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Here are the four winning first pages critiqued by Sr. Editor Jenne Abramowitz from Scholastic:

Raise and Release (contemporary fiction – coming-of-age) by Betty Vanderwielen

“Dad! A raccoon!”

The shoulder belt bit into Lance’s chest as his dad slammed on the brakes. Lance barely registered the car’s swerve, the final jerky stop, his dad’s arm thrust out toward him. His eyes stayed on the grayish-brown creature launched to the side of the road. And something spiraling off into the underbrush, something it had been carrying in its mouth.

Lance held his breath as the raccoon landed and lay still. He watched it push itself upright, stagger, fall, force itself up again, stumble into the woods.

“Are you all right?” his dad’s voice broke through.

“She’s hurt,” Lance said, pulling the seat belt release with one hand, reaching for the door handle with the other.

His dad pulled him back into the seat. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“She’s not dead. But she’s hurt. We have to help her!”

“Don’t be stupid, Lance. You never approach an injured animal. That raccoon would claw your eyes out if you tried to touch it.”

“But, Dad, it’s our fault.”

“My fault!” His dad released Lance’s arm. “It’s not like I tried to hit it. The thing had no business on the road. Put your seat belt back on.”

“She had something in her mouth. A baby I think. It got thrown over there, in that brushy section.” Lance pointed, but his dad’s head was turned the opposite direction looking for oncoming traffic. “Let me go see, Dad. A baby can’t survive without its mother.”

“It’s not a baby. Probably just something it caught for food,” his father answered without turning around. “A deer mouse maybe.”

“But what if it’s a baby raccoon? On Animal Channel they showed a mother raccoon carrying a baby in her mouth like that.”

Jenne’s Response to: Raise and Release by Betty Vanderwielen

Immediately, I can sense the tension between Lance and his father. It’s clear they have very different values when it comes to animal welfare, and I’m guessing this is going to be a cause for major conflict over the course of this manuscript. And it’s also clear that Lance’s father is more deeply engaged with his own inner thoughts than he is with his son’s beliefs or feelings. When Lance wants to take responsibility for this accident, his father immediately reacts in a defensive, aggressive manner. I suspect this book will explore this relationship and how it affects Lance’s choices, which could make for a really interesting emotional narrative.

I do wonder, though, about where this first page initially drops the reader. It can always be exciting to begin a story in the center of the action. But sometimes this doesn’t allow readers to get to know characters well enough before asking them to care about what’s important to them. In this first page, we immediately meet Lance who wants to help the raccoon and her baby and his father who just wants to get out of the situation, and they’re depicted in fairly black and white terms. Lance is on the side of good and right, and his father, who goes as far as calling his son stupid is clearly not. I would have liked to see a bit of non-raccoon-related interaction between Lance and his father before the accident to help show how the dynamics between them are oriented in general rather than just on the topic of animals, and to give the reader a more nuanced sense of each of them so that we are introduced to them as layered three-dimensional characters rather than simpler archetypes.

Additionally, at times the characters narrate action which might be more naturally conveyed to the reader through description. For example, when Lance explains that he thought he saw a baby raccoon thrown into the brush, he’s overly explaining an event that his father may have seen. If the reader were shown Lance observing this instead, the information would be conveyed in a more believable way.

The Art of Being Remmy

(An illustrated, middle grade novel of about 40,000 words)

By Mary Zisk

Miss Krasner, the art teacher, stood so close to my desk, I could smell her lily-of-the-valley perfume mixed with a whiff of cigarette smoke. While she shuffled through my drawings, I watched the red nails on her fingers dance and I bit my lip.

All the eyes of my third grade class were on me, except for my best friend, Debbie, who was busy drawing hearts on a pink piece of paper with a magenta crayon.

Miss Krasner crossed her arms, narrowed her dark Cleopatra-lined eyes, and puckered her lips.

“My, my,” she said and broke into a wide smile. “You’re a regular little Rembrandt, aren’t you?”

Rembrandt? A famous artist?

My pal, Billy, grinned and winked at me.

With a pat on my shoulder, Miss Krasner leaned down and whispered, “I think you have a special spark, Rosella. Don’t lose it.”

A spark. I had a spark.

Miss Krasner didn’t know then that her declaration would lead to my nickname, Remmy. The important thing was that she had stamped me with her seal of approval. I was an Artist with a capital A. It was my dream and then I knew it was also my destiny. Nothing could stop me.

Until last year.

Seventh grade.

1963.

