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I've been a fan of THE VIEW since Whoopi replaced Rosie O'Donnell last season. And, thanks to the magic box I call the DVR, I'm able to watch it when I want and how I want - fast-forwarding through boring guests or other uninteresting features. Because, let's face it - the best part about THE VIEW is the "Hot Topics" feature - and let me tell you, the closer we get to Election Day, the hotter the topics seem to get.

I used to feel kind of bad for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the staunchy conservative thirtysomething who landed this plum gig after sweating out a few seasons on THE LOOK FOR LESS. I mean, she's adorable, she's got a supersmart brain under that lovely blond hair of hers, and hers is the lone Republican voice at a table full of liberals. Even Sherri Shephard, who recently confirmed that she believes every word of the Bible is 100% true and happened exactly as it is written in both Testaments - even Sherri is Pro'bama. So, you know, it's hard out there for a Rightie.

But.

Over the last several weeks, Elisabeth has been harping on and on about how Obama is tied to terrorists and Other Very Bad People. She sings Sarah Palin's praises every second she gets, going so far as to defend Palin's lack of response when Katie Couric asked her which publications she reads. Lizzie's take? That Palin didn't name any papers or magazines so as not to endorse one over the other. Come on, Elisabeth - do you actually believe that? I mean, really.

Today, though. I swear, I'm not a violent person, but if I could've reached through my television and socked Mrs. Hasselbeck in her pious little mouth? Whoo boy.

Here's a taste:



I think Elisabeth Hasselbeck is officially bad for my blood pressure. (On the flip side: nice job, Miss Sherri!)

There was an Op/Ed piece in a recent Time magazine about how mainstream journalism can take a page from THE VIEW's book. The writer was saying how while no one could confuse THE VIEW with a hard news program, there's something refreshing about how they dissect the election and actually call the candidates on their B.S. One specific example was how Joy Behar asked McCain point blank about the commercial claiming that Obama wanted to start sex ed in kindergarten. Obama's plan calls for age-appropriate education - meaning, that in kindergarten, kids would be taught how to recognize dangerous situations and what to do if someone tries to touch your no-no spots. But the commercial implies that Obama's pushing full-on birds-and-bees instructions to six year olds. Joy asked McCain outright why he lied in this add - and it was the word "lie" that the Time piece praised, since most mainstream outlets would've gone with something softer, like "misleading."

I'd be misleading people if I acted like I had finished licking my Hillary for President wounds, because I haven't. They're still there, and they're still deep. But I do feel like we've watched Obama mature on the campaign trail, and while I'm not entirely convinced he's the absolute best person for the job, he will be getting my vote on November 4th.

And while I respect Elizabeth Hasselbeck's right to support the McCain/Palin ticket, I do not respect the ways in which she's tried to push that ticket from her VIEW pulpit. I also do not respect certain members of my best friend's church who send daily e-mail blasts telling the congregation that if they don't vote for McCain/Palin, they are being bad Christians and will burn in hell.

What I do respect is Barbara Walters' reasonable request for both sides to stop slinging mud and start seriously focusing on the issues. I'm hoping tonight's town hall style matchup will throw both Obama and McCain off their respective games, because I'm tired of soundbite-y answers that have been crafted by teams of people during Debate Camp. Is it too much to hope for candid answers to questions relevant to domestic policy? I want to hear about education. I want to hear about health care. I want to hear real answers coming from real people's mouths, and not the plasticine puppets we've been seeing mouthing passionless phrases they hope will be replayed on the six o'clock news.

In the meantime, I'll settle for a little silence from Elisabeth.

Several months ago, I applied to get tickets to THE VIEW. My mom's a big fan, and with this season's addition of Whoopi and Sherri Sheperd to the all-female gab-fest, I've become something of a convert myself (okay, I DVR the show every day). Anyway, a few weeks ago Joe and I were in the living room and I queued up that day's episode. Then I thumbed through the mail and to my surprise, saw I had an envelope from THE VIEW. Turns out I'd gotten four tickets to the May 20th show - and they'd arrived just in time to be (part of) my mom's Mother's Day present.

So on Monday, the four of us - my parents, Joe, and me - loaded up our stuff and drove to New York. The plan was to go up a day early, have dinner that night with my godmother and her husband, and then be ready to arrive at THE VIEW super-early - thereby insuring good seats. Mark, my stepfather, had booked us two hotel rooms - only, it turns out our rooms were less hotel than they were hostel:



That was the entire length of our room, by the way. Behind me there was a small TV and a mini-fridge. Notice that there's no bathroom. That's because the place where we stayed had communal bathrooms where - and no, I'm not making this up - you were expected to bring your own private roll of toilet paper and mini-soap and hand towel each and every time you needed to use the can. (The hotel was gracious enough to supply each person with said TP, mini-soap, and assortment of towels.)

It didn't help that the boy and I had forgotten to pack Travel Scrabble, either. We spent the time before dinner watching DR. PHIL and JUDGE JUDY while lying on beds so thin they felt like plywood. Talk about roughing it!

Dinner was at Carmine's, a family-style Italian restaurant. We had awesome calamari, yummy lasagna and penne in vodka sauce, and the most excellent tiramisu (or as my mom tends to call it, "terra-mitzu," thereby making it a Japanese delicacy) EVER. My godmother, Jan, and my mom have been friends since they went to summer camp together at age nine, and Tony, Jan's husband, is hysterically funny. Tragic that the night ended with Joe and me trying to sleep on our matching prison-issue twin beds with scratchy plaid comforters.

The next morning, we were up and out by 7:30. Mark miraculously found a free parking space directly across the street from the studio, and we stood there in blustery cold until 9, when we were ushered into a lobby and stood until we were checked in, then stood in line for a security check, then were herded into another standing-room-only holding pen until 10:30. Finally, we took an elevator up to the stage. When we got off, we were handed juice and cookies, and this is the first thing we saw:



ZOMG!

As fate would have it, we got seats in the third row, right in the center. We had to do a lot of clapping for a warm-up comedian, and there was some bad singing and even worse dancing (don't ask), but eventually it was time for the show (which is filmed live, by the way). Some dorky part of me got a little teary-eyed the minute the ladies walked out onto the set, though I'm not exactly sure why.

The first "hot topic" of the day was a question Whoopi posed about what women should say to their daughters about Hillary, especially if she doesn't secure the nomination. And Joy, who often grates on my nerves, says, "You tell her a man took it away from a woman, and then they yelled at her for complaining about it. In other words, you tell the truth."



(In searching for an accurate wording of that quote, I found this recap of yesterday's show, which is way more complete than anything I could write.)

We were allowed to take pictures during most of the commercial breaks. Here's my favorite of the foursome:



Guests included Anderson Cooper, who's a lot shorter than he looks, and Dr. Nancy Snyderman, who talked about medical myths. Everyone in the audience was given a gift certificate to get a scooter and a copy of Dr. Nancy's book.

It was, in short, pretty fabulous.

The one sour note in the whole thing was that Whoopi was putting on a bit of diva behavior. The girls had to shoot this introduction for a charity event Joy was working, and they messed it up and Whoopi tried to make it funny. The producer didn't like her take on it, and asked them to shoot a more "straight" version. Whoopi was irritated and, on the reshoot, delivered her lines totally deadpan, then looked at the producer pointedly. Yowzers! Get that woman some coffee, STAT.



Turns out they were taping a second show that day, so maybe that's why the Whoopster was cranky.

We drove home in driving rain, with aching backs and tired eyes, but it was so totally worth it - every minute.