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It's possible that Sense8, the new Netflix series from the Wachowskis, is the worst thing ever to happen to humanity. I don't know, because from the second episode it put its hooks into me so deeply that my critical, skeptical mind could not keep up. Certain elements of this show appealed to me so deeply that I was overwhelmed and had no ability to keep critical distance. Those elements were all related to a kind of queer ethic and queer vision, an approach to life that I've been a sucker for for decades, but have hardly ever seen expressed in a mainstream pop culture item.

First, I should note that even in my soggy, sappy, besotted love affair with this show, I couldn't miss some of its more obvious weaknesses. The major one for me is its globalized Americanism, well critiqued by Claire Light at The Nerds of Color in a post I pretty much entirely agree with, especially regarding the lost opportunity of a truly global production — imagine if, instead of writing it all themselves with J. Michael Straczynski, the Wachowskis had worked more as showrunners and farmed out the writing and maybe even directing to people from the actual places they depicted. I appreciate, for instance, that they reportedly liked Nairobi Half Life (I did, too!) and so had one of its producers, Tom Tykwer, direct the Nairobi scenes. But what if they'd brought in the actual Kenyan residents who wrote and directed Nairobi Half Life instead of just the German director who supported it but didn't really have a lot to do with its production? (For that matter, why not at least help Nairobi Half Life get broader distribution? I was lucky enough to see it when it played for one night in a nearby theatre, but as far as I know it's not available for home viewing in any way in the U.S.) But no. Though Sense8 is remarkable in many ways, it's still a product of big money, big egos, and a traditional production process. An anti-hegemonic pose is a whole lot easier to achieve than actually doing something to undermine hegemony.

Despite all this, I still fell hard for Sense8, and a lot of that has to do with a thought I had during the first episode: "I'm watching a sci-fi action soap opera kind of thing with queer people in it," and then later, "I'm watching a sci-fi action soap opera kind of thing that actually has more than a whiff of queer ethos to it."



That got me thinking about representation. I'm so used to seeing major media depict the world not as I know it, but as it is supposed to be known by a narrow norm, that when something like a pop cultured representation of something like what I know does make it into the mainstream, the gob smacks. It's not just about what I know of the world, however, because pop culture isn't really about the realistic representation of anything. It's more like a realistic representation of what we dream and hope for, a representation of yearnings and desires that are familiar and fitted into the whizzbang and weep of melodrama.

Halfway through my viewing of Sense8, I took a break and watched the documentary Vito, about Vito Russo, author of The Celluloid Closet and an important gay rights activist. The documentary is effective, though hagiographic — The Celluloid Closet may be historically important in having reached a large audience, but it's awful as film criticism, and the material in the movie about the gay liberation and AIDS struggles gets terribly simplified (a perhaps inevitable consequence of a focus on one person). Nonetheless, Vito was interesting to watch while in the midst of Sense8 because it's a powerful story and because it does a good job of showing the importance of chosen families and chosen communities for queer people, even ones who have, as Russo did, a supportive biological family.

That's one of the great attractions of Sense8: it is very interested in communities, especially chosen ones. The sensates themselves have no choice about being part of their group (and I wonder what they'll do if they ever get tired of each other!), but the show does an excellent job of presenting good and bad families, chosen families, biological families, and communities of support. This stands in fierce opposition to mainstream family values, where biological family ties are sacred and uplifting. That's a story many queer people have no ability to participate in, and an important emphasis in a lot of queer culture is on the creation of intentional families and chosen communities.

In Sense8, for instance, Nomi's mother is horrible: she misgenders her, and she is complicit in torture of her. It might be nice and affirming and optimistic if they could reconcile, as they would in a mainstream show. Her mother would then learn to see Nomi as she wants to be seen and blah blah blah. But no. There's no redemption for her, nor should there be. She's no better than Wolfgang's abusive father was. We don't necessarily want Nomi's mother to be killed, but there's no need for Nomi to put effort into keeping this dreadful woman in her life. Call it a queer commandment: Thou shalt not put effort into maintaining a relationship with a family member who doesn't recognize you as you, or who doesn't respect your humanity.


