I have grandmas in my head.
I suspect that every person has voices in their head that constantly throw out their opinion on everything. When you think you’re the one deciding what to wear, it’s actually the voices of conflict that live just under the level of your consciousness:
“Really? That shirt? The one with the spot you think nobody sees?”
“You look so awesome in that shirt, that spot ain’t gettin’ the attention, if you know what I mean.”
In my case, I have my two grandmas who have passed on but continue to advise me on all matters from shoe choice to freeway exits.
Grandma Dolores is the “Everything you do is art” voice.
Grandma Kernik is the “Are you sure you won’t get trampled by elephants?” voice.
They are pleased to meet you, I’m sure. In fact, rather than dialing down the volume on their voices, I’ve decided they should weigh in regularly on the blog. Okay, maybe it was they who decided to go public.
Get used to it. I’ve had to.
Some Stuff Happening in May
For me, May is shaping up to be massively busy and simply awesome.
One thing that’s keeping my beehive mind occupied lately is a guest speaking engagement. Here’s the announcement I posted in the May member newsletter I sent out last week:
SCWBI Oregon Spring Conference: May 17-19
I’ll be appearing as a Special Guest Speaker for the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators Oregon chapter Spring conference.
Wow. Say that five times fast. Or once. Slow.
I’m so excited to start sharing my digital illustration secrets with a live audience. I’m also giving every member of the audience a gift. I’m actually giving away the best digital illustration tool that technology has ever provided to every single person in attendance. Nope, no kidding.
If you’ll be in Portland May 17-19 and have an interest in children’s publishing, you can register for the conference here: http://scbwior.com
Am I crazy? I mean, seriously.
First, I’m presenting to a large audience of illustrators. It will either be twenty minutes of madcap fun where I educate talented artists on digital technique…
… or it will totally suck and I’ll be escorted out by security.
Okay, so I’ve done this before with my digital animation techniques in Los Angeles and Chicago. It went over well, no hissing or tomato tossing. So why am I worried now? This should be old hat, right?
Truth is, it’s never old and the Big Fear never ceases to lock my bowels in a tight-fisted grip as I wait in the wings. Is there a toilet off stage?
Second, I’m giving away stuff.
I’ve never given anything away before on this level. Yet here I go. One marvelous piece of technological gadgetry to every person in attendance.
The Grandmas weigh in:
Grandma K: Do you want some 7-Up? That will keep you from vomiting on the front row. You don’t want to do that, do you?
Grandma D: I’m sure you’ll be wonderful. You know, I remember when you gave that presentation a while back. You were so entertaining.
Me: Grandma, that was Thanksgiving 1974. I was putting tupperware on my head and pretending to be an astronaut.
Grandma K: I’ve heard that plastic absorbed through the scalp causes premature baldness. Do you think that’s what happened?
Grandma D: Well, I think you look very distinguished with that shaved head. Like a teacher.
Grandma K: Are you really just giving away those things to all those people? That sounds expensive. Can you afford it?
Like it or not, the grandmas will be at the conference. I hope they don’t embarrass me.
If you’re a subscriber to the club, you can skip ahead and enjoy the post. If you’re not in the club, here’s what’s happening:
Members of the Sparky Firepants Images Club enjoy the benefit of an original, high-resolution illustration every month. Sometimes they’re big, sometimes they’re small, but they’re always wacky and fun. You can do pretty much whatever you want with them except sell them or use them on products for sale. On the right you can see a little detail of the awesome image that subscribers are getting.
If you want to sign up, you can click on that box in the sidebar or just go here. Love to have ya.
I’d like to let you into my brain for a few moments, so you can see how I thinkified the idea for “Be Your Own Bot.” Watch your step around that sinus cavity, it’s a little slippery.
Be Your Own ‘Bot
Be your own ‘bot. Robot, that is. Or human, dog, monkey, sasquatch. Whatever.
Whatever you happen to be, be it. Be it 1,000 times. Be bookish if you like books. Be a girl who likes building mechanical things. Be a giant sandwich dancing on the corner if you like lettuce and traffic (or you happen to work for a guy who makes you dance on the corner selling them).
