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I’ve recently been going through the UK’s daily papers and finding one or two weird news items and giving you links to them but I’m now finding myself in a position where I can’t keep up with the weird and wonderful so I’m trying a change of tack and just give you a brief rundown of what I found intriguing or amusing!

Here’s my top four for today.

Image by Jim Linwood via Flickr

I was checking out the Daily Telegraph and came across something particularly odd.  It seems that, in order to try and keep swine ‘flu at bay in H M Prison The Verne in Dorset, the governor sanctioned the purchase of a goodly supply of anti-bacterial hand gel.  As soon as it was distributed amongst the prisoners apparently one of the inmates decided it’d be a good idea to drink it rather than shove it on his hands.  I’m not sure how much the prisoner actually drank but he became a tad tiddly and started a fight.  Before anyone knew it, there was a full blown behind bars brawl.  Oddly enough, the staff at the prison took away what remained of the hand gel, presumably considering it would be easier to deal with a swine ‘flu epidemic than an alcohol poison one!

It just begs the question, who was the prisoner who actually tried the hand gel in the first place?  I’m just wondering what I’ve got under the kitchen sink that I could try?  How about a Mr Muscle Margarita for starters?

The second news item that interested me was again from the Daily Telegraph.  It gave details of some of the strangest items that had been taken from hotel rooms.  Amongst those that caught my eye were a marble fireplace; a whole room – the contents were completely stripped; a mounted boar’s head; a hotel owner’s dog; a grand piano and a selection of sex toys. 

Once again, my brain went into overdrive, particularly when it came to the sex toys.  I can’t  imagine even using sex toys provided by a hotel let alone stealing them – you don’t know where they’ve been!!

Image via Wikipedia

My next story which was reported in several papers, relates to a tortoise that was found walking along the M25 motorway (freeway).  Thankfully, for once, most of the drivers were obviously keeping their eyes on the road and the tortoise was rescued by a tortoise loving driver who, having taken a little detour to the supermarket to pick up some lettuce and tomatoes for the traumatised turtle and then took him for a check up at the local vet where it was discovered that he was chipped so hopefully owners and family pet will soon be reunited.

Quite what the tortoise was doing on the M25 I have no idea.  Maybe, like many travellers before him, he couldn’t find the right junction off the circular motorway to reach home or another alternative could be that he’d been visiting The Verne Prison and had a drop too much of anti-bacterial hand gel!!!

And finally, what would you expect a badger to eat?  I’d always considered they spent their evenings rummaging around the woodlands looking out grubs, insects, worms and the odd mouse or two but it seems it’s now been discovered that the latest badger delicacy is hedgehog.  How can a badger who normally eats small and relatively ’smooth’ food cope with the prickles?  What motivates a badger to even consider tackling a hedgehog.  Maybe their lives are so mundane that they decided they wanted more of a challenge.  It’s a mystery to me but I’m sure that some night wildlife watcher will come up with a bit of video footage to enlighten me!

I’ve recently been going through the UK’s daily papers and finding one or two weird news items and giving you links to them but I’m now finding myself in a position where I can’t keep up with the weird and wonderful so I’m trying a change of tack and just give you a brief rundown of what I found intriguing or amusing!

Here’s my top four for today.

Image by Jim Linwood via Flickr

I was checking out the Daily Telegraph and came across something particularly odd.  It seems that, in order to try and keep swine ‘flu at bay in H M Prison The Verne in Dorset, the governor sanctioned the purchase of a goodly supply of anti-bacterial hand gel.  As soon as it was distributed amongst the prisoners apparently one of the inmates decided it’d be a good idea to drink it rather than shove it on his hands.  I’m not sure how much the prisoner actually drank but he became a tad tiddly and started a fight.  Before anyone knew it, there was a full blown behind bars brawl.  Oddly enough, the staff at the prison took away what remained of the hand gel, presumably considering it would be easier to deal with a swine ‘flu epidemic than an alcohol poison one!

It just begs the question, who was the prisoner who actually tried the hand gel in the first place?  I’m just wondering what I’ve got under the kitchen sink that I could try?  How about a Mr Muscle Margarita for starters?