I've never seen a mainstream movie or show that so well embraces the differences of queerness within a general ethic of common humanity. The mainstream liberal impulse these days is to take the queer out of queerness and extend the umbrella of normality. (Even your racist, sexist, bullying old uncle is welcome to the gay tent if he's willing to stop calling us faggots! Hooray for progress!) It's a message that appeals to Gay, Inc., allowing the mainstream to celebrate gayness alongside white supremacy, militarism, neoliberalism, etc. And certainly there's some of that in Sense8, but there's also an attention to details of sexual difference and oppression that Richard Dyer was writing about way back in the late '70s in a piece that's a bit dated (obviously) but still useful:

Now it may be true that we are still at the stage where we need to assert, to others and to ourselves, that we are part of the human race. But such assumptions assume that there is no real difference between being gay and being straight. Yet, from a materialist standpoint, gayness is different physically, emotionally, and socially from heterosexuality. It is physically different not in the sense of involving different genetic factors (the equivalent sexist argument for the fascist arguments of behavioral psychology) but in the sense of being a different physical activity—two women in bed together is not the same as a man and a woman together or two men. It is different emotionally because it involves two people who have received broadly the same socialization (being both the same gender) and have thus formed their personalities in relation to the same pressures and experiences. It is socially different because it is oppressed. ... 

What this boils down to in terms of films is that if you are representing sexual and emotional relationships on screen, it does make a difference whether they are gay or straight. One will not do as a metaphor for the other. Neither will either do as general metaphors for human sexuality and relationships.

The various relationships in Sense8 — gay, straight, trans, poly — are represented as the same in the sense of filled with love and capable of love and defined by love. (The Wachowskis are, in terms of their sensibilities, hippies.) But these relationships are not materially the same either to each other or to heterosexual relationships, and there's some good attention paid to exactly what Dyer pointed to: the physical, emotional, and social differences.

This is announced with a wonderful shot early on in the show where, after sex with Nomi (Jamie Clayton), Amanita (Freema Agyeman) drops a wet strap-on to the floor — a gauntlet plopped right into the center of the viewer's field of vision.


Sense 8 is definitely explicit (including full frontal Max Riemelt, which I would never complain about), and so it attends to the basic material, physical reality of queer sex in ways that movies and shows that don't have any explicit scenes do not. If anything, I wish Sense8 was more explicit, particularly in the Lito scenes (but the filmmakers probably pushed the actors as far as they were comfortable, and some viewers are already saying the show is porn, so...). Emotionally, Sense8 keeps the queer in queerness primarily through the affinity and comfort the sensates feel with each other, which seemed to me like the experience of first being in a space with other people whose emotions and desires are similar to yours — the first experience not only of a liberatory queer space, but also of, say, a particular fan community or any other place where your marginalized pleasures and enthusiasms are shared. This experience is sexualized in the sensate orgy scene, which wonderfully shows the erotic currents within that feeling of being around people who get you as you. (There's a certain Stranger in a Stranger Land element to it, too.) That the orgy is centered around Will (Brian J. Smith), the working class cop who's pretty darn hetero, is a great touch — instead of the queer being welcomed by and into the norm, the norm is brought into the queer. Late in the season, when Will and Lito (Miguel Ángel Silvestre) first encounter each other, Will says something like, "Have we met?" and Lito responds, "Yes, we had sex," and the look on Will's face is perfect: right there, we see him come to grips with the queer within himself.

It's socially that Sense8 really fits into Dyer's rubric, particularly through the experiences of Nomi and Lito. The Wachowskis and Straczynski found a pulpy but effective way to make clear the emotional stakes in Lito's life as a closeted movie heartthrob — if you can sit through some of the later episodes without screaming out at him, "Come out! It'll be okay! Come out, Lito!" then you are stronger than I.


One of the reasons I typically prefer melodrama to verité drama is that I'm not especially interested in "rounded" characters — "roundedness" is a construction that depends on particular conventions and ideologies that I generally find boring and/or exhausted. Dyer gets at how this relates to queer subject matter:

Inscribed in the concept of the well-rounded character is the ideology of individualism, the belief that an individual is above all important in and for himself, rather than a belief in the importance of the individual for her or his class, community, or sisters and brothers. This cardinal precept of bourgeois ideology as against feudal or socialist ideology is built right into the notion of the "rounded character," who may well feel some pulls of allegiance to groups with whom she or he identifies, but who is ultimately seen as distinct and separate from the group, and in many cases, antagonistic to it. Rounded characterization is then far from ideal when you need (as we do) expressions of solidarity, common cause, class consciousness, fraternity and sorority.

Sense8 doesn't give us well-rounded characters, at least not in the way Dyer means, though the characterizations have some depth. They're still types, sometimes even clichés. This is melodrama, after all. The ways the actors and writers work with the expectations and possibilities offered by the types and clichés is what's interesting, and the ultimate effect of the show is indeed toward "expressions of solidarity, common cause, class consciousness, fraternity and sorority".

In some obvious ways, Sense8 draws on superhero stories, but the superhero stories it draws on are ones like The X-Men and Fantastic Four rather than Superman or Batman, and the kinds of superheroes it gives us are not ones with extraordinary, alien superpowers (beyond the psychic powers), but rather people with specific, relatively human skills who are able to benefit from each other. It is, then, a story of mutual aid.

