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[I wrote this the Monday after the movie opened, then forgot it was in my drafts folder. Since it’s doubled the Chinese box office of the first film in one week, and has yet to open in Japan, it looks like it might hit $1 Billion overseas. But not $450 Million in the U.S. Anyway, I know the beginning of the blockbuster season was an eternity ago, and forgotten like every other Marvel event, but since the Marvel Cinematic Universe is  an ongoing money-making machine, this is still relevant.]

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Enter a Messenger

Thou comest to use thy tongue; thy story quickly.

Macbeth, Act V, Scene V 

Sunday afternoon [May 4], I sat and watched Avengers: Age of Ultron with friends. We waited in line, but it wasn’t very long, and we got decent seats. Even though I paid $15 to watch, I did enjoy the movie, but I was sorely disappointed overall.

Here’s how I would have pitched the movie:

1. Following the success of the multiple “Marks” in Iron Man 3, Stark International markets “Iron Legion” androids.
2. The first “real world” test during the raid of Strucker’s lab is less than stellar.  Instead of A.I., the IL bots are drone soldiers, remotely controlled by soldiers far away. Then Tony sees his nightmare vision, and decides to create a better A.I.
3. Ultron gains sentience during the cocktail party, processes a million scenarios in a microsecond, and instantly disappears into the Internet.
4. A year passes. Secrets from the Battle of Midtown surface, including the decision to nuke Manhattan. Public opinion begins to turn against SHIELD and the Avengers. (See: DC’s “Legends”) (Include the current Zeitgeist of online harassment and “preaching to the choir”.) NASA reports that it has lost contact with a Lunar rover during landing.
5. Nobody notices that Sokovia [Latveria?], an isolated postage-stamp country in eastern Europe has had a regime change… their media is closed (a la North Korea), and the images released are, of course, CGI’d by Ultron. Meanwhile, its factories are converted to producing more armored robots. (Remember how Hitler rearmed the Rheinland right before the Second World War?)
6. A suitcase nuke explodes at the Ka’aba during the Hajj. Pakistan retaliates, and the Avengers have to once again deflect a few nuclear missiles, this time from Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. As the missile detonate high in the mesosphere, Earth is hit with a worldwide blackout. Y2K15. Computer systems are offline. Substations and energy plants suffer extensive damage. There are a few nuclear plant meltdowns, most are self-contained. Did the Avengers cause the blackout via the nuclear missiles? Some think so, and voice their opinions online, and in public protests, and via talking heads.
7. People begin acting strange. Hydra? Extremis? Organic nanites replicating in human hosts are the cause, affecting the brain chemistry and neuron passageways. Some people, unaware of the tiny robots, suspect this is another symptom from the nuclear bombs. [Reference the strange health symptoms from Ground Zero.]
8. People become cyborg zombies, and Ultron activates a backdoor in the Stark robo-soldiers, turning them into Ultroids.  The U.S. and others go to DefCon 1, as everything goes south very quickly. Minutes after Cheyenne Mountain is locked down, meteorites from the Moon begin to pummel the region, and other parts of the globe.
9. A team of Avengers is sent to the Moon to take out the rail gun built by Ultron’s nanites. Micro-gravity, lack of atmosphere, are the dangers, including Ultroids. [Tease the Inhumans and the Blue Area of the Moon.]
10. While humans outnumber the Ultroids on Earth, the Ultroids are repaired by nanite swarms. The Deus Ex Machina? Iron Man himself. He uploads open-sourced armor schematics that anyone can build. (From Mark XL models similar to Tony and Rhodey, to simple Kevlar suits and “Iron Chariots” built from subcompact cars.) Lots of human casualties, a la Stalin. Maybe you add some visual teasers of other heroes fighting. (This gets the fans on your side. “YOU can be a superhero!” Maybe it’s like the 501st. Maybe it’s guys modding cars like people build Batmobiles and droids.)
11. Eventually, Ultron is cornered, but escapes by broadcasting himself into deep space.  The world starts to recover, but doubt remains. Did Ultron mirror himself? Is there Ultron code hibernating online? What about those nanites?
12. In the end credits, we hear Ultron speaking with Thanos, as we learn that Ultron (along with Loki) was just one part of Thanos’ plan to acquire the Infinity stones.