Jenne’s Response to: The Art of Being Remmy by Mary Zisk

There are so many wonderful details in this first page. With her lily and cigarette smell and her dancing red nails, we definitely get a visual image of what the kind of woman Miss Krasner the art teacher is. I do wonder though about the voice of this character. The compliment she pays Rosella has a bit of arch humor to it, and comes off a bit sarcastically to me. Which both made me question what I’d previously thought of this character and also of how I’m supposed to interpret Rosella’s artistic ability. Is she actually talented? Or is she so bad in art class that she’s given an ironic nickname? Details like the smile and the pat on the back the teacher gives Rosella answer these questions, but I’m still left with a conflicted picture of this character. And since she’s being used to set-up reader expectations for how Rosella sees herself, I wonder if it might make more sense to be clearer about all of the details that show us who she is.

I quite like the tone of the writing in this first page. It’s intimate and personal, a bit wistful and full of hints about what’s to come. The last few lines on this page are a great set-up for the drama to come as Rosella aka Remmy’s story unfolds. But the timeline of this piece does confuse me a bit. This initial scene takes place when the character is in third grade and quickly jumps to an allusion to what’s happened later in seventh grade, from the point of view of after events have transpired, all of this transpiring in the past. Which is a lot to sort out. I wonder if it might be clearer to simply begin with the events of seventh grade in 1963 to streamline the reader’s understanding of the setting.

All-in-all, I’d definitely keep reading this manuscript.

MAG-NIF-I-CENT by Betty H. Matthews

It was sunrise in the garden. Willie the caterpillar munched, and crunched and slurped his way across a

crisp hibiscus leaf. He looked up and found himself surrounded by a crowd of BIG eyes. Then he heard a crowd of BIG voices.

They ooh-ed and aah-ed, “It’s outstanding…exquisite in every way.”

The loudest BIG voice gasped, “It is truly magnificent!”

Willie peeked up. It was an orange hibiscus blossom.  Must be nice to be mag-ni-fi-cent…whatever that means,thought Willie.

His friend, Pete, wiggled over.

“Pete, do you know what mag-nif-i-cent means?”

“I don’t have a flea’s idea,” said Pete. “Ask Mrs. Quail.  She knows lots of words.”

Willie wiggled down to the tomato plants.  “Mrs. Quail, I need your help to figure out what mag-nif-i-cent means.”

“Well,” said Mrs. Quail, “it has to do with art.  Look up.  Do you see all of the colors in the morning sky?”

“Yep, I sure do,” said Willie.

“It’s a masterpiece,” said Mrs. Quail. “It’s magnificent.  That’s the perfect word.”

“But I can’t paint a picture like that.  What can I do to be mag-nif-i-cent?”

“Might ask Sylvia Hen. Too-da-loo!”

Willie wiggled to the hen house. “Good morning, Mrs. Hen.”

“Hi, little feller. Whatcha need?”

“I’m looking for MY mag-nif-i-cent. Do you know where to look?

Mrs. Hen looked down at her nest. “I ‘jest’ might be able to help you.”

He heard a little cracking sound and then a whole little chick stepped right out of that shell.

Sylvia Hen clucked and cooed, “My, oh my! Hal-le-lu-jah! If this ain’t magnificent, I don’t know what is.”

Jenne’s Response to: MAG-NIF-I-CENT by Betty H. Matthews

The genre of this first page wasn’t labeled, but based on the young tone, lovely restraint in description, and the well-balanced structure, I’m going to assume this is a picture book manuscript. One of my favorite things about this page is the occasional specificity of language (“Too-da-loo!”)  in dialogue that really brings the characters to life. Sylvia Hen’s southern mothering is an especially nice touch. I do find myself wishing Willie’s voice had that same specificity of language. He’s a bit less fleshed out than many of the other characters we meet here.

I find the premise of this manuscript both sweet and a bit confusing. On the one hand, Willie is going to collect lots of examples of things that can be considered magnificent, and I can already see in Mrs. Quail’s description of art and Sylvia Hen’s brand-new chickadees, that these examples will be charmingly varied in their depictions of big, bold conceptual ideas and small, personal moments. On the other hand, the premise is nestled in Willie’s exploration of what the word “magnificent” means, when it seems clear he already at least knows it’s something wonderful. He doesn’t question what “exquisite” or “outstanding” mean, he recognizes oohs and ahs, and concedes that it must be nice to be magnificent. Which tells me this book is really more about him finding the magnificent in the world around him and in himself than it is an exploration of unfamiliar vocabulary. I think the premise would be more effectively set up if that were clearer for the reader.