The premise of people with special psychic powers and particular connections to each other pre-dates superhero stories, and the familiarity of that premise is, I think, actually a virtue of the series. What's innovative is not the basic idea, but the way that idea is developed. The entire first season of twelve episodes (each roughly an hour each) is, in traditional terms, basically set-up. What almost any other series would dispense with in an episode or two, Sense8 spends the season on: the characters discovering their abilities and each other, learning a bit about the malevolent forces that seemingly want to destroy them (but by the end of the season we learn hardly anything about this malevolent force), wandering around. It's a triumph of subplots with the main plot only becoming clearer by the end when the sensates realize they need to band together to protect each other. This allows us to spend a lot of time seeing their circumstances — meeting not just each major character, but developing an understanding of the various minor characters who are the people of their lives. It's a wonderfully humane structure, even if it denies some viewers the sort of plot-driven arc they'd prefer.

I could go on and on about various details I appreciated, including the exquisite use of the divine Jean-Claude van Damme and the sometimes goofy but amazingly powerful use of such familiar songs as "Mad World" and "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" (in the haunting Antony & the Johnsons version; very well chosen for all sorts of reasons) and, especially, "What's Goin' On" ...  but I won't go on. You can make up your own mind. For all the ways Sense8 falls short, for all its faults and even failures, its virtues overwhelmed me, and I'm grateful this show exists, grateful it was made, grateful to have watched it.

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Purple prose consists of passages so cloying, over the top, or dramatic that they create speed bumps for the reader. It employs an abundance of adjectives and dense descriptive detail. 

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If you’ve read my eBook, Story Structure to Die for, you’ll remember how my near-miss in Hollywood launched me on a quest to discover…

How fiction REALLY works.

I was privileged to hear from Jack Lemmon and Eva Marie Saint (yes, this was a few years ago) that a screenplay of mine they had applauded nevertheless, unfortunately, devolved into melodrama. 

[Melodrama: n. a drama characterized by extravagant action and emotion.]

It took me a while to understand that my “big finish” had distracted me.  My protagonist lost track of his own story.  Instead, he ran around trying to save everyone else.  I thought it was a great Hollywood ending, extravagant, excessive, tearful, and indeed it bamboozled many judges on its way to emerging as one of eight finalists in a competition with over 4000 entries from 14 different countries.

But it didn’t fool judges Jack Lemmon and Eva Marie Saint. 

Why?  I failed to keep the focus on the protagonist when it was needed most.  I rushed into Act III without nailing my hero to the cross.  Sure, he was on his knees, but I let him get back on his feet because I was anxious to shove him headlong into a melodramatic conclusion. 

I didn’t hold my protagonist back; I didn’t ride him all the way down to the kind of self-doubt where a change of worldview becomes the hero’s only option.  

Where good becomes great.

Think of George Clooney in Up in the Air.  Or better yet, Paul Giamatti in Sideways.  The writer took that wine connoisseur to such depths of self-loathing that he chugalugs the contents of a winery’s wine-tasting spit-bucket.

There’s a man on the verge of freedom. 

As for my protagonist, I released him into Act III too soon.  He wasn’t yet a free man.  He hadn’t yet turned his back on “who he was”.  Act III is all about the new man.

Jack Lemmon and Eva Marie Saint must have been unconvinced that my protagonist had struggled sufficiently with the heroics of transformation.  

As a result, they could agree that my story was “good”, but in the final analysis, it was a few essential beats short of “great”.

We’ve all watched films which, while “good”, were not memorable.  When I’m deeply moved by a story, I’m often not immediately aware of how the writer did it.  It takes some reflection.  Almost always, I find the answer in the degree to which the hero takes care of business.

The business of his own salvation.

 

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FELICIA
(cont’d) 'Scuse me…hello'?'

Man continues to ignore her, focusing and fixing the inside of the
coffin

(cont’d) Is this a… for real funeral parlor? Shoot! What’s the matter with me? Duh! This is another of Phil’s dumb jokes. Wait ‘til I get him…

Man continues to ignore her
Don’t bother answering me or anything… Fine – suit yourself. I'll find out on my own!


A male (JOSIAH) enters and stands directly behind FELICIA.
He has white hair, is dressed in a white shirt and matching
white pants that glitter

JOSIAH
Perhaps I could be of assistance?

FELICIA
Whoa! What do we have here? A human Christmas tree ornament

SFX: THUNDER CLAP


JOSIAH
I beg your pardon?

FELICIA
Do you come with sound effects, too?

JOSIAH
A suggestion here and take it for what it’s worth but your choice of words could prove to be problematic

FELICIA
You an agent for the grammar police? Do we know each other?

JOSIAH
Excuse me?

