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Recent years have brought recognition that sportsmen and women may have mental health needs that are just as important as their ‘physical’ health – and that may need to be addressed. Athletes are people too, subject to many of the same vulnerabilities as the rest of us. In addition to our everyday anxieties, the sports world contains a whole host of different stressors.
It’s that time of year again: chestnuts are roasting on an open fire, halls are decked with boughs of holly, and everyone’s rockin’ around the Christmas tree…. As idyllic as this sounds, sometimes the holiday season just doesn’t live up to its expectations of joy, peace, and goodwill.
Hello dear education community. I’m back! Last year I was quite silent. This was due in part to the fact that I had moved to a new school. But mainly it was because I was simply at a loss for what to say.
My previous school was strictly disciplined to the point where students were basically only extrinsically motivated. This allowed me to help students attain high scores and cover vast areas of content (it was a self-contained classroom, so I taught all core subjects). Yet, to be frank, it was miserable. Although I did my best, I couldn’t deny that even after two years together, my kids never felt emotionally or psychologically safe in this school.
Furthermore, when I moved to a school that promoted restorative justice techniques, targeted interventions, and differentiation, I had glaring holes in my instruction. The posts I had written as a teacher at my previous school rang hollow because I realized that I had never had to struggle with motivating students without external systems and consequences in place. Also, my students were known to be particularly difficult due to various factors. Truly, my first semester was such a battle. By winter break, I ended up crying to my assistant principal about whether or not I could even finish the school year.
Fear not, friends; it does not end this way. Long story short, I learned to apply the growth mindset that I claimed to teach, and there were mentors and colleagues available to guide and commiserate with me along the way. And thankfully, my students grew to learn that I truly cared.
Now I’m blessed to be at a school that serves a tough population, engages the community, and freely trusts me to teach. Most of all, I’m blessed to be at a school that values reflection — the perfect balance to my tendency to freak out or quit a strategy too fast.
In a new spin of events, I am actually joining the math team this year. We’re piloting a blended, shared teaching style, and although I’m apprehensive, I’m also super excited. Looking back on my teaching journey thus far, there are definitely rueful moments. I now have a bajillion teaching credentials, and I feel like I’ve been regularly taking exams for the past three years. But, as I embark on my fifth year as a teacher (4th year in Oakland), I know there’s no stopping now!
The holiday season can be an insanely stressful time. Looking for presents, wrapping them, cooking, getting the house ready for visitors, cleaning before and after. Nothing like a normal Saturday night on the couch in front of the TV or with a couple of close friends. The holidays demand perfection. You see it all around you, friends are talking about how stressed out they are, how much they still have to do in just a couple of days. Hyper-decorated stores are talking in their own way. As you approach the 25th of December you still haven’t bought half the gifts you need to rack up for family members, the house looks like a bomb crater and you occasionally wish yourself back in the office with piles of work on your desk waiting to be completed. There are even times when you would exchange a chilly Monday morning and an 8 o’clock meeting for this nerve-racking time that’s supposed to be happy, fun and merry.
What many rattled folks forget in the midst of buying last-minute bequests for loved ones or checking on the unhappy-looking beast in the oven minutes before guests arrive, wishing themselves far away, is that as many as half of the population face a holiday season without their dearest family members. There are people who have lost their loved ones in gruesome ways. I can’t even begin to imagine how they must feel, as they approach every new upcoming holiday season. There are people who have lost their parents to old age, people who have gone through heartbreaking divorces, separations and breakups and people who are overseas defending their country because they have no other choice. The holidays will not be what they once were for any of them. And then there are the single parents, parents many of which have decent custody agreements that are “in the best interest of the children.” According to the US Census Bureau, there are more than 10 million single parents in the United States today. Each year millions among them can look forward to days of loneliness because the little ones they really want to spend time with are with the other parent.
When sane parents separate, many judges, thankfully, divide custody equally. Each parent gets his or her fair share of custody, if at all possible. Even when it’s not possible to share the time with the children equally, judges will usually attempt to divide up the holidays evenly. The kids spend every other holiday with mom and every other holiday with dad. It certainly is in the children’s best interest to get to spend some time with each parent. Most kids, with decent moms and dads, would prefer to spend every holiday with both parents. The precious little ones secretly hope for the impossible: That their divorced or separated parents will get back together. But despite their wishes, they adjust to the situation. They have no other choice.
The array of Christmas presents, by SheepGuardingLlama. CC-BY-NC-ND-2.0 via Flickr.
Nor do the parents. As we face the holidays many single parents face a very lonely time. They may be with dear family members: parents, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles. Yet they may nonetheless feel a profound pain in their hearts, even as they watch close relatives savor the pecan pie or scream in delight when they rip open their Christmas presents. Their own children are far away. In most cases the youngsters are in a safe place elsewhere, stuffing their faces with goodies or breaking out laughing when the other grandpa makes a funny face. In most cases single parents know that their children are enjoying themselves in the company of the other caregiver and his or her extended family.
Yet the children are missing from the scenery. Their absence is felt. “It hurts. It hurts every other Christmas when my kids are with their dad during the holidays,” says Wendy Thomas, a St. Louis, Missouri single mother of two girls ages 8 and 5. Thomas shares custody with the girls’ father, who lives in Illinois. “The first year was the hardest but I don’t think I will ever get used to it. Shopping malls and Silent Night make me shiver,” says the 38-year-old entrepreneur. This is her third Christmas and New Year’s without her children.
Each holiday a single parent truly misses his or her children on that one day that is supposed to bring delight to everyone. “It’s going to be a lonely, lonely Christmas without you” may just be tedious background music for the families that didn’t break apart. Each year, however, the oldie is causing a tiny tear to run quietly down the cheek of some single caregiver.
But could some of the reported agony over absent children during the holidays be the result of what psychologists call cognitive dissonance, a psychological mechanism we use to justify our choices and conflicting belief sets? For example, you choose to volunteer three hours a week at the local children’s hospital. It’s killing you. You can barely fit in everything else you have to do. But you tell everyone, including yourself, that volunteer work is truly rewarding and every (wo)man’s duty. Making irrational decisions seem rational is a way to preserve your sense of self worth.
Studies show that the hardship involved in raising children makes us idealize parenthood and consider it an enormously rewarding enterprise. In a study published in the January 2011 issue of the journal Psychological Science researchers primed 80 parents with at least one child in two different ways. One group was asked to read a document reporting the costs of raising a child. The other parents read the same document as well as a script reporting on the benefits of having raised children when you reach old age. The participants were then given a psychological test assessing their beliefs about parenting. The team found what they expected. Parents who had only read about the financial costs of parenthood initially felt more discomfort than the other group. But they went onto idealize parenthood much more than the other participants and when interviewed later their negative feelings were gone.
“How do single parents get through Christmas as painlessly as possible?”