Words Can Hurt by Janice Milusich  -  middle grade

The house was dark, but from her room Talia could see the glow of the kitchen light, when she looked down the hallway.  Her stomach knotted. Dad would be home soon.

Mom shuffled a deck of cards. They slapped the kitchen table as she dealt them: king, queen, jack, ten—solitaire. Mom played it every night while she waited.

Dog-earing the page of the book she’d been reading, Talia tucked The Secret Garden under her pillow, and clicked off her light.  Closing her eyes, she pictured a garden full of sweet roses, honeysuckle…  Raising her snub freckled nose, she could almost smell their sweetness.

BAM!  The front door shuddered. Talia snatched at her covers. She shoved her arms to her side and straightened her legs.

Mom turned on the light and crossed the hall.  Talia’s eyes followed her, until she couldn’t see her anymore.

“Why was it locked?” asked Dad.

Mom trailed him across the living room. “Why’re you so late?” She sounded tired.

 “Late—?  Late for what? ” Dad was ready for a fight.  He stopped in the hallway.

Through her lashes Talia saw his back was turned.  Tall, his body all squares and

rectangles, he towered over Mom.  He turned toward Talia’s room. Her leg twitched—that was all it took.

“Talia Maria Keens, come out to the kitchen.”

The only time Dad said all three of her names together was when she’d done something wrong, or he thought she had.

“Talia, I said come out here.”

Jenne’s Response to: Words Can Hurt by Janice Milusich

The tone of this first page is dark and ominous and does a really effective job of drawing the reader in. There are so many fabulous descriptions, from the cards “slapping” the table to the front door “shuddering,” that all fit together to create this really tense scene. I’m wondering what  the history of this family is, and what is going on with Talia’s father to make her and her mother both anticipate his anger so severely. And I’m also wondering what specific incident is driving the confrontation that brewing here. Because of the details chosen to introduce us to Talia (her observant, thoughtful voice and the fact that’s she’s reading a classic novel), she comes across as a quiet, well-behaved girl. So the possibility of wrong-doing, even if only in her father’s eyes, really piques my interest and makes me want to find out more.

The one element that’s not quite working for me here is the way the author’s tried to convey physical descriptions of Talia. The mentions of her “snub freckled nose” and the way she looks up through her lashes feel a bit forced into the scene to help show the reader what she looks like. But I’m not sure these details are necessary in this first moment, and might be better served by introducing them at a more natural point in the story that focuses on self-reflection rather than anxiety directed outward at her family.

I want to thank Jenne for sharing her expertise with us.  It is greatly appreciated. Remember you have a chance to meet Jenne at the New Jersey SCBWI Conference in June.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

In case you missed the announcement on Sunday, I am very excited to announce that Jenne Abramowitz, Senior Editor at Scholastic has agreed to be out Guest Critiquer for February.  She acquires chapter books and middle grade fiction, as well as easy readers. She has worked with a diverse and talented list of authors and illustrators including Marion Dane Bauer, Henry Winkler and Lin Oliver, Frank Remkiewicz, Beth Ain, Pam Muñoz Ryan, Robert Neubecker, and Kevin Sherry.

Before joining Scholastic, Jenne worked at the Sheldon Fogelman Agency and Harlequin. Jenne looks for commercial voices and high-concept plots. She loves mysteries, modern (but not epic) fantasy, adventures, humor, ghost stories, and anything with a really juicy secret.

Jenne will be on the faculty at the New Jersey SCBWI Conference in June and doing critiques. This is a great opportunity to, not only, learn from Jenne, but to get a flavor of what she thinks and help you prepare for the conference.  Registration will open shortly for the conference. Don’t worry about not seeing the information, I will post as soon as registration is open. The New Jersey conference gets writer’s and illustrator from all over the country and many parts of the world.

Deadline for First Page Critique Submission: February 23rd.

WRITERS Sending in a First Page: Please attach your double spaced, 12 point font, 23 line first page to an e-mail and send it to kathy(dot)temean(at)gmail(dot)com. Also cut and paste it into the body of the e-mail. Put “December First Page Critique” or “February First Page Picture Prompt Critique” in the subject line and send it to me at: Kathy.temean(at)gmail.com and send by February 23rd. Make sure you have your name on the submission, a title, and indicate the genre. Also let me know which steps you took, so I will know how many times to put your name in the basket. The four chosen and their critiques will be posted on March 1st.