FELICIA
A little nervous are we, when I mention “po-lice”? Perhaps you’ve dealt with them on occasion?

JOSIAH
In my business we deal with all types and police officers are very common in my milieu

FELICIA
Not surprising. You earn your living dressed like… that?

JOSIAH
Sorry?

FELICIA
Wigs? Makeup? Do I have to draw you a picture?

JOSIAH
I’m not sure of what you’re getting at…

FELICIA
You don’t have to be shy with me. I’m very liberal minded when it comes to life style choices. Different strokes for different folks I always say

JOSIAH
You mean what I'm wearing. We all wear white where I come from and this glitter sort-of attached itself to me. Don’t quite know why

FELICIA
Is your family okay with all of this?

JOSIAH
They’re very much aware of my work. In fact they rely almost entirely on my input. I’m an important source of information.

FELICIA
You’re not one of those people who – you know - like to get up close and personal with dead bodies.

JOSIAH
If you’re asking me if I mind being present among those that have passed…

FELICIA
Damn! Do I have to spell it out for you

SFX: THUNDER CLAP
JOSIAH
(staring upward)
'Yes – of course!'

(Cont’d. JOSIAH) Please watch the manner in which you speak. Where I reside that’s one of the words considered an offensive term of reference

FELICIA
(glancing upward)
Something with the ceiling? What is it with you and the way I speak? Hell - it’s none of your damned business

SFX: THUNDER CLAP

JOSIAH
That would be another no-no - a real no-no

FELICIA
Pullleeze! God damn hell…

SFX: THUNDER CLAP
JOSIAH
You must stop! Is it really necessary to use those words?

FELICIA
It’s my mouth and I can choose what comes out of it. Hell, there have been more than words rolling out but I’ll spare you the details…

SFX: THUNDER CLAP

JOSIAH
(staring up)
‘excuse me Sir – I was just explaining the rules…’

(TO FELICIA)… That “H” word is never mentioned out loud, ever

FELICIA
For your information, words are my bread and butter, so don’t try telling me which one’s I can and can’t use. Hell! Hell! Hell! There! I said and I’m proud to have said it

JOSIAH
(staring upwards)
‘I’m trying Sir – I’m really trying! Yes I know but she’s new at this’
(TO FELICIA) At least consider my cautionary advice?

FELICIA
This is some kind of weird funeral parlor. So many damn rules!

SFX: THUNDER CLAP

FELICIA (cont'd) Can’t do this, can’t do that. Can’t swear - I mean, really, and with all due respect, my words fall on deaf ears in the true sense of the word. Strikes me that you’re familiar with the routine so maybe you can explain. I've been trying to get an angle on how and why I’m here but that that funeral guy over there won’t give me the time of day

JOSIAH
Mr. Postner, the funeral arranger? I can say with absolute certainty that he isn’t even aware of your presence

FELICIA
That’s obvious. It has’ta be this tacky outfit. I don't even own anything like this, so why and how I ended up wearing this rag is beyond me

JOSIAH
I wouldn’t worry too much about these things. In your case it doesn’t make a difference

FELICIA
I don’t want people to think I don’t have anything better. Maybe I should go home and change. Do I have time before the funeral starts?

JOSIAH
Trust me when I tell you that the last thing you should worry about is your clothing choice and as for Mr. Postner here, he’s just doing the job he has to do

FELICIA
Considering it’s his business dealing with dead bodies, the least he could do is be polite and answer me. I’m gonna make sure to tell people not to use this funeral parlor. I bet they charge big bucks, too. Maybe I’ll even write this place up in the paper

JOSIAH
Sad that many people hear the words flow out of my mouth but don't want to listen. Very sad indeed…

FELICIA
Y’know – just an observation but it’s no wonder nobody pays attention to you dressed the way you are. Doesn't exactly inspire confidence especially in this kind of business. I’m getting the impression that you’re connected to this place, am I right? Don't get insulted, mister Josiah person and I'm no fashionista, but have you considered maybe your sparkly outfit is a little over the top for this type of job? Perhaps a dark suit would be a better choice

JOSIAH
Rich and poor, they all end up in the same place…

FELICIA
You're just one happy-crappy guy, aren't you?

JOSIAH
That… person who passed on, she never bothered to reach out to anyone. Lived her entire life satisfying her corporeal needs and her ego

FELICIA
So you do know the corpse. I figured as much. Now how ‘bout sharing that with me so at least it’ll answer why I’m here

JOSIAH
In due time, in due time. So now, have you led an honorable life?

FELICIA
You sound like one of those TV preachers. What’s it your business, anyway, what kind of life I lead?

