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By: scriberess,
on 1/19/2008
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A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(the continuing saga of life among the plastic people)
by Eleanor Tylbor
When we last joined Barbie, Ken, GI Joe and their vinyl/plastic “sisters and brothers” they were spending Christmas stored away in cardboard boxes located somewhere on planet Earth. At the point they thought and maybe even hopefully assumed they were being rescued, the sound of heavy equipment indicated something to the contrary was about to occur. We join them now as panic begins to set in.
BARBIE
We're saved! But like…how can we attract their attention?
G.I. JOE
(attempting to reach the string to a hand grenade)
…just another inch…and…we’ll…be out’ta here… This should do...the trick...babe
BARBIE
Stop, GI Joe! Don’t pull that whatever you do! You’ll blow us all to bits! Oh gawd! Look at these clothes! Like...I can't be photographed looking like this
G.I. JOE
They’ll know we’re here, alright! Anyway, you look pretty good to me. A little dusty but then aren't we all?
BARBIE
But...someone like you doesn't understand that I, Barbie, fashionista, can't be seen as dusty. I have a reputation!
G.I. JOE
Don't worry, babe. Nobody believes all that gossip crap they write about you in the tabloids. Almost...got...it...
BARBIE
Stop! Like…isn’t it bad enough that you already blew your foot off trying to be helpful? You don't get it – there will be pieces of us...like everywhere!
G.I. JOE
Yeah but we'll be out'ta here! Lissen – as long as I still got one good foot and two arms… Mmmm...look what I have here. A good, old cigar…
(suddenly there is a loud boom accompanied by smoke)
G.I. JOE
…make that one foot, two arms and one hand
KEN
He’s nutso! Your boyfriend is certifiable!
G.I. JOE
Thank you, sissy-boy! Nice of you to say. Uh-oh…my bullets have melted
BARBIE
He is NOT my boyfriend and those bullets aren't real, Joe! They're plastic - just like us!
KEN
Does that mean…I’m still your number one surfer dude? Do you like me more than you like that Ass-tralian surfer-boy?
G.I. JOE
...I gotta find me some new a-mu-ni-tion! Hey surfer sissy-boy! Got any spare bullets on you?
KEN
You-you’ve seen the light, right Barbie-kins, and want me back! Right?
BARBIE
How many times have I told you not to call me Barbie-kins? My name is Barbie! B-E-R-B... B-A-R-B-I-E. Sometimes, Ken, you’re so…
BLAIN
…dense? Stupid? Empty-headed?
G.I. JOE
Think I got me some spares around somewhere here…somewhere… If only I could…check my pockets… Hey Aussie dude from Astro-Austreee-Australia – you got any extra grenades around?
BLAIN
Oh yeah. I always carry around spare grenade on my body. Cheez you are such an ignoramus
G.I. JOE
Thanks! I got it all up here (points to his head with his foot). Lissen…lend me a few and I’ll pay you back
KEN
Ssssssh! Is that the sound of waves? Surf’s up! And me without my surf board
BARBIE
They’re coming to save us. I just know it! ‘Hello out there! It’s us, the Barbies and Kens and Blaines and GI Joes… Help!’
VOICE
Okay… Move in the equipment… Yeah…we got orders to empty this here warehouse…
BARBIE
Ohmygawd! Like…they’re gonna clear us out!
KEN
Don’t we want that?
BARBIE
They don’t know we’re in here! We’ve got to find a way to let them know! There has to be a way
G.I. JOE
Leave it in my hands, babe… I mean, in my hand. By the time that I’ve finished, they’ll know alright! Your G.I. is the main man! I helped Rambo get the bad guys and…
BARBIE
Oh fer… Rambo is pretend, G.I.! He’s pretend!
BLAINE
Oh? And what are we?
BARBIE
The sound…it’s getting nearer! We’ve got to do something…fast!
(QUESTIONS DU JOUR: WILL SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING TO HALT THEIR IMMINENT DESTRUCTION? WILL G.I. JOE TAKE CHARGE AND BLOW THEM ALL TO BITS? TO BE CONTINUED…)
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By: scriberess,
on 12/30/2007
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BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(The continuing story about life among the plastic people)
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR
SCENE: A WAREHOUSE… SOMEWHERE. ROWS AND ROWS OF BOXES COVER THE FLOOR SPACE. HANGING LIGHT BULBS CAST SHADOWS ON THE WALLS. IT IS THE PLACE OF SOLITUDE AND EXILE FOR BARBIE, KEN, G.I. JOE AND OTHER DOLLS, WHO HAVE HAD TO ADJUST TO LIFE IN A CARDBOARD BOX
BARBIE
(muffled voice)
Hel-lo? Like…can anybody hear me?
