Sometimes we have to walk away from our own anger and hurt. We hold onto words from the past that were spoken to/over us or even by us. We allow those words to dictate our future.
The word forgive has been in my heart for quite a while now. It has stirred and churned through my veins. It's in my bloodstream. Holding on to a heart full of hurt is not going to produce anything positive or good in our lives. We must cleanse ourselves and allow that hurt to be buried (just as a sin committed and repented).
How can we claim we are Christians if we are embittered with the pain of twenty years ago and still holding on to that hurt somebody else caused? The Word speaks of forgiving in order to be forgiven. We are to be as giving with our hearts as Jesus was when He died on the cross. But sometimes we cannot do it alone.
Sometimes it takes confessing that hurt to a person we know is strong enough to hold us accountable. Speak out the pain in a way that will heal, instead of fuel the fire. And then let it go. If that does not work, then perhaps a counselor needs to be seen. Forgiveness is sometimes an instant action/reaction. But sometimes it is a process we have to go through.
Either way, though, we have to have a willing heart. Not just to mouth the words 'I forgive you'. But to truly allow the Holy Spirit to move in us and bring us to a true place of forgiveness. It isn't always easy, but all things are possible with God.
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/85608594@N00/13659820903">Lama Surya Das Forgiveness means letting go of the hope for a better past</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>
Every child, at one point in life or another, has a disagreement with their father. Whether he be right, or they are- disagreements left unresolved can lead to a lifetime of bitterness and unforgiveness. It bubbles over into the rest of life, and eats away at the right to make just and whole decisions. Take it from somebody who knows, and was left holding a truck load of regrets over Dad.
You may never understand why your father said the things he did. You may not know how close he truly felt to you. He may not have been able to tell you, because his own father's only mode of communication was abuse and alcoholism and your dad was slapped around for telling it how it was. You just never know.
Perhaps he was trying to protect you from the things you knew were not good for your life. Or maybe, just maybe he was helping history not to repeat itself. And now that you have gone astray from his wisdom, your life has turned upside down, filled with despair.
Don't wait around to make things right. If he wasn't abusive toward you (and even if words cut your heart like a knife at some point in time), then give him the benefit of the doubt. Even if he was abusive long ago, your kind, forgiving heart may be what stands between him and a peaceful rest in heaven.
Dads aren't perfect. They do the best they can with what they have. Sometimes they work two jobs to make ends meet and you have to stand up to help them for a month or two. Don't spend the rest of your life dragging his name through the mud. Especially when you know he was there for you when everyone else bailed.
Some dads have to make the decision to give up their child for another family to raise. Perhaps he made a poor choice at that time in life and didn't want to make it worse by trying to keep his child with him during that low point. Forgive him. Be grateful the Lord saw fit to place you with another family, or another dad.
I had a dad who wasn't the greatest at communicating. His words often left me scratching my head. When he did have words, they came in two hour lectures. I would get so angry at the fact that he would beat those words to death when I was a teen. Now I would give anything to hear just one of what I used to call his sermons. Thirteen years after his death, I still struggle with regret, and sometimes even staying in forgiveness of myself.
I know this much, though. I won't make the same mistake with my Mama. She turned sixty-eight yesterday. She is still spry and full of energy, but she isn't forty anymore. One morning (hopefully many more years from now) I will have to wake up and make peace with the fact that she's gone too. I have been thinking about that fact lately. So even if I don't always agree with my mama, I want to be a part of her life. I want to let her know that I cherish and honor her while she is still among the living.
Our families are not ever going to be perfect. If you have one that is less than so, please just embrace their faults and imperfections. It is part of what makes a family who they are. Yes, pray that those faults and imperfections are rectified before the Lord. But enjoy their unperfect love. There was only One who ever had it right... and He isn't human.
Selah.