JOSIAH
I thought being that we’re getting to know each other you wouldn’t mind answering a few of my questions. I’m a very curious person by nature

FELICIA
Some would say nosey. Listen buddy boy – I don’t want to get to know you, got that? I’m here for the funeral and it would be nice to know who in the hell – heck – died. So bug off! Go stand under a Christmas tree or something!

JOSIAH
It wasn’t my intention to offend and if I did, I’m truly sorry. I just wanted to get some sort of idea what type of person you were… I mean, are.

FELICIA
I’m a little up tight with this here situation. So you wanna know about Felicia, huh. I’m not ashamed to say I’m a “been there, done that” kind of female. Isn’t that why we were put on this earth? To experience everything life has to offer?

JOSIAH
To a degree I suppose, but there’s more to it than that. You’re supposed to help your fellow human. If only people would realize when they have the chance that life is not about accumulating riches or… things. What’s important is what a person gives of themselves to make the lives of others happy

FELICIA
A philosophical funeral organizer, too – I am indeed blessed. Shoot! Lemme make this as easy as possible. You gots your users and use-ees. It’s either use or be used and I don’t take no crap from anyone. Ask anyone I work with. They’ll tell you Felicia’s no pushover

JOSIAH
We are all accountable for our actions

FELICIA
I know that I'm gonna be a better person receiving that helpful advice from Mr. Sparkle. Places like this used to give me the creeps whenever I went to a funeral. This one, though, kind of…makes me feel warm. Now don’t get the wrong impression ‘bout me – I’m not one of those funeral groupies or anything that check out the obits for kicks. You know what I mean? People that use funerals as a social occasion? I’m rambling. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m gonna join that corpse soon

JOSIAH
Could be sooner than you think

Female wanders in, stopping every so often to check out the surroundings.
She stares at JOSIAH and smiles at FELICIA

FEMALE
Hi! Nice to see another body here and I mean that in the best sense of course.

FELICIA
It’s about time somebody noticed I’m here!

FEMALE
Know where you’re coming from. Just wish I knew how I ended up here

JOSIAH
But…you shouldn’t be here, my dear. I’m guessing that you’re a friend of Michael?

Man (MICHAEL) dressed entirely in blue with glittering pants rushes in and
places his arm around female’s shoulder

MICHAEL
So there you are! You shouldn’t wander off like that. Come along now…

JOSIAH
You must take better care of your charges, Michael! You’ve been warned about losing your souls. You’ve still got two missing souls unaccounted for wandering the earth. This is not good, Michael!

MICHAEL
I’ve got a search party out looking for them. I mean, what could possibly go wrong with them? After all – they are…

JOSIAH
…better get along now

FEMALE
Nice meeting you. Why can’t I stay and chat with her….

MICHAEL leads female away

FELICIA
Another member of your group, I suppose? So, is this funeral gonna start any time soon? Gotta get back to The Sentinal before those b - bad people steal one of my leads. You seem to know how things are run, here. Can’t you move things along? I mean, those people must have jobs to go back to

JOSIAH
Do any of the mourners look familiar?

FELICIA

FELICIA studies group of mourners

Perhaps… a few strike a familiar chord… Hang on a sec - they're reporters for our newspaper. That must mean I know the stiff in the coffin. Or perhaps you do? Is it… Jack McGrath or Pete Winston? Shoot- tell me it’s not! Don't know how many times I warned them both to slow down, but did they listen? Of course not! What does an old broad like me know

JOSIAH
It's neither one of them

FELICIA
That's a relief 'cause we're the last three old farts left at the paper. We seen 'em come and we seen 'em leave. Some moved on to bigger and better papers and some left in a wooden box. Just like that poor corpse in there

JOSIAH
Don’t worry. You'll know who's in there shortly

FELICIA
This is getting ridiculous! It’s an open coffin for shit’s sake and for some weird reason, I can’t tell whose inside. Take a look at those mourners. A bunch of green kids out of J-school. What do they know about getting a story? People can't write about life without experiencing it and how much could they know at their age? No work ethic. They sit and wait for the phone to ring and take the facts over the phone. Only go after the high profile stories so they can get the byline. Things sure aren’t what they used to be

JOSIAH
The young have to learn the ropes the same way as you did but then they have a lot of time. You certainly experienced life to the fullest, didn't you?

FELICIA
Hey - I didn't need no journalism school to teach me. I had the best teacher - good old trial and error. Made mistakes and paid for them all along the way, but I learned – shit how I learned –

SFX: THUNDER CLAP

JOSIAH
- perhaps another word would be better …

FELICIA
(laughing)
You mean the word, 'shit!' Hey – I shit, you shit, we all shit – that’s nature at work!

JOSIAH
Your sense of humor eludes me

FELICIA
Well ex-cu-sez-moi! They all respect me at The Sentinal, you know. They know better than to cross this old broad. See them newbie reporters using them – whad’ya call them – knee computer crap. Gimme a good, old solid typewriter any day

JOSIAH
You never shared your accumulated knowledge with any of them, Felicia. How come?

