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I loved the final sentence, "True generosity comes without obligation."

I'm the email writer. Thank you so much for your answer.

I've decided not to send him a copy out of the blue. Even if I don't ask him what he thought of it, there's always a kind of pressure in the giving, isn't there? I don't even want that.

I will of course offer to gift him one if my writing career comes up in conversation and he mentions he'd like to read the book, but that's just polite.

Thank you again for reading my email. I'm grateful for the advice.

"be a good gift-giver and never ask him if he got around to reading it."

This struck me as hilarious. I NEVER ask people if they've read my book, and I can't imagine why any author ever would. What if they hated it? I figure if they've read it and liked it, they'll volunteer the information.

I have a relative who's had several books hit the NYT Bestseller list. For many years I was uncomfortable approaching her or even telling her I wrote. When I finally swallowed my pride recently and asked her for a cover blurb, she not only provided one -- something she hasn't agreed to do for anyone in years -- but offered to refer me to her big-name agent when my next manuscript is ready. She's not doing this out of a sense of obligation but because she really believes in my talent.

The moral: Don't discount any of your contacts. Selling is a relationship game. Don't be obnoxious but also don't be (like I was) a shrinking violet. THIS book for you is a done deal; next book, though, consult him -- and trust in your talent to wow him.

I have a step-mom who's prodigious at giving gifts with expectations. A couple of weeks ago she gave me a 2011 art calendar and said, "You'll have to find a place to hang this up." I already had a calendar, and the new one's still sitting on a pile on my desk. And once on Christmas, while other gifts were being exchanged and opened, she gave my kids and their cousins puppets, then told them to gather around (right that moment) and put on a puppet show for her. My then-six-year-old gave all the rest of the adults secret delight when he announced, "I'm outta here."

Even just as the author of a blog, I do relate to the poster's question, because while on the one hand I want everyone in the world to read my blog and lavish praise it, I also often refrain from even telling acquaintances that I have a blog, so they won't think I expect them to read it. (But I do link to it from Facebook, since those who see it there will already be online and can click or not click according to their mood.)

To the author who asked the question, good luck with your career. I think you made a good decision. When your next book ends up on the bestseller lists, you can drop your editor-friend a note and share the good news. :)

Maybe she could recommend a nice writer's conference or workshop to her sister and let someone else explain why the manuscript isn't ready for an editor. If the picture book is amazing, the sister might find her own editor.

Or she could give her sister a current Writer's Market and ask her to read it.

"If the parents think the story is wonderful, then it has appealed to the only important people in the world."

To quote Broadcast News: Oh there I go, dropping the lead again.

"Am I refusing my sister a fair chance?"

Well, is it fair to the folks who have to go through the slush pile to find an agent or publisher? She has the same opportunity to try that route as everyone else does.

Actually, I'd use the opportunity to set some groundwork for future clashes. And, with family, there are ALWAYS future clashes.

"You want me to talk to my editor about (say) Sue's picture book????" Insert over-the-top level of disbelief in voice. "Do you remember what you said when I told you *I* wanted to be a writer? You said," sing-song voice now, " 'oh, darling, when are you going to get a *proper* job', 'but how will you pay the mortgage?', and 'well, now that you have all that free time...'."

Go back to putting some strength into those tonsils. "And now! Now, you want Sue to just crawl on my back to some pinnacle of success that took me [insert appropriate number] years to achieve just because she drew a couple of pretty pictures? Do you remember how much hard work I described just to get where I am? Did you think I was joking??"

C'mon now, don't lose it, we're in the home stretch. Tap your toes, it'll give a nice effect. And narrow your eyes. Always remember to narrow your eyes at this point. And put your hands on your hips; it'll give you a bigger silhouette, which is all important in these sorts of games. Falter now, and you'll lose the whole box and dice. "So, what is it you wanted me to do again?" Make sure your tone of voice conveys that you're not about to do anything that's going to be suggested.

I don't have any brothers and sisters but I've used it to great effect on similar situations with extended family. Yeah, I doubt you'd like me very much if you met me.

Well said. It's like if she made them a blueberry pie, they can enjoy that without telling her she should market the recipe or get it on Paula Deen.