The picture prompt for this month is by Lisa Anchin to help inspire a first page for Free Fall Friday or send a first page in progress from a story.  Lisa was featured on Illustrator Saturday on October 27th last year.  Take a look to see more of her great artwork. http://wp.me/pss2W-5yi

AUTHORS: If you have a new book coming out and want to be considered for a post, please e-mail me at: Kathy.temean (at) gmail.com

Call for illustrations for February: You can send anything, but it may not get used for February, unless I have a post that will go with it. I will try to use all illustrations that reflect the month. You do not have to wait, I will post the illustrations as they come in. Please make sure the illustration is at least 500 pixels wide and include a blurb about yourself and a link to see more of your work. Please send it to kathy(dot)temean(at)gmail(dot)com and put “February Illustration” or “General Illustration” in the subject box.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

I am very excited to announce that Jenne Abramowitz, Senior Editor at Scholastic has agreed to be out Guest Critiquer for February.  She acquires chapter books and middle grade fiction, as well as easy readers. She has worked with a diverse and talented list of authors and illustrators including Marion Dane Bauer, Henry Winkler and Lin Oliver, Frank Remkiewicz, Beth Ain, Pam Muñoz Ryan, Robert Neubecker, and Kevin Sherry.

Before joining Scholastic, Jenne worked at the Sheldon Fogelman Agency and Harlequin. Jenne looks for commercial voices and high-concept plots. She loves mysteries, modern (but not epic) fantasy, adventures, humor, ghost stories, and anything with a really juicy secret.

Jenne will be on the faculty at the New Jersey SCBWI Conference in June and doing critiques. This is a great opportunity to, not only, learn from Jenne, but to get a flavor of what she thinks and help you prepare.  Registration will open shortly for the conference. Don’t worry about not seeing the information, I will post as soon as you can register. The New Jersey conference gets writer’s and illustrator from all over the country and many parts of the world.

Deadline for First Page Critique Submission: February 23rd.

____________________________________________________________________

Here is an incredible opportunity for children’s book authors.  The National Association of Elementaary School Principals has teamed up with Charlesbridge Publishing to discover, publish and launch two aspiring writer’s careers.  There will be two winners, a children’s picture book winner and a children’s chapter book winner.

DEADLINE: Entries need to be postmarked by March 15th, 2013

ENTRY FEE: $45 – $25 for additional entries

ENTRY FORM:  Click here.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS BELOW:

What is the National Children’s Book of the Year Contest? It’s a contest for prospective children’s authors to submit manuscript(s) for picture book and/or chapter book written for children 3-16 years of age. Applicants have the opportunity for their work to be endorsed by the NAESP Foundation and published by a nationally known publisher.

Why submit a manuscript? It is extremely difficult to break into the publishing world, let alone have your manuscript reviewed by an esteemed publisher. This is your chance to have your work(s) reviewed by a publisher with a proven track record and extensive outreach across the nation. If you win, you will receive a contract with Charlesbridge Publishing and have your work endorsed by the NAESP Foundation. This is a wonderful opportunity for authors, aspiring authors, or anyone with a great piece of children’s literature.

Who is eligible? This opportunity is for any individual who has written a children’s manuscript that they feel is worthy of being published.

Who is judging and what are the judging criteria? A select panel including experts from the fields of editing, education, reviewing, bookselling, and libraries will judge each manuscript. Judging will be based on content, originality, and age-appropriateness.

How do I submit my manuscript? 1. Download an entry form 2. Attach your completed manuscript(s) 3.  Enclose cash, check or credit card information payable to NAESP Foundation $45 for the first manuscript and $25 for second and subsequent entries (entry fees are non-refundable) 4.  Mail entry form and manuscript(s) to the NAESP Foundation, Attn.: National Children’s Book of the Year Contest, 1615, Duke Street, Alexandria, VA  22314.  No email entries are accepted.

When does the contest end and how do I know if I won? Entries can be submitted until March 1, 2012. Five finalists will be announced on March 23, 2012. You will be contacted via email if you are a finalist or check the NAESP Foundation homepage after March 1, 2012. Two winners will be announced March 23, 2012 at NAESP 2012 Annual Conference and receive a contract to publish his/her books.

What do the two winners receive? Each winner will receive a contract to have his/her book published by Charlesbridge Publishing in Boston and endorsed by the NAESP Foundation with the NAESP Foundation Children’s Book Award emblem on his/her book.

Will I get my manuscripts back? No, please send copies of manuscript only.

Do I have to submit illustrations? No, illustrations are not required for either category. The publisher will identify an illustrator after the manuscript is approved.

Do I relinquish rights after I submit my manuscript? No, the authors retain all rights unless they win and work with Charlesbridge in a publishing contract.