This then leads into Captain America 3: Civil War

Public opinion immediately turns against Stark International. Class action lawsuits are filed. Tony Stark goes into protective custody as the United Nations immediately coordinates global recovery efforts, overseen by SHIELD. Faced with technical and extraterrestrial threats, a global government is created with great oversight powers, allowing countries sovereignty unless they threaten the peace. [See: Squadron Supreme miniseries.]

Stark International is “internationalized” as part of SHIELD, in return for protection against all lawsuits. Tony becomes a modern-day Howard Hughes, out of the limelight, hidden away in a SHIELD facility, doing mad scientist stuff. Iron Patriot assumes most of Iron Man’s duties.

Sokovia [Latveria] is the first to refuse SHIELD inspectors. It soon becomes a SHIELD “protectorate”. Public opinion is mixed… it was an oligarchy before Ultron, a possible powder keg. Now? And what do other countries think of this? Which will be next? And what is

Hydra planning?  (American conservatives are conflicted… they want security and a strong military, but will they give up freedoms?

So there’s the New World Order conspiracy theory, there’s the question of how do you control the superheroes, and who handles that power? SHIELD has been compromised once, why not again?

That’s where Captain American and Tony Stark disagree. The world itself is split. East vs West. Security vs Freedom. Conservatives vs Progressives. Brains vs. Heart.

But maybe that’s all too dark for Marvel and Disney Consumer Products.

Were I a comics fan, I’d feel a little manipulated by Marvel. “Age of Ultron” is misnamed. There’s no “age”… it’s more of a “week”. There’s no robo-apocalypse; the robot hordes teased on the San Diego poster never really appear. (Just like those classice Marvel comic book covers!)

Tony Stark is correct in this movie…  the Avengers aren’t ready for another Big Threat like the Chitauri.  They can barely handle Ultron, or a trickster god with a simple mind-control device.  But that’s the crux of superhero team movies… how do you create a threat that’s too big for one superhero to battle? Eight heroes against one stupid robot? That’s not too difficult. Both Avengers movies don’t have that “End of the World as We Know It” urgency, or even a comeback moment from the Despair Event Horizon.

Replace the text with “I survived 9/11″, and consider the public’s reaction to anyone selling these shirts.

Perhaps we’re standing in the shadow of Victor von Doom’s tears and Superman’s gravesite, and we don’t want to be reminded of the real world around us. Maybe these types of movies should be nothing more than a death ray, a mad scientist, and a secret agent to thwart them, just like the Saturday matinees of yore. Perhaps we want escapism from the Big Threats in the real world, just as James Bond was a major distraction from the Cold War. We can handle radioactive gold vaults, atomic earthquakes, explosive space modulators, even disintevaporaters. Crumbling office buildings, not so much. That might be why Guardians of the Galaxy did so well… it has more fantasy than the Avengers. more distance from the real world, while replicating and mixmastering most of the tropes from the Avengers heroes.

Keep it simple and formulaic in tone… it worked for James Bond, it works for Transformers, it works for The Fast and the Furious (which likely will be the #1 movie of the year). Introduce the Macguffin, define the heroes and villains, create conflict, save the day, make it look cool, and Act Three sets up the next phase of the franchise, rising the action and anticipation with each subsequent movie.  If you want to win awards, make a black comedy about superheroes or doomsday devices.

This might be what dooms the DC slate, if it gets made.  Too much sound and fury, grim and gritty, Sturm und Drang, not enough escapism. Best to keep things light, maybe define a role model for the younger viewers. Make it all popcorn and picture shows, like Juvenal suggested, and pay no attention to the projectionist. Your suspension of disbelief is what keeps you from falling into the abyss.

By Kevin J. Johnson

“Razor Sharp” is an exciting new project from writer/director Marcus Perry and actress/stuntwoman Amy Johnston (Captain America: The Winter Soldier). The story combines the sleek futuristic trappings of Aeon Flux with a bit of slapstick wit from The Pink Panther and a little bit of Samus Aran from Metroid thrown in for good measure. Forced to take on a corporate criminal syndicate in the distant future of Los Angeles, Veronica “Ronnie” Sharpe, a cat-burglar-gone-good must decide between saving a child genius held captive or saving her own neck.