I once wrote a story for my niece for Christmas, and everyone they showed it to told me I should sell it, when I knew a story about my niece and her cat just wasn't going to sell. It got so I wanted to say, "Just enjoy it!" But to some people art ain't nothing unless it sells.

To be more polite, one can always say that one's editor just bought a book just like it, for a three-book deal, and so doesn't need any more just like it any time soon.

Beautifully expressed. You've given everyone a fair out. The author, the sister, and the editor. I especially liked the question: "Does she really want to spend her golden ticket on this particular novel? This one right here? Are you SURE?"

Maine C., I sew for my family as a hobby, and people are always telling me "You should sell these!" or "You should have an Etsy shop!" I smile and thank them, because that takes less time than to say, "There's no money in sewing because, for better and worse, I'm competing with women in developing countries who work for twenty-five cents an hour or less. There's some money to be made in mending, alterations, or home dec sewing, all of which I hate doing, or in teaching or designing, neither of which I'm interested in or qualified for. And I barely find time to sew for my family, and definitely wouldn't have time to reproduce anything in quantities, not to mention that mass reproduction gets very dull."

So, yeah. Outside observers often just aren't equipped to know the difference between an amateur and a professional or what the market can really bear, and educating them can be more trouble than it's worth. (But it might be worth it if they're family members and pestery.)

Perhaps you can suggest a compromise to your sister. Ask her to prepare the manuscript for submission and send it to your editor herself. Your part will be emailing the editor and mentioning that your sister is submitting a picture book to her - a sort of head's up - and ask her to watch for it. The editor can then respond as if she would to any manuscript submission (assuming she accepts submissions without an agent - if she doesn't, then your sister will probably want you to send it to your agent and I'd go the same route there too!).

Thanks for the excellent advice! I've had several acquaintances ask for an intro to my agent, and that's always awkward to deal with. Your suggestions fit the bill for those situations as well, so I appreciate it!

Tawna

Maine Character - I like your point about "for some people, it isn't art if it doesn't sell" -

I think many people believe they are being complimentary by saying, "this looks like professional work, and it's as good as other things I like. You could sell this and others would like it, too." Unfortunately, they compress it to, "you could sell this!"

I'm a trapeze artist. What I get is, "You should be in Cirque du Soleil!" I finally learned that no-one wants to hear my dissertation on why that's not the path I'm on, so I answer the compliment they *meant* - "You're as good as other professionals I've watched" with "thanks, I'm glad you liked the show."

myimaginaryblog - thanks for making me feel less lonesome. I can tell you really have a handle on your work - both the job market and what it means to you - and I wish you many years of enjoying your sewing.

And Allison, you're absolutely right. And I do get that, how they're often complimenting you in the one way they know how, and that sort of validation is great. It just gets old really quick (especially if you start to dread it), and that's when I shut out everyone but my niece, when I read her the story and she points and says, "Read again." That's priceless.

Introductions to my agent are easily handled because he requires everyone to send a query the normal way, even if it's a recommendation by one of his clients. So I say, "send a query and I'll let him know to watch for it." Then, if I don't know the writer (or work), I just tell my agent, "So and So is going to query you, and probably mention me. I don't know them though." And that's that.

Good post, thanks EA. The only saving grace is that most relations can't even get it together to write the ms that they threaten to, but it always strikes fear in the impossibility of saying no and the impossibility of saying yes.

There is such a disconnect between the reality of what it takes to make art, actually working commercially in the arts and other people's [usually those with no experience in any aspect of the arts] rampant fantasies of how it all works. It is like "get rich quick" meets "do what you love" meets "connections are everything" meets some kind of naive matchmaker impulse. Oh yeah, and we all know "everyone has a book in them".

Besides people wanting connections, as an author/illustrator I get told over and over how I "should" have movies made of my books, make character based products etc etc, as if I simply lack the initiative or forward thinking. The same people may then even offer to act as "my agent" [zero applicable work experience of course] since my explanations of how reality works make it clear I don't have vision like they do [ie, magical mystery tour to the field of dreams].

