Filed under: Sunday Stuff
This is the second time I’ve taught someone how to drive. The first time was my first son, this second time is my second son.
I’m way more nervous with my second son.
Dude, my first born, was, is, a cautious driver. He takes his time. He pays attention to what’s happening around him. He’s probably too cautious, which is a problem by itself, but Jazz, my second son, is reckless, impatient, slams on the breaks, followed by the accelerator and is not detail oriented. In other words, he doesn’t pay attention to the small stuff, or the big stuff, like that cherry red dual-wheel monster truck coming right at us.
One of Jazz’s friends called him up today. He wanted him to come over and hang out for a few hours. Even though I was thrilled that he wanted to get out of the house and hang with an actual human (as opposed to the virtual humans in his computer), it meant that I had to drive him over there.
Or more accurately, that he had to drive himself over there with me hanging on for dear life.
It’s not that he’s a BAD driver, per se, he’s just a NEW driver.
He backed out of the driveway for the first time today. Reverse is always the most challenging; it’s also the most nerve wracking. The car feels different in reverse, it handles different in reverse and it’s much harder to anticipate what could go wrong in reverse.
The biggest lesson I taught Jazz today was that it’s not always necessary to press on the accelerator. There are times that a nice, SLOW

(This beautiful bike only had 200 miles on it before Kevin’s accident. You can see the damage here).
It’s April 22, 2010 and guess where I am.
Living in the Columbia Hospital in Columbia Missouri.
It’s been two years since Kevin had his motorcycle accident. It’s been two years since Kevin completely shattered his pelvis (a bag o’ glass, the doctors compared it to) and two years later, the person who hit him STILL hasn’t been punished.
Oh sure. She had a slap on the wrist, (community service, fine … blahblahblah), but she hasn’t yet been sentenced for leaving him for dead and driving off with nary a backward glance.
I was angry. I was FURIOUS when it first happened. I honestly think I could have killed this woman who hit my husband and fractured my family. What sort of person hits another human being and doesn’t even stop?? What sort of person hits another human being, head on, and acts like she hit a squirrel and oh well, life happens.
An amoral person, if you ask me.
I have since forgiven her. Yes. I still want her to be punished. Because people need to learn there are consequences for their poor choices, and I sincerely hope they take her license away from her, at least for a while, because I worry she will hurt someone else (this woman has several DUI’s and other traffic violations – she’s clearly a menace) …
But I have forgiven her. I’ve had to. Because life is too short to harbor bitterness and hatred in my heart. Because I will not allow her, or Satan, to hang this incident over my head.
Because despite the severity of the incident, we conquered it and moved on.
Kevin is fine today. He will always have physical scars and he has worked through the emotional trauma of that beautiful April morning in 2010 … we shall live our lives to fullest because life is too precious not to.
*ding* Time’s up.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it?
I’m being watched.
Dude, my oldest son, constantly watches me. He tries to act like he’s not, but I can tell he is.
How do I know this?
I’m pretty notorious for never taking a shower right after I get up. I get up, monkey around for a bit (usually on the computer, though Saturdays I spend doing chores) and THEN I’ll take a shower – about mid-morning. (Sometimes later, if we’re being honest).
I complained to Kevin the other day how Dude never takes a shower until 1:00 in the afternoon.
Do you know what Kevin said? “Well, you’re not exactly setting a very good example.”
I was stunned. I was annoyed, at first, but then I realized that he was right. The boy is watching me. I don’t take a shower first thing, why should he?
So today, I got up at 7:30, and was showered and dolled up by 8:30 – before I woke Dude up at 9:00 (the boys need to be woken up so they can get up and wake up in time for Bible study).
Guess what? Dude took a shower and made his bed without me telling him – at 11:00 a.m.! (That’s early for him on a weekend).
And this job thing? Will probably make an impact on Dude, too. I want to get one because I have the time and I’m ready to financially contribute to my family again. But I think it will also be a good thing for Dude, too. He will see I’m working and it will likely motivate him to get a job after he graduates in May.
I always knew that Dude was a momma’s boy, I just didn’t realize HOW MUCH of an impact I have on him until recently.
I appreciate my husband’s honesty, (not always, mind you), and I’m glad he said what he said and brought to my attention that I’m not always setting a very good example for my boys sometimes.
I’m lazy. I will not dispute that. But I’m learning that that laziness has larger consequences and doesn’t just affect me but my children as well.
*ding* Time’s up.
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
* Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
* Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell checking. This is writing in the raw.
* Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
* Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
* Link up your post below.
* Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
Isolation.
It’s bad.
This is what we learned in Bible Study today – that when Christians don’t mingle with other Christians, then their spiritual lights dim, or even possibly go out.