Imagine J. Scott Campbell’s Danger Girl brought to life sans the male gaze and patronizing cheesecake poses, with a large heaping dose of Ripley-esque badassery and cyberpunk cityscapes. A proof of concept short features the heroine in action turning a squad of goons into rag dolls. The fight choreography and digital backlot betrays its no-budget status, highlighting the team’s “money-on-the-screen” ethos.

The crew is made up of dedicated “action movie junkie(s), and we all grew up obsessed with comic books,” says Perry, “so we wanted to create a character that embodies that passion.” Sharpe is definitely cut from the same cloth as female legends that writers such as Chris Claremont, John Bryne and Gail Simone have brought us.

And what’s more, the Razor Sharp team seem just as committed as the aforementioned in bringing a full-fledged heroine to life, where other major motion pictures have stumbled in the past. “Veronica’s not a damsel in distress, or somebody’s girlfriend,” Perry continues, “she’s in command, full of vulnerability and humor that I hope will catch people off guard.”

The creative team are stocked with industry vets who have delivered for audiences in the past, and know how to maximize a budget. And now, they have their opening salvo with “Razor Sharp,” along with a fully-visualized world, a companion comic book, and accolades from several film festivals. Perry and co are looking to expand their short film into a feature-length extravaganza, and count me in.

With films as brutal as The Raid or John Wick adapting a back-to-basics bare-knuckle approach to fight scenes, it’s refreshing to see a project as appealing as Razor Sharp but just as committed to raising the bar in action cinema. Spearheaded by their accomplished lead Johnston, the crew promises to deliver a striking new style to the big screen.

You can visit the official Facebook page and  the team on Twitter to find out more about the film.

Out of all the nerds talking about things on the webs, KJ literally ranks among the tallest. Check out his reviews, ramblings, proclamations and declarations on his website.

Here’s a fun little “what if..?” to start off your new year. The mastermind behind the Academy Award nominated District 9 and the less well regarded Elysium was secretly working on his own version of an Alien sequel, at least at the conceptual stage.

Blomkamp took to Twitter, via an unverified account, last night and posted a series of images that gave some hints as to where he would take the franchise if ever given the opportunity.

Here are the images he posted along with the above Xenomorph:

It should be noted though that Blomkamp stated that he was not working with 20th Century Fox in any way with this project. To that end, its basically really well designed fan-fiction, but the possibilities of one of the more interesting current sci-fi filmmakers hoping on board a series with a history of pretty great directors (awful Predator crossovers aside) certainly makes the mind reel.

Plus, in Blomkamp’s version, Hicks would still be alive!

(Some minor spoiler ahead)

Located in the Arena of this year’s Anaheim Wondercon, Warner Bros. treated us to a sneak peak of three upcoming movies that will be hitting the big screen in the next few months. On June 6^th, the 70^th anniversary of “D-Day,” Edge of Tomorrow will hit theatres nationwide. Starring Tom Cruise and Bill Paxton, this futuristic world on the edge of ruin has Tom Cruise’s character waking up in handcuffs on what appears to be an army training base. He is then approached by Bill Paxton’s character, an army official. It is explained that Tom Cruises character was charged with impersonating an army officer, and is told he is going to have to join the fray for his punishment. As a surprise guest, Bill Paxton himself emerges on stage of the Anaheim Convention Center’s Arena to outcries of cheers. “My character decides that [Tom Cruise] will be reborn again through battle,” says a grinning Paxton. “It’s his nuts and his life on the line.”

Through the trailer, we are led to believe that Earth has come under an attack from a mechanical alien threat, and that this army base is one of the units brought together to fight them back. “I head a unit called J unit, a rag tag collection of men and women,” says Paxton. Along with some heavy duty weapons, J unit comes complete with exoskeleton like armor suits that the characters run around in for what I imagine is for increased strength. “I had just arrived on set, my first day, and Tom was running around in a prototype of the suit. He yells at me, ‘Hey Bill! Have you been working out? Cause these things are heavy.’” Paxton said that the suits needed to be aided by chains because of how heavy they were for the actors. “It was Brutal.”