G.I. JOE
Yeah – me babe! Your best buddy and boyfriend and love of your life, G.I. Joe, here to save and serve you! Is the enemy near? I can smell the bad guys!
BARBIE
First of all I’m not your girlfriend…why am I bothering when we’ve gone through this a zillion times, already. Like…we are friends. Just friends. Got that? Gee whiz I hate this place!
G.I. JOE
(laughing)
…just friends. Sure babe. I get it! You don’t wanna tell that douche bag, Ken, we’re shacked up. Right?
BARBIE
Say what? How can we be shacked up when we’re living in boxes?
G.I. JOE
Well…see… Uh-oh…I hear something!
BARBIE
(sighing)
You’re always hearing something…
KEN
(sobbing)
Is…that…you…Barbie? I-I’m so scared!
G.I. JOE
Ten-shun! Get a grip, sissy boy! You’re a marine!
BARBIE
Like…G.I. – it’s Ken! Think back! Ken? Surfer dude? The summer house?
G.I. JOE
Ken…Ken… I knew a Ken. Always walked around wearing underwear. A filthy pervert
BARBIE
That’s him. I mean – he’s not a pervert! He’s always prepared for the next big wave
KEN
When are they coming to get us? I’m sure surf’s up!
BARBIE
There are more important things in life than surfing, Ken!
KEN
Oh? Like what?
BARBIE
Well… like getting out of here. I’m so sick of living in a box. Like…my outfit is soooo passé and those Bratz have probably taken my place opening night clubs and everything. Ohhhhhh I’m so depressed!
G.I. JOE
Hey! I can do something ‘bout that with this here hand grenade I just happen to have on me. If I can just…get…at…it… I’ll just pull the string and blow our lids off
BARBIE
Oh fer… You do realize you’ll blow us up, too
G.I. JOE
…if I can just move my arm across here and…almost there…
(lights suddenly go on. There is the muffled sound of voices getting closer)
BARBIE
They’ve come to get us! I knew they’d find us sooner or later! Better fix myself up for the press… Hello? It’s us! Thank goodness you’re here!
VOICE
…yeah. These are them. Been here for a while now… We need the space so we better bring in the big shovels.
BARBIE
What do you mean, ‘big shovels’? You-you can’t do that…
G.I. JOE
…just a little more…I can feel the side of the grenade…the string is right on top…
(WILL THE GANG BE RESCUED FROM THE WAREHOUSE OR WILL THEY FACE A FATAL FATE?)
TO BE CONTINUED…
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By: scriberess,
on 11/3/2007
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BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR
The continuing and sometimes funny, sad but always interesting story about life and love among the plastic people)
The story so far: Barbie, famous fashionista and media doll celebrity and cyber star of the continuing cyber soap opera, BARBIE KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE, has now been relegated to a warehouse, somewhere, along with her friends, KEN, G.I. JOE, BLAIN, the BRATZ, due to a product recall. In stark contrast to their former lives of wearing expensive high end clothes and doing the club scene, they are now in the dark in the true sense of the word, stashed away in boxes.
As we pick up the story, they are in the midst of planning a rebellion to draw attention to their plight and get free in time for the Christmas rush.
BARBIE
Okay. Can we get started? Is everyone here?
G.I. JOE
Oh I’m here babe! Big time! All I gotta do is flip the trigger on this here weapon of mass destruction and then… Boom! We’re outta here big time!
BARBIE
Joe, Joe, Joe… Get this through that thick plastic blob sitting between your shoulders…
G.I. JOE
…I love when you talk dirty like that babe…
BARBIE…whatever. Like...has it hit you yet you are lying down flat on your back in a cardboard box, unable to move?
G.I. JOE
Has what hit me? Nothing hit me! At least I didn’t feel nothing… Uh-oh - it's the enemy planning to strike and I gotta act like…fast and protect youze all! All I hav'ta do is pick up my weapon here... Arm - move! It's gonna move now... I...think...I...feel...something cold...in...my...hand...
BARBIE
(sighing)
Like...just forget about your weapon. 'Kay? Focus Joe - focus!
G.I. JOE
I'm...not sure of...what...this is... I don't remember...them...making weapons with long tails. Then again...a soldier has'ta be prepared for everything and I'm the best, y'know
BARBIE
You’re a legend in your own mind. Ken? Are you around, here, somewhere?
KEN
I-I’m scared, Barbie! It’s so…dark here. And...and I'm soooo cold... Why am I so cold, Barbie?
BARBIE
'Cause it's winter and you're wearing your surfing outfit! You don't have to be scared. I'll protect you
G.I. JOE
Hey! That’s a soldier’s job!