FELICIA
You gotta be kidding. Hey – I hadda fight every step of the way to get where I am. Nobody was around to lead me by the hand and that goes for them too. They'll learn the heard way

JOSIAH
There comes a point in one's life when those who go before must pass on their wisdom to others. You obviously never learned that

FELICIA
The only thing I share is bad breath. Just tell me already so I can go home and change out of this outfit

JOSIAH
Somebody you know intimately

FELICIA
That would cover a very long list of guys. Could you gimme a hint, maybe?

JOSIAH
You'll know in due course

FELICIA
All this hush-hush top-secret stuff. If you’re one of those - what do they call them now - grief councilors , I don't need your services. Death doesn't scare me none. No siree. I’m ready to go – not yet of course

JOSIAH
Part of my duties entails helping people through a difficult period of transition. In fact I've never missed a funeral

FELICIA
What does your wife say 'bout you hanging round a funeral parlor day and night…assuming you're married…are you? Married, I mean

JOSIAH
(laughing out loud)
Not quite!

FELICIA
You don't have to kill yourself laughing. It's not such a dumb question. If I was hooked up to someone like you, I'd be wondering about your attraction to a place like this

JOSIAH
I'm sorry. It's not your question that tickles my funny bone. Once all is revealed…well – you'll understand the reason for my amusement soon enough

FELICIA
Is it necessary for you to keep talking in riddles? You keep hinting at…like there's something I should know but don't. I'm getting these flashes…a feeling that our paths have crossed …somewhere. It's like… just out of reach of my consciousness

JOSIAH
We've had a few close encounters in the past, Felicia, but this is the first time we've met one-on-one so to speak

FELICIA
Strikes me that this corpse wasn't too popular in life judging by the few people who showed up to say goodbye. Then again, real friends are hard to come by

JOSIAH
It's actually quite sad. That person believed she –

FELICIA
- so it's a woman -

JOSIAH
As I was saying she assumed she never needed people and in the end, seems that they weren't there for her when she needed them most

Mourner moves to front of room, and stands in front of coffin

FELICIA
'Janice? Hey girl, we were supposed to meet for lunch yesterday! I showed up but where were you?' Janice is my closest friend at the paper

JANICE

JANICE talks to "person" in the coffin
You miserable, lying bitch! At last you made a useful contribution to the world and left it! Good riddance to bad rubbish

FELICIA
‘Is that a way to talk about the dearly departed? Even dead people deserve respect from the living.’ No class but that’s part of who she is and I accept her ‘cause we’re best friends

JANICE touches the coffin and returns to her seat

She's probably pissed 'cause the corpse stole a lead away from her. 'Ya gotta move quickly if 'ya want a byline in our biz. You snooze – you lose. We better take a seat with the rest of them. Looks like everyone from the paper is here so who’s the corpse

FELICIA takes a seat next to JANICE.

ASIDE TO JANICE: You never did have any class, girl.

Turns to the man sitting on the other side of her
Hey Pete-ee! So, how's it goin' with you?

(PETE) ignores FELICIA, talks to the female on his other side
(Cont’d.) Hey - I'm speaking to you. What's with them all, today?

JOSIAH
He can't hear you

FELICIA
Oh please! He hears me all right but he's busy chatting up the new reporter, Chloe Starshine. That guy can't keep his zipper closed around the opposite sex, if you get my drift

JOSIAH
Has it dawned on you, yet, why you're here?

FELICIA
To pay my respects to someone in the print 'biz. What else? You know…I've covered practically every kind of story but I can't ever remember spending the night in a funeral parlor. This is a new one for me and it's about this outfit I'm wearing. I'm assuming I didn't have time to change 'cause I wouldn't be caught dead in this

JOSIAH
(bursts out laughing)
In your state clothes are the last things you should worry about…

FELICIA
I'm happy you find me so amusing. Ssh! I wanna hear the name of the corpse, I mean dearly departed

MINISTER steps behind podium

MINISTER
Friends…


Voice calls out:
'She didn't have any!'

MINISTER
…we are here to bid goodbye to one…

Another voice:

'Good riddance to bad rubbish!'

MINISTER
…a…good reporter and… a good friend and colleague…

FELICIA
At last I'm gonna find out who this mystery person is. Strikes me she sure wasn't liked, but even dead people deserve respect

FELICIA stands up and addresses everyone

'That's no way to speak about the dead, you bunch of parasites. Show some remorse!'

MINISTER
Is there anyone here who has something positive to say, about the departed? A few words would suffice. Surely there must be one person in this entire room that could say a few nice words about the late Felicia Pembrook? Anybody?

