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Apparently, I have shopping all wrong.

Did you know you're not supposed to wait until you need something?

To me, that is brain-fizzingly stupid counter-intuitive.  Why, WHY? I ask, would you subject yourself to shopping when you don't have to?

(And yes, I realize that being a woman who does not enjoy shopping (unless it's for books or horse equipment) puts me in the minority, but if you had zero spare time and looked like a potato you wouldn't like it either!)

So anyway, the point is, according to the experts (my daughters) you're supposed to shop on a regular basis.  And by "shopping", they mean wending your way through aisles and aisles and AISLES of clothing, at an excruciatingly slow pace (the shopping walk) with no plan to purchase.  No.  You are just keeping a weather eye out for something that might be useful at some point.  And if, for example, you should come upon the perfect little black dress, or the perfect cute boots, even though you don't need said item right then, you pounce on it and carry home your prize in triumph, now prepared for some future as-yet-unknown little black dress or cute boot event.

This is because (so I'm told) you can never find anything when you need it.  So you have to find it when you don't need it.

If you don't know you need it, how do you know you'll ever need it? I argue.  To which the answer is, you don't.

Sigh.

This shopping logic escapes me.

Anyway, you must absolutely not do what I do, which is wait until 5 minutes before you desperately need a dress for a friend's wedding or a child's graduation, frantically ransack every store in the mall, panic because nothing is suitable/nothing looks good/nothing is in your size/budget, and then buy something that makes you look like a potato in a camping tarp because you HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING!  (Which you are then photographed in for posterity and vow never to wear again because seriously, what were you thinking???!!!)

Now.  The point of this lesson on shopping (aside from the public service to you, my peeps, who might benefit from my worldly experience and wisdom) is that one of the people who taught it to me has accidentally put herself in the same situation.  So this afternoon, after my school visit is over, I'll be at the mall while herself and her friend shoe shop for the prom.

(Being the fashion queen that I am, I suggested sneakers.  They're comfortable, and in a full length gown, whose going to see them?  That's just practical good sense!  Plus it renders a trip to the mall unnecessary!  A win-win!  But that opinion earned me the sympathetic poor-mom-she's-so-cute-when-she's-pathetically-cluelessly-hopelessly-fashion-challenged look.)

So if you need me this afternoon, I'll be in the tenth circle of hell mall :)

Now, I think it's high time we got around to some actual business!  What better to take our minds off the horror of shopping then to announce the results of the April Pitch Pick?

Are you ready?

The winner of the April Pitch Pick is Amelia!!! with her pitch for The Princess And The Pee!!!  Congratulations, Amelia!  Your pitch is on its way to editor Erin Molta for her comments.

And congratulations to our other pitchers who had wonderful pitches too.  I hope you all feel like winners just for taking the time to polish your pitch, put it out there, receive constructive feedback, and then make your pitch even better!  I am impressed every week with the quality of the pitches, and every month by how much people's pitches improve after feedback.

After all that excitement, I think it's fair to say we need Something Chocolate to calm our nerves :)  Today we have the lovely Teresa to thank for pointing us in the direction of Four-Layer Chocolate Birthday Cake with Ganache Filling and Nutella Buttercream Icing!  Swoon!

Since we really should have a birthday to go with our birthday cake, shall we celebrate with Stevie Wonder?  (Because yes, today is his birthday!)  It's also a popular day for Popes to be born (Innocent XIII and Pius IX!)

Go Wild! :) http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/four-layer-chocolate-birthday-cake-milk-chocolate-ganache-nutella-buttercream

Would it be wrong to sing, "Isn't she lovely..." with our mouths full of chocolate cake???  Or maybe Ebony And Ivory... the Saturday Night Live version with Frank Sinatra and Eddie Murphy impersonating Stevie is not to be missed :)

Whether or not you choose to sing with your mouth full, today's pitch comes to us from Linda who says, "I have been writing for over thirty years, as I held other positions including teacher, and mother to six precious children.  I especially like writing about people and have been published dozens of times in magazines and newspapers.  With my children grown, and more time available, I’m turning toward more serious writing.  Poindexter’s Particular Procedure for Cold Feet may be my first published book."  

You can find her online at:

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Poindexter's Particular Procedure For Cold Feet
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-8)
The Pitch: This play on the letter “P” pops the story along as it addresses the common childhood problem of cold feet.  Humor, kindness, and a bit of mystery are woven throughout, as young Evan’s mother creatively resolves the problem.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

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Bonjour, mes petites oiseaux!

(For those of you less fluent in French than me, that means good morning my little birdies - at least, I'm hoping it means something like that :))

I've got birds on the brain (no, I did NOT say I was a bird brain!) because of Mr. and Mrs. Canada Goose on the way to my daughter's school.  They have recently successfully hatched 6 delightful fluffy goslings!  How can you not just love something this cute?

But enough of cute babies.  We've got an action-packed, fun-filled day ahead!  Are you ready?

First off, the winner of the April Pitch Pick is Frances!  Congratulations, Frances!  Your pitch has been sent to editor Erin Molta for her comments, and I'm sure you'll hear from her shortly!

Congratulations to our other fearless pitchers, too!  You did a tremendous job and I know I speak for all of us when I say we admire and respect you for bravely posting your work!

Now.  On a more serious note (one might even say grave), I'd like to discuss something of great importance.

Something I know has been weighing heavily on your minds.

Admit it.

You've been lying awake nights plagued by the torturous question of how, oh HOW, should you eat your berries?

Darlings.  I am here for you.

With prime berry season almost upon us, I feel it's critical that we clear up some common misconceptions.

You might think you should pluck them from the bush they grow on and pop them right in your mouth.  This is called Beary Picking because that's how the bears do it.  This is not the correct way for you to do it.  Please don't.  Get out of that blueberry bush right now.

You might think you should buy them at the store, wash them, and put them in one of your pretty china dishes to eat with a spoon.  I'm sorry to tell you that this is also wrong.  Seriously.  Put that dish back in the cabinet before you break it.  And what is that?  Vanilla ice cream?  Don't make me come over there!

THIS, darlings, is the proper way, the ONLY way to eat berries:

Chocolate Dessert Cups With Fresh Berries from Plain Vanilla Mom Recipe HERE

No dishes to wash, hence no water wastage.  No disposable items that have to be thrown away only to clog up our recycling centers.  Just a good old-fashioned edible Something Chocolate cup like our founding fathers used to use back in the old days.  Simple.  Elegant.  Eco-friendly.  Delicious.

I'm so glad I was able to clear that up for you :)

Now.  Bring your chocolate cup of berries along and let's get down to business!

Today's pitch comes to us from Linda who says, "I know what I'm doing" was a favorite phrase of mine when I was growing up. I wanted to discover the world f or myself, not through my parent's eyes. This meant that on occasion I would find myself stuck up in a tree or riding my bike with my eyes closed. The results were not pretty!  Today, I continue to be adventurous, writing about the Glimmer Glen Elves who visit me in my Elfery, and dabbling in self-publishing in a variety of genres for both children and adults." 
Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Little Lizzie Knows What She's Doing
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-6)
The Pitch: Little Lizzie may be small, but she has an enormous curiosity about her world and how she fits in it. She wants to figure things out in her own way, so when her parents caution her about trying something new, her reply is always, I know what I’m doing!  Giving the cat a bath and other experiments lead to some interesting consequences, until at last Lizzie demonstrates she does know what she's doing.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

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