BARBIE
Listen G.I. – like…let me lay it on you the way things are. You are stuck in a cardboard box along with the rest of us
G.I. JOE
Hey! A soldier is never stuck! A soldier always has options!
KEN
(sobbing)
Mommy! I want my mommy!
G.I. JOE
Oh shut your trap, sissy boy! Act like a man and not a cry-baby for pete's sake! ‘I-want-my-mommy…’ This man’s army would make a man out’ta you. Ten-shun!
BARBIE
Like…how did this happen? Me, a former fashionista whose biggest problem was what outfit to wear and which club opening to be at? Look at what I’m reduced to? Can we get on with this meeting? Blain? Are you around somewhere?
BLAIN
Here! Trying…to…lift…this…top… Forgetaboutit. When I was in Australia…
G.I. JOE
There he goes again, talkin’ about that there strange soundin’ place ‘Stra-li-a! ‘Stralia this and Stralia that.’ We don’t care about your weird sounding place with a foreign name! Got that? Or maybe you need a little convincin’ with some lead…
BARBIE
Don’t listen to him, Blain. Like…his elevator don’t go to the top floor if you get my drift. Can we start now? Like…Christmas is almost here and like…we gotta be on the shelves in toy stores or we’ll never be here…forever! We hav'ta make our move, now
(sound of sobbing coming from KEN’s box)
G.I. JOE
There he goes again. ‘Wa-wa-wa!’ Be a real doll for once in your life, soldier! Ten-shun!
BARBIE
Know what’s really sad?
G.I. JOE
I’ll tell you what’s sad, babe! I could run out’ta bullets!
BARBIE
Like…I’ve been wearing the same outfit for like…months! I mean, a fashionista like me deserves better! And…and…nobody will wanna buy me because my beautiful blond hair will be flat and…and…
BLAIN
It’s okay. In my eyes, Barbie – you’ll always be the most beautiful sheila around
G.I. JOE
What’s that? Who’s Sheila? Did he make a pass at you, babe? ‘Cause if he did…
BARBIE
Oh Blain! If only…if only…we weren’t stored away in boxes and…and…we could like…reach out and touch each other…
BLAIN
We have to make a big push to get out. What if your friend, Joe, there, could shoot himself out of his box and then he could do the same for us…
BARBIE
Like…I dunno. The last time he fired his weapon, he shot his right foot off
G.I. JOE
Hey! You promised that would be our secret. Did I cry, huh? Did I? No I didn’t because I’m a real soldier! Not like sissy-boy over there… Anyway, I still got one good foot
BLAIN
Listen – we don’t have much choice, here. Um…G.I. – we need your services as a soldier!
BARBIE
Like…I dunno. I’m getting a bad feeling about this
QUESTION DU JOUR: WILL G.I. JOE BE ABLE TO FREE THEM FROM THEIR CARDBOARD PRISONS? MORE TO THE POINT, WILL THEY SURVIVE? STATE TUNED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF “BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE”
CALL FOR PAPERS
JOURNAL OF AFRICAN CHILDREN'S & YOUTH LITERATURE (JACYL)
Editor:Osayimwense Osa
Associate Editors: Betsie van der Westhuizen, North West University, South Africa Chikoko Muponder, University of the Witwatersrand, South Africa
The Journal African Children's & Youth Literature invites contributions from Children*s and Youth Literature theorists, practitioners, scholars and graduate students.
Please email papers to the editor, Osayimwense Osa, at [email protected] OR Send a copy to the editor using the following address:
Osayimwense Osa, Editor
Journal African Children's & Youth Literature Department of Languages and Literature VIRGINIA STATE UNIVERSITY
1 Hayden drive, Petersburg, Virginia 23806, USA
For almost eighteen years, JACYL has provided a forum for scholars in African children's and youth literatures to share their ideas and findings and promote the growth and development of scholarship in the genre.
We are interested in receiving essays in all aspects of children's and youth literatures in Africa and in the African Diaspora. Case studies illustrating the successful use of children's and youth literature in indigenous African languages and the like are welcome.
The following is a list of some areas you might like to address:
New directions in African children's literatures - African Children's literature and the media - Storytelling and African children's literature - African Children's literature in African languages - Online research in African children's and youth literatures - African children's literature in the primary/elementary school -
African children's literature in the high school- African children's literature in colleges and universities - Interdisciplinary nature of African children's and youth literatures - Research into African children's and youth literatures in English, French, Spanish, and in indigenous African languages - History, Roots, or Ancestry in African Children's and Youth literatures - African roots of world children*s literatures - African children*s and youth literature and AIDS.
Please note that this list is by no means exhaustive, and we welcome submissions on any aspect of children's and youth literature in Africa, in the African diaspora and in the international/global community.