FELICIA
I can speak for myself, thank you very much…What's with this "late" crap? What am I late for? A meeting…an interview… I’m sure I checked my agenda…

MINISTER
No one? Then we'll have a quick service for Ms Pembroke and you can all go back to work

FELICIA
Is this guy for real? Let me make this very clear: 'I'm among you, in the flesh! Look at me! I'm sitting right here.'

JOSIAH
I've been trying to tell you…

FELICIA
I know what's going on here. They've all staged this to teach me a lesson. 'Well, it won't work people! I'm on to you all!'

FELICIA stands up on chair, waves and screams
FELICIA
Felicia is here among you! The old witch is alive and kicking. You can't ignore me forever

JOSIAH walks to the front of the room, and stands behind the coffin
JOSIAH
I'm the only person who can see – and hear you

FELICIA
You keep saying that and you expect me to believe it? A guy dressed like a Christmas tree ornament?

JOSIAH
Believe it or not – it's the truth. Haven't you wondered why no one has acknowledged your existence? You know as a reporter you have to deal with the facts and the facts here are undeniable. This will probably be a shocker to you but you-are-dead, my dear!

FELICIA
You're one crazy weirdo! This is just another nightmare - it has to be a nightmare. Must'a eaten a bad rack of ribs. All right… I'm willing myself to wake up now…wake-up…wake-up…c'mon body – get up!

JOSIAH
Come over here and take a peak inside

FELICIA looks hesitatingly inside and jumps back

FELICIA
If this is a bad joke, I don't have a good sense of humor, today. Enough is enough, already. I don't know how you did this, making a person look just like me. It's been a blast but I got things to do, places to go…

Aside to mourners
'Okay you guys. You pulled off the ultimate practical joke. Got me fair and square. I give in…'

JOSIAH
It's you in there for real

FELICIA
(laughing lightly)
Who hired you, huh, and how much did they pay to help pull off this prank? Whatever they gave you – I'll double it to get even

JOSIAH
Money is of no significance and it's the real thing - or you're the real thing

FELICIA
Is this one of those dinner theatre productions and I'm playing myself? That's it, right? Please say it is!

JOSIAH
Trust me when I tell you that you are here in spirit only

FELICIA
Oh I got spirit, all right and it comes straight out'ta a bottle of vodka. You don't happen to have a flask on you? I could really use a shot right now

JOSIAH
Go on - check your body out…

FELICIA runs her hand over her body

FELICIA
It's like I'm touching…nothing

JOSIAH
There is no more Felicia Pembroke as you knew her. In fact you don't really have a body at all. It's a transitory illusion so you can accomplish your job

FELICIA

She paces back and forth in a panic

This isn't real - it can't be - I don't want this to be real! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! See – I don’t always swear. When…how did this happen?

JOSIAH
Your passing occurred two days ago. A massive heart attack while eating a Big Mickey Trio. Died with a french-fry stuck in your throat

FELICIA
Didn't somebody try and give me CPR or something?

JOSIAH
The restaurant staff worked on you but it was your time to go, so nothing helped

FELICIA
If I'm - I can't even say the word, never mind accept it - dead like you say, then what am I doing here? Shouldn't I be…you know…in a heavenly place or something? This sure ain't heaven and I don't hear harps playing anywhere

JOSIAH
(laughing)
Only in films, my dear

FELICIA
Why am I still here? I see people…

JOSIAH
…but they can’t see you. Perhaps an introduction is in order now. Officially, my title is Josiah, Spiritual Adviser – Disembodied Souls Division – we call ourselves the SADD people – a little inside joke

FELICIA
Just…Josiah?

JOSIAH
Just…Josiah. No last names

FELICIA
Okay tell me… Josiah, what I'm supposed to do next? Hang around here and haunt this place?

JOSIAH
It's not quite as simple as that. In most cases a person dies and the soul moves on to wherever it's supposed to go. However, we've run into – how do you say down here – a snag in processing your case to its finality

FELICIA
What kind of snag are we talking about? Not major I’m hoping. I still got things to do

JOSIAH
Actually, this is a little embarrassing. The Judgment Assembly - of which I'm a member – is in charge of processing the paper work and can't decide on the fate of your
soul. There’s a split among a few of us as to whether you really belong with the people of light or…the other side

FELICIA
You're on the good side, right? That means the odds are in my favor

JOSIAH
I'm but one person. Some are of the opinion that your choice of lifestyle doesn't warrant
moving on to the next level

Grabbing a sheet of paper floating down

'Thank you!' Let me see here … At their last meeting, it still appears there’s a split amongst the celestial gatekeepers. The score is five for and five against. A veritable tie

FELICIA
I'm being punished for living a full life? Isn't that what humans are supposed to do?