Could cognitive dissonance explain why single parents feel empty-handed and depressed during holiday seasons without their children? St. Charles, MO, family counselor Deborah Miller doesn’t think that’s what’s going on. “This year it’s my turn to be one of those parents. I’ll be the first to admit that raising a child is not always a blessing. There are countless times when I feel more like a chauffeur or a waitress or a slave than a free agent with some real me-time.” She thinks the lonely-parent phenomenon evidently is not a manifestation of cognitive dissonance, as we don’t idealize away the pain of being without our children on Christmas or New Year’s. The heartache often doesn’t go away until we see our kids again in January and abruptly remember just how draining it is to raise a child. “I’ll finally get some time to myself, and I know my son will have a blast. But I’ll miss him immensely,” says Miller.
How do single parents get through Christmas as painlessly as possible? The solution is not necessarily to have a huge family gathering with your side of the family to ease the sorrow. A gala dinner on Christmas Day may have its advantages. You can hug your little nieces and nephews and maybe feel a bit of comfort as they open their presents in a way only children can approach surprises. You may feel a teensy bit of wonder (or is it jealousy) as you view your siblings and their spouses exchange loving smiles and their young ones take delight in the simplest of things. “It may work for some but there is a sense in which you will only be a spectator,” says Miller. She recalls her Christmas two years ago. “I felt gratified to be part of a functional family, and it was good to see my siblings interact with their children. I also remember being thankful that my parents were still alive and healthy and that they got one more holiday season with some of their grandchildren. But I also felt great sadness, because the dearest thing in my life wasn’t with me. I really missed my son that day.” This Christmas, Miller is getting together with a few friends. “Sure, we will still have Christmas dinner but there won’t be any children or presents or sacred family traditions. So hopefully I won’t be reminded of what I’m missing out on.”
Featured image credit: Christmas Decorations, by Ian Wilson. CC-BY-2.0 via Flickr.
Whether it’s for the thrill of an extreme sport like climbing Mount Everest or sky diving from a plane high above the ground, or for the allure of a job that involves the likes of exploring space or traveling the seas, some people naturally have what it takes to face the challenges of life in the extreme. Although there is no one perfect equation that leads to a person able to handle extreme environments, we pulled together the quiz below based on the ideas and information from Extreme: Why Some People Thrive at the Limits by Emma Barrett and Paul Martin. Try your hand at the questions below, and see if you have what it takes to be the next Amelia Earhart or Buzz Aldrin.
Throughout history, some people have chosen to take huge risks. What can we learn from their experiences?
Extreme activities, such as polar exploration, deep-sea diving, mountaineering, space faring, and long-distance sailing, create extraordinary physical and psychological demands. The physical risks, such as freezing, drowning, suffocating or starving, are usually obvious. But the psychological pressures are what make extreme environments truly daunting.
The ability to deal with fear and anxiety is, of course, essential. But people in extremes may endure days or weeks of monotony between the moments of terror. Solo adventurers face loneliness and the risk of psychological breakdown, while those whose mission involves long-term confinement with a small group may experience stressful interpersonal conflict. All of that is on top of the physical hardships like sleep deprivation, pain, hunger, and squalor.
What can the rest of us learn from those hardy individuals who survive and thrive in extreme places? We believe there are many psychological lessons from hard places that can help us all in everyday life. They include the following.
Cultivate focus.
Focus – the ability to pay attention to the right things and ignore all distractions, for as long as it takes – is a fundamental skill. Laser-like concentration is obviously essential during hazardous moves on a rock face or a spacewalk. Focus also helps when enduring prolonged hardship, such as on punishing polar treks. A good strategy for dealing with hardship is to focus tightly on the next bite-sized action rather than dwelling on the entire daunting mission.
The ability to focus attention is a much-underestimated skill in everyday life. It helps you get things done and tolerate discomfort. And it is rewarding: when someone is utterly absorbed in a demanding and stretching activity, they experience a satisfying psychological state called ‘flow’ (or being ‘in the zone’). A person in flow feels in control, forgets everyday anxieties, and tends to perform well at the task in hand. The good news is that we can all become better at focusing our attention. One scientifically-proven method is through the regular practice of meditation.
Value ‘knowhow’
Focus helps when tackling difficult tasks, but you also need expertise – high levels of skills and knowledge – to perform those tasks well. Expertise underpins effective planning and preparation and enables informed and measured judgements about risks. In high-risk situations experts make more accurate decisions than novices, who may become paralysed with indecision or take rapid, panicky actions that make things worse.
Expertise also helps people in extreme environments to manage stress. Stress occurs when the demands on you exceed your actual or perceived capacity to cope. An effective way of reducing stress, in everyday life as well as extremes, is by increasing your ability to cope by developing high levels of skills and experience.
Developing expertise requires hard work and persistence. But it’s worth the investment – the dividends include better assessment of risk, better decision-making, and less vulnerability to stress.
Getting enough sleep is often difficult in extreme environments, where the physical demands can deprive people of sleep, disrupt their circadian rhythms, or both.
Bad sleep has a range of adverse effects on mental and physical wellbeing, including impairing alertness, judgment, memory, decision-making, and mood. Unsurprisingly, it makes people much more likely to have accidents.
Many of us are chronically sleep deprived in everyday life: we go to bed late, get up early, and experience low-quality sleep in between. Most of us would feel better if we slept more and slept better. So don’t feel guilty about spending more time in bed.
Experts in extreme environments often make use of tactical napping. Research has shown that napping is an effective way of alleviating the adverse consequences of bad sleep. It’s also enjoyable.
Be tolerant and tolerable.
Adventures in extreme environments often require small groups of people to be trapped together for months at a time. Even the best of friends can get on each other’s nerves under such circumstances. Social conflict can build rapidly over petty issues. Groups split apart, individuals are ostracised, and simmering tensions may even explode into violence.
When forming a team for an extreme mission, as much emphasis should be placed on team members’ interpersonal skills as on their specialist skills or physical capability. Research shows that team-building exercises – though often mocked – can be an effective way of enhancing teamwork.
Effective teams are alert to mounting tensions. Individuals keep the little annoyances in perspective and respect others’ need for privacy. To survive and thrive in demanding situations, people must learn to be tolerant and tolerable. The same is true in everyday life.
Cultivate resilience
Extreme environments are dangerous places where people endure great hardship. They may suffer terrifying accidents or watch others die. Such experiences can be traumatic and, in some cases, cause long-term damage to mental health.
But this is by no means inevitable. Research has shown that many individuals emerge from extreme experiences with greater resilience and a better understanding of their own strengths. By coping with life-threatening situations, they become more self-confident and more appreciative of life.
Resilience is a common quality in everyday life. We tend to underestimate our own ability to cope with stress, and overestimate its adverse consequences. Some stress is good for us and we should not try to avoid it completely.
Featured image credit: Mount Everest, by tpsdave. Public Domain via Pixabay.
The concept of psychological self-help, whether it is online, the traditional book, or the newer smartphone app, is one that elicits divided reactions. On the one hand, self-help is often the butt of jokes. Think Bridget Jones’s Diary, the comedy book and film about a single woman in her 30s, a self-confessed self-help devotee who consults numerous tomes in her pursuit to lose weight, get a man, and be happy. On the other hand, self-help is enormously popular – the sheer number of self-help resources consumed every year suggests that many of us like the idea of getting assistance with life’s problems in an easy, accessible, and low-cost way.