[email protected]
Osayimwense Osa, M.A. Ed.D
Professor of English
Virginia State University
Petersburg, Virginia 23806
Tel: 804 454 - 1214 (H); 404 992 - 4322 (cell)
By: scriberess,
on 8/10/2007
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BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(The continuing story about life and love among the plastic people)
by Eleanor Tylbor
SCENE: BARBIE continues in her attempt to break up with G.I. JOE, who is not getting the message. KEN, her ex-boyfriend who took off after hearing the call of the surf, has returned, unaware of the situation. Meanwhile, the BRATZ, fresh from bad critical reviews of their first (and probably last) movie, are heading back to PLASTICVILLE, expecting to return to their former roles of fashionistas
KEN
Hey everyone! I’m back! Your Ken is back, Barbie!
BARBIE
Oh…like…just what I need right now. Ken back
G.I. JOE
(picking up a rocket launcher and pointing it at KEN)
Back from where, sissy boy? How do we know where you were? You could’a given the enemy our coordinates and they could be heading this way now. We gotta kill this guy, babe
BARBIE
Not! Like…put that thing down, G.I.! Get it through your head that we don’t have any enemies. I mean, maybe badly designed outfits and tacky clothes choices…knock-off purses. That doesn’t mean anyone has’ta die! Punished, yes. Death, no.
G.I. JOE
This sissy boy…you know him?
BARBIE
Joe – this is Ken! You remember Ken, don’t you? You and him shared a beach house for a month?
KEN
Is that really you, Joey ba-bee? It’s me, Ken, your beach bunny!
G.I. JOE
(visually uncomfortable)
Um… Well… Never saw this disgusting excuse for a soldier in my life! Turn around and put your hands on the wall
KEN
Why?
G.I. JOE
I gotta frisk you - t’see if you got any hidden weapons
KEN
Ohhhhhh – I like that idea. Here let me help…
G.I. JOE
(frisking KEN)
Stand back, soldier! I’m armed with a weapon
KEN
Oh I can see that. Wanna frisk me again? Then I’ll frisk you…and then we’ll frisk each other…
BARBIE
Like…I don’t wanna break up your sick game but G.I. – we hav’ta talk. Now please?
(suddenly, there is the sound of a car engine and a Corvette pulls up)
Sasha! Jade! Jasmin! Cloe! The Bratz are back!
G.I. JOE
You know these dolls?
BARBIE
Never saw them before in my life!
G.I. JOE
Aha! The enemy has many faces. Okay ladies. Up against the wall and spread your legs
(G.I. JOE attempts to push the Bratz dolls against the wall and they hop along instead on their tip-toes)
(cont’d.) I said – spread ‘em!
JADE
We can’t! Like…our legs won’t move apart! God knows we've been trying for years and don't even ask about our sex lives
G.I. JOE
Don’t gimme none of your lame excuses. I said – spread ‘em!
JADE
And I’m telling you – we can’t!
SASHA
Like…hi Barbie! We’re back! Where’s the party?
BARBIE
You have some nerve! The four of you take off on me…like…a long time ago and like…you try to be movie stars and like…you sucked big time and now…like you expect me to welcome you back with open arms?
SASHA
Well…yeah. Why not?
BARBIE
Um – well – because – lemme think on that question
YASMIN
The bad movie director kept telling us to emote and like…we kept telling him we couldn’t!
BARBIE
How come?
YASMIN
We don’t know what the word means. Oh Barbie – please forgive us! We miss your parties… I mean, we’ve missed you.
BARBIE
Like…right now I got other more important problems to worry about
CLOE
What could be more important than…us?
BARBIE
Um – well – him…(gesturing to G.I. JOE who is crawling around on his stomach looking for "the enemy") and Ken…and Blaine
CLOE
Blain? Who’s Blain?
BARBIE
That Australian surfer dude laying on the ground over there
(The BRATZ dolls hop over to where BLAIN is laying, staring at him)
CLOE
Hey – he’s cute
BLAIN
(lifting his head and looking up)
Mummy? Is it time for din-dins yet?
BARBIE
See what I mean?
KEN
Hey ladies – remember me? We surfed together?
CLOE
Is he still hanging around?
G.I. JOE
Okay ladies. Hands up in the air! How do I know you’re who you say you are? Gimme some proof. They gotta gimme proof, babe, or you know what I gotta do!
BARBIE
(slapping G.I. JOE across the face after each word)
You (slap)-stop (slap)-that (slap)-talk (slap)-right (slap)-now!
Questions du jour: Will G.I. JOE continue his strip searches of...everyone? What will be G.I. JOE's reaction when he and Barbie have "the talk?" Will Ken and G.I. renew their "friendship?" More importantly, will Barbie and the Bratz resume their fashionista standing and buy more designer clothes? These and other questions will eventually be answered in the next installment of:
BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE.
