boots and pants, put on some gloves and test biting yourself, if the glove gets ripped it wont help you against the zombies. If you are in a store that has no clothes then make yourself some weapons. Knives are usually sold at food stores and flammable stuff like disinfectant spray are usually there too. But if your gong to use the spray then head to the aisle with matches, the bigger the better. Then just get empty boxes and billboard signs and seal off the entrance to the food aisle, just in case the zombies breach the doors. Though you better get a lot of water and food in your aisle before you seal it off. If there is a pharmacy or a drug aisle in the store get some pain relievers and any useful drug that might help in the future, probably a cream that disinfects cuts and scrapes. 

Chapter 4

Friends and family at the most part are probably dead, if they are not following this guide that is, so you you going to need somebody to help you out. If you were stuck in the store you probably already have people that are nagging at you. If your home alone or you were the person from the office and is in a store now you don’t really need help from anybody else you can skip to chapter 5. Now if you do have people the are willing to join you then your first going to have to share your supplies. This is fine because more people adds to your defences and brain power. Just give a knife or if they have good aim give em a few to throw them at zombie heads. But watch your back one of those knives might be planned for you…

Chapter 5

Your food supplies are probably getting low if you are at home. If your in an apartment building and need to escape go back to chapter 1. Now if your in a house then you might have a chance… If your house has a chimney then this is a possible exit. Just make sure you can fit. If you can’t or if your afraid of tight places head to the Attic and open a window. Try to climb up to the room using your window sill as a foot hold. If it’s too high, then try using another window. If you actually have a car then go back to chapter 2. Don’t forget your weapons. If you don’t know what weapons to use go to chapter 6.

Chapter 6

Weapons are a crucial part to surviving. Many things can be weapons. If you have a car you can just run over zombies no problem. If your at home a nail gun, hammer (If your actually gonna use a hammer make sure you have 2 since they are slow to hit with) mop, broom, keyboard, flammable spray, matches, knives and forks. For the forks you can throw them like darts, though your going to have to be a good aim and throw it hard enough to make any damage. If your at an office or hotel weapons like brooms, keyboards, flammable spray, matches, will work just fine. If your at a food store use anything like carts or knives. If your in a super center or a tool store you don’t really need help finding a weapon, they are every where!

Chapter 7

Surviving for a long time is hard and probably won’t be accomplished since your probably gonna get nuked. Your friends might turn on you or you starve or thirst to death. The only possible way of surviving is if you have a helicopter, gas, guns, food factory, water from a river with filter, and a mansion with steel walls and gates. Even if you have that stuff you will eventually die of old age anyway. It’s a horrible and sad tragedy that you will endure if you ever have to go through a zombie apocalypse. A zombie apocalypse might never happen but i could always be wrong…