Psychological self-help resources are available for a whole range of topics, from general areas like happiness and self-esteem, to highly specific problem-focused topics such as coping with post-traumatic stress after a car accident, or parenting a child with Asperger’s syndrome. Some of the most popular include those that aim to help people manage anxiety, high stress, and depression — conditions that will affect approximately one in two people at some time in their life. But with so many self-help resources available, in both paper and digital form, it is worth reflecting on a few key questions. Does self-help for emotional health work? What should consumers look for when choosing self-help resources? And, in an age of increasing demand on health services, what role can self-help play in keeping our population well?
The short answer to the first question is “yes”. There are now many carefully conducted, scientific studies that show that people can learn to be less anxious, depressed, and stressed with the assistance of self-help materials. Much of this work has used printed books to deliver self-help advice, while some of the more recent research is based on Internet programs, and some very new work is beginning to assess the value of information delivered through smartphones. In all cases the effects are much the same. People who read and apply information they learn through self-help materials are consistently less anxious, stressed, or depressed than people in comparison groups.
Evidently, quality self-help tools can deliver enormous benefits. But how does the consumer best choose which self-help resources to use? If one does an Internet search of the words “stress,” “anxiety,” or “depression,” paired with the term “self-help,” thousands of options come up. What steps can the consumer take to make sure they are accessing quality and evidence-based advice?
Mediate Tapasya Dhyana. Photo by Lisa.davis. CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons
One simple way to narrow the options is to check whether the website, application, or book author is linked to a reputable institution. Do some background research into the qualifications and experience of the author/s, and check that these are relevant to the topic area. Keep a healthy dose of scepticism for “cure all” or “quick fix” claims, as well as those websites that encourage you to buy expensive products. Reputable self-help resources will acknowledge the limitations of their approach, and won’t claim that they can help everyone. Finally, check to see whether the advice has been tried and tested in well-conducted research. Unless it has, you are really just getting the author’s personal opinion. And don’t just take their word for it. Properly conducted scientific research is almost always published in reputable scientific journals where it is carefully checked by other scientists.
The emergence of quality and evidence-based self-help has important implications for broad scale health systems, as well as individuals. One example of this can be found in the United Kingdom. In 2006 a leading British economist, Richard Layard, released an influential report called, “The Depression Report”. Why would an economist write a report on depression? Well, because depression, like any other health condition, costs society money. Obviously, treatment incurs a cost. But, as Layard argues, the costs of not treating depression are vastly greater. When people feel depressed or anxious, they take more time off work. They don’t concentrate as well, and are less productive when they go to work. Where the symptoms are severe, they are often unable to work at all, relying on savings, family support, or welfare benefits to survive. So, Layard crunched the numbers and found that leaving depressed and anxious people untreated costs the economy 20 times the amount it would cost to provide an effective treatment service.
So what does this have to do with self-help? Well, the UK government paid attention to these figures, and decided to roll out a vast, nationwide project called “Improving Access to Psychological Therapies”. They made a commitment to providing effective help for depressed and anxious people living in the United Kingdom. The system they adopted is widely known as Stepped Care. Stepped Care means that people with mild to moderate depression, and those with anxiety, are given low intensity interventions first. They are generally not sent straight to a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist; they are not put on medication or not taken into an expensive treatment facility. Rather, they are often first given quality information and tools to help them manage their own symptoms… essentially, self-help. After they have tried this option, the person is reassessed by a health professional. Those that are still struggling with anxiety or depression are then given a higher intensity intervention, such as face-to-face psychological therapy and/or medication. But many do not need this higher intensity treatment. For a significant proportion, quality self-help is enough to get them feeling and functioning well.
This Stepped Care process has several advantages. First, more people are able to access the service, including those in rural and remote areas. Secondly, people are not “over-treated” – that is, they are not given more intense treatment than they require. Finally, the money saved when a proportion of people get better with self-help can then be spent on higher intensity interventions for those who really need them. The Stepped Care process recognises that different people have different needs, and that a one-size-fits all approach may not be the best one.
Clearly self-help does have a role to play when it comes to emotional health. When good resources are used, they can deliver great benefits to individual consumers and the broader community. So, the next time you encounter self-help, don’t just dismiss it as a Bridget Jones style joke. Take some time to evaluate its quality. It may help more than you think.
Sarah Perini, MA, is Director of the Emotional Health Clinic at Macquarie University in Australia, where she teaches post-graduate psychology students how to conduct effective treatment. She is an experienced clinical psychologist who has treated hundreds of stressed and anxious patients. She has also worked in a range of clinics and hospitals and has published several academic articles. She is the co-author of 10 Steps to Mastering Stress: A Lifestyle Approach, Updated Edition, with David H. Barlow, Ph.D. Ronald M. Rapee, Ph.D.
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Students are often told — perhaps by excited friends or nostalgic parents — that university is the best time of their life. Well, for some people these years may live up to their billing. For many others, however, things aren’t so straightforward. College can prove more of a trial than a pleasure.
In truth it’s hardly surprising that many students struggle with university life. For one thing, it’s probably the first time they’ve lived away from home. College involves all sorts of potentially daunting changes and challenges with the young person’s support network of family and friends usually many miles away.
It isn’t only university life that students may be struggling with. Many common psychological problems also tend to develop around this stage of life. Depression, phobias, social anxiety, panic disorder, insomnia, alcohol problems, eating disorders, sexual problems — all typically begin during adolescence or early adulthood.
Whether students arrive at university with these problems, or develop them while there, coping with mental health issues alone and in a strange town can be particularly difficult. It’s not made any easier by the assumption that you should be having a ball.
When we think about mental health, one issue that is often overlooked is gender. Yet who is more likely to develop almost all of the psychological problems we’ve mentioned? The answer is clear: women.
Indeed, although it’s commonly asserted that rates of psychological disorder are virtually identical for men and women, when one takes a careful look at the most reliable epidemiological data a very different picture emerges.
Contrary to received wisdom, overall rates of psychological disorder are not the same for both sexes. In fact, they are around 20-40% higher in women than in men. Depression, for example, affects approximately twice as many women as men. The same is true for anxiety disorders. Women are anywhere from three to ten times more likely to develop eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia nervosa. There’s good evidence to suggest that women are more vulnerable to both sleep disorders (primarily insomnia) and sexual problems (such as loss of desire, arousal problems, and pain during sex — all of which are classified as psychological issues).
This doesn’t mean, of course, that mental illness is an exclusively female problem — far from it. Very large numbers of men experience depression and anxiety, for example.
Nevertheless, though men tend to be prone to so-called externalizing disorders such as alcohol and drug problems and anti-social personality disorder, while women are more susceptible to emotional problems like depression and anxiety, the figures aren’t equal. If the epidemiological data is reliable, women clearly outnumber men for psychological disorders as a whole.