But what is the ringer for this movie is that Tom Cruise’s character dies in this movie. A lot. Every time he does, he wakes back up in the past, finding himself again in handcuffs. This Groundhog’s Dayish loop adds an interesting twist to this Sci-Fi flick.

Next up for Warner Bros. they have Into the Storm. Directed by Steven Quale, this New Line Cinema collaboration puts the audience in the middle of a fictitious small town as it is relentlessly hit by what seems like wave after wave of tornados. The film style switches between the use of traditional filming and handheld cameras, creating a more authentic like experience. Some of the actors which were present here at Wondercon were Max Deacon, Jeremy Sumpter, Arlen Escarpeta, and (brace yourselves) Richard Armitage. Yes, Thorin Oakenshield of The Hobbit movies.

After the crowd recovered from their near fainting spells, the director and cast discussed how it was to be on set. “We were in the middle of one hundred-a-mile fans, not to mention strewn debris and falling water,” says Richard. “The water was freezing,” added fellow cast member Max Deacon. Into the Storm will be out this August 8^th.

And lastly for this presentation Warner Bros. showed what is undoubtedly one of this year’s most anticipated movies. Ever since the teaser at last year’s San Diego Comic-con, fans of Godzilla have been waiting patiently for its release. As it was announced to the audience, the name elicited cheers from everybody, including this reporter. Director Gareth Edwards was also greeted by equal praise. After showing us about five minutes from the movie where Godzilla meets with an almost equally tall but winged creature, Gareth talked about the overall experience of working on the film.

“I thought that out of everything, designing Godzilla was going to be the easiest part. Cause everyone has an idea of what Godzilla looks like. But it actually was the hardest part, because everyone has an idea of what Godzilla looks like. It took almost a year for his design.” Gareth had the idea to do the designing from silhouette. “Silhouettes are all easily recognizable for what they are supposed to be. I thought we should start with that. We started with a Rubik’s Cube like shape, black on white background. We prodded and pulled each piece, rotating as we went, till we felt we got it.”

Though all three movies do look quite promising, by sheer gauging of the crowd’s reaction I would have to say Godzilla is the most anticipated. The Warner Bros. and Legendary collaboration will be out May 16^th of this year. I have faith that director Gareth Edwards with his love of monsters will do it justice, and wash from our collective mouths the bad taste left by its predecessor.

~Nicholas Eskey

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We all want Wonder Woman to be in a movie. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb and say we want her to be in EVERY film. And every TV show. Maybe a few music videos. But for one reason or another, we’re repeatedly disappointed by a world which does not seem to share our desire for Diana to take over the entirety of culture. She can’t get a TV show off the ground, her film scripts never get put anywhere near production, and Nicki Minaj hasn’t dressed up as her ONCE.

So step-forward first-time director Jesse V. Johnson, a stunt co-ordinator who has worked on films like Lincoln, Thor, and Spider-Man, to show how it’s done. Johnson today uploaded a film trailer for Wonder Woman, to show off his ability as a director for potentially-interested parties… and it’s pretty darned good, you guys. It’s even got this poster, created by Robert Sebree.

Casting actress Nina Bergman as Wonder Woman and Peter-flipping-Stormare as her Nazi captor, this fan film captures basically everything William Marston could have possibly wanted to see in a Wonder Woman movie. There’s fighting, and empowerment, some light bondage, and even a touch of psychological theory. Johnson describes the project’s origins:

It was my manager / producing partner Kailey Marsh’s idea to shoot the trailer.  She really believes I should be a studio director, and thought shooting Wonder Woman would be a great way to show off my skills in a fun way that people could get excited about.

So without further ado, here’s the trailer for the movie. What do you think?

Female Super Hero Fan Film from Jesse V. Johnson on Vimeo.

Nobody has any idea why this exists, which I guess is precisely why everybody should be thrilled to view it? After first being announced at San Diego during a strange, strange panel which featured live appearances from several members of the cast, the first episode of Marvel’s ALL-WINNERS SQUAD animated webseries has gone online, which sees basically every Marvel character worth caring about… assemble onto one team.

