In honor of Remembrance Day or Memorial Day or whatever and however its remembered, the first eight pages of yet anther rewrite of "Old Soldiers." I'm adapting parts of it from other versions to make it into what I hope to be, a new play. As always, comments always welcome - and appreciated.
OLD SOLDIERS
by Eleanor Tylbor
SCENE: A PUB/BAR. MID-MORNING
AT RISE: JOE MCKENNA, DRESSED IN FULL UNIFORM, SITS AT A TABLE, READING A NEWSPAPER WHILE WAITING FOR HIS BUDDIES TO ARRIVE. A SMALL BAR WITH A DOZEN TABLES FILL THE ROOM WITH BACKGROUND MUSIC SUPPLIED BY AN OLD JUKE BOX. B/W PHOTOS OF PEOPLE COVER THE WALL
JOE
(to himself)
Yup…yup…yup… The way things are going, won’t be long before we’re all gone. Poor old, Percy. Died alone without anyone there to see him on his way to the battlefield in the sky. ‘Here’s to you, Perce! You’ll be missed’
Lifts glass in the air and lowers it
JOE’S FRIEND, MIKE, DRESSED IN UNIFORM
COMPLETE WITH STRIPES AND MEDAL, ENTERS THE
ROOM AND JOINS HIM AT THE TABLE
ROOM AND JOINS HIM AT THE TABLE
MIKE
Damn cold out there. Wind cuts like a knife. I see you got a head start. Buying us a round?
JOE
You just got here and already trying to mooch a free drink?
MIKE
When it comes to mooching, you got that covered and then some. When’s the last time you paid?
JOE
(pretends to take out imaginary book)
Let me check in my diary here…last Wednesday at three in the afternoon. Do you wanna buy or not
MIKE
Not
JOE
You are a cheap bastard! I’m stuck with the bill, again. ‘Vince – two whiskeys’ See you’re in full regalia.
MIKE
If I don’t wear it today, when will I wear it? Take it out once a year. The rest of the time it’s stored away in the back of the cupboard. Pee-ew! What’s that stink?
JOE
Threw in a dozen or so moth balls when I store the uniform
MIKE
At least put it out to air a couple days before you wear it. It really stinks
VINCE, the bartender, brings over drinks
VINCE
One of you guys forget to wash?
MIKE
Joe here uses moth balls for his uniform
VINCE
No insult intended but you’re stinking up the bar. Wouldn’t hurt to go out and air yourself off a bit. Here are your drinks, guys. Who’s paying, he asked hopefully?
MIKE
He is
JOE
Put it on my tab, Vince. The man’s as cheap as they come. You’d think for a special occasion he’d spring for a round but that would be asking too much for an old friend, who’s always short on cash
VINCE
Whoever – one of you pay cash for a change. Need I remind you that your tab goes back a year now. Let’s see here…you owe me $2500.34. I’m feeling generous today so drop the thirty-four cents and make an even $2500
JOE
You’re all heart. Where d’ya expect me to find that kind of money on my service pension?
VINCE
Oh please. At least give me something towards it. Anything! I have bills to pay, too, y’know
JOE
Okay. Next cheque I’ll give you a couple of bucks. May have to give up some food items and my dog will have to get used to eating a few days a week…
VINCE
(walking away)
Why don’t you lay on the guilt a bit more. You guys…honestly…
JOE
Mac’s supposed to meet us here
MIKE
Seriously? The man doesn’t drive and uses a walker. How’s he getting here?
JOE
I dunno but he wants to join us for Percy’s funeral, too
MIKE
Amazing. Never lets his condition stop him from doing anything. Sometimes I wonder how he gets around but he does. Mind over matter I guess. It’s either that or give up and die. Mind you, sometimes when pain takes over, it don’t seem so bad
JOE
He just walked in. Poor guy can hardly move. ‘Here Mac!’
MIKE
The man’s 87. None of us are peppy anymore, in case you hadn’t noticed. My glass is empty by the way
JOE
Yeah and? I bought last time
MIKE
So what. You owed me
JOE
It’s your turn, el cheapo! Maybe you can convince Mac to buy you a round
(gasping for breath)
Really…windy out… there – and cold. Hope the wind… drops for later. Damn hard to get around in this kind of weather, ‘specially with a walker. What times the funeral, anyway?