I feel for the commenters who relate stories like doing trapeze and everyone tells them to be in Cirque du Soleil, like as if you'll hit yourself in the head V8 style upon hearing the two things connected. Or that sewing automatically means easy big bucks on Etsy without say, the reality of turning your home into a factory. I knew a guy who was a great cook and loved throwing dinner parties. His relatives would tell him to be a caterer and so on - and he said but the reason he loved it is because it's NOT a job for him! Some things really are better left as passions to fully enjoy as is, while other people love the business challenge aspect of how to adapt ones art to a particular marketplace. But for people that don't even begin to understand the reality of those business challenges? I'd love to have a nifty comeback because my explanations tend to merely sink me deeper into their pep talks. Saying things like "the best thing for me right now is to concentrate on building a body of work" doesn't seem to compute.

Nifty comeback - I'm channeling what I imagine Miss Manners might say here - how about,

"Thank you so much - my agent has that in the works, and I'll keep you posted when they're on the shelf - I know you'll want to support me!"

They don't have to know that "in the works" really means, "if it's the right time and place, it will happen in a completely different way than you imagine or that I can be bothered to explain to you."

I didn't ask this question but I love your response. The execution is everything in a book, it's what makes one book sell and another not. Ideas, even those given to you that you can latch onto and will solve a problem in the manuscript are not the same as writing the thing. Otherwise every single book would have two authors. The writer and the writer's editor.

Interesting and enlightening post!

Does anyone know Mordecai Richler's wife's name? Not likely, even though she played the same role that this author's girlfriend did. You won't find her name on the cover, it's in the acknowledgements, though she worked as Richler's editor for every book written after they were together. Ok, I guess if you're a "Jacob Two-Two" fan, you might know, because his wife is a character.

Ouch. Sounds like an ugly custody battle in the making. Here's my question... What does "she doesn't want to be left out in the cold if it gets published" actually mean? Does she just wants a byline, acknowledgment and gratitude? (Understandable) Does she want to use the book as a credit when submitting her own writing? (Possibly do-able)Does she want a say in submissions and marketing

It's like the paper I'm working on for English 310. If my tutor gives mes some ideas to help me get going, and does some editing for me, that's nice and all, and I certainly appreciate it. But what, does she expect a share of my A minus? Need I break her off 15 points and take credit for a C plus? I'm the one who wrote the paper. As long as I wrote the product, I don't see why I should compensate

This post is riveting. And now we know you may be parading about town as an editor, but more likely you're a therapist.:-)

Most books are not created in a vacuum.The act of writing is a solitary affair, but at the same time most of us have critique partners or groups who helps us brainstorm ideas and edit, so that we can make the book the best it can be.But I agree with you, EA, the writer is the one who has done the actual writing.

Thank you for your clear response. I've often wondered just where to draw the line when sharing ideas and editing with a partner. You couldn't have made it any simpler. Thanks!

Wow. This was really interesting. Thanks for posting it! It would never occur to me to include more than a thank you to my husband in my book, even though I've stolen all his good jokes, half his life, and run a zillion things past him, plus all the ideas he's added after reading ten drafts. But it would never occur to him either, so we're cool.

(Dear Abby)I know this situation very well, from the p.o.v. of the girlfriend/wife who offers ideas, reads and edits draft after draft of book after book, writes the back cover blurb (in-house editor came up with a dud), organizes the book launch (publisher was a tight-wad), etc ad nauseam. Done all that!I got a nice thank you on all the credit pages, which was totally fine. Because did I write

Although I have no sympathy for this man due to my insane jealousy of anyone who can travel around the world for 13 months, I applaud his equanimity. It is very good of you to want to find a solution that keeps everyone happy. I think you are extremely generous to want to allow her co-creator status when you put in twelve times the work. Is this what she is asking for? I think EA nailed it -

I like Miriam's advice about trying to discover what she has in mind. This is a very vivid account of one side of the story, but I would be curious to know what the process looks like to the other party. What kind of "writing" involvement was there (if any)? Not all writing takes place at the computer.As a former composition instructor, I've spent lots of time working through essays with students

That was awesome! Will cross-post--thanks!PS. Does this mean Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books will be making a comeback? =)

What an amusing way to give excellent advice. Thanks!

Wonderful advice and heartily entertaining. Thanks for the giggles and information.

As someone whose rear has now become one with the office chair while sweating over final revisions on my debut novel, please know you have given me a sweet ray of hope this experience will turn out all kittens and rainbows.