Not since The Champions have we had such a powerful lineup in the same room. We’ve got The Unicorn (Russia’s greatest villain!), Hypno Hustler, Frog-Man, Squirrel Girl, Howard the Duck, Ruby Thursday and Walrus all on this team, you guys. Ruby Thursday, I say! She’s the notch Wolverine is proudest of having on his bedpost. It’s an inspired lineup of heroes. Here’s a photo Marvel took at SDCC with three of the cast members, who are IRL here but are contained to cartoon in the video:

The video is a ridiculous piece of silliness, in which the characters gather round a conference table to find out why they’re there, and what the point of everything is. The basic plot gets set up – no spoilers – and looks like it could be a whole lot of fun. Ruby Thursday has a seductive robot voice. Hypno Hustler speaks exclusively in 1970s Blaxploitation nonsense. And Frog Man appears to be masturbating.

There is little to no reason for this to exist, although apparently Doop will also show up soon – and as everybody knows, Doop Is. So I suppose that will have to be reason enough.

Now, I know some of you are going to look at this and think that Marvel are making fun of the sad-acts who use the internet to talk about comics. Here we have a group of losers, who can’t make it on their own, desperately clinging onto Marvel to provide them with some small semblance of dignity and power. Some of them are perverts, some of them are fat, and one of them is a furry. ISN’T THAT BASICALLY WHAT A MESSAGE BOARD IS?

Not really, no. And hilariously forced subtext aside from me aside, this is quite a fun start. It’s obviously the most cheese you’ve ever seen in the history of your life, but Hypno Hustler alone makes it worth watching. It’s sad that winning characters like DARKSTAR and HEPZIBAH have yet to appear, but maybe – just maybe – this could be the place to finally see the return of Peter Milligan’s finest creation…. RAIN BOY?

Probably not. More likely are appearances from Deadpool, Pixie, D-Man and Batroc The Leaper. Expect a full breakdown once episode 2 hits the net!

Okay so that Allie McAmazon version of Wonder Woman didn’t work out as a TV pilot. Despite being re-elevated to Trinity Status as one of DC’s big three, Wonder Woman is still languishing in the development purgatory that so many DC characters seem to swim around in. But how’s this for an electrifying concept for Diana: a film directed by Drive’s kinetic stylist Nicholas Winding Refn and starring-MMA fighter-turned-actor Gina Carano.

Wow, now didn’t that make you jump up and shout “2012!” Refn’s movie was a great character piece, a twisted noir view of LA, a hipster retro fest AND an edge of your seat action film. All traits that could make an amazing comic book adaptation.

Admittedly, this is just a pipe dream concocted by Page 6, Now it is TRUE that Refn once said his dream project was Wonder Woman, but the minute he said that every sheet had him making the movie, forcing him to say that “rumors has spiraled out of control.” Aw. Spiraling rumor sad face.

Christina Hendricks, who had a brief but electrifying role in DRIVE, was of course tapped at Wonder Woman before everything got shot down.

Carano is known for dishing out punishment in the MMA but just starred in Steven Soderbergh’s HAYWIRE, to good notices, and even claims that we have a new action star:

Soderbergh, who has a long history of working well with non-actors in his films, took the fighter he saw on screen, and along with screenwriter Lem Dobbs (who also penned Soderbergh’s Kafka and The Limey), created a celluloid persona that reflected what he saw in her already: a tough, self-assured and prodigiously talented physical performer. He just made her a mercenary doing black-ops work for the government rather than a cage fighter.

She can even do her own demure version of the brokeback pose.

Anyway this is all gossip column rumor, so just file it away in your secret screening room of the imagination.

While comics and graphic novels being optioned for film are practically a daily occurrence around here, there’s one movie that we would REALLY like to see get made, and that the planned BRAT PACK film from ARS Nova (Black Dynamite). A stunningly dark look at the superhero universe, it’s one of the most disturbing — and pointed — takes on the genre ever.

Now, we hear from the grapevine that the adaptation has a director — Tarik Saleh

Let the casting ideas begin for Midnight Mink, Judge Jury and the rest of the Slumberg superhero set.