MIKE
You really planning to attend, Mac? Not trying to discourage you or anything but it’ll be hard pushing your walker on grass and that wind…
MAC
I’ll manage. Old Percy is one of the last few members of our group. He deserves our respect and would do the same for any of us. Can’t believe he’s gone… Really cold and windy today
JOE
You look like an ice cube and your hands are turned blue. Why didn’t you wear gloves? How’d you get here, anyway?
MAC
By bus. Took me forty-five minutes if you don’t count standing at the bus stop waiting for it to arrive for twenty minutes. Damn busses never stick to their schedule
JOE
Why didn’t you take a cab?
You gotta be kidding. Like I can afford a cab? I’m here so stop jabbering and order me something to warm me up
MAC
Gonna be freezing at the cemetery for sure. Who knows if anyone else will show up
MIKE
We don’t get to choose the kind of weather t’get buried. It’s called for noon
JOE
Whad’ya having, Mac?
MIKE
You’re buying hima drink? What about me?
JOE
He just got here. The man needs to warm up
MIKE
Say what? What does that have to do with anything? Remember I’m your old army pal who stayed with you in thick and thin?
JOE
I paid you back a long time ago. What’s your poison, Mac? Whiskey like always?
MAC
Neh. Hot coffee will do me fine
JOE
With a shot of whiskey t’give it flavor, right?
MAC
Plain, old coffee with milk and sugar
JOE
Straight coffee? That’s it?
MIKE
This is new. Since when?
MAC
Can’t a person have a coffee without getting the third degree?
JOE
No problem-o. Just weird especially since you’ve been a scotch man since way back when
MAC
Look – if it bothers you that much, I’ll just go back home and…
MIKE
If you want plain coffee – you got it. ‘Straight coffee for Mac, Vince!’
JOE
Whatever…I suppose you’re not taking sugar, either? On a diet, are we? If you eat any less, you’ll fade away altogether
MAC
There comes a time when a body starts telling a person no more liquor. I’m at that point
MIKE
The last thing you need to do is go on a diet. You dropped more than a few pounds, lately. You eating right?
Well he ain’t eating fillit mignown on our pension! Seriously, though, Mike’s right. You’re looking real thin these days
MAC
I didn’t come here to discuss my eating habits. Can we drop this discussion? So who’s going to the funeral, anyway?
VINCE brings MAC a coffee
VINCE
I put the cream and sugar on the side since I don’t know how you take it. First time you ordered a coffee
MAC
Is there anyone here who hasn’t got an opinion about me drinking a lousy coffee? Maybe coming here was a mistake after all
JOE
Sor-ry. We didn’t mean to rile you up. You drink as much coffee as you want. Anyway, my body tells me I need a refill
VINCE
And this will be paid for by…
JOE
We’ll let you know
VINCE
Been there – heard that
JOE
Did I ever say I wasn’t gonna pay? Did I? Don’t forget we’re sick, old soldiers on a small pension who helped keep this country free so that you could own this bar, and this is our only outing. Do you wanna take that away from us, too?
LUKE
Don’t try lay on the guilt. I got bills to pay
MAC
Liquor don’t agree with me, anymore. Been havin’ a lot of heart burn lately. Wakes me up in the middle of the night and my legs get so numb I can hardly make it to the bathroom on time
MIKE
Not the first time you complained about heart burn Maybe see a doctor? Could be something serious
JOE
He’s been carping about his pains as long as I can remember. Ain’t that true, Mac? Am I right?
MIKE
Look who’s talking! You’re like a walking medical dictionary. Every day you come in whining about something else
JOE
Is it my fault I got bad pains left over from the war? Don’t forget my knees were smashed to the point where snails move faster than me and meegrainsso painful I can barely see
MIKE
Yeah-yeah. We all have pains but keep it to ourselves
JOE
Thank you, so-called good buddy. I can always count on you not to be sympathetic. By the way – my glass is empty
MIKE
Whad’ya want from me? So tell Vince to fill it
JOE
Who’s paying?
MIKE
In your dreams, buddy-boy! Don’t even think about it
MAC
Body feels like one gigantic ache. Forgotten what it’s like not to feel pain, anymore…
JOE
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