The second news item that interested me was again from the Daily Telegraph.  It gave details of some of the strangest items that had been taken from hotel rooms.  Amongst those that caught my eye were a marble fireplace; a whole room – the contents were completely stripped; a mounted boar’s head; a hotel owner’s dog; a grand piano and a selection of sex toys. 

Once again, my brain went into overdrive, particularly when it came to the sex toys.  I can’t  imagine even using sex toys provided by a hotel let alone stealing them – you don’t know where they’ve been!!

Image via Wikipedia

My next story which was reported in several papers, relates to a tortoise that was found walking along the M25 motorway (freeway).  Thankfully, for once, most of the drivers were obviously keeping their eyes on the road and the tortoise was rescued by a tortoise loving driver who, having taken a little detour to the supermarket to pick up some lettuce and tomatoes for the traumatised turtle and then took him for a check up at the local vet where it was discovered that he was chipped so hopefully owners and family pet will soon be reunited.

Quite what the tortoise was doing on the M25 I have no idea.  Maybe, like many travellers before him, he couldn’t find the right junction off the circular motorway to reach home or another alternative could be that he’d been visiting The Verne Prison and had a drop too much of anti-bacterial hand gel!!!

And finally, what would you expect a badger to eat?  I’d always considered they spent their evenings rummaging around the woodlands looking out grubs, insects, worms and the odd mouse or two but it seems it’s now been discovered that the latest badger delicacy is hedgehog.  How can a badger who normally eats small and relatively ’smooth’ food cope with the prickles?  What motivates a badger to even consider tackling a hedgehog.  Maybe their lives are so mundane that they decided they wanted more of a challenge.  It’s a mystery to me but I’m sure that some night wildlife watcher will come up with a bit of video footage to enlighten me!

Ladies, how many of us are still awaiting our Prince Charming and dreaming like little girls about that fairytale wedding that’s just gotta happen?  How many of us are at our wits end because it doesn’t seem as though he’s out there?  Well ladies, why not marry ourselves?  I mean, yeah it sounds a little crazy and even desperate, maybe, but think about it.  Who could possibly love us more than we love ourselves?  You do love yourself, don’t you? 

Here’s what you gotta do.  Start planning your wedding.  Don’t tell anybody yet, cause trust me, they’ll think you’ve lost your mind.  Your wedding can be as big or as small as you like.  Remember to budget cause you still got to go on your honeymoon.  The first thing you should do is pick the date.  If you’re not inviting anyone, this should be easy.  But perhaps you will want a girlfriend or two to share your special moment with you, you decide, who knows, if they are single, they might just want to marry themselves as well.  But it has to be girlfriends you trust because remember, hush is the word, you don’t want your sanity questioned.

Okay, after you’ve picked the date, it’s time to outline the events of the day.  Since most weddings are performed in the spring and summer months, you should find plenty of interesting things to do on your special day.  But if you decide on a winter or fall wedding, that’s fine too.  Since this is a non-conventional event, who says you have to follow the norm.  First and foremost a trip to the spa is essential.  Nothing says “I love me” more, than a pampering session.  But before you even do that, treat yourself to a nice breakfast to start the day off right.  You can either prepare yourself a breakfast filled with all of your favorite edible delights or you can check into a hotel the day before and on the morning of your wedding order-in room service.  It’s your wedding day, do it how you do it! 

Since you’ve pre-planned this day, I’m sure you’ve already made a hair appointment for the occasion.  You know the queen’s locs have to be tight.  So let’s see, we’ve got breakfast with ourselves, a trip to the spa and hair salon on our agenda, what else do we have to do?  Oh yeah, before I forget, how about the reception?  Now this is where you can invite other people to join in the celebration.  You can have a traditional reception in party style or you can have a quaint little dinner some place with your selected guest.  Hum, let’s see, oh, mercy, I almost forgot the ring.  Now that I think about it, you can either do a ring or perhaps a necklace or other piece of jewelry.  Once again, you decide, it’s your day! 

I must admit, as I’m typing this, I’m starting to question my own sanity at this point.  Am I really sitting here telling women how to plan their own wedding to themselves?  Let me continue, I think I’m on to something.  Where was I?  Aww, yes, remember when picking out your ring or whatever, please stay within your budget.  You don’t want to purchase something that later will have you resenting yourself for spending too much money.  It’s one of the number one causes of disdain in a marriage; you’re not trying to cause any conflict within your marriage. 

What’s next?  Your outfit for the occasion is the next order of business.  Most brides get married in white dresses.  The traditional white dress was worn to signify purity.  I don’t know about you, but my very thoughts would prohibit me from wearing a white dress, so color is definitely not an issue here.  Decide what you’re going to wear on this once-in-a-life-time event.  I can say that with certainty cause I don’t believe you’ll be divorcing yourself.  If it’s within your budget, go on and splurge on your dress.  Go on and buy you a real wedding dress.  Okay, I’m strongly starting to question my sanity here.  But really, this is serious business.  I believe if you make this as real as the real deal, you’ll have a sense of closure on the whole, I want to get married thing.  Trust me when I say, with the divorce rate extremely high and people doing a Jekyll and Hyde after they get that piece of paper, this way is much better. 

Now for the hard part, which probably should have been done before any of the other things, but hey, this is my first time planning a wedding where a person would be marrying themselves, so cut me some slack, alright?  Who’s going to officiate the wedding?  There are all kinds of places that perform unconventional marriages, so this might not be too hard to find, now that I really think about it.  And since some people are opting to just live together so that they won’t have to worry about paying that nice chunk of change to get unhitched, the wedding performers might be a little desperate themselves.  So check around and see what you can find. 

Last but certainly not least, as they say, what are you doing for the honeymoon?  This one is limitless.  You can either go on a solo cruise, a few of your pals and yourself cruise, or you can take about a week off from work and hole up in a swank hotel suite.  Do whatever you like, this is all about you!

Well, I think I’ve covered everything.  I’ve been married before and there wasn’t much planning or money that went into my trip into Helly Matrimony, and I am truly thankful for that.  But, if I were to do it again, which by the way, I have more of a desire to marry myself, than I do a man, these plans look about right. 

I sure hope this has been most helpful, if only for a good laugh.  Once my money gets right, I might have to put this into action.  After all, I do kind of miss the institution.

Ladies, how many of us are still awaiting our Prince Charming and dreaming like little girls about that fairytale wedding that’s just gotta happen?  How many of us are at our wits end because it doesn’t seem as though he’s out there?  Well ladies, why not marry ourselves?  I mean, yeah it sounds a little crazy and even desperate, maybe, but think about it.  Who could possibly love us more than we love ourselves?  You do love yourself, don’t you? 

Here’s what you gotta do.  Start planning your wedding.  Don’t tell anybody yet, cause trust me, they’ll think you’ve lost your mind.  Your wedding can be as big or as small as you like.  Remember to budget cause you still got to go on your honeymoon.  The first thing you should do is pick the date.  If you’re not inviting anyone, this should be easy.  But perhaps you will want a girlfriend or two to share your special moment with you, you decide, who knows, if they are single, they might just want to marry themselves as well.  But it has to be girlfriends you trust because remember, hush is the word, you don’t want your sanity questioned.

Okay, after you’ve picked the date, it’s time to outline the events of the day.  Since most weddings are performed in the spring and summer months, you should find plenty of interesting things to do on your special day.  But if you decide on a winter or fall wedding, that’s fine too.  Since this is a non-conventional event, who says you have to follow the norm.  First and foremost a trip to the spa is essential.  Nothing says “I love me” more, than a pampering session.  But before you even do that, treat yourself to a nice breakfast to start the day off right.  You can either prepare yourself a breakfast filled with all of your favorite edible delights or you can check into a hotel the day before and on the morning of your wedding order-in room service.  It’s your wedding day, do it how you do it! 

Since you’ve pre-planned this day, I’m sure you’ve already made a hair appointment for the occasion.  You know the queen’s locs have to be tight.  So let’s see, we’ve got breakfast with ourselves, a trip to the spa and hair salon on our agenda, what else do we have to do?  Oh yeah, before I forget, how about the reception?  Now this is where you can invite other people to join in the celebration.  You can have a traditional reception in party style or you can have a quaint little dinner some place with your selected guest.  Hum, let’s see, oh, mercy, I almost forgot the ring.  Now that I think about it, you can either do a ring or perhaps a necklace or other piece of jewelry.  Once again, you decide, it’s your day! 

I must admit, as I’m typing this, I’m starting to question my own sanity at this point.  Am I really sitting here telling women how to plan their own wedding to themselves?  Let me continue, I think I’m on to something.  Where was I?  Aww, yes, remember when picking out your ring or whatever, please stay within your budget.  You don’t want to purchase something that later will have you resenting yourself for spending too much money.  It’s one of the number one causes of disdain in a marriage; you’re not trying to cause any conflict within your marriage. 

What’s next?  Your outfit for the occasion is the next order of business.  Most brides get married in white dresses.  The traditional white dress was worn to signify purity.  I don’t know about you, but my very thoughts would prohibit me from wearing a white dress, so color is definitely not an issue here.  Decide what you’re going to wear on this once-in-a-life-time event.  I can say that with certainty cause I don’t believe you’ll be divorcing yourself.  If it’s within your budget, go on and splurge on your dress.  Go on and buy you a real wedding dress.  Okay, I’m strongly starting to question my sanity here.  But really, this is serious business.  I believe if you make this as real as the real deal, you’ll have a sense of closure on the whole, I want to get married thing.  Trust me when I say, with the divorce rate extremely high and people doing a Jekyll and Hyde after they get that piece of paper, this way is much better. 

Now for the hard part, which probably should have been done before any of the other things, but hey, this is my first time planning a wedding where a person would be marrying themselves, so cut me some slack, alright?  Who’s going to officiate the wedding?  There are all kinds of places that perform unconventional marriages, so this might not be too hard to find, now that I really think about it.  And since some people are opting to just live together so that they won’t have to worry about paying that nice chunk of change to get unhitched, the wedding performers might be a little desperate themselves.  So check around and see what you can find. 

Last but certainly not least, as they say, what are you doing for the honeymoon?  This one is limitless.  You can either go on a solo cruise, a few of your pals and yourself cruise, or you can take about a week off from work and hole up in a swank hotel suite.  Do whatever you like, this is all about you!

Well, I think I’ve covered everything.  I’ve been married before and there wasn’t much planning or money that went into my trip into Helly Matrimony, and I am truly thankful for that.  But, if I were to do it again, which by the way, I have more of a desire to marry myself, than I do a man, these plans look about right. 

I sure hope this has been most helpful, if only for a good laugh.  Once my money gets right, I might have to put this into action.  After all, I do kind of miss the institution.

Marketing Muse: No Blind dates please!
Don't go into a book signing unprepared. There are a few things you need to market effectively for a book signing: BOOKS! (be sure they are ordered), A few pens that work (Sharpies are best), business cards, a takeaway about your book (borchure, postcard, flyer, bookmark), free giveaways (candy, pencils, bookmarks, etc), and a plan on what you will talk about and what you will read.


W.R.I.T.E Alone!

As some of you know,I am working on my last round (fingers crossed) of edits before my agent submits my book. My husband came up with the idea of using the Marriott points I had accumulated but had never used when I was consulting.

What a great idea! I never thought about it. And from now on, I'm going to be sure I get points at any hotel I stay at because these little points - all bunched together - come in very handy!

I spent the whole weekend at a hotel writing, editing, cutting. I don't get much time to write in long chunks of time. I usually am writing for the 3 hrs my little ones are in Mommy's day out, or the one hour my kids nap in quiet time, or the 1 hour my husband jogs at night or the 1 hour after my shows are over.

To write in a long chunk of time, holed up somewhere is AMAZING!!!! I felt so wonderful this weekend, so alive, so happy. Ordering in room service, sitting in sweats with hair pulled up, looking out my window at the blue sky was so good for my writing.