How do we explain this phenomenon? Why is it that women appear to be more vulnerable to mental illness than men? Well, this is an under-researched area. In the case of certain disorders — depression, most notably — some useful work has been done on gender. For most conditions, however, we have little evidence for why men and women are affected differently.
Things are especially tricky because mental illness is seldom the result of just one factor: a complex mix of genetic, biological, psychological, and social causes is often involved. Yet patterns do emerge from the limited research that has been conducted into the links between gender and mental health. What stands out is the stress caused by life events and social roles.
It’s certainly plausible that women experience higher levels of stress because of the demands of their social role. Increasingly, women are expected to function as career woman, homemaker, and breadwinner — all while being perfectly shaped and impeccably dressed: “superwoman” indeed. Given that domestic work is undervalued, and considering that women tend to be paid less, find it harder to advance in a career, have to juggle multiple roles, and are bombarded with images of apparent female “perfection”, it would be surprising if there weren’t some emotional cost. Women are also much more likely to have experienced childhood sexual abuse, a trauma that all too often results in lasting damage.
How do these environmental factors affect the individual? At a psychological level, the evidence suggests that they can undermine women’s self-concept — that is, the way a person thinks about themselves. These are the kind of pressures that can leave women feeling as if they’ve somehow failed; as if they don’t have what it takes to be successful; as if they’ve been left behind. Body image worries may be especially damaging. Then there’s the fact that women are taught to place such importance on social relationships. Such relationships can be a fantastic source of strength, of course. But to some extent we’re relying on other people for our happiness: a risky business. If things don’t work out, our self-concept can take a knock.
Perhaps then, part of the reason why so many common psychological disorders begin in adolescence and early adulthood is because this is the time when young people start to take on the demands of their conventional adult role. If those demands are more stressful for women than men that may help explain why we see young women start to outnumber young men when it comes to psychological problems.
But we need more evidence. The best answers will come from longitudinal studies: following representative cohorts over a number of years from childhood into adulthood, and carefully measuring the interaction between biological factors, life events, and mental illness.
Such research is complex and expensive, but given the extent of the burden on society and individuals alike, understanding what causes mental illness and thus being better placed to prevent and treat it should need no justification. Yet we cannot assume, as so many have done, that gender is merely a marginal issue in mental health. In fact, it may often be a crucial element of the puzzle.
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I’m not sure why I picked this up and read it, but I have to say I’m glad I did. Carlson offers 100 tips for reducing stress and writes a page or two explaining each tip.
Some of it is cliche and trite.
But, as I read through it, I did find several ideas that sounded like good things to incorporate into my own life. A lot of them have to do with my interactions with other people.
I’m a reference librarian. I spend most of my day interacting with people who need or want something from me or the library.
And you know what? PEOPLE CAN BE MEAN AND CRAZY.
A lot of librarians were (rightfully) upset last week when Librarian was listed as one of the least-stressful jobs with a job description that didn't match anyone's reality. Right now, I work in a small, quiet branch with a very low level of mean or crazy, but my last job was at a very large, busy branch with a very high level or mean and crazy, or just noise and activity. I found this book offered a lot of practical advice and new way of looking at situations that changed a lot of the way I interact with people and it's made for much more pleasant situations for everyone involved.
One thing I've started doing is being more helpful. As librarians, we tend to teach rather than do. We'll walk someone through all the steps of using the computer. Depending on the situation, I've just started doing what needs to be done for the patron. This is what they want me to do anyway, it's faster and less stressful for all involved. I don't deal with the tension of trying to make someone learn something they don't want to learn. The customer gets what they need in a timely fashion and exemplary customer service. Me going that extra step means everyone ends the interaction MUCH happier, and it takes 1/4 the time. WIN WIN.
One theme that goes through the book that really resonates with me is that there are things in this world that are worth getting angry over, but we spend most of our rightous indignation on the little things-- traffic, bad customer service, the jerk that puts his bag on the seat next to him on bus so you have to stand... if I’m expending all my anger and energy at stupid stuff like that, how can I effect real change at stuff that I do need to get worked up over? It’s really allowed me to look at things and say “you know what? I have much better things to do with my time and energy than to continue to waste it on this clown who’s driving super slow in the left lane.”
Which of course, leads to me a line that I thought about a lot at my last library branch:
Be the calm eye in the storm of human drama that surrounds you-- it’s hard not to get caught up in the frantic energy and squabbles that come with having a packed children’s section after school. I’m working on being that calm eye-- it’s really nice (when I manage to do it.)
Already, I’m coming home in a much better mood.
Book Provided by... my local library
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1 Comments on Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, last added: 1/14/2013
Sometimes I need a book like this to "recenter" myself. I work in a very people-oriented job as well, and all those rude and cray-cray patrons can wear on you, QUICKLY! I think I read this one ages ago, but I should re-read sometime. :)
I've been thinking about what it's like to be a passenger. When my husband drives, I can read or nap or look at email on my phone. I don't pay attention to how he's driving. I'm sure he'll be fine.
I drove with my mom the other day. She's older now and I was on high alert. Does she see how close those cars parked on the street are? Is she going to stop at that stop sign? It was like I was driving.
Only I wasn't. No matter how much I braced myself against the dash, no matter how many times I tapped my imaginary brake, no matter how much I cringed - I wasn't in control.
And you know what? I'm not sure my husband is that much better of a driver than my mom. The only difference was the attitude I brought to it. And the stress I felt.
And a lot of times, in a lot of ways, I'm just a passenger. I need to figure out how to relax. How to do other things besides fret and try to keep the car from crashing using just my mind.
There are times when the creative juices just aren't flowing. Usually that's because "we" are distracted by outside influences, such as money, lack of time, stress or just having to do too many things in too little amount of time. "We" can cave into this and become totally useless in out attempts at productivity, or we can get ourselves on track somehow.
When I was a little kid, I loved monster movies... the classics, like Frankenstein, Dracula.. all the old black and whites... like I said, The Classics. The problem with this, was that when I went to sleep, my imagination was in overdrive to the point of getting nightmares featuring said monsters. To save my parents from running into my room in the middle of the night, I developed this little trick of forcing myself to think of the monsters on purpose, and then mentally creating a huge bulldozer that would push them out of my head. Sounds a little wacky, but it worked for me.
It worked so well, that I used now as a cartoonist to force myself to focus... no lie. If I'm distracted by the Money Monster, the Too Many Projects Monster, or the I really need to kill this particular person Monster, I use the bulldozer trick. I envision a "force" in my head to just shove aside all the non creative things cluttering it up... put on some rock n roll (again, the classics), grab some green tea and get down to business.
So the next time you can't focus... get on your mental bulldozer, crank up the tunes, get your caffienated beverage of choice, and do what ya gotta do. Just sayin !
0 Comments on Bulldozing The Mental Roadblocks as of 1/1/1900
A Month of Celebrations; It is Stress Awareness Month, I have already put that in motion hopefully by the end of the month I will celebrate National Humor Month or maybe I'll invent by own a Celebration of Tears. Then I could drag out the guitar after all it is, InternationalGuitar Month to create a song, "Tears of Stress and Laughter," while I help Keep America Beautiful Month celebration raking the lawn and tending the garden month. Or maybe I could list the titles of over 20 poems I have written on author David L. Harrison's blog the past 17 months; after all it is Poetry Month. There is always some kind of holiday and celebration each month that will make your day or week or month. There is 12 month to be serous, happy, cry, or think to yourself who cares for it is more fun to invent my own celebrations; such as Trimming Your Toes Month, or Cracking Knuckles Month. Have some fun invent your own and celebrate the moment.
I've been eyes-wide awake in my bed for two hours and now that I've finally gotten up, this stupid blinking cursor is teasing me. It is 3:30 in the morning and in one way I could thank my lucky stars that I've finally gotten up early enough to write. On the other hand, I'm not feeling well, I'm going on a weekend vacation and the last thing I need is to be sick for a plane ride and a cruise. The funny thing is that I'm the best sleeper in the world. I can sleep anywhere. I love naps in sunny spaces. I go to bed early. Maybe it is taking me a little bit to get used to Daylight Savings. My brain is just awake. Of course, once my brain is awake in the middle of the night, I think about all the things that are stressing me out that I try to push away during daylight hours (some of which I can talk about here and now and some of which I can't).
This is about the time in the semester when I start having my crisis of confidence. I miss my VCFA community. I so wish there was a mid-term residency. Just a short one. A weekend maybe. A time to get back together to say, "Yes, this is important. Our stories are important. You should invest this time in something that will probably never pan out financially because you are a writer and writers write. Because your story needs to be told. Because someone out there, some teen, some child somewhere needs this story." Okay. Tears now. But remember that I've been up since 1 am and that my throat hurts and that I've got gunk where gunk shouldn't be.
I'm a little concerned too, that my grad lecture has the potential to turn into something much bigger than the 35 minutes of brilliance that it needs to be. I won't know until I spend some concentrated time on it and the concentration of time is very hard to find.
The current political situation in our state and country and the disasters abroad certainly don't help. How do we move through our lives in relative safety when a major part of a major country has been all but wiped out and is facing a possible nuclear melt down that will affect us all? How do we communicate to our own leaders that cutting 42 billion in vital programs and jobs while allowing 42 billion in tax cuts for the wealthiest people in our country is unacceptable?
Moreover, and on a note much closer to home, how do I communicate to my almost 12 year old that he doesn't have to see me as his antagonist for the next six years? Oh my, God the arguments are wearing me down!
And how do I do all this when I am alone? When my husband is away for work for extended periods of time? When I live in a place that requires a lot of driving? When I don't want to impose on my friends too much? How do I get a break?
So yes, I guess I can't sleep because I'm stressed. It certainly seems that way. At least I get a vacation this weekend and... would you look at the clock, 4 am... time to write.
Last Thursday I had a tooth pulled. I've been having some other teeth issues related to teeth grinding and a misaligned bite that require me to wear a mouth guard during the day for 4-6 months. I've already had a mouth guard to wear at night since college for the aforementioned teeth grinding and TMJ. (I have bad teeth in general--lots of cavities. I think it's genetic.)
Anyway, long story short, the oral surgeon said to me before the surgery, "I guess it goes without saying that you have a stressful job!"
I paused. Because the truth is, my job IS stressful. Or, at least, I get stressed by my job. Everyone in my company gets stressed out. My first assistant would grind through mouth guard after mouth guard. But I laughed and said, "Well, yeah, but it doesn't sound like it would be stressful. I'm a children's book editor."
I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
I remembered this post from about five years ago--"It's not brain surgery." Anyway, I think I take myself too seriously sometimes. I need to remind myself to keep things in perspective.
Getting a random comment such as the one from Anonymous (of course) on my post last week didn't help any. Because the comment was so ridiculous, I have to assume that it was a joke, or at least something written, for whatever reason, to make me angry. It DID make me laugh, and it DID make me a little angry. But anyway. Being a children's book editor is my job. Not my life. I value the work I do, and I dedicate way more than normal working hours to it, but I'm not a robot. I have to remember that balance in my life is important. It's important in everyone's life. Whether we ARE brain surgeons, or authors, or illustrators, or editors, designers, engineers, or teachers. We should all strive for excellence, but we need to also strive for balance. Yes, there's always something more we can do, but without balance, we'd be unstable, without balance, we burn out. With balance, we can do better jobs, and live better lives.
So, in honor of balance, let me share these quotations, all from the reliable source called the internet:
"What I dream of is an art of balance." ~ Henri Matisse
"Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight. Equilibrium is pragmatic. You have to get everything into proportion. You compensate, rebalance yourself so that you maintain your angle to your world. When the world shifts, you shift." ~ Tom Stoppard
"People with great gifts are easy to find, but symmetrical and balanced ones never." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Living in balance and purity is the highest good for you and the earth." ~
5 Comments on teeth and work and balance, last added: 3/3/2011
I thought that Anonymous comment was a joke, too. I mean, if it was serious, then what was Anonymous doing even reading this blog? Isn't he/she contributing to the so-called "waste of time" he/she excoriates?
Alvina! You don't take yourself too seriously! I think any author would agree that editors ought to take their jobs seriously, but you can take a job seriously (who wants an editor who doesn't care??) without being obsessed by it....or rather, take it seriously and still have balance.
I don't think that comment was a joke. I think it was written by a frustrated author or wannabe-- remember that rant on Amazon? The author who wouldn't let it go, there were something like 14 comments to the person who had criticized her book, increasingly hysterical in tone?
It's easy to become very crazy in this business. I'm sure I would be without the BRGs & other friends' voices of sanity and balance!
The Ralph Waldo Emerson quote rings so true to me.
Too often people assume that if a job is enjoyable it means it's not stressful. False! In fact, such jobs can be more stressful because of how much you care.
Good for you for being conscious of the need to keep equilibrium in your life.
I grew up watching fights. They are spelled out pretty closely in Becoming Alice. There was Dad fighting with Mom; there was Mom fighting Dad the only way she knew how, by crying. There was Dad fighting with my brother about everything he thought poor old Fredi did wrong; but there was Fredi who didn’t know how to fight. There was Onkel Max and Tante Dora fighting each other about everything and anything in the most mean and hurtful way possible. Perhaps they enjoyed it. I’ll never know. It was my first lesson in fighting.
Fast forward a decade or two and then I myself was doing a marriage. I grew up determined not to have a marriage like either Mom and Dad or my aunt and uncle. I had learned a little something in the process and was learning a whole lot more as I was doing marriage myself.
I learned that the early years of marriage are one way and the middle years of marriage often are quite different. It is when the fight comes out in the marriage equation. One partner wants things to go one way and the other partner pulls in the exact opposite direction. The fightensues. Over what? Over many things. How to raise children. How to make your money. Where to spend your money. How to behave socially. Who to be friends with. What to do about problem adolescents … especially those out of control ones. What to do about grandparents who interfere. What to do about those that need help, financially and/or physically. The list goes on and on.