It’s funny. We start out in life weird little creatures who put crackers on our heads and yell, “Ga-ZOO ZOO!” just because it strikes us as something we should probably do. We fall down and stay there. Just felt like it. We wear socks on our hands.
As we grow up, other people start defining for us what’s weird and what shouldn’t be done anymore in social situations. It’s not a Shakespearean tragedy. It’s part of life and it’s learning how to function in a world full of people who hesitate to give us money or jobs if we break crackers on our heads. Still, it’s sad to put our crackers away.
Some people manage to find ways to break the crackers, yell “ga- ZOO ZOO” and bring in large sums of money on a regular basis.
Many people secretly want to do that. Not many know how. Not everyone needs to. Do you get that?
Thing is, if you enjoy being in an office and crunching numbers all day, that’s cool. Someone obviously needs you to do that because there you are. If you enjoy wearing button-down oxfords and khakis, get yourself a closetful. Crunch, numbers, crunch!
Who’s to say that because you like doing data entry and dressing Office Casual that you’re not living up to your potential? Only one person and that’s you, Dude. Or Lady. Maybe you crunch numbers all day and break crackers on your head at night. Salut!
The world currently uses outward appearance to make first judgments about potential pals. I do it all the time. Can’t help it, even if I wanted to pretend otherwise. You would think that the fact that I’m frequently wrong would change my thought process. It does to a certain extent, but there’s always a tiny nugget of judgment in the lower regions of my cerebral cortex.
I’m writing this at a large convention of AFOLs, or Adult Fans of LEGO. Yep. LEGO Geeks. Total geeks, 1,000 times geeks. Geeks in the sense that they know every single thing there is to know about LEGO.
Cool part is, these people have an amazing passion for this little plastic building brick toy from Denmark. That downward-cast quiet dude who looks like he couldn’t string two sentences together suddenly leaps from his seat and starts animatedly discussing the awesome potential of something called “Power Functions.” Woa.
Now who’s the wallflower? Yours truly. I’m an idiot here. I am officially uncool. I don’t know my Technic from my Bionicle. I do not fit in. I suddenly I wish I did.
I admire the people who are so into whatever it is they’re into that it actually becomes part of their outward appearance. They fit in to a group, somewhere. They can’t help it. The group forms.
I think one of the worst conditions in which an individual can be is the state of “blended in.”
Of course we’ve all got our own groups we fit into, which is different from blending. For example, I have my children’s book group (which makes other dudes I know utter huge catlike yawns). We love our groups because they make us feel safe in what we love. Groups are awesome. Yay groups.
Within every group, you’ve got unique individuals. In this LEGO group, there’s something distinctive about every person here, outside of their LEGO love. Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes you have to get to know a person before you even get a hint of what it might be.
It’s hard for an adult to recapture the cracker-on-the-head thing. It’s a little fear and a little conditioning (don’t fit in and you might not get the job/house/car/loan). When you’re in your group, it’s a little easier because you already share a commonality.
It’s funny but I struggle with this all the time. I got very good at blending. I’m an expert at nodding my head and remarking in tiny bits to establish my status of belonging, even in groups I’ve never visited. Turns out that’s not a blessing, its a curse. I’ve missed out on a lot by doing that.
This weekend I practiced very hard to let go of that curse. I was… stupid about LEGO. I asked dumb questions (apparently there are still a few of those left). I made an effort to open my face up and talk to people I wouldn’t normally rub elbows with at the local brew pub. I learned. I experienced. I remained myself even when that meant that I stuck out like a Galidor arm on a Toa.
I enjoyed, more than usual.
In this world, this weekend, I am decidedly… different.
It’s awesome. I even have some new pals. The ones that decided I could actually be taught.
One of the most important skills I want to pass on to my kids isn’t how to blend, it’s how to feel comfortable being different. Not in-your-face-anarchy-in-the-UK different or don’t-look-at-me different, but rather teach-me-something-about-your-world different.
It’s about how to be your own ‘bot.