I tallied it up. I got about 20 hours of work done in 2 days. That is like 2 weeks for me! I realized in those moments how alive and truly happy I feel. At the hotel, when everything was quiet, no kids, no hubby, no responsibility, no chores, no task lists, no phone, no playdates, no doggie needs, no mess, no obligations - my mind was so free. so open. so present.

There was nothing to do but listen to the air conditioner hum while I write and write and write.

I realized over the last 6 months I had gotten away from that a little so it was a good place to go back to. In the process of finding an agent and stressing about the agent process, I forgot to love writing. I appreciated the process and loved my work but I forgot to love how I FELL when I am doing it.

This is why W.R.I.T.E....

W is for wonderment - I love to wonder. Wonder about worlds, wonder about what "ifs", and wonder about life. Where else can you be whoever you want, go wherever you like, and see places you have never seen.

R is for revenge. Revenge is not acceptable in today's society. (Stay with me :) In writing I can take out all the aggression I've built up on my characters. Come up with perfect come backs to snide remarks. Pay back those who have hurt me.

I is for Imagine - Sometimes, my characters fill my need or lack of time for more friends. Sad right? But I laugh with them, cry with them, shoot I even argue with them. (Are you all scared yet?). They are real to me. If I cant go to a party , I can just write about one.

T is for Therapy. Lets face it a psychologist charges 180$ an hour. Where else can you work all your issues out in less than 300 pages, say the things you always wanted to say but didnt', and redo your mistakes.

E is for escape writing helps me unwind. I have a huge imagination that can get wild and a little out of control. To have some way to escape and focus that energy makes me feel light and happy.

I know it is hard. Especially for you moms with kids, people who work full time, and those with financial constraints.

But I recommend taking a day to yourself (you deserve it) and go write with nothing else to do. Go to a coffee shop with free wireless, use your miles for a free stay at a hotel, beg your significant other for $, find a family member for a stay at their 2nd house, beg a friend who is going out of town to house sit. There are so many creative ways you can get the space you need - even if it is only for a day - to just reconnect to why you write in the first place. Why you are going through all this hassle and pain and rejection and work.

Some things I looked for in a room:
free parking, free wireless or internet, access to easy food to save on room service for 3 meals and snacks, refridgerator for drinks/snacks, desk, window.

Now make a plan...

Find a place...

Be alone...

Sit...

Write...

Breath...

and be happy!

You deserve it!

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Over the Christmas break, Math Boy and I stayed in an awesome hotel in San Francisco's Japantown called Hotel Tomo. I first heard about this hotel through Tokyo Bunnie's blog, and I was sure I needed to go there. I didn't get to take a pic of the entire room (above is a pic from their website.) But that is what the rooms look like, so modern and quirky with a Japanese pop art mural in each room. Everything about this hotel was fun and fresh.

This was the mural in our room. LOVE!

This was the hotel info booklet they had in the rooms. Check out their logo!

The interiors: ooh! Illustrations! Yay!

A little black leather-bound mystery fell into my lap today.  My friend Marjie, another English teacher in my school, handed me the journal 9th period.  A student's father had found it in the trees alongside a trail when he was hiking in the  Adirondacks.  They looked for a name.  Nothing. They read bits and pieces of it but couldn't figure out who might have left it in the woods.

I opened the front cover and saw this.


The journal was filled (half-filled, actually) with beautiful sketches, poems, and thankfulness for the role that nature plays in grounding us when we need it the most.  But no name.  No clues.  Just lovely pencil sketches and descriptions of the moss, the ferns, the pitcher plants in the bog.  It is lovely.  And homesick, I can tell.  This journal needs to get back to its owner.

Here's our best hope.  At the end of each entry was a date and the name of the trail the writer hiked that day.  The Department of Environmental Conservation leaves log books at the trailheads of many Adirondack hikes.  Did this hiker sign the logs?  I took the journal home tonight, and my kids are on the case now, too.  We'll be hiking this weekend, following Mystery Writer's trail and checking the log books to see who hiked on those days.  I'll post a progress report next week!