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Recently, the brilliant, talented and inspiring artist and writer Gabriel Alborozo wrote some beautiful comments about my illustrated interview on the wonderful Zoe Toft’s blog ~ and Gabriel’s words lifted my spirit, my smile and my pencil and paints. I have loved Gabriel’s work for a long time ~ bold, sweet, funny, silly (a HUGE complement) and utterly brilliant. I wanted to say an illustrated thank you, so here it is:

Often, this is the question I get the most with students and other people. I even found an old email I gratefully missed seeing berating me for claiming that I could talk to my departed mother. How do I answer that?

For one thing, yes, I can talk to animals and feel spirits. The spirits more like drop in and out on occasion. I can’t conjure up. It’s more like having someone call you up on the telephone. I’m not delusional, I’ve been relatively grounded, and I’m psychologically sound even though life has really roughed me up a bit, and I’ve concluded that it was that “roughing up” that allowed me to hear or see.

Here’s one of my theories

Many of the friends I have that are truly “psychic,” which is really aware of other dimensions, or simply, what’s beyond THIS, have had in their life some kind of experience that caused them to pop out of their bodies from some kind of trauma. During that popping out they noticed “hey, there’s something else here.” No, they didn’t go into the devil’s world, which at least, I hope not. When I was a kid, I had such chronic pain that it was an easy thing to just pop out and hang out on the ceiling then feel that pain all the time (by the way, animals do this.) I was already very empathic, just like mother, and I think that’s how–the popping out–was why I also able to readily hear guidance.

Some folks need their worlds to fall apart to experience that there’s more then what’s here. GRIEF can open you up completely or…shut you down. That’s one big reason you can’t hear your loved one or your departed dog. There isn’t a thing you did wrong or something wrong with you. What I know from experience is when I am very upset and angry at the world, I can’t access any guidance. I feel cut off and stranded. I think with grief, you’re in a protective mode. You need to be insulated so you can heal. And then later on, you can hear or feel and connect to loved ones.

Some folks have had trauma and hurt early on and have always been shut down. It’s safer that way when the world is an unsafe place. But if you asked them, they will recall little signs that happened in their lives that showed them they were watched over, if they are willing to see it.

Lots of people could hear and see when they were children. But as they grew up and life got hard, they forgotten this.

Some folks are very left-brained and they experience the world solely from the mind, and therefore, won’t hear or see. (They need to rent movies like DRAGONFLY.) That’s not their path to hear.

Don’t Push

When I hear students say this, I always question if they are pushing or trying to hear/feel. That always shuts things down. Then your mind comes in and takes over. They are almost always missing the SUBTLE signs of communication and dismissing it as nothing, but it’s there. They are feeling hugged (those goosebumps out of nowhere), having songs come into their heads out of nowhere, seeing a shadow run across the room or a blink of light. That’s the communication! It doesn’t have to be a full-blown ghost giving a six page message. That’s just television! And always with their animals, they just need validation that they are already picking up a ton of information from their animals. How can they not? They are so connected to them.

I’ve always thought like a scientist. I need proof to believe and I need to experience it. Most folks are like that. So, if they don’t experience it or see it, why would they believe it? And the interesting thing is, when you have lots of experiences and you start to believe, the experiences increase.

No, I’m not special at all because I pick up things from spirits or know what dogs feel and think. I actually curse it sometimes when I have headaches from it and overload all the time, and pick up psychically what I really don’t want to or is helpful to me. I really don’t appreciate when people think I’m nuts. I don’t hear all the time, either, by the way. Sometimes, I stare at my dogs wondering what they want and can’t hear anything at all. Being sensitive can be a really big hindrance in my life, especially in my relationships, but it’s also a gift that can help others (I get to write about it.) And there are many out there who totally relate to this, who often come here.

Just Keep the Gate Open

The big thing is, if you are missing or grieving someone and you can’t feel or hear them, it doesn’t mean they have abandoned you or there’s no after-life, or worse, everyone who can is crazy. Right now, in this moment, you can’t. It’s not forever, and maybe there’s a reason, like I mentioned before. Instead, just leave that door open to possibility. That’s all you need for the world to surprise you. And boy, will it.

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If you are interested in developing your abilities to hear/see/feel, sign up for Fairy Online School to get help and info, which starts September 21st.

I have not been blogging much lately. I don't seem to have much to say, nor the focus to find anything to talk about.

First, I am so wrapped up in the elections going on right now too. It is hard for me to write. I find myself between absolute horror and hope. I am completely disturbed by the extremism going on in this country. The hatred and the racism - I am just baffled by the whole process.

Secondly, if I was honest, I am really in state of limbo. A few weeks ago, I finished my YA Thriller and am sending my baby out into "the world of agents". Nerve-wracking. Not only because waiting is not something I do well. I am an achiever by nature. I like to push forward and make things happen. This publishing process is a challenge for me to learn patience. So I need to channel that energy into something else.

Another book, perhaps?

Leads me to my third point - I can't focus. Don't get me wrong - I have a Grace 2 planned for my series and I have done the research. I know kinda what it is about. But I do not have it ironed out yet in my head. I don't know where to start.I feel like a balloon whose string has been cut and I am just floating above, watching life go on below me. I have been working on the Grace 1 for so long - almost 2 years to be exact and had a baby in that time - I think my energy was just so focused on creating something. But now - for some reason -I feel a bit lost after sending out my book. Its like I have empty-nest syndrome, I don't know what to do with my time. I did promise my critique group and summary of the book and first chapter by next Friday! Just don't know if I'll get there.

Most of all, I have a small sense of loss and realize that I miss the process of being so enthralled in writing a book that the words and scenes just pour out of you when you write - almost as if you are channeling something out of this world. Now I just feel stiff and slow and everything I write sounds dumb.


Lastly,my house seems to be falling apart right now. Furnace is broken. gas stove is broken. car needs servicing and has a "malfunction". toilet is broken. What is going on? Computer is acting up. And mercury is NOT EVEN in RETROGRADE. I am in trouble. I am a true believer that your house represents your life. To a degree.

So what is going on with me?

I realize that writing seems to mirror my life.

1) I am kinda wanting another baby(#3) but can't imagine being prego again.
2) I want to start hot yoga again, but can't imagine going back and to the beginning since I have not done it in so long.
3) I wish I could go back to eating no carbs/sweets (something I started doing again when I got prego 4.5 years ago) but I can't be bothered with the cravings and the strength it takes to sum up will power.
4) I want to write Grace 2 but cant find the focus to pin down the story.

I know a break is good but I love writing so much that I WANT to get back into it. I NEED to start something new. It's a therapeutic release for me. I feel jammed, bottled up, stuck. And I hate that feeling.

I know I can't force it though.

So my question of the day?

What in the world does a writer do besides write?