Do any of these marriages survive? A lot of them do and they have a couple of things going for them. I find that those fights that stay on the issues have a much better chance of surviving than those that move on to attacks between fighting partners themselves, attacks on their shortcoming and on them personally. They usually are not about the issues that prompted the fight in the first place.
The marriages that seem to survive over the years are the ones where the partners have deeper reserves of positive feeling, lets call it love, for one another left over from the early years. I’ve known many couples who have gone through major problems and ended up with the most solid and satisfying marriages in the next stage of their lives.
Hi Leslie, what an adorable little image! After your stretching exercises, be sure and hop on over to our blog to see Peep Squeaks featured as one of our new February 2011 fabrics! http://www.clothworkstextiles.com/blog/?p=1832
Today's Ypulse Youth Advisory Board post comes from Raymond Braun in response to "The 50 Most Stressful Colleges" rankings recently put out by The Daily Beast.
As a current Stanford student, Raymond, his fellow students and campus administrators had... Read the rest of this post
Libraries and library systems across the country face budget cuts over the next year, forcing them to cut back hours, programs, services, the amount of materials ordered and even the number of staff. Because librarians are a dedicated bunch and really want to continue providing the best possible service this can create a lot of stress in the workplace. Today we explore some basic tips for dealing with stress in the workplace as we get through these difficult financial times.
1.Health and Wellness. It may seem simple, but keeping in the best health possible can do worlds of wonder. Maintaining a good diet that you enjoy will keep your strength and attitude up. Exercise, at least a little every week, has never been more important than now. Not only does it keep you in better shape, exercise releases endorphins that help reduce your daily stress. And, of course, get plenty of sleep every night. Be sure to explore Wellness options through your place of employment or your health care provider—-you may be surprised by what’s available to you for little or no cost.
2.Recognize your limitations. With cuts in staffing, many librarians might be faced with greater amounts of work than before. But consistently working longer than normal hours will cause severe burnout. It’s best to prioritize your duties by deciding what is most vital at your library. Focus on these aspects first and keep in mind that’s ok if you can’t do it all.
3.Be your own voice. Feeling powerless is probably one of the most stressful feelings of all. By keeping informed and acting as an advocate for what you feel is important in your job you’ll stay active and play a part in keeping things running. No, you probably won’t get everything you feel you want or need, but you stand a better chance at getting some of it if you voice your needs.
4.Throw a party at work. This may seem ridiculous on the surface but it’s a great way to release tension with your coworkers. You get your mind off your troubles, even if only for a little while, and can return to work re-energized. If a full party is not an option consider something as simple as ordering in some food or organizing a pot-luck for lunch time. You can even organize small games, from a lunch-time card game to scavenger hunts in the branch.
6.Give special awards. Hand out a certificate, a button or a cute toy to people for work well done. A little appreciation between coworkers can go a long way towards keeping spirits up and reducing stress.
7.Organize or participate in dialogues. Meeting with your colleagues and talking over the problems can help share your stress and might even lead to solutions and strategies you wouldn’t have considered on your own. Many librarians have unions or employee associations they can rely on for just this kind of situation; those that don’t should consider getting together informally.
8.Look outside your organization for support. Whether it’s a formal organization like ALA or YALSA or something more informal like a meetup between local librarians in your area, it’s important to seek out opportunities like these. It’s sometimes helpful to talk through things with an outsider—plus you never know what wisdom their perspective might bring.
9.Finally, remember why you chose to be a librarian. Renew your appreciation for the work you do and t
Dr. Robert J. Wicks, author of Bounce:Living the Resilient Life, is also a professor at Loyola College in Maryland. In Bounce, Wicks suggests that simply becoming more self-aware can help us decrease stress and live life more fully. Below, OUP interviews Dr. Wicks about the importance of learning to live with resilience. Read Wicks’s previous OUPblog post here.
OUP: Resilience seems so important to how you live your life but is it really that essential?
Dr. Robert J. Wicks: Physician and author Walker Percy in one of his novels poses the question: “What if you missed your life like a person misses a train?” Unfortunately, in today’s stressful world with multi-tasking being the norm of the day, this is easy to do—especially for those who fail to pay attention to the forces which strengthen our inner life and help us grow through and from the difficult experiences all of us encounter.
OUP: But can resilience be learned? Some people seem born resilient and others seem to have difficulties dealing with adversity almost from the time they are born.
Dr. Robert J. Wicks: You have a point. Some people do seem more resilient all the way from childhood. However, that is not the crucial issue for leading a fuller life. Each of us has a range of resilience—in other words, the ability to meet, learn from, and not be crushed by the challenges and stresses of life. This range is formed by heredity, early life experiences, current knowledge, and the level of motivation to meet life’s challenges and enjoy each day to the fullest—no matter what happens! However, of even more import than the different ranges people have is their conscious decision to maximize the ways in which they can become as resilient as possible.
OUP: Is part of this resiliency-training, learning ways to avoid stress?
Dr. Robert J. Wicks: Yes and no. Living a full life is more than the absence of negative occurrences or pressures. The sources of all stress cannot—and probably should not—be prevented. Yet, there are ways stress can be limited and, more importantly, as those who study resilience report, the way stress impacts us does not have to be totally negative. As a matter of fact, each of us has an opportunity to become deeper and more compassionate in response to the stressors in our lives if we are aware of some basic practices to: contain and understand stress; seek to be more mindful; are reasonably self-aware; and are interested in learning how to maintain a healthy sense of resilience and perspective.
OUP: How did you get so interested in the concept of “resilience”?
Dr. Robert J. Wicks: For almost 30 years I have dealt with a unique kind of darkness called “secondary stress”—the pressures experienced by persons who are in the healing and helping professions. In observing and working with physicians, nurses, psychologists, educators, relief workers, counselors, and persons in full time ministry, I have observed that especially among the most resilient in these groups, how they experience even the most difficult encounters in life is quite telling.
OUP: In a nutshell, what would be some of the more essential ways to maximize your “resiliency range?”
Dr. Robert J. Wicks: Improving your own self-awareness through using a daily de-briefing program, developing a realistic but comprehensive self-care program, understanding better the practice of “mindfulness”, applying the recent findings on positive psychology, and ensuring that 4 types of friends are present in your interpersonal network would all contribute to strengthening your personal and professional resiliency.
OUP: That last point about needing “4 types of friends” intrigues me. What types of friends are you referring to with respect to becoming more resilient?
Dr. Robert J. Wicks: We all know we need friends. Psychology has also long emphasized the need for an excellent interpersonal network. I think anthropologist Margaret Meade expressed well what everyone knows in their heart when she said, “One of the greatest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night.” However, who makes up your “personal community” is also an essential element. In my work I have found that for our interpersonal circle to be rich we need, at the very least, four “types” or “voices” present—since one friend may play more than one beneficial role at different points in our lives. These four types of friends include “the prophet” who asks us “What conscious and unconscious voices are guiding us in life?” They also include “the cheerleader” who is sympathetic and supportive, “the harasser” who teases us and helps us laugh at ourselves to avoid the emotional burnout that results from taking ourselves too seriously, and finally the inspirational guides who encourage us to gather all of the information we receive from others so we can put this feedback to good use.
OUP: You also mentioned that resilience can be enhanced by developing a daily debriefing program and a comprehensive approach to self care. Would you give us a very quick sense of what is involved in doing this?
Dr. Robert J. Wicks: In terms of a daily debriefing, I wanted persons to be able to use a similar approach to the one professional helpers use since it has such a long proven track record in allowing them to process their day’s interactions, let go of the daily emotional “hot spots” so these events don’t keep them up at night, and learn from the day’s encounters so this knowledge can deepen them as persons and professionals. If we take out time to become intrigued by our own behavior, thoughts, and feelings, we can avoid wasting energy on projecting all the blame on others, condemning ourselves or becoming discouraged when things don’t change in our lives immediately.
With respect to self-care, each of us needs to have a program or “protocol” that is both comprehensive and doable.
OUP: A final question I have for you is with respect to “mindfulness”. What exactly do you mean by this term and why is it so important with respect to resilience?
Dr. Robert J. Wicks: I remember once seeing by a garden a little sign that was covered with mud. When I scraped the mud away, I saw that it said, “There is always music in the garden amongst the trees…but your heart must be quiet to hear it.”
Psychology, philosophy, and many of the world spiritualities extol the benefits of time spent in silence and solitude. In addition, it is beneficial to have a sense of mindfulness—being in the present moment with a sense of openness—as we move through the day’s interpersonal encounters. Formal mindfulness or meditation can sharpen our sense of clarity about the life we are living and the choices we are making, enhance our attitude of simplicity, let us enjoy our relationship with ourselves more and, as I note further in Bounce, provide numerous other benefits.
The really good thing about mindfulness is that it can be learned. It just takes reflection on some basic guidelines and a willingness to try some simple steps for a few minutes each day. The results can be truly remarkable in how centered and aware we can become. It is really a cornerstone of resilience.
Q: Would you sum up for us the lessons you are hoping people learn from Bounce?
A: The range of resilience is different for each person based on a unique combination of hereditary, psychological and sociological factors. However, if we are truly interested in resilience, the goal is to find ways to maximize our own range of resilience, and in doing so, improve our quality of life and the ability to continually renew ourselves. In studying resilience and putting into practice some basic lessons, we can begin to recognize—as resilient helping professionals have—that it is not the amount of darkness in the world that matters. It is not even the amount of darkness in ourselves that matters. It is how we stand in that darkness that makes all the difference in how we are able to lead our lives.
0 Comments on A Few Questions for Dr. Robert J. Wicks as of 8/10/2009 12:50:00 PM
Dr. Robert J. Wicks, the author of Bounce: Living the Resilient Life, is a professor at Loyola University Maryland. Bounce is a guide for managing stress, turning it into an opportunity, and living more meaningfully in the process. In the original article below, Dr. Wicks profiles the four different types, or “voices”, of friends that everyone needs in their lives. Do you have friends who fulfill all four roles? Do you recognize yourself among them? Dr. Wicks has provided a questionnaire at the bottom of the article to help you find out where you and your friends fit in.
Peig Sayers lived in the Blasket Islands off the coast of Ireland. The winds were so great that even trees couldn’t survive and she was asked, “How can you live in a place like this?” To which she responded quite simply, “It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”
Psychology has long emphasized the need for an excellent interpersonal network as a major element of health and happiness. As medical studies have shown us, an absence of at least one significant friend may also even have serious health consequences. So, we know we need friends. The question is what type of friends?
In my work and that which I have done with others in the field, I have found that for our circle of friends to be complete, the presence of at least four “types” or “voices” (since one friend may play more than one beneficial role at different points in our lives) are necessary—especially in today’s challenging times. These four types of friends are the prophet, the cheerleader, the harasser, and the guide. By having these “voices” in our lives, we increase our chances of maintaining a sense of perspective, openness, and balance.
The Prophet
The first of these voices which helps us maintain balance and have a sense of openness is the one I shall refer to as the prophet. Contrary to what one might imagine, prophetic friends need not look or behave any differently than other types of persons who are close to us. The true prophet’s voice is often quiet and fleeting, but nonetheless strong. She or he is living an honest courageous life guided by truth and compassion.
Having someone prophetic in our lives is never easy. No matter how positive we may believe the ultimate consequences will be for us, many of us still shy away from prophetic messages and would readily agree with Henry Thoreau: “If you see someone coming to do you a good deed, run for your life!” However, to seek comfort in lieu of the truth may mean that in an effort to avoid pain, we will also avoid responding to opportunities of real value, real life. We will merely exist and eventually die without having ever really lived. Prophets point! They point to the fact that it doesn’t matter whether pleasure or pain is involved, the only thing that matters is that we seek to see and live “the truth” because only it will set us free.
In doing this, prophets challenge us to look at how we are living our lives, to ask ourselves: “To what voices am I listening when I form my attitudes and take my actions each day?”
The Cheerleader
Ironically, one of the most controversial suggestions I might make with respect to friendship is to suggest we all need “cheerleaders.” Some might say that to encourage this type of friend is to run the risk of narcissism and denial. However, to balance the prophetic voices we also need unabashed, enthusiastic, unconditional acceptance by certain people in our lives. Prophecy can and should instill appropriate guilt to break through the crusts of our denial. But guilt cannot sustain us for long. While guilt will push us to do good things because they are right, love encourages us to do the right thing because it is natural.
We can’t go it alone. We need a balance of support. We need encouragement and acceptance as much as we need the criticism and feedback that are difficult to hear. Burnout is always around the corner when we don’t have people who are ready to encourage us, see our gifts clearly, and be there for us when our involvement with people, their sometimes unrealistic demands, and our own crazy expectations for ourselves, threaten to pull us down. So, while having buoyantly supportive friends may seem like a luxury, make no mistake about it – it is a necessity that is not to be taken lightly. The “interpersonal roads” over time are strewn with well-meaning helpers who tried to survive without such support. Encouragement is a gift that should be treasured in today’s stressful, anxious, complex world because the seeds of involvement and the seeds of burnout are the same. To be involved is to risk. And to risk without the presence of solidly supportive friends is foolhardy and dangerous.
The Harasser
When singer-activist Joan Baez was asked her opinion about contemplative, monk and writer Thomas Merton, one of the things she said was that he was different than many of the phony gurus she had encountered in her travels. She said that although Merton took important things seriously in his life, he didn’t take himself too seriously. She indicated that he knew how to laugh at situations and particularly at himself. “Harassers” help us to laugh at ourselves and to avoid the emotional burnout that results from having the unrealistic expectation that people will always follow our guidance or appreciate what we do for them. This type of friend helps us regain and maintain perspective (so we don’t unnecessarily waste valuable energy). This is truly a gift for which we can be thankful.
Guides
The three types of friends we’ve looked at thus far are each part of a necessary community. The prophet enhances our sense of single-heartedness. The cheerleader generously showers us with the support we feel we need. The harasser encourages us to maintain a sense of proper perspective. Complementing these three is a cluster that, for lack of a better name, shall be referred to as “guides.” Such persons listen to us carefully and don’t accept the “manifest content” (what we say and do) as being equal to the “total content” (our actual intentions plus our statements and actions). Instead, they search and look for nuances in what we share with them to help us to uncover some of the “voices” that are unconsciously guiding our lives, especially the ones that make us hesitant, anxious, fearful, and willful.
To determine whether or how these voices are present in our lives, several questions or statements seeking further information about the composition of our circle of friends might be helpful:
Do I have people with whom I can simply be myself?
What type of friends do I value most? Why?
What do I feel are the main qualities of friendship?
List and briefly describe the friends who are now in my life.
Describe ones who are no longer alive or present to me now but who have made an impact on my life. Why do I think they made such a difference in my life?
Among my circle of friends, who are my personal heroes or role models?
Who are the prophets in my life? In other words, who confronts me with the question: To what voices am I responding in life?
Who help me see my relationships, mission in life, and self-image more clearly? How do they accomplish this?
Who encourage me in a genuine way through praise and a nurturing spirit?
Who tease me into gaining a new perspective when I am too preoccupied or tied up in myself?
When and with whom do I play different (prophetic, supportive …) roles as a friend?
How do people receive such interactions. Having a healthy and balanced circle of friends can aid in stress prevention and personal-professional growth. This is an obvious reality. The important point here is that with some attention to this area, we can immeasurably improve the role that encouraging, challenging, and guiding friendships can have in our lives. In turn, it can also provide an impetus to fill similar roles with others, which can also be a deeply rewarding experience for us—though they are roles that we must take with care as well if we are to remain resilient and passionate and be able to continue to reach out without being pulled down.
0 Comments on Four Friends You’ll Want in Your Life Today as of 1/1/1900
"Stress Could Save Your Life," this week's issue of Newsweek heralds on its cover, and I sit down to read just how. I read the theories about how stress spikes adrenaline and after that comes cortisol and how in the presence of both muscles are flooded with energy, and not only that, but the brain grows sharper—more sensed up, more survival primed. Turn on that "stress-hormone switch" at the right time, and you might just go super hero when you need a dose of super hero. (Leave that switch on, however, and damage gets done.) Pregnant women who are stressed may be giving birth to babies with better-stimulated brains. Stress may help us solve more problems, faster.
It all comes down to control, apparently. "...if we feel we're in control, we cope," Mary Carmichael, the story's author, says. "If we don't, we collapse." The key to now, Carmichael says, is determining "what parts of our future we can control" and "engag(ing) with them thoughtfully."
I'm all for that. I have, in fact, been discovering, in these tricky times, the outright power of dreaming small dreams bigly (and of making up words, because it's my blog, and I can). Of recomposing my idea of the perfect day. Of taking the time to do things that I had to hurry past before. I can control how I watch the sky, how I fashion meals, how I arrange the day. I can count as an achievement a cleaned-out closet or a page of prose that perhaps no one but myself will read. I can say to my friends, Join me in this, and be happy when they do, and I can hold these things as central even as all that I can't control spins on—the fate of books I write, the status quo with clients, the headlines that keep blaring.
I can't fix most of what is wrong out there (or any of it, frankly). But I can make it a point not to add to the problem—to be lighter on my feet, to ask for little, to give more. I can use the stresses of now to my advantage, and I will try. I don't see that we have another choice.
(Oh, and for the record, I wasn't driving when I took this photo. Imagine the stress I'd have added to the world if I'd been.)
6 Comments on Taking Control, last added: 2/21/2009
The photo is fantastic - the dichotomy of uncontrollably hurtling thru space (TY for not driving while photographing ;-), but towards a destination you've (hopefully) chosen fits so well with your post ~ and the Newsweek article.
You guys are all the very best. Each of you seeing something different in this blog—all of what you see being something I hoped someone would. I am the Neighborhood Crazy, Sierra and Alea, but I don't endanger others with my craziness (though once, when in a traffic jam, I did take photos, but no one was moving).
And Kristen: You can do it. The little things. Big.
"I can't fix most of what is wrong out there (or any of it, frankly). But I can make it a point not to add to the problem—to be lighter on my feet, to ask for little, to give more." I really like that. It seems like something achievable, something we can all manage to do.
Stress and pain reinforce each other. You may have noticed that when you are stressed out, your pain gets worse. On the other hand, chronic pain is often a source of stress. This can result in a cycle of pain and stress…
Ways to Decrease Stress:
Given the relationship between stress and pain, it is important to learn how to manage stress. The good news is that there are things you can do to decrease your stress….
Change Lifestyle Habits:
-Decrease caffeine intake (coffee, tea, colas, chocolate)
-Maintain a balanced diet and decrease consumption of junk food
-Eat Slowly and at regular intervals
-Exercise regularly (at least 30 minutes three times per week)
-Get adequate sleep (figure out how much you need)
-Take time-outs and leisure time (do something for yourself every day)
-Do relaxation exercises (e.g., breathing, imagery, PMR)
Change How you Approach Situations:
-Time and money management
-Assertiveness
-Problem-solving coping skills
Change your Thinking:
-Have realistic expectations (when expectations are more realistic, life seems more manageable)
-Keep a sense of humor (being able to see the humor in the things helps o lighten the situation)
-Have a support system (speak with someone or write down your thoughts)
-Focus on the positive (think half-full versus half-empty)
-Challenge negative thinking using cognitive restructuring skills
I am sitting at my desk. Printer shooting off page after page of my manuscript. Nerve-wracking does not being to sum up how it feels. I can honestly say, I'm nervous. And doubtful. The competition is high out there and what makes me think that I h...
I feel like the clouds are parting. Last night, I managed to get to library to do some writing (It's like going to the office), I stopped for a 6 minute tanning session (for the wedding festivities), I came home, got changed, did some sprints on ...
I'm not ready. I haven't written my Christmas cards yet. I haven't decorated the tree (although I did get the lights strung onto it last night). I have no presents. I haven't yet BAKED!
I haven't been this behind for the holidays in years. Everything will be wonderful, I'm sure. So I'm not stressing about any of this--too much.
From my many years of experience with these holidays and especially my extensive experience with being behind on the preparations and fun, I do have a few tricks up my sleeve (well, it's the tropics, so no sleeves, but you get the idea). So at the end of the work day today, I'll be off to buy some "starter" cookies. And cheese and crackers, olives and other appetizer/party goodies.
I already have the wine. :-)
Happy holidays, everyone. And here's wishing for peace on Earth.
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Sometimes I need a book like this to "recenter" myself. I work in a very people-oriented job as well, and all those rude and cray-cray patrons can wear on you, QUICKLY! I think I read this one ages ago, but I should re-read sometime. :)