If I win, will I receive royalties from the selling of my book? The author contract, including royalties will be negotiated with Charlesbridge, but you are under no obligation to accept they agreement if you decide otherwise.

Who will sell the books? The books will be marketed for sale via the extensive Charlesbridge Publishing network which will include school libraries and major retail sellers. The books will also be marketed and sold to the education market via NAESP.

Where can I go for more information? More information about the contest and download an entry form is available on the Foundation page, or by contacting:

NAESP Foundation [email protected]  (703) 684-3345

GOOD LUCK!

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

What’s The Next Big Thing? Ultimately, No One Knows

So, what’s hot right now? Which manuscripts are selling faster? What would you love to see? Editors and agents hear these questions at every writer’s conference, and I wouldn’t be surprised if after a while these start to get a little tedious.

Many times when I heard these questions tossed at an editor during the conference, they toss this answer back, “what have you got?”

I mean, I can understand. If a writer is to slave away for years on a manuscript, wouldn’t it make sense to maximize her chances of success by working on something that has a better chance of getting accepted? Wouldn’t it make sense to work on something… popular?

But remember, we aren’t sewing dresses here, baking cookies or making toys.

Writing is an art, and arts wouldn’t be arts if everything was this neat and tidy. Art doesn’t always make sense. And is that such a bad thing?

If you’ve been a part of this business long enough, whether as a writer, an agent, or an editor, you learn quickly, that in our industry, there are no guarantees.

Frustrating?

I’d say, exciting!

Think of the possibilities. Look to your heart for answers. Be brave.

When J.K. Rowling first had a vision of a boy with glasses on that train she was stuck in, do you think she wasted her energy worrying about trends?

Still, during the opening of last month’s free craft weekend run by the New Jersey SCBWI and organized by our new RA Leeza Hernandez, agents and editors graciously shared what they knew.

Dystopian and paranormal stories, especially those featuring shape-shifters, such as werewolves, have oversaturated the marketplace and are really “a tough sell right now,” most panelists agreed. It seems many editors are yearning to read something closer to reality these days.

“We’ve been talking a lot about just contemporary, realistic stories,” said Jenne Abramowitz, a senior editor at Scholastic.

“Every time I go to lunch with an agent, I’m asking for a realistic contemporary,” said Sara Sargent, an assistant editor at Balzer + Bray (HarperCollins).

Sara also mentioned that “genre mixing” and all sorts of “mash-ups” evoke some curiosity in the marketplace right now.

“Fantasy is just perennially popular,” she said, adding that she likes stories that feel “very epic” and “adventurous.”

Agent Rachel Orr of Prospect Agency said it doesn’t hurt to keep an eye on the culture, not to chase trends, but to have a feel what’s happening in contemporary society, which includes music, film, news, and more.

“Be aware of what’s going on in pop culture, even outside the book culture,” she said.

In the end, though, all the panelists seemed to agree that no one wants a story that tries too hard to please.

“We’re seeing so many books that feel so familiar,” said Sara Sargent. “Give me something new and fresh, something we haven’t seen. It’s so freeing for you guys. You don’t have to chase trends right now.”

“Trends don’t really matter at all,” said Ted Malawer, agent with Upstart Crow Literary. “Yes, we’re seeing too much dystopian, too much paranormal, but what’s unique about your book? If it’s something that you can walk into Barnes & Noble and see on the shelves already, that’s where we’re going to run into a problem.”

The biggest thing editors are looking for is “having an author and a character you can grow,” said Paula Sadler, an editorial assistant at G.P. Putnam’s Sons. “If you [as an editor] love the kid, you love the kid, and you’ll follow that kid to the end of the earth.”

Of course, it’s only human to wonder, what’s the next big thing to take the YA world by storm?

“Everyone is very excited to see what the next big thing is going to be,” said Paula.

Maybe it will be your story. 

Katia Raina is the author of “Castle of Concrete,” a young adult novel about a timid half-Russian, half-Jewish teen in search of a braver “self” reuniting with her dissident mother in the last year of the collapsing Soviet Union, to be published by Namelos. On her blog, The Magic Mirror, http://katiaraina.wordpress.com Katia talks about writing and history, features interviews, book lists and all sorts of literary randomness.  

Right now, Katia is gathering participants for a new challenge for those who’d like to do better next year in sticking to their goals and making their dreams happen. To participate in the “31” challenge – and the giveaway – visit here and leave a comment telling me about your project and committing to working on it 31 minutes a day, every day in January. http://katiaraina.wordpress.com/2012/12/03/dreaming-up-a-new-challenge/

Thank you Katia for another great article from the November Craft Day.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy