ZOO DIARY 11
SCENE: CITY ZOO. MORNING
Look mom – a zebra! How many stripes do you think it has?
Who knows. A lot for sure
A trillion? Can I feed him, mom?
We don’t feed zoo animals, sweetie
But…there’s a machine here with zebra food. All you have to do is put in some money and food falls out
Let’s see...five dollars to feed a zebra? Um…perhaps another time
But mom – we only come here once in a while. He looks like he’s hungry. His bones are sticking out on his side
Five dollars is a bit too much, sweetheart. Why don’t we go see the other animals
Um…excuse me, lady. May I interject here?
Look! The zebra speaks like we do
Don’t be silly. Zebras don’t talk…
But…I heard it with my own ears
There’s probably a speaker hidden somewhere in the cage. Zebras don’t talk. Let’s move along…
They do when the situation is desperate. May I have your ear for a moment?
Okay. You got me. Is it on the zebra itself?
(she searches the cage)
Really – there are no speakers. We’ve always had this ability but kept it quiet because that’s what humans expect of zebras. However, recent circumstances call for emergency measures and this qualifies as one. Why don’t you give your son five dollars for the feeding machine?
I’ll bite. This is one of those TV shows where you catch people off guard, right? I’m not forking over five dollars because it’s too much money. Got that, TV people?
See…thing is – the zoo has fallen on hard times and consequently has cut back on the amount of food it feeds us. Look at my rib cage. Mere skin and bones. I’m starving! The last time I had a meal was breakfast yesterday. Give the kid five bucks. Please! Unless you want the slow but certain demise of a zebra on your conscience
(laughing)
What next? When will the program be on, anyway? We might be on TV, sweetie!
(shaking its head sadly)
Yeah – you’re right on. There’s somebody manipulating my mouth. The producer is telling me now that they need some visuals of you putting money in the machine and feeding me for the show
Surrrre!
‘Desperation’ but you might find it difficult to find in your TV listings.
We’ll look for it. Let’s go see the cheetahs now, honey
So how’d it go?
Managed to get something to stave off my hunger pangs for a couple of hours but it was a hard sell, let me tell you!
Did you do your usual tap dance routine or stand there staring at them and looking pathetic?
Neh. Told them they were part of a TV show and that the producers wanted images of them feeding me
You didn’t tell me we were gonna be on TV. Going to spread the word to the rest of the animals. What’s the name of the program, anyway?
Not really…I only said that… Desperation. The name of the show is Desperation
Desperation?
Indeed
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