The man teaching this lesson today told us two analogies:
1. A man was upset with his pastor and wouldn’t go to church for several weeks. The Pastor, noticing the man wasn’t in church, showed up at his house one day. He found the man sitting in front of his fireplace. Without saying a word, the Pastor pulled up a chair and sat down with the man. Several moments went by and the Pastor finally got up, went to the fireplace, took a poker and separated one ember from the rest of the fire. The ember glowed brightly for a few seconds but soon began to fade. Still not saying a word, the Pastor then pushed the ember back into the fire where it soon began to glow brightly. The Pastor didn’t say anything and made preparations to leave. As the Pastor was leaving, the man said, “I get the hint, Pastor. I’ll see you in church next Sunday.”
2. The moon, Earth and Sun. When the moon is fully facing the sun, it’s a New Moon. This New Moon is bright, so bright, in fact, that the night is quite clearly illuminated on those nights. But when the moon is away from the sun, the night grows dark and it’s hard to see. Facing the Sun (Son) allows people (Christians and non-Christians) to see your inner light.
These two analogies really struck home for me today. I often prefer isolation than the company of other people. I like being by myself. I have no problem with being alone. But this made me think. Perhaps it IS better, for myself, as a human being, and as a Christian, to make more of an effort to come out of my isolation and allow other people to see my inner light.
I’m not doing God any favors by staying in the dark.
*ding* Time’s up.
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
* Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
* Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell checking. This is writing in the raw.
* Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
* Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
* Link up your post below.
* Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
I can’t talk to my oldest son at all.
Every time I try, he accuses me of being angry.
“Are you mad?”
“Why are you mad?”
“There you go, being mad again.”
I’m not sure how many different ways he can ask me if I’m angry. I’m not sure how many ways I can respond with, “No, I’m not!”
I’m passionate. Perhaps that comes across as angry. I have a semi-permanent frown – I can’t help it, my face is crooked. My voice can get harsh – I don’t mean it to, I just have a harsh-sounding voice, I guess.
But it bothers me. It bothers me that he thinks I’m always angry. And that that’s somehow okay for him to be angry all the time.
It bothers me that he’s so sensitive to my moods. Even my subtle moods. The boy mirrors his moods after me and that scares me. Because I never want to be, I’ve never asked to be, his role model. I suck as a role model. I’m flawed in so many ways, I can’t even list them – there are simply too many.
So now I’m self-conscious about my reactions to … everything. Do I come off as angry? I know when I worked at my last job, I had several people tell me (after they had gotten to know me), that I had a stand-offish air about me, that I was perceived as a snob.
And in some ways, I have to agree with that. But I’m not REALLY like that. At least, not all the time. I’m not sure how I can change that perception of me in public. I’m REALLY not sure how to change my son’s perception of me now.
Who wants a mom who’s angry all the time?
I’m not angry all the time.
Am I?
*ding* Time’s up.
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it?
I’m not a big fan of jazz.
But I’ve learned to be. Our youngest son plays jazz with his classmates at school.
Jazz “lives” for jazz. Hence the reason I call him “Jazz” on this blog.
He loves jazz band class. He has it every second semester and he says he will continue to take it “no matter what. It’s not negotiable, mom.”
Well, alrighty then.
Jazz sounds like a mess of different instruments doing their own thing to me. It sounds disjointed, messy, impromptu. I’ve never been crazy about it, but I can see why Jazz likes it now that I’ve been forced to sit through several of his concerts. There is something beautifully chaotic to jazz.
I’m starting to “get” it, I think.
Jazz played in a festival yesterday. I have a love/hate relationship with his music competitions. On the one hand, I’m extremely nervous for him. I want him, and his classmates, to perform well. I want them to WIN, but I’m not one of those crazy moms who do stupid and outlandish things to make sure that happens.
I just sit in the audience, wring my hands and nearly have a heart attack from the stress.
But on the other hand, I’m so PROUD of him. I’m proud of his musical abilities (he gets that from his dad), and I’m proud of him for having the courage to get up in front of an audience and first perform, and then be judged, first by the judges, then by the audience.
I try not to pay attention to the people around me as they watch my son perform. I can hear their remarks and though most of the comments are positive, there are a few that are not. I try not to get my hackles up when I hear someone give “constructive criticism”, but it’s hard not to morph into a mama bear and tear into the individual for “not understanding my son’s greatness!”
I try not to gush whenever it’s over and Jazz asks how he did. I try to be gentle in my own constructive criticism – it’s so hard to hear anything negative when you put yourself out there creatively. That I know because of the writing I post on this blog.
But I’ll be honest. The kids didn’t sound that great yesterday. They played three songs and two of them sounded decent, but one of them did not. Now granted, the kids haven’t had that much time to prepare – they were out a whole week due to the snow storm that came through, but I also sensed that the kids weren’t trying that hard, either. I don’t know if it was because they are getting burned out or if they’re feeling insecure because they didn’t feel like they were ready for this festival.
It always amazes me that the kids can even play at all – they really don’t have that much time to prepare before competition starts. So I’m keeping a stiff upper lip about this year’s jazz performances – the season is still very young.
*ding* Time’s up.
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it?