Great post! Thank you! One question: can you clarify what you mean by "show, don't tell" in section 4? As in, actually show her the awful draft? Or explain in a letter why it didn't work with examples from your attempt but not the actual text? Thank you again!

Beautiful! Thanks!

I'm a newbie, stopping by and must say I love your blog. I'll definitely be reading from now on. I work in book publishing also. :)

"If you decide your editor's an idiot and can only be communicated with effectively with infective, go to page 9."Infective, like giving him/her smallpox?

I came across your blog through "Bloggers of Note." What a time for me to find your blog! I have text for a picture book and have been reading on the business of writing for children before submitting to any publishing houses. What I have read here supports much of what I have been reading. Thank you!

philologia:thanks. spelling mistake fixed.p.s.don't get any ideas.

Anon 3:40:No need to show examples. Walk her through your thought process. I just don't want people simply saying "I took your suggestions seriously" and expecting the editor to believe it without a little more.

This is better outlining than "The Time Traveler's Wife." (sorry Precie, if you're lurking...):-)

You have a lovely blog!

This was some of the best author-editor advice I've read (and laughed through) in a long time. Such wise advice! It's pretty hard to "unburn" bridges once you've shot yourself in the foot with invectives (to mix a bad metaphor).Kristi HollWriter's First Aid blog

good one. some writers are such assholes and won't listen to an editor's suggestions on how to improve the manuscript. but sometimes you wonder, is an editor always right?

Thanks, EA!

Great advice.Thank you very much.And a great post,keep up the good work!!!Lisa Castillo

I'm following your blog daily now. I might even try to do some writing. You're an inspiration!

Thank You

Thank You

This is funny yet possibly effective. Will read this again when I actually gather feedback.

Brilliant!

Very nice piece of work. Actually that was the answer to one of the questions I asked during my interview with you.Here is my link if you would like to read my interview with E Anonymous. Which is an interesting read I might add.http://the-new-author.blogspot.com

Great fun - I'm still at the newbie 'say yes to everything and just be immensely grateful to have an editor/agent' stage, but will file this for future reference. Best wishes.

Great post ill have to read more!

hey awsome blog love it you should check mine out :) im new to this allhttp://devindolce.blogspot.com/

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A good article

Could the comments section be any more boring and unhelpful these days?From the looks of it, I may be joining the other regulars who seem to be disappearing ...Don't take offense, newbies, blatant PR-seekers, and those who reply "Great post!" to any damn thing. It's just that in the children's book world, it's hard to find people who truly understand what we do and why we do it. This was one of

... and sometimes, an Editor can be very capable and talented and, yes, probably a very nice person but they are then compelled to do their duty to a publisher who would ask you to change the whole cover illustration to suit the booksellers polled. Often, I imagine, their hands are tied and while 3 months ago they were thrilled with the illustration, now they must request you change the colours,

Good point, Christine! Ditto the occasions when the marketing/sales folks pick the illustrator in the first place and there is nothing the editor or writer can really do.MK

"Just Saying No (to Your Editor)" --The SequelThe following is a true story:1. Author submits lengthy pb manuscript to Very Nice Editor.2. VN Editor wishes to acquire manuscript. Offers large advance.3. Experienced Author (with scars) asks the VN Editor this question:"Are you acquiring this manuscript as-is (more or less) or will you require substantial changes? In other words, are you

I'd really like to know how effective the "just say no" school exercise was for the kiddies. Or whether it was effective at all, come to think of it.But I love the quiz. "Pop quiz, writer. What do you do? What DO you do?"

Ditto the occasions when the marketing/sales folks pick the illustrator in the first place and there is nothing the editor or writer can really do.MK, you have GOT to be kidding!!!!This has happened? It's worse then I thought!:(Funny how the term "Mass Market" evokes such a negative reaction, when almost everything these days could fall into that catagory, if it were left up to some sellers (not

Oh, Christine, I wish I was kidding ... and I think this happens more often than we think. I bet that a lot of publishers have a little corral of illustrators to whom they'd like to give another project, based on previous sales. It doesn't matter if they're the "perfect" fit for the new material; they're good enough. This route saves time (no scouring portfolios), pleases sales and marketing (who

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