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By: scriberess,
on 7/16/2007
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BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(The continuing story about life among the plastic people)
By Eleanor Tylbor
SCENE: BARBIE, worried that G.I. JOE is “losing it” and concerned that she might end up losing BLAIN, her ex-but-maybe-with-a-little luck Australian surfer boyfriend who has been rendered semi-unconscious as a result of plastic bullets to his head, has broached the subject of breaking up with G.I. JOE
BARBIE
Did you hear what I said, G.I.?
G.I. JOE
Whad’ya mean?
BARBIE
Whad’ya mean, what do I mean? I meant exactly what I told you
G.I. JOE
(deep in thought)
Uh-huh. What did you say, again?
BARBIE
Um… Let me think…
(BLAIN, gains consciousness and picks up his head)
BLAIN
She means she wants to break up with you, mate!
BARBIE
Blain! You’re back! Oh praise be!
BLAIN
Mummy? I gotta go potty!
BARBIE
Like…maybe I spoke too soon
G.I. JOE
What does he mean?
BARBIE
Silly! That’s just Australian for he hast’a pee!
G.I. JOE
Good because I thought he was saying that you wanna leave me. I mean, I don’t know what I’d do if you ever did… Leave, that is
BARBIE
(nervous)
Well… You know, G.I. sometimes – um – two people – um – who have been seeing each other – um – for too long… I mean, who know each other a long time, need to – um…um… Need a rest from each other. Know what I’m trying to say?
G.I. JOE
(thinking deeply)
No
BARBIE
What I’m trying to say is… Perhaps we should go our own ways for a while - but just for a while of course
G.I. JOE
Of course – I get it!
BARBIE
(relieved)
Whew! You do?
G.I. JOE
D’ya think I’m stoopid or something? Of course I understand!
BARBIE
You’ll always be a friend, G.I. and even though we may be apart, you’ll be close in my heart
G.I. JOE
You wanna go shopping by yourself. Right? I mean, I could drive you if you want but I’ll wait outside. That’s okay. I won’t go in with you and force them to serve you first if that’s what you want. I’ll just wait outside in my tank on guard ‘til you’re finished
BARBIE
(whistfully)
Oh G.I. That’s not exactly what I had in mind
G.I. JOE
So you want me to go in and help you choose clothes like always?
BARBIE
Not! Look G.I. – let me make this so you understand. Sometimes two people who’ve known each other for a long time like us…
G.I. JOE
Yeah – we been friends since we were kids and I got my first weapon. Remember? I used to walk you home and nobody would bother you when I’m around. No-one!
BARBIE
That’s exactly what I mean, G.I.!
G.I. JOE
You want me to walk you home, again? I could y’know! All you gotta do is ask! We could hold hands and skip…
BARBIE
(frustrated)
No G.I. I don’t need you to walk me home anymore! In fact I don’t need you! That’s the point!
G.I. JOE
I don’t get it
BARBIE
That’s the problem in a nutshell!
G.I. JOE
(lost in thought)
You want I should crack open some nuts for you? I mean, that’s weird but look – if my Barbie wants nuts…
BARBIE
(to herself)
…don’t finish that sentence, Barbie… Here’s it is. Plain and simple. We have to stop seeing each other
G.I. JOE
You want I should close my eyes?
BARBIE
(very frustrated)
No G.I. I want you and me to take a rest from each other!
G.I. JOE
You mean…
BARBIE
You go your way and I’ll go mine
G.I. JOE
Oh. So… It’s…him, isn’t it?
(points at the still unconscious BLAIN)
G.I. JOE
First it’s Ken and now this…this…surfer dude is trying to steal you away from me!
(BLAIN stirs and lifts his head)
BLAIN
Daddy? I wanna go surfing!
G.I. JOE
Well… He’s gonna have to fight me for you. (does karate chops in the air) My hands are a lethal weapon, y’know!
BARBIE
I know – oh how I know!
G.I. JOE
Where’s my weapon…
BARBIE
Please – no more violence. That’s the problem, G.I. That’s your way of handling everything
G.I. JOE
Hey! A soldier hast’a do what a soldier…
BARBIE
…hast’a do. I know. Go! Please leave – now –before things get out of hand, again
G.I. JOE
(pulling up BLAIN by the hair)
Hey – you! Surfer dude! You ain’t gonna get my Barbie without a fight! Got that?
(G.I. JOE drops BLAIN’s head, which falls on to the ground)
BLAIN
‘Mary had a little lamb…little lamb…little lamb…’
G.I. JOE
See Barbie? He’s a sissy, through-and-through. Who’s Mary? Your girl-friend, sissy-boy? Well – I’m off
BARBIE
That’s the truest thing you’ve said in a long time
G.I. JOE
I’m gonna prepare to defend your honor.
BARBIE
No – please! I don’t want that…
G.I. JOE
Sorry babe but a soldier has’ta…
BARBIE
…been there, heard that
(a familiar voice suddenly breaks the tension)
KEN
Hi-dee-hi-and ho-di-ho, people. Never fear - your Ken is near
BARBIE
Oh gawd! Just what I need now
(Question du Jour: With Ken’s arrival, will the situation become even more complicated than it is? Will Ken take sides and if so, who will he support: his old “friend” or a fellow surfer?)
©Eleanor Tylbor, 2007
Writers & Friends
By: scriberess,
on 6/18/2007
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June 18, 2007
BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(The continuing story about life among the plastic people)
By Eleanor Tylbor
BARBIE
Please - like...can somebody lend a hand here?
G.I. JOE
(jumping down off his tank)
Here - lemme show you how a soldier does it
BARBIE
No! I mean - you've done enough to...I mean, for us already
G.I. JOE
Anything for you, babe!
BARBIE
Hello? We need a doctor - like...now!
G.I. JOE
Hey! Did I ever tell you that I got my first-aid badge. We don't need no doctors...
BARBIE
No...thank you, G.I. Why don't we get another opinion from a real doctor?
G.I. JOE
Okay but I saved my pooch, Bullet, when he got hit by a ve-hi-cle last year
BARBIE
But...you hit him, G.I.!
G.I. JOE
Hey - it was an accident, okay? It ain't my fault the dog fell off during manoeuvers!
BARBIE
But did you have to run over him three times?
G.I. JOE
How was I supposed t'know he wasn't an enemy pooch?
BARBIE
Why do I bother... Hello? Somebody? Anybody?
G.I. JOE
Here - lemme get somebody. It takes a soldier t'get things done around here...
(G.I. JOE runs inside the hospital and exits with a doctor slung over his shoulder, screaming)
DOCTOR
Help! Help! This man is a lunatic!
G.I. JOE
Aw - thank you doc! Ain't that nice of him t'say, Barbie?
BARBIE
Put-him-down, G.I.! Please? For me, your Barbie?
(G.I. JOE lowers the physician to the ground)
(BARBIE cont'd.) You'll have to forgive my friend G.I. Joe. He's a little over-protective
DOCTOR
Forgive him? Forgive him? I'm calling the cops! The man's a real danger to society. I'm gonna have him locked up...
(physician produces cell phone and starts to dial)
G.I. JOE
Uh-oh... We have an enemy agent here calling his bad guy friends...
(G.I. JOE whips out a sling shot from his back pocket and aims it at physician and hits him on
the cheek)
DOCTOR
What the... That hurt! This man is really dangerous!
G.I. JOE
And don't you forget it! I know your type... Pretend to be a friendly doc but inside you're really the enemy trying to take over the world. I bet you don't even work here, do you? Let everyone think you can fix boo-boos but all you really want is in-for-ma-tion.
(G.I. JOE walks over to the physician who responds by running back into the hospital)
(G.I. JOE cont'd) Ha! I showed him! Coward! He won't be botherin' you again, babe!
BARBIE
Oh gawd, G.I. What have you done?
G.I. JOE
No need t'thank me!
BARBIE
We need a doctor, now! Blain here needs help
(BLAIN starts to stir)
BLAIN
Mummy - is that you? I got a boo-boo that hurts bad, mommy.
(The sound of police sirens can be heard causing G.I. JOE to retreat back into his tank)
G.I. JOE
C'mon Barbie - the enemy has found us but your G.I. JOE will keep you safe from harm
BARBIE
That's the problem, G.I.
G.I. JOE
What is?
BARBIE
Your trying to keep me safe. Perhaps we should part ways...
G.I. JOE
Whad'ya mean?
BARBIE
You know - um - separate?
G.I. JOE
I don't get it
BARBIE
That's the problem. Let me put it this way: I think we should break up
Questions du jour: How will G.I. Joe take to a possible breakup with his Barbie? Will surfer dude Blain get the help he needs? How will G.I. Joe deal with the arrival of the police?©Eleanor Tylbor, 2007Writers & Friends
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BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(The continuing story about life among the plastic people)
By Eleanor Tylbor
SCENE: Having revived BLAIN, the Australian surfer dude and love of BARBIE’s life, G.I. JOE has asked BARBIE about the geographical location of Australia
BARBIE
What are you trying to tell me, G.I.?
G.I. JOE
Hey! Is that the place where them there giant jumping mice live? ‘Cause if it is – I can get some of my men together and we can go hunt them down and…
BARBIE
Like…pleeze, G.I.! Is that all you care about? Killing and maiming? You are so violent!
G.I. JOE
Thank you. I know. Gawd I love it when you use those big words. You’re so smart, babe!
(BARBIE attempts to cradle BLAIN’s plastic head but it continually slips out of her inflexible hands and she ends up dropping his head on the ground)
BARBIE
Like…I’m soooo sorry. Blain? Are you okay, baby?
BLAIN
(mumbling)
Wha’? Hear? Surf’s up! Where’s my board…get my board please, mummy
BARBIE
Oh Blain…honey! It’s me, your Barbie doll!
BLAIN
Mummy? I have a boo-boo on my head. It hurts baaaaad
G.I. JOE
I dunno, babe! Sounds suspish..sustik… Could be an enemy. Better frisk him…
BLAIN
(dazed)
Daddy? Is that you?
G.I. JOE
Hey! I ain’t your dad! I’m a soldier and don’t you forget it. Ten-shun!
BLAIN
I see pretty stars floating in front of my eyes. Do you see them too? Let’s catch one
G.I. JOE
Stars? Oh…you mean the stars on this here u-ni-form I’m wearing! Wanna know what they’re for? See…this here one…
BLAIN
Twinkle, twinkle little staaaarrrr…how I wonder where you arrrrre…
G.I. JOE
…is for foldin’ my clothes nicely and this here one is…
BLAIN
…high above the earth so high…
G.I. JOE
…I got for brushin’ my teeth three times a day…
BARBIE
We have to get Blain to a hospital!
G.I. JOE
Hospital? We don’t need no hospital. See this here badge? I got that for First Aid. Your G.I. Joe can fix his boo-boo, lickety-split. Even faster than that
BARBIE
Like…don’t think I don’t appreciate the offer but I think my sweetie here…I mean to say, Blain here, needs a real hospital where real doctors…
G.I. JOE
Hey! Whad’ya mean, ‘real doctors’? They don’t give these here badgers…
BARBIE
…badges…
G.I. JOE
Huh? That’s what I said
BARBIE
Like…you said, BADGERS
G.I. JOE
Yeah. Badgers.
BARBIE
They’re B-A-D-G-E-S
G.I. JOE
Badgers…badges. What’s the difference?
BARBIE
A lot. One is an animal and the other is a… Why am I bothering to explain?
(G.I. JOE checks in a pocket and produces a band aid)
G.I. JOE
(Cont’d.) Here it is! I knew I had one on me…it’s a little old but it’s still good. So where’s the cut?
BARBIE
Um… Why don’t you talk with the doctors…just to make sure of course that they know what they’re doing? Here – let’s use my cell phone to call
(KEN suddenly walks out of the woods, running towards BARBIE and G.I. JOE, holding a surf board)
KEN
Hey Barbie! Surf’s up! Grab your…
BLAIN
(groggy)
Surf…gotta surf…
G.I. JOE
At ease, soldier! You’re in no state to surf. Here – lemme put this here band aid on your boo-boo…
KEN
Oh? Who do we have here? Blain? You whale scum! Shark doo-doo…
BARBIE
Um…Ken. Can you keep that for after? G.I. Joe here, like…got a little excited and like…hit him on the head with plastic bullets
KEN
You mean…Blain here is hurt? Oh my poor ba-by boy!. I mean, the idiot. He should be in a hospital getting proper care
G.I. JOE
Hey! He is getting cared for by me! I know all about fixin’ boo-boos!
KEN
(staring at him for ten seconds)
We can transport him to a hospital on my surf board. Now you take his arms Barbie, and I’ll take his legs…
(BARBIE and KEN attempt to bend over and grasp BLAIN’s legs and arms without success. As BARBIE picks up his arms, KEN drops his legs and vice-versa)
G.I. JOE
Here – let a soldier show you how it’s done
(G.I. JOE grabs BLAIN’s arms and attempts to throw him over his soldier but misses. BLAIN is propelled over G.I. JOE’s soldier, screaming all the while)
G.I. JOE
Whooops…
(to be continued)
Question du jour: will BLAIN receive the necessary medical help he requires?
©Eleanor Tylbor, 2007
Writers & Friends
By: scriberess,
on 5/18/2007
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BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
The continuing story
By Eleanor Tylbor
SCENE: BARBIE HAS RUSHED BACK TO HER BEACH HOUSE UPON HEARING A SOUND RESEMBLING A GUN SHOT. SHE SEES BLAIN, HER USED-TO-BE-BOYFRIEND SPRAWLED ON THE GROUND, WITH G.I. JOE CROUCHED NEARBY. AFTER SEVERAL UNSUCCESSFUL TRIES TO CROUCH DOWN NEXT TO HIM DUE TO HER UNYIELDING STIFF PLASTIC BODY, BARBIE DROPS ON TO THE GROUND, FACE-FIRST, HANDS IN THE AIR
BARBIE
Like…ohmygawd! Blain – honey! Wake up. Your Barbie is here!
G.I. JOE
(walking over to her, gun aimed at BLAIN)
Don’t worry, babe. The intruder has been neutralized. Wait just a G.I. moment here! ‘Blain - honey?’ Whad’ya mean by that?
BARBIE
(flipping on to her back)
Well… I mean…like… Blain is from Australia and…like…his family owns a honey farm. Yeah – that’s it. A honey farm. Um…G.I. – would you bend me into a sitting position?
G.I. JOE
Sure. I can do that with these muscular arms. Oh so then….and I thought you were…well…y’know…talkin’ to him like he was your boyfriend or something
BARBIE
Him? My boyfriend? Ha-ha-ha-ha! Don’t be a silly soldier, G.I. Joe! Friends – we’re just friends!
G.I. JOE
Good ‘cause… you know I’m the only real man in your life, babe.
BARBIE
Do I have a choice?
(BARBIE attempts to cradle BLAIN’s head in her plastic hands but his head keeps slipping down. Finally, she drops his head on the ground)
(cont’d.) Oh the angst of being a fashionista cursed with hands that won’t bend! What did you do to him, G.I. Joe?
G.I. JOE
Like I told you – I neutralized him. Yup…he won’t be botherin’ you no more
BARBIE
Any more
G.I. JOE
Huh? What?
BARBIE
ANY more
G.I. JOE
Any more of what?
BARBIE
Sometimes G.I. Joe, you’re such an ignoramus
G.I. JOE
I know and that’s why you love me, babe! Gawd I love it when you talk like that!
BARBIE
So tell me what happened to Blain
G.I. JOE
Happened? Blain?
BARBIE
Blain? The guy who is laying here? Did you…shoot him? Tell me you didn’t shoot him! Hold on – like… you use only plastic bullets, thank goodness
G.I. JOE
Plastic bullets can make a big boo-boo, too, y’know!
BARBIE
Oh you got one big boo-boo and its sitting right on top of your neck
(G.I. JOE opens up jacket and displays two hand grenades hanging on string from around his neck)
G.I. JOE
How’d you like these babies? Ken gave them to me after you two had your talk. ‘One for you and one for Barbie’, he told me. That Ken – such a good guy t’gimme hand grenades!
BARBIE
Ken’s…all heart, alright.
(BLAIN starts to stir)
(cont’d) Blain! Oh Blain! You’re okay!
G.I. JOE
Move aside, babe. I’ll finish him off for good this time
(BARBIE rolls around and manages to throw herself on top of BLAIN)
(cont’d) Stop! He’s not the enemy, G.I. Joe!
G.I. JOE
The enemy is everywhere and wears different disguises! He may look like a surfer to you, but I know different. Oh yeah I know alright! I can smell the enemy
BARBIE
That’s …like…your new Macho Man deodorant! He’s a surfer dude! That’s all!
G.I. JOE
Bwahahahahahahaha! Silly Barbie! I found him noseying around your beach house. If he was like you say he was… What did you say he was again?
BARBIE
Blain? The Australian surfer?
G.I. JOE
Oh yeah. Right. Blain... Well he had it coming!
BARBIE
What did he ever do to you?
G.I. JOE
Well…um… He was sniffin’ around my girlfriend’s house and that’s enough for me! Sniffing around is as good as guilty
BARBIE
We really have to talk about our relationship, after.
G.I. JOE
G.I. Joe don’t talk, babe! I’m a man of action! Move away from…whoever
(BLAIN stirs)
BLAIN
I can’t breathe!
(BARBIE attempts to get into a standing position but experiencing problems with her body not bending)
BARBIE
Um…G.I. Joe – could you help me stand up?
G.I. JOE
Sure babe.
(G.I. JOE extends both his muscular arms and helps BARBIE up on her feet)
(Cont’d. G.I. JOE) Feel my arms? Full of muscle
BARBIE
Oh you’re full of more than muscle
G.I. JOE
I know. I workout every two hours. Your Austrian friend Blain there…
BARBIE
…Australian friend Blain…
G.I. JOE
Whatever…Austria…Australia… It’s almost spelled the same… A couple more or less letters… Wait a minute here. Did you say AUSTRALIA???
BARBIE
What are you telling me, G.I.?
TO BE CONTINUED…
What will G.I. Joe tell BARBIE about “the accident?”
©2007, Eleanor Tylbor
Writers & Friends
Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passada lá no meu site, que é sobre o CresceNet, espero que goste. O endereço dele é http://www.provedorcrescenet.com . Um abraço.