JOSIAH
There is living…and then there is living. Your time here is supposed to be a learning experience but some do go overboard. That's when we encounter problems, like yours

FELICIA
How was I supposed to know what to do with my life? I just did what I figured was good at the time. If I'd known that it would be held against me down the line, I would've…I would've… Know what? I wouldn't have changed one damn thing…

SOUND: thunderclap

JOSIAH
Please! If you value your future, don't ever use that word. Never speak it out loud. In your precarious situation, it's even more essential that you remember

FELICIA
Being that I've never been dead before…

JOSIAH
Actually, you have but this isn't the time or place to discuss these ethereal issues

FELICIA
…and I'm not a by-the-book person at the best of times, so you know I'm gonna make mistakes, especially being a newbie at this and everything

JOSIAH
Please try holding your tongue when choosing your words - what a peculiar expression that is. Does it help to actually hold a tongue physically, to stop from saying certain things?

FELICIA
I mean, I didn't kill anyone. Well…nobody important. So I accidentally ran over a squirrel or two. Okay, it wasn't that accidental…but there are a lot more of them…

JOSIAH
Not an ideal frame of reference

FELICIA
I did get out of the car and move it to the side of the road. That I didn’t leave it there to rot as road kill for passing crows. should count for something.

JOSIAH
That and the others also came up for review by the way. There are some who need convincing that you can be redeemed

FELICIA
I’m begging, give me another chance to make up for all the things I didn't do and all the things I should have done, and all the bad stuff I did. Look – I can change! Let me prove it to all of you and you'll see that I'm worthy of rehabilitation

JOSIAH
Your time here is over as you experienced it

FELICIA
But you said…

JOSIAH
You assumed that life would be the same as before but that's not possible. A temporary soul-free zone has been negotiated on your behalf in the hope that you can improve yourself and your soul. You’ll be a free agent for six months from this day – no more, no less

FELICIA

Drops to her knees and kisses
JOSIAH’s hand
I'm your humble servant! Your willing slave

JOSIAH
No need for that. I hope you mean what you say because you're probably not going to like what I'm about to tell you

FELICIA
(glancing around)
Will you look at that. They've all gone. Two faced sons of a…

JOSIAH
There is one person who remained

FELICIA
It's just that Chloe Starshine, the air head. She doesn't count. Started working for us - I mean The Sentinal last week. Straight out'ta J-school she is. Believes everything anyone tells her

JOSIAH
Do you think she's got potential as a reporter?

FELICIA
Not unless she toughens up. They step all over her and she doesn't even realize it

JOSIAH
What if…somebody took her under her wing and showed her the ropes?

FELICIA
That person would have her work cut out for her, let me tell you! Hang on – you don't mean… Forgetaboutit! No way! Uh-uh!

JOSIAH
If that's your final decision then I better get in touch with the group…

FELICIA
Do they allow blackmail where you come from?

JOSIAH
I'm merely the messenger. I believe I made a joke

FELICIA
So you're not giving me a choice here, are you?

JOSIAH
You still have free will. I'm just explaining how things work

FELICIA
It would take a lot of time and even then, I don't know if she's got what it takes to succeed in this biz

JOSIAH
Then you'll have your work cut out for you. Just keep in mind how you felt when you first started at the paper. How scared you were…how much easier it would have been if somebody had been there to take you by the hand and lead the way

FELICIA
Cheesh – the kid is crying, for heaven's sake. 'Get a grip, girl!'

CHLOE moves to the front of the room. She touches the coffin,
caressing the sides and runs out exiting

JOSIAH
See? There was a person who genuinely cared for you

FELICIA
Go figure and she only knew me for a month. So what comes next?

JOSIAH
She's meeting your co-workers at a bar you frequent. "Down Time" I believe it's called…

FELICIA
…I wish I had a cent for all the bucks in tips I slipped across the counter at that place. I would have been a millionaire for sure. A scotch rocks would suit me fine right now…at least I think I’d like it…I'm not sure anymore

JOSIAH
There's no more need for - how shall I put it - earthly indulgences

FELICIA
But say if I really felt like a drink…

JOSIAH
You'll find your taste buds non-existent

FELICIA
I could indulge, right? And I won't get drunk or hung over?

JOSIAH
Hangovers are a thing of the past as are earthly desires

FELICIA
Listen, do I get to choose a younger body, maybe? That would be a big boost to my ego

JOSIAH
Don't push things

FELICIA
Are we leaving?

JOSIAH
If you'll follow me…

FELICIA
How would I do that, now?

JOSIAH
I keep forgetting that newcomers are earth-bound. Close your eyes …

JOSIAH snaps his fingers and they fade into nothingness

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